"Crazy || Ateez" (It seems like Dory wrote this fanfiction)
My dear readers,
Welcome back to Demons of Wattpad!
Let me introduce myself: I'm lapersonaditurno, a new reviewer who wanted to deal with the worst of this mysterious place called Wattpad. Too many dark creatures live here, spread around the platform, and the various species hide in the apparently most harmless places: nobody's safe from these strange monsters, but if you're brave enough you can join this review to get an idea about them.
Shade Owl: - Brave Enough its a Lindsey Stirling's song!-
Today we're going to analyze the mafia category: all of these stories have some points in common, but the most important is the recruitment of the female main character by the mafia group without having a peculiar ability. The reasons for this choice are her beauty and her innocence. The mafia fanfiction I'm gonna review doesn't have as male main characters Justin Bieber or Harry Styles/One Direction, but a kpop group called Ateez. This means we have changed country, South Korea, but the plot's still the same.
A little presentation of Ateez, just to have an idea about them: as I said earlier, they are a South Korean group made of eight members and maybe a few people won't know these guys because they aren't particularly famous; seeing as their pirate concept is one of the most known, the biggest part of their fanfictions has the pirate au (alternative universe), which is pretty cool. But even they didn't survive from the worst and most trash genre in all Wattpad: mafia au.
Our fanfiction is called "Crazy", and here mafia's like a garnish for the LuV sToRy between Hope and the oldest of Ateez, and mafia boss, Park Seonghwa.
Actually, the fanfiction I found on Wattpad has been posted by ateezhwaa, but the original work is on YouTube, so the credits go to CLKX Fiction, the actual author: I won't criticize the writer on this platform (well... it doesn't mean they're safe) and I'll be as clear as possible to explain what's wrong in this story so, let's start!
Our heroine's Kim Hyejin, now Hopejin, a normal girl who works in a bar and has no parents, her brother abandoned her while she lives with her abusive boyfriend. Sorry, an abusive mafia boyfriend. He doesn't even try to maintain her, so she's dared to find a job to gain something while the guy goes to his many lovers. Nice beginning, right?
Before you ask, she tells us she tried to break up with him (later we'll know his name's Taeyong), but everytime Hopejin rans he always "caught her and she was given a beating" and, for not wanting to take the blame of her death after she tried to commit suicide, he saved her. My dear, there's something called the police...oh wait, in fanfictions they don't even know what police is.
Moving on, one day, while she was working, a current customer entered the bar, and we HAVE to know how beautiful he is, brushing his hair and walking elegantly.
"Sometimes I wonder if he was a mafia boss, but he's probably just a successful businessman. I mean I can tell that he's rich by his branded clothing and accessories"
Girl, if someone's rich it doesn't mean they're in the mafia... or maybe I'm too good and innocent for this world.
By the way, the guy's name is Seonghwa and Hopejin describes him as a god, even when he smokes. Just a boring description we all expected, right? Actually, the first chapters are boring: the best part comes later, trust me.
It's evening now, and Hopejin has to come back home, but suddenly a mysterious man warns her to not take that street because of the amount of crimes there; she doesn't care, and goes on her way, and this first chapter ends with the man smirking and saying "interesting". If you have an idea about who he could be, you are wrong.
Oh, I forgot to say we'll find changes of the pov very often, so it'll be a little confusing.
In the second chapter, we have a conversation between two people, but at first I didn't understand what they were talking about. I'll do a summary: two men talk about killing stuff: their names are Yunho and San, and a third man comes out later; Yunho was the one who met and warned Hopejin, finding her interesting because of her confidence, and he thinks she could be the perfect mate for the third man, and then they talk about a birthday of another person. For real, this plot is as full of plot twists as it is confusing: I still don't understand who the third man is and why a confident girl should be dangerous (I didn't say this, but Yunho said that the third man always wanted a confident and dangerous mate, as if these things are linked to each other).
Anyway, Hopejin's at home and finds her "boyfriend" with a girl, Yeri, but she decides to ignore their provocations and express all her anger towards Taeyong, saying she's tired of all the shit she's been through because of him and, after shouting she wants to leave, she runs out of the apartment to not get caught and beaten up by Taeyong. I'm happy she finally left him after like...five years in an abusive relationship with a criminal (they literally got together when she was fourteen). However, I think it could be useless saying she should have called the police long time ago to arrest Taeyong; justice's like stuff at home: when you need it so bad there's no way to find it, while it's perfectly visible it's useless; at the end of the chapter Hopejin's running on a street, and suddenly a car hits her, and she dies. Just kidding, she's still alive (unfortunately).
Shade Owl: - No Hope can die from a car accident!-
Lapersonaditurno: - Sometimes I wonder why Hopes are immortals... without them the world could be a better place!-
This story is twenty-seven chapters long, I don't know if the review was a good idea because I'm already tired.
The third chapter is the beginning of the end: in fact, from this point of the story the plot will amaze you... not in a good way.
Little summary: Hopejin "dies" and:
"News reporter
"An extremely tragic car accident happened near midnight yesterday. The victim is a girl and her identity has been confirmed by the police"
The oldest was focusing on the news as she squint his eyes a little [What?]
News reporter
The victim is a girl name kim hyejin is unconfirmed [I repeat, what?]. She is at the age of 19 and had currently passed away. From what her boyfriend had said, she took drugs and went crazy by hitting him and his friend which was at their house. She suddenly ran out out of the house and got hit by a car under the control of unknown drugs. The police had checked and there was a clear statement that drug taking was positive"
This is one of the most confusing parts in the story not only for the terrible grammar and writing, like her confirmed or unconfirmed identity (really, what the hell?), but also the drug test part. I think we all know she wasn't on drugs and her boyfriend is lying to hide the truth: he hit her intentionally, however the test is positive, and my question is: how the heck did these drugs end up in her body? But most importantly, in the text she lost her senses, and I think her heart was still beating so... HOW THEY DIDN'T NOTICE?! COME ON!
Shade Owl: - I'll send Cthulhu to devour the coroner.-
Ok...stressing my nerves at the beginning won't help me, I must finish this review as soon as possible to survive.
Do you remember the three men of the second chapter? Well, they're part of a mafia gang in which there's...Hopejin's brother!
https://youtu.be/luDhaoDMp6U
Two months later, Hopejin's brother still thinks about her sister's death while, maybe to find the killer or just for fun, he tortures and kills random people. Seriously dude? To vent your anger you killed dozens of innocent men and women? I understand you want revenge but it's horrifying to find solace in the smell of fresh blood. He's not even alone: a band mate helps him in this action like someone who is used to and happy to hear people screaming in pain, like a psychopath who runs out of an asylum...wait, he's the psychopath. And he runs out of an asylum. Well...
Talking about psychos, there's a change of place and now we are in... an asylum! What a coincidence! More specifically, we are in an isolating room, for the worst cases, where someone's watching a film. And this person is...
"good day, miss hyejin. We're here to do your daily checkup"
Hyejin! Another coincidence!
She was recovered in this place and received special treatment for not being like the other patients (and not like the other girls). Anyway, a doctor and two nurses have to do the checkup, and Hyejin explains with a lot of patience she's not as crazy as they think, and she decides to show it by punching on the face the nurses and nearly breaking the spine of the doctor, then a guard irrupts and calls Hyejin "a monster". But she's not a monster, she just wants to kill her ex boyfriend and his fiancee. Yes, and I should believe she's not crazy but just angry.
The next chapter opens with a torture scene, with no context: there's just a girl tortured and then left to die slowly because she was a lover(?) of the leader of the gang... No, actually there's not a good reason to kill someone, but everything will be explained with the fact they are mafias, even if I have a better reason: the plot. At first, I didn't realize who could be the leader, but if you said Park Seonghwa, that means you're really smart, my darlings.
Later, Seonghwa goes to the asylum with San and other people to visit his younger sister Seoyeon: she has PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and her brother wants her to receive all the cures useful for her mental health. San goes to the cafeteria, when he notices some nurses trying to sedate a crazy woman and after a "little presentation" of her, he goes back to his group to tell them what he saw. Seonghwa is really happy about it, because he knows he found his soulmate:
"you said it yourself, a crazy woman and I'm a crazy guy. Why not?"
Yes, that's what I really wanted! From the romanticization of mafia to the romanticization of madness! So cool! Fortunately there's no example of folie à deux in this story, or maybe I couldn't stand a bad representation of such an intriguing psychotic disorder.
After a while, a bunch of people try to provoke Hyejin (oh come on, everybody knows that's her!) and Seonghwa sends San to stop the possible "blood bath". After doing his job by SIMPLY holding her wrist, she thanks him for stopping her. I don't know...I think it's nonsense: after reading that she literally tried to kill a doctor and the fact that her brain's crashed, he just held her wrist without using all this force and violence. I thought she was "strong" enough to break free from his grip and break his arm, but she didn't do anything. I'm seriously confused, guys.
Then, the gang talks about her craziness and beauty (SHE'S PRETTY, REMEMBER!) so, the blond guy does what normal people do: he goes to talk with Hyejin's doctor because he likes her. I repeat, I'm seriously confused, guys. Normal people want to stay away from any trouble, but we're in a fanfiction: nothing's normal.
Chapter five, Seonghwa has this conversation about our crazy Hope and the doctor tells him how she survived from the car "accident", while I'm here sitting on a sofa and trying to find the sense and the urge to tell the story to a mafia stranger, and this doctor's not even so close to Seoyeon, so he knows even less the siblings. He orders his henchmen to find Hyejin and the doctor warns everyone about the girl because of her innate craziness but, literally, who cares? The gang goes to the special white room and Seonghwa asks Hyejin to join the Beagle Boys and she accepts signing a... contract? To be part of a dangerous mafia gang you sign a contract? Without any proof of "loyalty" towards your boss?? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY RECRUITING AN UNKNOWN GIRL AS A MAFIA MEMBER LIKE THIS!? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? HE JUST ASKS HER WHAT SHE THINKS ABOUT ATEEZ AND SHE'S A MAFIA MEMBER. I was expecting something like "if you're worthy enough you have to find this person who stole me one million won and kill them", but they'll just test her abilities with a few activities to see where she'll be working (ok but if Hopejin's not good in any of these things, what they'll do? She signed a document for nothing I think).
Evgenij:- This nonsense about signing contracts in criminal gangs is not new to us: Shade Owl already found it in many Italian fanfictions about Justin Bieber.-
Anyway, I'll be brief about the next chapter: these idiots change the mafia name from "Ateez" to "TeaZ" (what a good cover-up!) and, after giving Hopejin a little home tour, they make her meet the other "top" members of TeaZ: San and Yunho, the ones who were talking in the second chapter, Mingi and the youngest, Jongho. However, this last guy doesn't trust her so he calls the girl a "slut" and she reacts by throwing him a knife stolen from San's pocket. However, Jongho doesn't give a fuck, and he warns her saying if she doesn't pass the tests she's out.
Moving on to the next chapter, it starts with a few flashbacks (or nightmares?) about Taeyong and her brother, so Hopejin wakes up crying, because even a sTrOnG gUrL like her can fall apart and be weak (however I won't be so soft with her). A crappy scene in the torture room and a final "plot twist", that's basically an interaction between two people, Hongjoong I think and a mysterious dude that I discovered was Felix of Stray Kids just because I saw the comments. This story's confusing as hell and I haven't even reviewed half of it.
Chapter eight, Hopejin's "gently" stopped by Jongho who warns her to not hurt Seonghwa's feelings to avoid seeing him going crazy. Just to give a useless info, if the boss goes crazy he tortures and lets innocents die, more than usual. Like it isn't cruel enough killing and torturing people, but he doesn't do it for real and serious reasons (at least from a mafia point of view): he tortures people FOR FUN. He chooses his victims and kills them to fill the void inside his soul caused by sad situations and traumas. Real mafia do this to people who don't pay, maybe the time to pay off the debt has run out, or they just know too much and they are considered an enemy...
Evgenij:- However, it is true that there are criminals who display sadistic behaviour, or even resort to terrorist attacks. In the Nineties in Italy Sicilian Mafia, after having killed the two judges that discover the whole organization and put the bosses on trial (Giovanni Falcone and Paolo Borsellino) put bombs in Rome, Milan and Florence, aiming to scare Italian government and to force it to delete the prison sentences. That kind of terror was part of a strategy, sure, but there was a considerable sadism in it. As well as in the idea of killing any last member of the family of a rival boss, in case they could not get him (this was common practice among Italian mafia).-
Anyway, Hopejin has to meet Yeosang in the gym after breakfast to see how good at fighting she is, and to test it ...they fight. I want to be clear about this: she NEVER trained in a proper gym, and she's fighting against a person who knows how to attack someone properly and applies a strategy.
Shade Owl: - Just like every other Hope... they're good at everything!-
Lapersonaditurno: - That's right, they're good at everything for no reason.-
Nevertheless, she wins with her rude fighting when in reality the minimum would have been broken bones for her. Despite the round "ended", she goes too far and tries to hit Yeosang's face, she has another flashback and gets orders to take sleeping pills. I wanted to skip useless parts like Yeosang complimenting Hopejin for having a beautiful body (she used to be in an asylum, how can you put weights and training tools in a place with a lot of crazy people who can use these objects as weapons?) or when the girl says to Jongho "don't underestimate a girl". When I read the story, I couldn't stand the fact that a lot of things are constantly repeated and you're tired of reading all the same shit.
Oh, I forgot to say that, while Yeosang and Hopejin were kicking and punching each other, Yunho was saying to Seonghwa she was the perfect girl for him. I don't find it necessary to comment on how wrong the romanticization of craziness is or my blood pressure will rise.
Chapternine, another flashback and now she tests her hacking skills: forty minutes tohack a government site, like she's not a new member and she has trained withthem; they don't know if she's good at hacking or not, so they could havechoose a site less important than a government one, right? However, Hyejinhacks it in half an hour.
I'll use this pic very often in my reviews, I swear.
Beagle Boys (from now on "idiots") discuss what to do with her and Jongho still thinks she'll break Seonghwa feelings but San says "she's not like the other girls". She's the main character, she CAN'T be like the other girls, she's different, she's not a whore, SHE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN REPAIR THE BROKEN SOUL OF THE BAD BOY WITH HER LOVE AND blah blah blah... seriously, can someone make a story about the side characters? Their background story could be more interesting than the same soup filled with useless random traumas.
Anyway, Seonghwa doesn't stop thinking about "her". Who will be this mysterious girl? Oh don't worry, we'll see this "her" in the sequel.
Chapterten is focused on Taeyong's point of view. So he wasn't in the story just forthe role of the asshole and mafia boyfriend! I thought he had vanished! Ohwait, he's the leader of a mafia gang called Nct, he has to be the antagonist.
He's talking with one of his bandmates, Jaemin: he saw Hyejin walking in the asylum and his leader basically says "There's nothing to worry because she's dead". A few flashbacks about Taeyong wanting to rob her family and time for Nct is over. Next scene is in the asylum, specifically in Seoyeon's room, she's telling herself stuff like trying to dye her hair when someone answers her. And she talks with them instead of being scared and calling the doctors. Is it just me or is it abnormal?
Shade Owl (wearing a black cloak): - Abby... someone.-
The next chapter is irrelevant, the only important thing is that she's in the hacking team so let's move on to the chapter twelve. Hyejin is trendy and everybody wonders how she can call the best members with their names and how the boss could have recruited a girl, just to remind us she's different and special. Two new characters appear: Yeji, one of the few girls in the gang, and Minho, Hopejin's next challenger. They are both are convinced our bad girl seduced the boss to get the job. Hopejin wins the challenges against Minho and there's a copy and paste of the fight scene with Yeosang: she nearly beats Minho but suddenly she has a flashback and needs sleeping pills. (Oh, come on! This happens always after a fight! Dear author, flashbacks can be placed better!)
The chapters thirteen and fourteen are the icing on the cake, because from now to the end of the story the plot will only orbit around Hopejin and Seonghwa's SUPER HEALTHY relationship.
In summary, while our heroine was sleeping, the big boss declares she's HIS girl, and the news spreads easily in the gang, so that means everybody must treat the girl respectfully like she's a precious collector's item (actually everybody respects her from the beginning for her supernatural skills, when in real life she could be in the hospital for all the punches she received). Hopejin comes to know about her engagement and I think she didn't react well...in fact, she goes to talk with Seonghwa using enough diplomacy to threaten him to beat his ass. Such a lovely creature uh?
The boss takes Hopejin to the asylum with his expensive red car, just to visit her sister. Oh, and he lies to the receptionist to let an undercover Hopejin pass, but let's focus a little bit on this scene: she escaped from that same place days ago, and she's an extremely dangerous subject for the community, were the doctors trying to find her as soon as possible or were they playing at ping pong?
And the fact that Seonghwa was the last person to meet her and he helped her to escape? Nobody noticed it!? He's even a mafia! He should be wanted with his whole gang! Why's everybody doing nothing!?
I'm going crazy at this point, but I can't afford it.
Anyway, after the visit (a quick note: during the conversation between Seoyeon and the two idiots, she says to the other girl to not break his brother's feelings: every person met in the story tells her the same things, don't you think it's boring after a while?), Hopejin scolds Seonghwa saying there's no need to be so confident with her: she doesn't feel nothing for him and the relationship's just a joke everybody believes in. I don't blame her, Seonghwa started this thing because he likes her, and she can't even break up with him or he's going to lose his mind, so for the girl it's nothing serious... for now.
We're on chapter fifteen, it's time to do the countdown for the end, finally! -10
The idiots, hearing the engagement news, give Seonghwa the third degree to see he's not on hallucinogenic mushrooms. Meanwhile, in the girl crew, the girls try to convince her FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME to be careful with the boss and to be "grateful" to be the only girl he treats well, FOR. THE. MILLIONTH. TIME. STOP REMINDING ME SHE'S NOT LIKE THE OTHERS IN EVERY. SINGLE. CHAPTER. And, if someone's wondering, she will never use her position to ask the boss to treat women better in the gang, or the plot will flop and the LuV sToReE won't be the only topic to talk about. Literally, she has the
and she doesn't even use it properly. Jeez, I forgot she's a Hope...
It's enough for this chapter, it's basically useless for the progress of the fanfic.
Chapter sixteen, Seonghwa and his "girlfriend" go to a luxurious restaurant to eat and suddenly they see a couple arguing, obviously Hopejin doesn't mind her business and goes to defend the girl being hurt by her boyfriend, this guy calls the heroine a "slut" and our favorite mafia boss hits him just to let the reader see he cares about his SoUlMaTe, or that's what Yuri said, the girl saved by Hyejin.
Time skip, and I'm really convinced Hopejin became everyone's obsession, since even the idiots constantly talk about her with the boss, and he confirms the fact she's not like the other girls, like the author didn't mention the "peculiarity" in every single scene.
The final scene leaves us with the same suspense of a snail crawling on a rock: Jongho finds Hyejin crying in her room. That's all.
In the next chapter it's explained why she's crying: maybe the girl thinks being a mafia's not what she wants to be and decides to live a normal life? Or she's affected by a personality disorder? Or even worse, she finished her Haribo red gummy bears and now she's obligated to eat the green ones? No, she genuinely likes Seonghwa despite his little craziness (yeah, so little), but she's scared he'll have the same attitude as Taeyong's. Unfortunately for me, I must break a spear in her favor: the reaction's understandable, living with an abusive boyfriend left her trauma and she doesn't want to repeat the mistake, so she's even scared to fall in love with Seonghwa, another mafia boss. About him, he was listening to the conversation, and Jongho, noticing him, decides to leave them alone to talk in peace. Seonghwa says he's sorry for hurting her feelings but she replies saying "it's ok". YOU'RE IN FRONT OF HIM, TELL HIM THE PROBLEM! DON'T REPLY WITH "it's ok" FOR GOD'S SAKE! HOW CAN YOU BE SO DUMB!?
Time passes, two months later and the two are still "dating", but Hopejin's undecided about her feelings towards the boss, and her friends don't help either, since all they do is tell each other their crushes.
In the final scene we're in the torture room and a girl breaks in, so the boss tries to seduce her (while he's torturing someone. Ok.) and the victim wonders why he's not killing her (when they rather should worry about their life), Seonghwa answers with a "I respect women, not like you", because he's a mafia, he tortures and kills people not depending by their gender, but he's also a gentleman. A few chapters ago, he was torturing a woman for seducing him, are you kidding me?
My head hurts, but fortunately there are only seven chapters left.
Chapter eighteen begins with the idiots searching informations about the link between Hopejin and Ateez:
' "maybe she's related to someone in the gang?"
"hongjoong hyung?"
"well, hongjoong hyung sister is badically dead. And hyejin's an alive human body" yunho said. "plus, her files never started that she had any critical life or death situation"
"but her doctor said she woke up in a hospital. Maybe, she got into an accident and didn't die?"
"let's just not think about this, hyejin will tell us when she's ready. We just have to give her enough time to trust us" yeosang said [...]'
Where do I start?
First thing first, they have a hacking team that works with technology every single day and nobody saw the news about her "death"? What a coincidence, a girl called Kim Hyejin died in a car accident and they found another one with the same name, same age, same facial features but with different attitude! The similarities are evident, but she can't be the same person found dead and on drugs months ago!
Second thing second, you're TeaZ now, why should Hyejin tell you her relation to, apparently, a different mafia gang?
Last thing last, the possessive -'s - exists for a reason, please use it!
Another crappy scene in the torture room with Hopejin as new assistant (I skip these parts since they don't add anything to the plot), and after three months the girl doesn't still know her feelings towards the boss. Girl, you called yourself "his girlfriend" in the past scene, are you dumb or what?
Crap,crap, and another crap about lollipops and here we go with chapter nineteen:FINALLY, and I say FINALLY, the boss and Hopejin kiss for the first time and now they're officially a couple. Such a boring chapter, nothing interesting happens except in the final scene: Seonghwa visited his sister but someone saw him leaving the asylum. That someone is... TAEYONG!
https://youtu.be/luDhaoDMp6U
Chapter twenty. Don't worry, the last chapters are shorter than the first ones. -5
Taeyong rapes and tortures Seoyeon but, plot twist! Do you remember Jaemin? Well, he'll save the poor girl and give us an explanation to all this hate: Ateez are more popular than NCT...
Wait, more popular doesn't mean better reputation: Ateez are more successful and more dangerous at the same time, so the police will be concern the most about trying to find THEIR base and stuff related to THEM, and NCT are free to do what they want, I think, because the first suspicions will fall back on Ateez.
Taeyong's hate's completely nonsense based on this point of view, but the author doesn't really know how the mafia works, and maybe the cops eat donuts like there's no tomorrow.
Meanwhile, the best couple ever planned to go out for dinner, although a door opens revealing Jaemin with a weak Seoyeon in his arms.
-4, the two guys tell them how Taeyong raped her and how they escaped, and the poor girl begs Seonghwa to let Jaemin ally with Ateez/TeaZ even if he can be considered an enemy. However he accepts, not thinking about the fact that the guy could stab them in the back every moment.
Everybody's part of the plan: in fact, Seonghwa proposes such a detailed break-in inside the NCT's base, helped by the hacking team which will hack the security system and... no, actually nobody starts to plan anything...
Instead, Hopejin and Seonghwa still want to go out for dinner... so, they go to a restaurant and the girl tells him Taeyong was his ex and because of him she nearly died in that car accident and lost consciousness. Suddenly, a girl appears and tries to seduce the boss; the fact he teases her to see his girlfriend's reaction drives Hopejin out of her mind and, reacting like all the crazy jealous girls do, tries to stab the girl on Seonghwa's lap scaring her and letting the boss laugh like he saw a comic scene from a black and white film. How are you supposed to laugh when your girlfriend nearly threw a knife at an innocent's chest?
-3, nothing interesting to talk about, but the two have their awaiteds night having sex: fortunately, the author skipped the process and in the next chapter Hopejin just wakes up. I'm happy they spared our poor eyes.
Hopejin wants to get a tan in a bikini but the boss says no since she lives in a house with more than three males, like nobody treats her like a queen and no one dares to touch her or they will be dead. Meanwhile, Hongjoong is back: this means finally the two Kims can meet after a long time. What a lovely scene! Well...
-2, Hongjoong and Hopejin meet, but, instead of being happy for the reunion, she feels betrayed by everyone, because now she knows TeaZ actually are Ateez (the consciousness isn't the only thing she lost...). Even Seonghwa is surprised by the fact they're brothers, so surprised he can't believe it. No seriously, he doesn't believe Hongjoong is her brother, so much so that he doubts his mate's faith.
Ok guys, the last chapter, LET'S DO IT!
No, I can't; it's just a mix of scenes written with the rush to end the story.
First thing first, Hopejin's pregnant and a year later gives birth to twins, someone never mentioned before comes to know the happy occurrence, then Taeyong kidnaps the children but soon he's hit by Hopejin and dies.
He wasn't only a bad villain, but he's also dead after a minute or less kidnapping two smurfs because of their crazy mom.
https://youtu.be/f1N5lZw7e78
Shade Owl: - I could vomit...-
Last thing last, another kidnapping but this time the victims are the children (again...) and Hopejin: Seonghwa has to choose who will be saved, and Hopejin decides to sacrifice herself, so she dies thrown off a cliff.
And the surprises are not finished: in fact, this was a story invented by Seoyeon and Jaemin to entertain the twins, who are still waiting for their mom's return!
Unexpected. Really unexpected. Chapeau.
And this is the end of the fanfic. An overall opinion? It sucks.
The plot isn't even only and compact: the love story and the mafia things are completely divided from each other and the side characters are flat and useless, everything orbits around the two main characters.
The romanticization of mafia or, worse, of mental disorder sends shivers down my spine: nobody understands mafia's not a game or something attractive and fascinating, but an entire criminal organization based on killing, money, revenge, lies and other things, it's not something to joke on. The discourse is the same for the craziness: they're not even a little crazy, they're out of their mind; I personally think mental disorders should be entrusted to very good writers, writers that get as much informations as possible to make something interesting and well explained: that's the big difference between a story and a heap of words.
The grammar is non-existent and the bad writing is the icing on the cake: if English is not your first language and your knowledge is basic, try to dedicate yourself to something you're good at.
However, the scenes I couldn't stand are obviously the "don't hurt him" and "you're first girl to" ones: while I was writing, I started thinking the author suffers from amnesia, because no one can repeat the same phrases every two/three chapters. For a moment I really thought I was going crazy and my mind was playing tricks on me.
Oh, I forgot to remind you all there's a sequel, I won't spoil.
Well, I tried to be as honest as possible, I'm thankful to everyone who had the patience to read this review and I hope nobody went crazy. My work is done, and my time to go has come.
With stress and a cup of chamomile,
Lapersonaditurno.
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top