"Shy, tell me where you were last night. I was worried about you."

"I already did. I was with my friends."

Clare pursed her lips together and stared at me with a sour look on her face, her blue eyes studying me through narrowed slits.

I remained perfectly calm despite her digging into me, which I knew pissed her off. If I appeared guilty in any way, she would suspect something. There was no way I could ever let her know I was in a three way relationship with both Salvador and Amber. I was sure my family would disown me, and my father and pastor would excommunicate me from his church.

Clare continued staring at me in silence, her blond bangs draped around her round face bounced when she folded her arms across her chest.

It was like living with my ex husband again, except, my sister didn't threaten to lock me in rooms. She just yelled at me, nitpicked every little thing I did instead, and expected that I would cave to her demands in order to get her to stop. Clare failed to realize that because I had survived much worse, that her manipulative behavior didn't phase me.

I guess that's sad, in it's own way, I thought to myself.

"Are you joining us for band practice tonight?" I asked casually, changing topics suddenly to throw her off the scent.

"Shy, about that..." Clare began and paused dramatically. She looked up at the ceiling, like she was trying to remember lines for a play, before continuing. "I think you should stop playing music."

My parents and brother must have told her to say this to me, I thought grimly.

"Don't you mean, we, not just me?" I pointed out, a hint of anger in my voice. "That's a bit hypocritical, isn't it?"

"I'm not the parent here, you are. You're being selfish."

My blood boiled. I hated double standards, now more than ever. Everything she had been doing to try and control me up until this point had been annoying at best, but hearing my younger sister calling me selfish, as if she had authority over me, was too much.

I was the adult who was working my ass off with my ridiculous nineteen hour schedule so I could fulfill all of my obligations. I always made sure that my son was taken care of. My entire schedule and life revolved around Oliver and his well being. I couldn't believe that Clare refused to acknowledge how responsible I was and how hard I worked.

"How is me playing music selfish?" I asked as unemotionally as I could in that moment despite feeling my face growing hot with anger.

"You're neglecting your son Shy! You're a Mom, you can't just be going out and playing music at night!"

That stung. A lot. My heart tightened within my chest, my lungs constricted as I struggled to breathe. So many thoughts raced around in my head and I wasn't sure how to convey them to Clare in a way that she would understand.

Are you seriously forgetting that I only leave after Oliver is already asleep? I always give you the first choice for leaving the house during the week! If you're going out, I stay home and practice music in the basement. If you're staying in, I go out and practice music at Salvador and Amber's house!

You offered to get Oliver ready in the morning for school so I can work for Dad at two in the morning and arrive at my job at five am! I'm always home for my son in the afternoons and get him off the school bus. I always spend time with him, feed him, get him ready for bed, read him stories, and then practice music after he's in bed!

What more can I possibly do to prove that I love my son?

Why am I never enough for anyone?

This felt a lot like being with Steven again. I had to obey perfectly and not question or fight back. I had to work all the time while the other "parent" got to go out and have fun, but then me wanting that same freedom was somehow wrong.

I was Oliver's mom, not her, and yet she was lecturing me like I was a child, and then pushed all the responsibilities of being a parent onto me alone without her having to be held to the same standard that I was held to. It was incredibly unfair of her to do.

"Clare-" I began, but she cut me off.

"You're just so immature!" she yelled. "Promise me you won't go play music anymore."

"No."

"You don't know what's best for yourself!" she yelled again.

Clare wasn't as intimidating as Steven when angry. I wasn't going to cave to her demands.

"I'm going to keep playing music," I said calmly. "And I don't agree with you. There's nothing more to discuss."

My sister hadn't expected me to stand my ground. I could tell she was at a loss for words. I turned on my heels and walked out of the kitchen, leaving her stunned.

I knew that my rebellion against her wishes was going to come back and bite me in the ass. I just wasn't sure how yet.

* * *

I could barely contain my excitement. It was Friday, one week later, and our first show was happening that night. We were playing our first performance at the Alleyway Pub downtown. The drive was only seven minutes away from my house, and we were going to be carpooling altogether in Salvador and Amber's van.

The only downside to the performance was having to deal with my sister. The past week with Clare had been unbearable. She had avoided seeing me as much as possible in addition to skipping band practice. Yet, she insisted that she was ready to play on stage with us.

"She's our lead singer," Salvador groaned while packing his guitar cables into his case. "I can sing all of the songs, but I haven't memorized the lyrics to all of them yet. If she bails on us tonight, we're fucked."

"If she quits, can I switch to ukulele?" Amber had begged us. "Bass is too difficult, I want to play something easier, and uk is cute and works with all of our songs."

She and Salvador argued over that for a few minutes. He pointed out that Amber had insisted on learning bass for years, even before meeting him, and now she suddenly wanted to stop and switch instruments just because she didn't feel like doing it anymore. Eventually, he caved and told her she could switch, but I could tell he was still annoyed at her indecisiveness.

I stayed out of their conversation as much as possible. I was already stressed out about Steven wanting to take me to court and contest our divorce and didn't want to add to the growing pile of anxiety forming in my heart.

Ping!

I glanced down at the text message that appeared on my phone's screen.

Mom: I'll gladly take Oliver so you and your friends can play music tonight. I hope you all have fun and do well.

The news was bittersweet and left a dissatisfied taste in my mouth. My parents had been attempting to douse my anger by pretending to be supportive ever since Steven had left the state. Part of me wanted to believe they were sorry for turning their backs on me when I needed help in my abusive marriage, but I was also wary.

Another message appeared on my phone.

Mom: I know we haven't spoken much in a few weeks. I'm sorry and hope you're okay.

She said she's sorry. Mom actually wrote that.

I thought about Clare's recent behaviors towards me, then glanced down at my phone.

Maybe, I can tell Mom how she's been treating me. Maybe, she'll side with me and help get my sister off my back...

While Salvador and Amber were still arguing, I left the living room to simultaneously check on Oliver and dial my Mom's number. When I entered my son's room, I spotted him flipping through his picture books. I planted a kiss on his head, then turned and called my Mother. I held my breath as I listened to the ringing in my cell's speakers.

"Hello?" my Mom said with uncertainty.

"Hey Mom," I replied without emotion. "How's it going?"

"I'm alright. How about you?"

"I'm doing well."

There was an awkward pause.

"What time are you bringing Ollie over?" Mom asked.

I glanced at the time. "Probably in the next thirty minutes."

"We'll be ready for him," my mother replied.

I guess I can try to tell her about Clare...

"Mom, there's something I'd like to tell you, but please don't tell Clare, okay?"

"I won't," she said immediately. "What's wrong?"

I explained my feelings about my little sister to my Mom, and how she was behaving similarly to Steven in how she attempted to rule over me using fear and manipulation.

"I want to tell her myself," I continued on. "But just not tonight. We have to focus on performing and doing well."

"Alright, I won't say anything," my Mom replied. "I'm sorry she's doing that to you. I know you're doing your best. Thanks for telling me."

Just as relief flooded through my veins, a gasp got stuck in my throat when a text message popped up in my phone.

Clare: Why are you talking to Mom about me!?!?!

"M-Mom! Clare is texting me!" I gasped, both in surprise and anger. "She knows about me venting to you! You just said you wouldn't tell her!"

"B-but I didn't say anything to her!" my Mom cried from the other end, her voice full of shock. "I swear I didn't Shy! Please believe me!"

Another phone call pushed through, interrupting my conversation with Mom.

Clare was calling me.

Fury boiled over within me. "Mom! How could you do this to me?" I screamed before hanging up on her. I scooped Oliver up off the floor and headed towards the car with him. Both Salvador and Amber stopped talking to watch me leave.

"Shy, where are you going?" my boyfriend asked, his forest green eyes wide with worry at how frustrated I looked.

"I'm going to speak with Mom," I growled. "I'll be back so we can get to our show on time."

"Be safe," my girlfriend said, her eyebrows knitted together.

"Love you both," I said before disappearing outside.

My phone kept ringing since Mom and Clare were calling me simultaneously.

Another panic attack was creeping up on me. My chest tightened, and my breathing turned short and ragged as I struggled to stop myself from hyperventilating. I didn't answer either my mom or sister so I could maintain what little sanity I had left. I had to focus on driving and couldn't afford to crash the car.

My own mother threw me under the bus twice! And after assuring me I could talk to her too! I'm never confiding in her ever again!

I managed to park the car and unbuckle Oliver before carrying him to my parent's house. My heart ached and throbbed as though it had been stabbed with a knife, slowing my steps and causing my arms to weaken. I started sobbing uncontrollably as all my fury turned to sorrow. My breathing was so short that I almost sank to my knees.

Oliver was hugging me tight and patting my head, but I was spiraling so much it was as if he wasn't even there. Just as I was about to fall over, my Dad flew to my side and caught me.

"Kiddo!" he cried, his brown eyes full of sorrow. "Mom did not tell Clare about your conversation. She was cooking and had the phone on the speaker setting. Noelle was listening in and texted your sister. I'm so sorry that happened."

I didn't want my father to hold me up, but I was too weak to fight back. Instead, I rested my back against his hands and trembled while forcing myself to take longer, deeper breaths.

"Noelle's here?" I managed to say between choked sobs.

Because of the divorce and me having to work three jobs, I hadn't had time to attend her and my brother's wedding. I had lost complete touch with what they had been doing all this time. Sure enough, when I glanced further down the street, I spotted Noelle's red car parallel parked on the other side.

"Yes, she shouldn't have done that. I'm really sorry that happened," my father said while keeping me steady. "I'm going to talk to her about it."

When I reached the back door of my parent's house, my Mom rushed outside to hug Oliver and I.

"Shy! I swear I didn't tell Clare anything!" she cried in exasperation, tears flowing down her face. "I'm so sorry about all of this!"

I knew my parents were trying so hard to be there for me, to prove that they had seen the error of their ways and had changed, but I didn't buy it.

They're just afraid that their reputations will be ruined because they pressured me to stay with my abuser. Maybe Mom is telling the truth about Noelle eavesdropping on our conversation and telling Clare about what I was saying, but I can't confide in any of them anymore, or this will keep happening.

After Oliver was inside and sitting down for diner with my Mom, my Dad had fetched Noelle and brought her into his office to speak with me privately.

I hadn't seen my sister-in-law in awhile. When she and my brother had started dating, they had both been thin and in shape. But now, one hundred packed on pounds later, they were both barely recognizable from their former selves. It wouldn't have bothered me, except for the fact that Noelle acted as if she was superior to me in every way, and that included cooking health conscious meals.

"I'll leave you two to talk," my father said before leaving the room.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and stared at my sister-in-law. There was nothing I needed to say. I had nothing to apologize for.

"I just had a bad day," Noelle said to break up the silence. "You don't understand how stressful it is to work in customer service."

My eyes briefly hovered over the thin beard growing on her second chin. Even though I heard what she was saying, it was difficult for me to believe she was shifting the blame onto something that had nothing to do with what had happened.

Looking back, I should have told her off. I should have been angry and screamed at her, told her to fuck off and that she had no right butting into my business, but I hadn't done any of those things.

Instead, I kept silent and walked out of the room. Noelle was too self-righteous to admit she had done anything wrong and to own responsibility for her actions. I didn't have the time or energy to correct her.

I had a boyfriend and girlfriend waiting for me back home. I had two bandmates that were counting on me returning so we could go perform at our very first show as Demolition Riot, and I wasn't going to let them down.

Part of me hoped Clare wouldn't show up at the show, but I also knew that we couldn't do this one without her. As I passed by my parents and Oliver at the dining room table, I overheard Dad speaking with my sister.

"Clare, your sister is entitled to her feelings," he said, his voice stern. "You have to go to that show. They're counting on you to uphold your end as a bandmate. Do your best."

I kissed Oliver's forehead, wished my parents goodnight, and hopped back into my car.

I didn't trust that my sister was going to do her best, but even she wasn't going to stop me from enjoying myself at our first performance in town.