Surprisingly, things weren't too awkward between them after that. They were cautious not to bring it up around each other, but even if they had managed to move past is, Phil was still bitter. He had these feelings now, running through his veins and his body, driving him crazy. He was dealing with way more than he could handle, and the weight of it was getting heavier everyday.

  He kept it to himself, of course. There was no need for anyone else to know about this. And he was sure there was nothing they could do to help anyway. No, he'd much rather deal with it on his own.

  He only had a year left. A year, plus the few months left in this one, until he was out, and he'd probably never see Dan again. It was a petty high school crush Phil told himself constantly, nothing more than teenage hormones. He didn't need to be so worked up about it, it was sure to go away soon. But until then, he was suffering and as much as he hated to admit it, he kind of enjoyed it. It was a rush, making his heart race and his head spin, and more than a few times had he gotten turned on at just the thought of Dan with his sexy smirk and that dammed look in his eyes that made Phil want to get closer.

  He was staring at him now, staring at his lips as he talked, but Phil had stopped listening long ago. That mouth was hypnotizing, the way it curled around every word Dan said. They looked soft. Were soft, Phil remembered absently, as they moved against his own firmly, just the hint of his tongue brushing against Phil's and making him needy, the pressure of his hands only adding to the intense pleasure that was slowly tearing him apart and-

  "You're not even listening, are you?" Dan said suddenly, and Phil snapped back into reality, blushing at where his thoughts had been going. His sexual frustration was growing these days, almost to the point of uncontrollable.

  "Sorry." He admitted shamefully. "I just, have a lot on my mind."

  "What could possibly be more important than me?" Dan asked, smirking and making Phil clench his teeth. The boy didn't even know the effect he had on Phil, and it was irritating that he did it without trying.

  "Oh, excuse my rudeness, good sir." Phil said mockingly, bowing his head. "There is surely nothing more important than your well being."

  Dan laughed, shaking his head, and Phil smiled, staring at his throat and wondering how the hell a throat could be so damn fine.

  "I want to ask you something serious." Dan said, still grinning, but there was a flicker of something else in his eyes, like concern.

  "Alright." Phil said, somewhat nervously. "Shoot."

  "Okay, don't weird out or anything. I'm just really curious." Dan warned, and Phil nodded for him to continue. "Okay just... have you ever had a boyfriend?"

  Well, he wasn't expecting that. He wasn't used to people wanting to know anything about his personal life, but it seemed like Dan already knew more about him than his own parents. Phil wasn't one to just give out that kind of information either, but Dan had completely wrecked that.

  "Uh..." He started, trying to shake off the surprise at the sudden question. "I mean, yeah, it's kind of a given, being in high school. I'm not a prude. Not in a while, though, it's not like there are too many guys around here that are interested in other guys." He shrugged halfheartedly, glancing up at Dan, who was nodding, staring at the ground. He looked somewhat agitated, from what Phil could guess. "What about you?"

  "Hm?" Dan asked, without looking up.

  "Any boyfriends? Or girlfriends?" He asked, smirking at Dan's dazed expression.

  Dan didn't say anything, turning away, instead, to stare at some other place that Phil wasn't in. His shoulders were hunched, and his entire was body was tense. He looked small, something that Phil had never thought he'd see on him, he was always so laid back and calm. This was different, and Phil had no idea what to do. He wasn't much of a sympathetic person, never really going out of his way to comfort other people. But this was Dan. He wasn't supposed to need comforting. He was supposed to laugh and go on about all the different people he'd had in his bed. He was supposed to be at emotional. It wasn't allowed, in Phil's mind.

  "Y-you don't have to answer, I'm sorry." Phil muttered tentatively, hating the way Dan wasn't even moving, just sitting there.

  "It's fine." Dan said quietly, trying to smile but only managing a sick grimace. "I asked you first, it's only fair."

  "If it's too personal, you don't have to tell me." Phil said gently. "I don't want to cross any lines."

  Dan huffed. "I think it's too late for that." He said, and Phil knew he was talking about their drunken weekend together. Dan sighed, and Phil looked over at him cautiously. "It's fine, alright? We're friends. You showed me yours, now it's my turn."

  He paused, though, and Phil knew he was uncertain. He was curious, honestly, about what, or who really, could make Dan withdraw like this. But he didn't want to push him, so he remained silent, waiting.

  "There was this one guy." Dan started, his leg bouncing anxiously and his mouth set in a tight line. He looked like he really didn't want to talk about it, and Phil felt bad for asking in the first place. "He's... he was a big part of me, when we were together. He was the best thing I could actually say that I had, for myself. And, uh... he said I was his best, too."

  Phil felt like he was intruding on this personal part of Dan's life, but as much as he wanted to let it go, just let Dan keep this to himself, he couldn't find the motivation. This is what he'd wanted for a while, an inside look on The Life of Dan Howell, but this wasn't how he wanted it to go. He didn't want Dan on the edge of a breakdown, didn't want his chest clenching in pain.

  "I don't even know why he was so important to me." Dan continued, shrugging slightly. "I mean, I don't usually let people in like that. But he had this sort of.... control over me, I don't know. And he knew everything, about me, things I don't normally tell people." His breathing was starting to shake and his hands were clutching his legs tightly.

  "Dan, you don't-"

  "It's fine." Dan cut him off sharply. "I want to do this, okay? I..... I need to." Phil stared at him worriedly for a second before nodding hesitantly.

  "We were good together." Dan said, quirking a small smile. "But then my, uh, my dad, he found out about us. And he didn't like it, said it wasn't 'right'."

  "That's bullshit." Phil exclaimed, not even caring that he was interrupting. "Why the hell would he think that?"

  Dan sighed. "If you knew the whole story, he wouldn't be so wrong."

  "Well then, tell me the whole story."

  "It's not that easy." Dan said, shaking his head. "I can't just tell you everything."

  "Why not?" Phil scoffed. He knew he was being childish, but he just didn't think it was fair. Dan knew so much about him, but he could barely dig an inch into Dan's life.

  "Cause I'm sure you wouldn't like it." Dan replied with a grim smile. His face had darkened, a shadow crossing his features and making him look vulnerable.

  "I'm not gonna run away, if that's what you think." Phil said reassuringly, and Dan shook his head again.

  "That's not what I'm worried about." He said. "I just don't want you to end up like him."

  This time, Dan's voice did crack, and Phil didn't care. He didn't care about any personal boundaries they had set or how it would affect their relationship. All that mattered was that Dan wasn't okay, and it seemed like Phil was the only one who was with him. So he reached out unconsciously, grabbing Dan's hand from the death grip around his leg, and tangled their fingers together gently. And that small touch was seemingly all it took before Dan was breaking down completely, shoving his face into Phil's neck and shaking violently, gripping his hand tighter.

  This isn't right, Phil thought, tugging his other hand through Dan's hair softly. He would never have guessed that Dan could ever be reduced to this, this small, broken sort of boy who depended on other people. Phil felt out of place, to say the least, having to comfort him. If anything, it was supposed to be the other way around, with Phil being the mess in Dan's arms.

  "Thank you, Dan." Phil whispered into his hair. Dan pulled away slightly, staring at him strangely.

"For what?" He asked, his voice thick and low. His eyes were red from the effort of trying not to cry.

  "For opening up to me like that." Phil said, all too aware of just how close they were. "Most people wouldn't."

  "Yeah, well." Dan muttered, smiling weakly. "Thanks for listening."

  It was definitely Phil that started the kiss this time. He did it slowly, so that Dan could reject him if he wanted to, but he didn't. It was slow and hesitant, just the slightest touch and pull of their lips, but there was also a desperate fire to it. Phil sighed, tightening his fingers slightly in Dan's hair.

  It was softer than last time, where they were both gone off on the high of each other, and everything was hot, fast, needy. This was loving. Comforting, but it was still the best damn kiss Phil could ever have imagined.

  Dan made a small noise in the back of his throat and pulled away, until their noses were just brushing. He was slightly out of breath, his eyes darker than usual and staring straight into Phil's, making him shiver from the heat of it.

  "Why do we keep doing that?" Dan asked quietly, his warm breath flaring across Phil's cheek.

  "I don't know." Phil answered. "Maybe cause it's fucking amazing?"

  Dan laughed, and nodded, moving his hands up and clutching Phil's shirt. "That sounds about right." He smashed their lips together again without hesitation, making Phil groan from the force of it. His hands slid down Dan's chest, across his stomach and resting on his shirt covered v-line. He could feel the indented muscles against the palm of his hands, and it wasn't doing anything good for his libido.

  They jerked apart again as the bell rang, signalling the end of their lunch. Phil wanted nothing more than to rip that bell apart and set the school on fire, if it meant more time with Dan, like this.

  "We should go." Dan breathed, and Phil could hear the reluctance in his voice.

  They untangled themselves from each other, grabbing their things and heading to the door. Phil was blushing, as the full realization of what had just happened played through his head. He wasn't usually so involved in other people, so desperate for their attention, but Dan made him want nothing more than to skip the whole day and just talk.

  He was in way further than he thought capable.

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  a/n: It's three o'clock in the morning.

  I hope this isn't too shit, I'm very very very very sleep deprived, and I've been working on this chapter for the longest time.

  Yeah, that's it, mostly, peace. :3