I AM in love with Christopher Arlington. I wanted to question why I had not realized all this time. But Kitty had been right. I buried my feelings for him so deep that I completely blocked it out of my mind. When I was writing my love letter, I allowed for my mind to be open.

And when it did, the truth I wanted to deny, to ignore - spilled into the letter. I am in love with someone who could never be mine. What was I supposed to do now?

I had unlocked feelings that were now impossible to bury.

"Oh please tell me what to do," I whispered as I stroked Midnight's silk.

"Ms. Andrews, Lady Stratford and the Duchess of Brent would like for you to join them for tea," Mr. Simon notified.

"Very well," I released a sharp breath, "Thank you Mr. Simon. I know it is not a short walk from here to the estate for a few words."

"Ah I am not prodded by the fresh air," He shook his head with a smile. I followed behind him, and when we entered back into the estate, he took care of my outer garments.

I smoothed down my hair for any rebellious strands and walked into the Drawing Room. Lady Stratford sat on one sofa, while the Duchess took the other. She gave me a warm smile and patted the seat next to her.

"Glad that you could join us, dear."

"Thank you for inviting me your Grace," I bowed my head in appreciation. But I wondered why she extended the invitation in the first place. The maid quietly poured our tea, and brought in a tray of fresh scones.

"Thank you," I smiled as she set the silver tray down.

"Bring some more sugar cubes at once," Lady Stratford commanded icily.

"Yes my lady," She answered and scurried out of the room.

"Well as you know we will be leaving tomorrow morning," the Duchess said.

"Oh but you will stay for breakfast, yes?" Lady Stratford asked.

"Of course," She smiled widely, "But I just wanted to tell you how much of a pleasure it has been staying here. And an even more pleasure to make your acquaintance, Della."

"I assure you the pleasure is all mine your Grace. You have been so kind to from the very beginning," I answered earnestly.

"You have a beautiful voice."

"W-what?" My heart flew down into my stomach, and a lump formed in my throat.

"I heard you playing the piano and sing lovely little tune," She laid her hand atop of mine, "It was remarkable."

The only time I have ever sang aloud in this estate, was with Christopher. She must of been lurking in the background while we were distracted.

"I can't imagine that," Lady Stratford said with a flat tone. She focused her intimidating gaze one me, to which I was certain she could see my deepest secret.

Oh no please do not tell her! I mentally screamed that sentence over and over, as if the Duchess would be able to hear the desperate plea.

She placed a hand over her chest with an apologetic expression, "Clara dear I apologize. I just heard a voice one day, and I couldn't stop listening."

"I did not know someone other than Astrid had singing talent. Perhaps you can sing us that tune after dinner," Lady Stratford stirred her tea with a challenging stare.

"My lady I assure you Astrid has much more talent than I," I attempted to deflect the nerve wrecking situation.

"She does have quite a voice," Lady Stratford nodded in agreement, "Plays very well on the piano too."

"A very talented girl indeed," the Duchess sipped from her teacup.

"We are awaiting on an engagement very soon I beleive," Lady Stratford smirked.

"Oh yes," the Duchess nodded with widened eyes, "They are going on a picnic after Christopher and his father are finished fencing."

Even the mention of his name made my heart soar. I smiled with a tight lip. Mr. Simon sauntered into the room with a silver tray. He walked toward me with it, and lowered it at my eye level.

"A letter for you Ms. Andrews."

My eyes popped at the familiar handwriting, "Thank you so much."

I hastily grabbed the letter and ripped it open.

Dear Little Flower,

My apologies for not writing sooner. As you might have already guessed, I am working a lot. It might be too much. But please do not worry about me. I am doing this for us, please remember that whenever you begin to worry.

Unfortunately, I do not know when I am returning to Wiltshire. Your uncle really appreciates having my helping hand with his business. We might not be plump in the pocket, but I am making good money.

I think about you a lot, I've even read your letter multiple times. I knew Lady Stratford would tell you the full story - about your mother. And I am contented at knowing that you have a fuller picture.

I'm sorry I could not be the one to tell you. But it makes me very happy in knowing that you rememberer what I have taught you, about happiness. It does not reside in a title.

I really hope that you are doing well. I know that things still might be hard to manage, and I also know that you have your mother's strength. Use it.

I will try to write you sooner next time, love you.

                                                                                                                                 Sincerely,

                                                                                                                                                 Papa

My tears broke free after reading the last few lines. I swiped them away, with a sniffle. There was so much I wanted to tell him, if only he knew.

The Duchess rubbed my back soothingly, "Is it from your father?"

"I miss him so much," I tried not to spill too much of my whirling emotions in front of Lady Stratford.

"I would imagine. It will be alright my dear," the Duchess consoled.

I knew it would. Papa held confidence in me from the very beginning, and it was time to prove him right. In that moment, I knew what I was resolved to do with my revelation.

~ • ~

"I was starting to think you weren't coming."

The sky had not been lit yet by the sun's greetings. It was our usual time to meet. He left me a small note in between the sheets of music again. But this time, I did not sit beside him.

I secured my wrapper tighter over my arms, with his book tucked under my arm. My chest heaved and heart pounded in nervousness.

Christopher frowned at my uneasiness, and stood to his feet, "What is the matter?"

"We cannot do this anymore," I rushed the words out of my mouth. He inched closer to me, and I took a few paces back. I was afraid that if he got any closer, my strength to do this would immediately perish.

"I - I do not understand," He shook his head.

"It is extremely inappropriate."

His confused, yet pained countenance obliterated my insides. But I had to do this, I could not jeopardize Astrid's future with him. Their togetherness had been written in the stars a long time ago.

Who was I to get in the way of that? And I could not torture myself, remaining friends with someone that could never be my future.

"Della is there something you are not telling me?" He walked closer to me, and attempted to read my face. But I proceeded to back away with my eyes trained on the grass. My heart yearned to scream the truth.

Yes Christopher, I am hopelessly in love with you!

"Did Clara put you up to this?" He pressed on. I had to muster up all of my strength to hold back my surging tears. I took a breath and finally looked into his troubled eyes.

"No. This is my own doing."

"Della please help me understand this. I-I thought we were friends," I could tell he was wracking his brain for an explanation. It was slowly breaking down my wall of defense.

I tool the book that was tucked under my arm, and handed it back to him, "I am sorry Christopher. But we are not friends."

He looked down at his book for a few moments, "Did you finish it?"

I clamped my eyes shut, "Please just take it."

"Fine," He snatched it out of my hand, "If that is how you wish things to be . . . then so be it."

________________________

A/N - so she FINALLY admits to herself she loves him and then severs the ties with him 🙃

What do you guys think of what she did?

It might have been stupid, but she's in a really tough position. Lmk your thoughts!

Issa about to be wild ride from here 🌚.

Votes/Comments are much appreciated!

- kya v.h