WARNING:  explicit sexual content

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Even though he knew it was complete bullshit, Phil had been wary of Dan ever since that girl had talked to him.

It was just the fact that, Phil really didn't know anything about Dan in the month or so they'd known each other. Aside from the time when Dan had told him about his ex boyfriend, but he didn't count that. He'd been too blindsided by his admiration of Dan to ever fully grasp that he was almost a complete stranger.

Which wasn't a good thing to realize when, now, they were in a sort of friends with benefits relationship.

That had to be what they were, because they definitely weren't friends, not with all the kissing they'd been doing lately, but he was sure that it wasn't enough to deem them boyfriends. It was just casual making out, as casual as you could make it. It did get a bit raunchy at times.

Of course, he was sure they would never pass any other boundaries than the ones they had now. Nothing below the waist, and no clothes were taken off, apart from the occasional time Dan let his shirt come off, and Phil could fully take in that beautiful chest of his.

And he was okay with this. Never mind that, to the general society, he was probably nothing more than a common man whore, and a gay one at that. And he didn't worry about being nothing but a quick snog to Dan, because he at least knew that they were good friends outside of the bedroom. He just hoped to never be pushed away, like some pathetic school girl who couldn't let her crush go. He hoped that Dan would never think any less of him, just because Phil had some feelings for him.

And those feelings were starting to irritate him. He'd known, for the longest time, that he had deep feelings for Dan, but these days, they were a bit too much to handle. It was a very, very deep seated affection he had for the brunette, because he didn't want to have to use the 'L' word and make himself miserable with the thought of knowing that Dan would never feel the same about him.

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Phil didn't know how he'd ended up awake at one in the morning, staring at the empty black of his room, but he found himself unable to snap out of it. His head was clogged with thoughts he couldn't even pick out, just a jumble of random words and images, but there was the repeated flash of deep brown eyes that sent a jolt of something he couldn't name through his gut,

He hadn't been sleeping well for a while now, since his dreams did nothing but keep him up. He'd begun to actually hate the night time, meaning he was left alone, in the dark, with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company.

Was this some kind of test?, he thought constantly. Was the existence of Dan Howell, and everything he had brought with him, just some sort of challenge put on him by some higher power? Because if so, they were just some sadistic sons of bitches, weren't they, watching him constantly fail and make himself look like a right prat.

Or maybe it wasn't The Higher Power of Jesus Himself reigning hell upon him for his past sins. Maybe this was just his own doing, getting himself into a mess he knew damn well he couldn't clean up, but a mess that he loved nonetheless. Maybe it was, in fact, he who was the sadistic fuck, and liked getting himself into trouble with Dan, he wouldn't deny that.

And even still, maybe Dan was just a gift too good to be true. Perhaps he was being punked by some faceless enemy, for what, he didn't know. And Dan was just playing with him, playing with his feelings to exact some sort of petty revenge.

Either way, someone in the equation was sadistic, because there was no way that all this was simple, that it was just the troubling hardships of being with someone. There had to be a bigger part of this, someone controlling the board, and he was just a mere pawn in their game.

This was the sort of philosophical shit that went through Phil's brain at one o'clock in the morning, making the bags under his eyes heavier and his limbs ache.

He had begun fazing in and out of unconsciousness, his brain going fuzzy with details, when a sharp knock on his window had him nearly falling out of his bed.

Phil definitely wasn't someone who received late night visits from people, especially with his nonexistent group of friends, but he had a feeling that he knew exactly it was. And he was right, because not a second later, the window opened and into his room stepped Dan.

It was bad enough his every thought was plagued by the boy, but now he was being intruded upon on his own, personal territory by the not-so-bane of his own existence. And damn, Phil really wished he was wearing more than a pair of thin pyjama bottoms, because Dan looked like he had just rolled out of bed, his leather jacket thrown on haphazardly over a white T-shirt and his hair swept up in a sexy mess.

"Hey." Dan greeted innocently, still standing over by the window and not looking as if it was kind of weird he'd just shown up without any warning.

"Hey." Phil replied hesitantly, still not sure if he was completely awake or if this was just some lucid dream brought on by his own imagination. He didn't care if it was, at this point.

"This is weird, I know." Dan said quietly. "But, I couldn't think if anything better to do at one a.m., and home is just.... not doing it for me."

Phil smiled at him. "It's fine." he assured. "But how'd you even know I'd be awake?"

Dan paused, before shrugging helplessly. "Lucky guess." he said, and Phil laughed, shaking his head. He pulled his legs up and patted the bed.

"Well, don't just stand there like a creep. Sit down." Dan grinned and walked over to the bed, sitting down heavily. Up close, he looked a bit paler than usual, and he had small marks under his eyes, making him look more disheveled than usual. "Are you okay?" Phil asked.

"Fine." Dan replied, unconvincingly. "Just, family problems and all that."

Phil recalled the time Dan had told him about his father, and how he didn't approve of Dan's bisexuality. He had the thought that maybe he'd found out about Dan and Phil's sort-of relationship, and was giving Dan a hard time about it, but he didn't want to pry.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Dan asked, and Phil nodded, folding his hands under his thighs. "It's about.... us." Oh.

That could mean any number of things. The most likely reason, being their interactions together. Maybe, in his false world of desperate wishes, Dan wanted go further in their relationship. Maybe he wanted more.

Or maybe he wanted to end it. That was always a thought.

"I just.... I know that what we have, may not be the sort of thing most people look for in life. I mean, not usually. And, like, the fact that we're both guys makes it worse. Not worse, but more..... contradicting? And..." Dan said, running his fingers through his hair. He looked tired and frustrated. "I just don't want to burden you with it anymore."

Phil looked down at his lap, his head spinning with exhaustion and disappointment. So Dan did want to end whatever they had. He wasn't too surprised, really, but it didn't stop the sadness rolling through him. He'd wanted it to last longer, maybe even until the end of the year, or even longer. But why should he have his way.

"I understand." He said softly, giving Dan a weak sort of smile.

Dan stared at him for a moment, and leaned forward, placing his hands on Phil's thighs firmly. The heat of his skin burned through the material of Phil's pyjama bottoms, making him shiver. His face was only inches away, and Phil could see the tiny flaws, bumps and grooves in his otherwise perfect face.

"Why do you look so sad?" Dan asked gently, his breath washing across Phil's face. Phil but his tongue, trying not to let out any sounds that expressed his current state.

"Just, uh." Phil stuttered. He could feel his face heating up, his hands curling into fists in the sheets. "I don't know. I thought, maybe, it would last a bit longer?"

"Would you have wanted it to?" Dan said. Phil nodded dumbly. Of course he wanted it to, it was pretty much all he lived for these days. "I thought maybe, it made you kind of... nervous."

"Why would you think that?" Phil asked.

"Don't know." Dan said, his gaze flicking down to Phil's mouth and back up again. "Just an assumption."

"A wrong one." Phil said, and Dan laughed softly. Phil swallowed thickly, his eyes fluttering slightly at the heat in Dan's eyes.

Dan kissed him softly, something Phil hadn't experienced since that one time behind the school. His lips were rough, from being outside, but it was a pleasant sort of feeling. His hands were still pressed against Phil's thighs, pulling them apart slowly, so that he could get closer.

Phil reached around, tangling his fingers into Dan's hair tightly, his eyes closing as Dan kissed him deeper, his tongue tracing his mouth before pressing into it hotly. His back was digging into his headboard painfully, but he was too gone to really care. Dan's hands were at his hips, his fingers sliding against his skin and making him warm.

It was when Dan straddled his thighs that Phil pulled back into reality. They hadn't done this before, hadn't touched like this. But he didn't have time to think any further of it, because Dan grabbed his neck, smashing their lips together, making Phil groan low in the back of his throat. His hands were gripping Dan's back, clutching his jacket in near desperation as he slowly let himself get lost in this.

The noises he was making would probably be too obscene for a porno. Dan was grinding against him, slowly but firmly, and Phil was taking more than he could handle. He couldn't stop his own hips from rolling up against Dan's, and Dan bit his lip in response.

This was too far. It had never been this intense before, this... erotic. Phil didn't know how far Dan was planning to take this, but he wasn't sure if he could take too much more. Not that he wasn't enjoying it, but he didn't want to seem so weak willed. So easy. Dan's tongue, his mouth, his hands, were driving him to near madness, he needed to be closer, he needed more.

Phil pulled away sharply, pressing his hands against Dan's chest and pushing him, so that he was laying on his back now, and Phil climbed on top of him. He could see the surprise clear on Dan's face, and smirked, before leaning down and kissing him again. His hands were at Dan's shirt, pushing under the fabric and running hotly across his chest, and his legs were on either side of him, pressing his crotch onto Dan's. He moved, so that his lips were at Dan's throat, sucking and biting at the skin, making Dan moan lowly.

Phil wasn't usually like this. He'd never been so.... unsatisfied before. He couldn't ever get enough of Dan, he was needy and constantly frustrated. It was unhealthy, he was sure, to be so dependant on one person, and yet he wouldn't ever want it to go away.

Dan's jacket had long been thrown into some corner of Phil's room, and his shirt was soon gone too, Phil wrenching it over his head, making his hair even messier. His skin was warm as Phil touched it, moving down to the top of his jeans and pausing. His fingers danced over the button nervously. He wasn't too sure what to do now, cause he didn't know if Dan wanted this.

Dan grasped his wrist lightly, pulling it away from his pants, and Phil sighed inwardly.

"Maybe we shouldn't go this far." Dan muttered, even though Phil could clearly see the want, the lust in his eyes.

"You can't just leave me like this." Phil said breathlessly, referring to the hard on that was so obviously pressing against Dan's thigh. He didn't normally press Dan about going further, but right now, he just couldn't handle it, not being able to have his way and do what he wanted to the boy laying underneath him.

He thought that Dan was going to reject him, like he'd done so many times before, but Phil was surprised when he actually agreed, nodding his head slightly. Phil's stomach flipped at the thought, that this was actually happening, that they were doing something more.

Dan sat up, pushing Phil back until he was pressed against the headboard again. Their legs were tangled awkwardly, but Phil didn't mind, as Dan kissed him, his tongue moving in ways that had his eyes watering. Dan pushed his hands under Phil's shirt, pulling it up and over his head before moving back in and kissing his neck eagerly. Phil gasped at the feel if Dan's teeth grazing his skin softly, then more harsh, biting, licking at his throat. He was sure there were going to be marks left over, but he didn't mind, being marked by Dan.

Dan reached down in between them, undoing the catch on his jeans. Phil felt his fingers brush against his own erection, and he gasped at the electricity that jolted through him. His head was thrown backwards, against the headboard, when Dan tugged at his pyjamas, pulling them until his dick sprung free. And when Dan's hand closed around it tightly, he couldn't stop the guttural moan that flew from his lips, and his hands were above his head, clutching the wood of his headboard tightly.

Dan was at his ear, whispering things he couldn't understand heavily into it and occasionally nipping at it. Phil's whole body was tense from pleasure as Dan jerked him off, his chest heaving, and his mouth open in a silent yell.

Dan was everywhere, his hands and his lips make Phil hot all over. His breathing was labored, and Phil knew he was touching himself as well, going at the same pace he was with Phil. Phil dropped one of his hands, tangling his fingers into Dan's damp hair roughly, and Dan groaned in appreciation. Dan was still kissing his neck, leaving wet marks on the skin, and Phil was gasping at the sensation, mixed with the feel of Dan's hand still pumping him.

He felt the coil of white hot curling in the pit of his stomach, and at any other time, he'd be slightly embarrassed about coming so easily but right now he just wanted it to happen right now, because it was almost torture, how good this felt, how fucking amazing it was to have Dan touching him.

"Fuck, Dan..." Phil breathed, clutching his shoulders insistently, his stomach clenching and unclenching as he slowly and infuriatingly fell over the edge, coming hard and fast over his and Dan's chest. And, as if on cue, Dan was moaning into his ear loudly as he came too, and damn, Phil was sure that if he wasn't so tired, he'd be ready to go again, just to hear that over and over.

They sat like that for a moment, Phil shaking slightly as he still held onto Dan, both of them out of breath and covered in each other. Dan had his head on Phil's shoulder, and Phil could feel his lips lightly brushing against it.

A minute later, Dan was fixing themselves up, using Phil's shirt to try and clean them up as best as possible, and Phil thought it kind of ironic, him being such a gentleman after getting them both off. And then he was gone again, out the window without so much as a goodbye to Phil.

Everything was fucked up. Phil didn't know what he wanted anymore, just to be with Dan, if only in a physical way, or if he wanted something more, something deeper and meaningful. Did he really want to be a quick get off every now and then?

He lay curled up, under his not-so-warm sheets, hours later, and he didn't even shut his eyes until almost five in the morning, the shame if what he was burning hot in his heart.

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a/n: Whoo, thank the lord for my imagination, that was.... that was hot as fuck.
Happy Thanksgiving, guys (well it's actually not Thanksgiving anymore, but it's the thought that counts.) Hope it didn't suck for you like it did for me.

Anyway, here's a not so short update, including a nice steamy phan scene, oh yeah. Hope you liked it, and see ya next time babes. Peace :3