So I wrote this two days ago and the a/n express a different opinion, but like I was walking home today and the weirdest sense of peace and fullness just flooded over me.

- Violette 🌷

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"Jimin?" Taehyung's raspy voice sounded from inside their shared apartment. The city skyline was outlining his silhouette through the massive sized windows, the black and white theming gave his stance a more solemn hue. The younger pushed his hair out of his face, letting out a breath of relief as the front door opened and Jimin walked in.

Jimin closed the door behind him in as calm of a mannerism as he could. His shirt was misbuttoned as it had commonly begun to be. He slid off his shoes and turned his back to lean against the wall. The boy took in a breath and closed his eyes, trying to process everything going on in his head, as well as block out the cold look Seokjin has shot him the last time the two spoke. He glanced over to the kitchen table, eyeing his paycheck that had his name written in a neat and pretty pink pen.

Taehyung didn't waste a moment turning towards the older. He dropped his hand from his hair and charged towards Jimin, wrapping his hands around the boy's shoulders and holding him in tight and close embrace. He patted his back before drawing away, one hand still holding onto Jimin's shoulder as he gave him a quick squeeze.

"Jimin- it's been days. You never text, you don't call." Taehyung's voice shook as he spoke. Their apartment looked ghostly unoccupied, Jimin noticed his perfectly made bed from the open bedroom door. He hadn't actually slept in ages. Taehyung pulled back and gave Jimin a hard glare, his voice dropping dangerously low. "Don't think I didn't notice those empty beer bottles either or all those extra orders you've been taking on."

Taehyung's  eyes were starting to tear up, and a hole of guilt began to bury itself in Jimin's chest. Ever since that first night with Yoongi, Jimin hadn't quite been the same. He thought that his mind was over the whole affair, and Taehyung had been there to cope as a crutch at first but then everything with Jungkook happened and Jimin couldn't find it in himself to face his best friend after he had ran straight to the man that hurt them both.

Taehyung gave Jimin a reassuring smile, "You know what, I'm just glad that you're back."

Jimin stared at the brunette boy with wide eyes. His words were clenched in his own throat, and all he saw reflected in his best friend's stupid alien face was regret, shame, and above all else, he felt guilt. Memories of the night Jimin ran to Yoongi's door flashed up in his mind. The way he growled the older's name. The way his burning rage fueled his body to go beyond his regular limitations. How he felt like an animal, and how he couldn't stand his own skin once the rage past. The ache Jungkook had torn in him only swelled, the vengeful sex wasn't a very good bandaid. Jimin had never felt so empty as he had after that night.

"Look Jimin, whatever happened you can talk to me. Just don't shut me out, I can't take that. I can't take you distancing yourself from me. You take up so many orders now that the server even froze, I never see you. We never talk. We no longer stay up all night watching movies or play around with the microwave on our breaks. I get you're going through something but I miss my best friend."

Jimin shook his head and swallowed, "I'm sorry Tae, I'm sorry."

"I reported Daddy in, Jin said he looked into it."

"I-"

"It's something more than that, isn't it? Is it that brunette from the movie theatre?" Taehyung took a step back and gave Jimin a hard look, but his voice was soft. "Did he hurt you?"

"No that's not it. I-my mind won't shut up. I have so many reasons to hate him. I keep going over the cons and the list is persuasive. I can't trust him. I know I shouldn't  love him. I keep having to remind myself that it isn't a good idea, and yet I'm stuck in this loop, you see? I find myself not being able to stop thinking about his laugh, his smile, his humor, the way his mouth twitches when he finds something funny or how his eyes glow when he's embarrassed."

"I can't stop thinking about how there is still so much I don't know about him and want to know. Like what his favorite food is or if he puts socks on before or after his pants. What movie genre he watches most or where his ideal place is for going on an a date. Then - back to my loop you see - I fall back to hating what him. Hating what he had did. What I let him do. What I've done myself. When I think about that I can't handle it. I don't deserve him after my own sins, and yet I hold him at fault for his own. Sometimes I wonder if I get so sensitive because Namjoon's death is holding me back, but I can't keep using that as an excuse."

"-Namjoon drowned. I loved him too, back then. I loved him and he died and I grieved but it's been years and I have had to moved on. I can't keep using that as a crutch, but if I don't then I'm scared to think about what's really holding me back. When I'm finally at a spot that I don't think anything and just feel numb, the scale tips back over one way of another again. I feel like I'm constantly drowning, Tae, and the second that I finally break the surface of the water, someone just dunks my head black in under."

"Do you love him? Jungkook, I mean. Do you love him?"

"I - I don't know. He says he has a plan to fix everything, but I don't know what he means by that other than getting himself stuck in something he barely understands."

"Do you trust him?"

"No."

"Well," Taehyung took a slow inaudible inhale through his teeth before he continued, "Maybe you should."

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A/N - please wish me luck to do well on my finals and not relapse into a mental break down 😁

Here's what's barely keeping me from jumping off a cliff due to frickin snick snap flipping flap exams

It's Jikook

- Violette 🌷