Hello everyone! Guess who's back?

The last review didn't go badly, since "Crazys2|Ateez" (and the author's account) got deleted even before I could finish the draft. (Update: IT'S BACK! STRONGER THAN BEFORE!)

But today I will have my revenge! This story is worse than I expected, sometimes I had to hold back my vomit because of the many explicit sex scenes that made me more disgusted rather than horny.

Ladies and gentlemen... "The Pastor"! This is the title of my new victim to sacrifice to the Gods of Filth.

It counts sixteen chapters (fourteen, actually), but I'll review from chapter nine, since my brave colleague, Jigokuko, dealt with the Italian traslation of the first eight of them and another brave colleague of mine, vanesiis, managed to translate that review in English.

Congratulations, soldiers.

The original story is written by @sunflower-stylesVol6, it counts 6.63K votes out of 363k reads, which means it is rather known in Wattpad. Terrifying.

Here is an introduction, just to give you an idea of what we're going to face: the main characters are Adeline, the pastor's "perfect" and pure" daughter, and our beloved...

Harry Styles!

https://youtu.be/YUlliNp8cFM

Playing as a sexually-frustrated atheist.

https://youtu.be/CpGtBnVZLSk

These two are the reason why i have lost faith in humanity; and then we have Sammie, Adeline's best friend, Dan and Isaac, basically two dicks.

How did the two idiots meet? Well, Adeline and Harry "met" while she was having fun with Dan and Isaac since they fought to hang out with her (jeez, is she that hot or are these two some cavemen?), he basically stared at her constantly. It's absolutely not creepy and he won't be obsessed with a minor from now on!

Their... "dynamic" works like this: Adeline is constantly harassed by Styles (HE'S TWENTY-ONE, SHE'S SIXTEEN!) but, in this universe, it seems this approach is common towards the female gender, so she reacts blushing and stuttering instead of being scared as hell and calling the police.

And then...a scene made me wash my eyes with an excessive amount of bleach. I'm not going to tell you what it is, but it involves a lollipop and a car; we'll see the exact scene later. It's the closest to an actual sex scene, but is not very clear if she loses her virginity or not (better save it for later).

Oh, the idiots both have siblings: Styles has a younger brother, Jacob, who is also Adeline's classmate; while she has an older sister, Melanie, and...guess what? She's Harry's girlfriend.

Or maybe she was: in fact, in chapter FOUR, while Melanie and Harry were having sex he called her "Adeline" by mistake, and Mel was furious after figuring out her sister were her boyfriend's side bitch, more or less...

Their relationship or whatever it is looks so toxic, and that's why I offered my heart to review to the last chapter this bunch of shit where nothing works as it should, where the religious theme means nothing and, the icing on top, where sexual acts between a creepy adult and a minor are completely normalized!
LET'S GO!

Chapter nine: Adeline, Harry and her family are having a peaceful dinner, and the two whine about the bland food. I bet you two can't make better food than her parents, so shut up, you ungrateful human beings.

Unfortunately, the dinner turns out even less enjoyable because the girl starts to test Harry's "patience" sexually teasing him and see how much he can resist.

Now, do you remember I mentioned a disgusting scene with a lollipop before? Let's suffer together and watch the same act made with a cucumber instead: the innocent Adeline picks the vegetable and starts licking it to get Style's attention, who is clearly disgusted by her behaviour and her parents tell her to stop being awkward.

And that's all for today, folks! Bye bye!

...

...

If you're wondering, no one told her she's awkward since her parents' head deep in the sand and Styles is too horny to withstand a MINOR who's licking a freaking vegetable. WHY, GOD, WHY???

I actually blame her parents for obvious reasons: how can someone be so blind to not notice a teenager doing something inappropriate with food? Especially if they're having dinner with a stranger, and said teen is their child trying to catch someone's attention.

And don't try to convince me they see her but they think she's doing it "innocently", because everyone knows she's everything but innocent and pure.

And it's not over yet! In fact, Adeline touches Harry's thigh (and beyond...) and the atheist justifies his groans with a "I just pulled a muscle playing football".

Harry Styles, 21, professional singer and clown in his free time.

Anyway, Harry has the opportunity to sleep at their home and tells Adeline to meet him in his room (the guest room I hope) at 3 a.m., yet she falls asleep at 1:42 a.m.
I mean, who has the strength and the stamina to be wide awake at 3 a.m.? I wish I were Styles at this point.

By the way, Harry is nervous because Adeline didn't show up; so he goes to her room and finds her asleep (like a normal person should be in the middle of the night). Now, everyone should know waking up someone deep asleep could be also dangerous when the latter is a sleepwalker. Fortunately, this is not the case, but it's still annoying, isn't it?
However, Harry decides to wake her up in a particular way...

" "Open your eyes princess" his voice called out to me while I stirred around in immense pleasure, it was coming from,

Down there.

I opened my eyes and immediately a moan slid out my mouth at the sight.

Harry's face was between my legs, his tongue dancing over my core while of his fingers was pumping in and out of me.

My hands flew to his hair, they latched on and tugged at his roots while I moaned uncontrollably.
[...]"

1. Is this licking and fingering at the same time physically possible?

2. Yep, that's how he gives her his 'good morning'. Don't worry, it's absolutely not rape even if he's having oral sex with a MINOR who was ASLEEP, so UNCONSCIOUS, hence giving NO CONSENT whatsoever, but hey! She woke up and liked it, so it's fine!

No, seriously, from this part the chapter will be only rough and really explicit sex, and I'm not joking when I say it almost made me throw up: not only because of how everything was written (how can people get horny by reading an extremely detailed sex scene? Or am I too picky?), but also the age gap between them is relevant! Well, my thoughts about the explicit part wouldn't have changed if they were both adults, it would still be disgusting!
And why didn't Melanie call the police? She knows her sister and her ex have a "relationship", so why didn't she tell her parents about it at last? Even accidentally, but do something, for God's sake!

Harry says Adeline he has to punish her twice now, for her bad behaviour during dinnertime and for having kept him waiting: the first punishment is a slap on her butt, and for the second one he... shows her his massive itself to do things to her with a vibrator until he's satisfied. And then Adeline falls asleep again.

Did someone order some bleach?

The text clearly says she "came for the eighth time". Like, is this a joke? Do you need a doctor? I mean, you NEED a doctor if you come eight times in a row.

The point is, she should be a virgin; now, imagine a teen who never had sex with someone being fucked so hard by an adult to make her come EIGHT TIMES, the amount of problems she could have is uncountable: just the penetration could be painful if she's not ready, but just one time is enough. All this pressure can cause her several problems down there, just because she never experienced it before; I am still a virgin too, but I think it's unhealthy even for someone sexually active.

Guys, when you're writing about a delicate topic like sex, get as much information as you can in order to avoid these common mistakes, because you're describing something real and you are not allowed to write everything you want due to lack of knowledge. I mean, you might, but it would end up being ridiculous like this stuff.

Chapter ten, Adeline is woken up by a scream from downstairs: Styles is arguing with someone about money and, as I expected, there's no fanfiction that doesn't add debts in the mix.
The guy is Zayn Malik, who tells Harry that tomorrow night at eight Styles must bring him the money and, guess what? Adeline is found out listening to the conversation and Zayn menaces both the idiots to blow up her house.
First of all, who gave you the address? How the hell did you find it?
And second, please destroy this house so I can end here this horror.
Unfortunately, no one dies and Adeline cries because she's scared, nevertheless Harry gives her a kiss on her forehead, since he's also scared of the Mighty Zayn.
Poor little angels... I still hate you two.

Anyway, where are her parents? Did they hear all this noise and decided to ignore it or are

they deaf as hell?
The next day Sammie (do you remember I mentioned her at the beginning? No? Me neither) asks Adeline if she's OK considering that she looks like shit and the girl says that's nothing, in fact she decides to skip class and go to the gym to cry. It's nothing!

Now, I also talked about two guys (or cavemen, as I like to call them), Dan and Isaac, because both of them have a bone to pick with the pure and innocent Adeline and, since their tribe... group was stopping there by chance, they benefit from the situation and lock Adeline in a bathroom to sexually harass her.

"[...]I cried silently as I gave up. I cried and screamed, not out of pain but out of realizing that this was how I was losing my virginity, the last good thing in me left. Honestly it didn't hurt at all because Dan was really small."

What the...

She's being raped and her thoughts are how she's losing virginity and how small Dan is.

This is getting more ridiculous than I thought: what was the reason of this scene? To feel sorry for Adeline? Excuse me but I'm too jaded to cry for a girl who's complaining about a small penis; moreover, I told you to keep in mind the fact she "almost" has lost virginity in the previous chapters but... what does "I was losing my virginity" mean? Didn't she lose it the night before? I'm not so sure, but that part was written so badly I didn't even understand if they actually did it or not...

Moving on, Adeline is obviously traumatized after a bunch of young cavem... guys raped her just for fun, so much that also Harry notices it, and forces her to tell him what happened. Ah yes, she can truly trust you, Mr Styles. Anyway, after he "gently" asked her to tell the truth, she finally spits it out and the chapter ends.

Not really, in fact the author does a brief Q&A where she says Adeline and Harry's relationship could be a BDSM (Bondage and Discipline Sadism and Masochism) or a DDLG (Daddy Dom/Little Girl) and Melanie is a nasty bitch. Well, her behaviour couldn't have been the best, but I don't think you should call her like that to make Adeline look better.

Chapter

(I'm too funny, please.)

Well, everything happens really fast, maybe too much fast than I expected: the next day, at 7 p.m., Harry and Adeline are waiting Zayn without any money. Literally, they don't have a cent to give to Zayn, and both are terrified (at least it's understandable); suddenly, Harry asks Adeline where her parents and Melanie were, she replies they're all safe because they're far from home. Ahah! You silly little girl!

Harry receives a photo where a corpse was shown: it's Melanie!

https://youtu.be/luDhaoDMp6U

And there's another dead person, Dan! Wait...

How is he involved to the matter? What does he have to do with Harry? He's not even close to Adeline. I could have understood the desperation for Sammie, because she's her best friend, but...Dan? The previous day he raped Adeline!

Nevermind, Harry is called by Zayn, who tells him he's driving behind Melanie's parents' car, then Harry claims he has the money for Malik, obviously lying.

Right choice bullshitting someone who already killed two people.

Second farce!

Right after the call, Harry brings Adeline upstairs to protect her and then he goes back downstairs with a gun (out of nowhere?).

"Harry's POV
[...]

"Zayn don't fucking do this" I slurred.

"What a bad time to be drinking Harry" Zayn snickered. "So where's the money Harry?" He continued, pulling a gun out of his pants.

"Up your ass Zayn" I spat.
And within an istant there was a loud bang and a heavy thud, Melanie's parents. My heart sunk and I fell to my knees crying.

"See this is what happens when you piss me off Harry, now I'm not going to hurt you or Adeline. I'm going to make you both live with the fact you killed her parents."

I sat silently, crying to myself."

I have something important to say to Harry: you. Are. A. FUCKWAD!

You had a loaded gun! Why didn't you shoot him when he stepped into the house?! Yes, you would have killed a person, but other two people could have been saved! You shouldn't act like a cry-baby since YOU were the first who didn't do anything other than making fun of Zayn!

And most importantly, the parents weren't reacting at all. Seriously, there is no emotion whatsoever: they weren't terrified nor even a little afraid of what was happening.

Wow, were they two mannequins? This part of the story is so badly written, that I had to read it twice to understand that Zayn and Adeline's parents were physically in the house, and they were being shot there, in front of Harry.

As Zayn goes away, promising to return next week to have Adeline, Harry goes to check on her and finds her laying on the floor with a puddle of blood. One of the men with Zayn tried to assassinate her? Is she dying? No, she's on her period.

I'm not joking, that's what the text says.
Then, Adeline asks where their parents were, and Harry tells her the truth (I think it's the bare minimum). The chapter ends with a question that sums up my thoughts through the story: "Harry what is happening". It's not a question, it's an order.

I also forgot to write the reason of the money demanded by Zayn; in fact, around the beginning of the chapter, Adeline explains why Zayn needs the cash from Harry: Malik was a sort of pusher to Styles, but Harry took most the drugs for himself (without paying, I guess) and now Zayn needs the money back. As in every successful fanfiction, there's no bad boy without drugs.

In the next part of the chapter the author does a self-promotion to her new story called "Baby", and she shows half of the first chapter.

I don't really care about this story, so I didn't pay too much attention to it.

Chapter twelve, Adeline wakes up in a hospital with a big headache and worse.

"I try to sit up but my lower region aches so I sit back down. I scream for anyone as I begin panicking and a lady wearing a doctors coat comes running in.

"Oh dear I thought you were hurt" she sighs with relief.

"What happened?" I asked her straight away.

"Well, you were brought here by Mr. Styles. You passed out from loss of blood"

Then I remembered, my vagina wouldn't stop bleeding.

"What happened to my um-" I didn't really want to say 'pussy' or 'vag' to a doctor.

"Well how do I explain this, the bleeding was caused by an un-natural amount of orgasms" "

As I expected...

I understand it's awkward to say "vagina" to another, but God, the doctor is a woman and I don't think it's the first time she deals with those body parts. Anyway, the woman says the bleeding is caused by the amount of orgasms Adeline had...

How is the statement supposed to be right? She started bleeding down there because of an excessive number of penetrations: that means orgasms should not be involved in her current health situation; however, the doctor says the opposite. I mean, we all know what happened between Harry and Adeline two chapters ago; at first I was even impressed by the woman's ability to find such a specific for the injury but, in real life, that's not how it works. Or the fact she was raped also by Dan and his minions could have made the situation worse.

Harry bursts into the room saying they have to go urgently and the doctor gives the...permission? And she takes out the tubes to let her go?? AND ADELINE CAN WALK AND CHANGE HER CLOTHES WITH NONCHALANCE????

In the name of every medicine student, what sorcery is this? The doctor took her degree from a Kinder chocolate egg? I mean, who the hell allows a patient to leave a hospital like that?? What if she ends up with other health problems? The hospital will pay the consequences!

Also, Adeline had severe issues due to eight orgasms and her lower region was aching two seconds ago... now she can walk normally? Without any type of pain? Her healing skills are really on another level, so impressive.

This is why it's called fiction: actions that may have been damaging in real life are now manageable by the presence of superpowers.

To sum up, every fanfiction takes place in the My Hero Academia universe! Adeline is a cheap version of Recovery Girl!

Moving on, Styles and (I don't know her surname) have to move to another place to live in since the police found the bodies.

First of all, WHO called the police? The neighbours? Donald Duck? My grandma?

Because someone should have called them and said about the shots, right?
Or the policemen were just checking and then they found the bodies?

Who knows, we're here to get horny, not to find brain-dead logic.

Meanwhile, Adeline realizes her family is really dead and starts crying. Understandable, until Harry confesses his love towards her in a random moment and she ends up confused by this.

Seriously Harold, Adeline just became an orphan and lost her sister, and you have the guts to tell her what you feel in such a delicate situation? What's on your rotten head?

She's not even sure if he's saying the truth or not, and I'm laughing so hard because I don't know what's going on anymore; at least Harry answers with a:

"It's okay if you're not ready, I'll be waiting when you are"

Said the rapist.

Harry, you're not a clown: you're the entire circus.

Adeline falls asleep and then gets woken up in an unfamiliar room by an (un)familiar voice.

Why did I imply it? Because I, WE know too well whose voice is.

" "I'm Liam. Friend of Harry's who's letting you guys live in my hideout." "

IT'S HIM. THE BEST OF THE WORST. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LIAM PAAAAYNE.

https://youtu.be/YDoQV-8aGm0

I can't describe how moved I am right now, he's so useless in most of the fanfictions, I'm so glad he finally has a mire significant role! But I can't cry right now.

So, what's happening? Liam is going to host the two until the things will cool down and Adeline just went to the kitchen and saw Harry washing the dishes...

Everything normal, right? Well...

" "Well aren't you cute, cleaning up" I giggled.

"Baby you're up" he smiled as I walked over to him.

As I approached to him and looked closer I noticed the large bulge in his pants.

"What's that from?" I said quietly, pointing to it.

"That my love, is from you moaning my name in your sleep." He said honestly. An idea popped into my head.

"Well I was always told to clean the mess I make" I smirked before falling to my knees behind the counter, still in the kitchen."

So, basically her parents and her sister died a few hours ago, she's hiding from the police to not get arrested with her new...mate? And now she's doing something with her mouth to Harry's thing.

Girl, your entire family has been murdered and all you're thinking now is how to suck it?

Fortunately the chapter ends, despite it ends after the author told us for the second or third time Styles has a big thing down there and a particular scene of Adeline doing "a good job" with it. Everything in a very explicit way.
Please give me a bucket...

Chapter thirteen, Adeline and Harry have been hiding for a week at this point; however, he ignores the poor princess for apparently no reason until the police comes to visit Liam to ask him about the two:

"Adeline's point of view
[...]
"Do you live with anyone else?" A feminine voice said loudly down the hall.

My heart dropped and my face paled, I hopped under the bed with a loud thud and Harry followed just after, holding his hand to my cheek under the bed [yes, I know you're under the bed] and rubbing it with a shaky hand.

The door quickly swung open and loud footsteps were heard.

"No I live by myself, that was probably the screwed pipes, haven't had time to fix 'em" Liam said bluntly, attempting to direct the officer away from the room.

"Mr Payne, I don't feel as if you're being one hundred percent honest with me here, are you staying in this house alone, yes or no?" The officer asked again.

"Yes I am positive, what's this about anyway why do you think you can intrude into my house and look for god knows what?" Liam snapped.

Smooth Payne.

"We have a situation about a murdering couple, that's all I can tell you, security cameras from the highway noticed the vehicle of the crime towards this area and we were checking all the houses sir don't feel singled out." She replied calmly.

The footsteps began walking off and the door was shut behind the two, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding as I quietly sobbed. Harry was still stroking my cheek and kissing my forehead while whispering assuring things to me;
[...]"

Well, this scene was as surprising as watching paint dry and that "smooth Payne" is embarrassing but Liam's reaction is coherent: after all he's trying to protect a friend and his... I don't know how to call her. What I don't actually understand is the "vehicle of the crime" part: how does the police know for sure that is the vehicle of the criminal? Despite the cameras, they could have said "security cameras from the highway noticed suspicious movements in this area", also to tell the reader the policemen don't know if the assassin was in a vehicle or not. However, the author is saying the two officers surely know who the perpetrator is and how their vehicle looks like, so... they had to deal with Styles before? But Zayn killed Adeline's parents, what does Harry have to do with it? Despite his debt with Malik due to drug issues, there's no point putting Harry in jail.

The police should arrest him for raping a minor anyway.

After the officers leave Liam's house, this happens:

" "I love you" he finally said. My body froze.

"What?" I whispered in disbelief. Sure I had a feeling he cared for me in such a way, but for him to say it to me really hit me like this a truck.

"I-I love you, Adeline" he cried silently. I still stayed silent."

It's a curse for me: I can't believe characters in fanfictions repeat the same scene two or more times.

Harry, you already told Adeline you love her! And Adeline forgot about it too! Damn, you both need to take more phosphorus, don't you?
"sure I had a feeling he cared for me in such a way" you know what we say in Italy in these situations? We say "Grazie al cazzo!" (No fucking wonder!): he told you the same thing in the previous chapter, you also "rejected" him because you thought he was lying!

Fortunately, Harry acknowledges how disgusting he is (not really, he just says he's the reason of the bad things happened to Adeline, which is accurate, anyway) and understands if the girl would reject his confession.

But then Adeline:

" "No matter how unhappy you make me Harry, you will always make me twice as more happy. Because I-I think I love you too" I admitted.

Maybe I did love Harry, I've never felt such a feeling as i do when I see him. It's like my body goes numb and my heart skips a beat, my head feels heavy and my breathing picks up [Girl do you need a doctor?!]. His beauty, his kindness, his love, makes me fall for him every day. [Save it for later.]

"Oh lord, forgiving God, forgive me as I have sinned against the church".

Oh God, forgiving Lord, forgive me as I was listening to Harry Styles while I was reading this part! And, Harry, you too please forgive me!

Good news: we're reaching the end of the story!

In fact, the fourteenth chapter is the last update since 2017; the story is incomplete but, at least, we won't know how it will actually end. It's also very short!

Adeline is struggling with her feelings since she can't love Harry due to the past events. It might be a good reason as she could "associate" him to bad things, it's understandable. Except she said she thinks she loves him too: make a pick, please!

In the end, she finally does choose and asks him if they can talk...when Harry thought she was drowning in the bath (why? Because she had been staying in the bathroom for an hour?). Anyway, Adeline tells him she can't love him because she's too broken and he can't fix her.

https://youtu.be/hPC2Fp7IT7o

Whoa, since when is the Bad Boy the one who must fix the Hope? Did I miss something?

Harry answers with a "it's my fault" and has the urge to apologize to her, as he should:

"Adeline, I'm sorry for stealing the glimmer in your eye. I'm sorry for being the reason you feel so broken. I'm sorry that I've taken your childhood away from you because of my stupidity. I know my sorry will never be enough but it pains me everyday I am the reason for your unhappiness"

It's a little bland as an excuse for being the reason her WHOLE family died: the bare minimum he could do is to go to the police and declare himself guilty also for having raped a minor, but let's move on.

Instead, what I don't understand it's the use of the word "childhood". According to Google, childhood is "the state or period of being a child", so the arc of time between two and twelve years old. Adeline's sixteen, I think the word is inappropriate since she's not twelve anymore: a better term would be "youth", because it's the period between childhood and adult age. Since we're talking about teenagers, dear author, please use proper words.
In the end, both decide to go to Italy.

Why? I don't have the slightest idea, maybe it would have been useful for the next parts...

The good thing is the story has ended!

Well, my reaction while I was reading the story was almost like this:

It's... incredible how a simple person could be able to create something extremely wrong like this soap opera.

First of all, the plot itself: what the fuck just happened? It all started from porn and ended to be a thriller... is it the ultimate form of mafia fictions or what? Because I don't find a good explanation for that shit.

My favourite part to lose my mind on was the ENTIRE dynamic of the two fuckwads: Harry, you already had a girlfriend, what was the reason to cheat on her? Why did you choose a minor? WHY DID YOU CHOOSE HER SISTER???? At this point I would really have appreciated if Harry had ended up with a milf, really.

Let's not even talk about how wrong the message is: if any creepy guy touches you, it's obviously rape but, when it's YOUR bEdBOeH, it's OK! He's allowed to touch you against your will because he is horny. Rape apologies make me throw up.

The drug topic also appears out of the blue around this time, as if there was a proper connection between it and the BadBoy, and the presence of an antagonist doesn't make sense: as I said before, it all started from porn and ended up with homicides. Homicides that do not put an end to the pornographic scenes, moreover.

Harry is more than creepy: he doesn't only rape Adeline and treats her like a sex toy for ALL the time, but he starts catching feelings for her and offers himself to protect her, like he's the right person to have faith in. His "relationship" with Adeline is wrong, because at this point, he's the only person to "defend" her, even if she will ruin herself just by staying on his side. A little toxic, don't you think?

So, what should I say? The story is obviously awful in every point of view, the characters behave like dummies and I feel so satisfied since the review is over. Also, the religious theme could have been interesting, but, alas, it has nothing to do with the entire story.

I expected nothing from this story; however, I can go to sleep now. Yay!

With exhaustion and with the desire to hit hard both Styles and Adeline,

Lapersonaditurno.