Happy Digest Tract Paralysis Awareness Month!!

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William's P.O.V

Opening a new box of cereal, I pour the small bits into a bowl before filling it with milk. Dumping a spoon inside, I slip into a seat at my breakfast table and begin eating.

My eyes remain on the empty seat opposite me, staring blindly as I chew rheumatically. My mind slowly pieces in the one who usually filled that space, until he was sitting right across from me, eating at an unnatural pace with a smile on his lips.

I look away.

Staring down at my bowl, redirecting my attention on finishing the contents and not on the reason everything was quieter lately.

Sassy brushes against my leg, looking up at me with eyes filled with worry. I pat her head gently as I finish the remainder of my cereal, rinsing the bowl before leaving for work.

I lock the door behind me, not allowing myself to look to the door opposite me, even as Sassy tugs me towards it. I pull her forth until she comes, though unwillingly, making my way out of the building and onto my usual path to Blue's.

Wake up. Work. Come home. Repeat.

A simple routine that I forced myself to slip back into, needing to reacquaint myself with the person I was before Damon before I followed without blinking. Needing to be safe in my own blurred world before trying to see something I wasn't ready for.

I let Sassy slump onto the ground, leaving the outside door open for whenever she wanted to place. Opening the shop, I move drearily to arrange the cash and put out the new materials for today. Turning the sign, I look out the window outside the shop, hand stilling as I watch the blurred people going about their daily lives, undisturbed and free to live within the moment instead of by memories.

They had absolutely no idea how blessed they were.

I slump into my usual seat and wait, watching the minutes pass, the seconds tick by as time flows. I check the time, habit forcing me to keep waiting for three before stabbing me within the weapon of my own making, reminding me he wouldn't be coming today.

It was for the better.

Time apart would let me clear my head, think logically about where Damon and I were going, think about whether or not I was prepared for the emotions that trampled me every time I saw his face, think about if what I felt for him was good and not dangerous for me.

It'd let me think about if he was ready for the same things with another man, with me. See if it wasn't just a momentary spark of attraction due to the unnatural connection that seemed to pull us together by an invisible string which I cut.

But I couldn't think about it, couldn't think about him because every time I did it hurt more than I knew possible.

I didn't know how much I'd come to need Damon until I closed the door on him.

Turned out some of the doubts were warranted, thing were moving too fast, too good to not lead to a downfall I had denied. I was too wrapped up in Damon and his webs of affection that blinded me from myself, my past and him. I didn't even know who Damon was, not really and I'd let myself fall into him as if I did.

It took him letting go first for me to truly see that.

I'd let myself slip into a situation all too similar to the one which left me shattered in the worst possible way. I ran off the emotions, these stronger than ever before and didn't see the signs until it was too late.

He changed his mind and I was left lost without him to guide me, finding myself alone on a path I had no idea how I'd gotten onto.

Like before, I followed and was left stranded with a hole in my chest, this time the hole was bigger.

So time apart was good. It was supposed to be a good thing, it was supposed to be safer this way.

Except it wasn't, things were darker returning to my solitude than it had been when I let Damon pull me out of it.

Without Damon, it was only darkness and misery that often left me curled under my sheets with wet cheeks and small sobs that wouldn't quiet until I fell asleep.

He'd been this big, bright light that'd stumbled into my world of solitude and filled it with nothing but joy, understanding and new experiences that left my lips hurting from smiling so much. He'd sparked something forgotten in me, something that left me feeling hollow without it now.

It all seemed so far away now, our date, our nights together, all the times we held each other to lessen the pain, far away like some distant memory or fantasy I'd formulated.

But they were real and too perfect to be forgotten or ignored, no matter how much it hurt to do so.

I shouldn't have let myself fall for him so quickly.

Now, I'd hit the bottom and it was colder than I'd imagined it to be.

My day continues with slow sales and silence, too much silence that even the music couldn't fill entirely. Blue creeps in minutes to three, offering me a weak smile as I gather my things to leave.

"If you ever want, you can come to join Mandy and me for dinner." He offers, petting Sassy gently before standing upright.

"Thanks, Blue, but it's okay," I reply, refusing to meet his eyes while busying my hands. "I'm good."

"You can take a few days off work if you need to," Blue suggests making me stiffen. "I don't mind picking up your shifts if you want some alone time with ice cream."

"I've had more than enough time with ice cream," I reply with a humorless chuckle. "And I need to work, need to be here, I can't be home for so long."

Blue nods, looking at me like some chipped artifact that'd been lost for decades, something broken and unpreserved leaving it worth less than it'd been before.

"He seemed to make you very happy," Blue says suddenly making me take a step back, caution making me distance myself from him. "I'm sorry that he hurt you."

"He didn't mean to." I defend, unsure as to why I was when it didn't matter much now.

"That's when people tend to cause the most pain," He replies with eyes that reflect decades of wisdom. "I'm always a call away William."

"Thank you Blue," I say with genuine gratitude that he catches if the wide grin he shot me was any indication. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."

I step outside, looking around in wait before my mind reminds me of my own actions. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath to stop the tears and silence the pain, calming myself enough to begin walking.

The journey seemed longer without Damon's chatter to fill my ears, my hand numb without his gripping it tightly to gift me with his simple affections and my vision, even if it was just him. But it was quiet now, fingers cold and images blended as I walked slowly, unable to find the enthusiasm to move any faster. Sassy leads the way, taking on the task of the navigator, despite the sun still being out.

I stop to buy one large pizza and an extra-large tub of Cookie Dough ice cream for the evening. I push my way through the doors of the apartment complex, making a beeline for my door to eliminate any chances of running into Damon. I hear the click to his door just as I shut mine, locking it up tightly, I leave Sassy scratching at the door while I place the ice cream in the freezer and stuff my face with my first slice.

Letting my bag fall to the floor, I force myself out of my shoes and fall back onto the couch with the pizza box on my stomach. Staring at the ceiling, I try not to think about the sound of Damon's door closing, try not to think about where his heavy steps down the hallway were leading too, try not to think about the last time I saw him.

But the memories were back before I could stop them, accompanied by a stream of tears that make the pizza taste salty on my lips as I continue eating. Needing to busy myself with something, no matter how futile the task, it'd block some of the pain out.

The rest remained, loud and tormenting to remind me that it was dealt with my own hands.

Agony complied with my misery to remind of the way Damon had begged for another chance, the distress that rippled off of him to join my own. I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my grasp, hide him from whatever was scaring him. But I couldn't...

The darkness was so fresh in my mind, the feeling of being truly alone, blind with my eyes fully open. It was haunting to be dumped back into a reality I thought I'd never revisit. The ice-cold water still dripping from me, the sudden duck of the chilling truth leaving me shivering by myself. It was a reminder, a sick horrible reminder that in this, I only had me and no one else.

But Damon was supposed to be different, it'd felt different with him...

With him, it was easy, things were easy and fun. With Damon, I felt light, free of all the things that kept me locked down for some long, with him it was like it never happened and it would never happen again because Damon would always be there.

The connection was undeniable, the spark an undeniable, wild thing that I let waver without my usual controlling hand because it'd been too good to stop. The way he made me smile, forced me to laugh with every word, the way he filled my life with his company, the way he made me feel like we were meant for one another.

It had felt so fucking good that for the first time in a long time, I felt safe and protected, I felt normal again. I didn't have to lock my doors at night, scared of what could be hiding in the corners I couldn't see, because Damon was there and he protected, never left me in a situation even mildly harmful. I didn't have to question everything because Damon made himself a rock in my world until he wasn't anymore.

It was like waking up from the perfect dream only to be faced with the reality that I'd tried to escape from the first time.

And now, I just wanted to go back to sleep.

Wanted to not be so alone anymore, wanted to feel safe again, wanted to be with him again.

But the fear was big and unrelenting, reminding me that things weren't easy, other's didn't protect, they hurt and it was safer in the darkness where I couldn't be found.

So I would stay in the darkness, remain in the cold alone where his light or the prying hands couldn't touch me.

It was safer to be alone.

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I know, it's short, but I wanted it to be for this chapter - sorry.

Thoughts???

I honestly feel bad for both, I think it's just easier to sympathize with Damon cause he knows about the bound and feels so strongly for Will. But Will just isn't aware of what he feels, this is a damn mess.

Vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter if you didn't - oops.

Updates for both books will be slowing, I'm approaching the time to leave for university and I'm making preparations. Plus I am trying to spend more time with my parents and friends because it'll be a little while until I'm home again. I'd say to expect an update between both books every 2/4 days - if any longer, I'm sorry.

Until next time,

Byeeeeee Humansssssssssss