Chapter IV

Control

"Where's Lolo?" Anthony asked me one day.

Tumigil naman ako at hinarap ko na muna siya. I was actually busy and I still had to go back to the office. May binalikan lang ako na ilang documents dito sa mansyon nang magkita kami ni Anthony. "Nasa kompanya pa siya, bakit, uh, may kailangan ka ba?"

Medyo hindi ko pa rin sigurado kung paano ko nga ba siyang pakikitunguhan. He doesn't want me to address him so formally like when I called him Sir, and he told me na pakitunguhan ko lang daw siya casually...

Although I'm not really sure, but if that's what he wants then I would just simply do it...

Umiling siya. "Wala naman... Hmm, may gusto lang sana akong itanong sa kaniya,"

"If it's all right, you can tell me. But only if you're comfortable, of course. But, well,"

"It's okay. Are you in a hurry?"

"Uh, yes, kailangan ko pang bumalik sa opisina... How about you? Are you fine here? I left you my personal number, and you can just call me if you need something..." I reminded him.

Ngumiti naman siya sa akin. "Okay. Thanks..."

Tipid na lang din akong ngumiti sa kaniya bago ako tumuloy na rin pabalik sa naghihintay na sasakyan sa labas para makabalik na rin sa office.

At pagbalik ko ay nagpatuloy din ang trabaho ko. I just also told Don Antonio about Anthony. "Nagsabi po pala si Anthony na gusto niya raw po kayong makausap,"

He turned to me and nodded his head right away. "All right. So we better hurry home today?" He smiled.

At napangiti na rin ako. I feel like Don Antonio was just kind of treating his grandsons now like they're still some kids, although I also understand because he had already missed their childhood...

ANT

Unlike the other days my grandfather came home a little much earlier today. Ang akala ko nga ay may dinner ulit. Pero wala pa naman ang pinsan kong si Damian sa bahay. Hindi rin nagpunta sina Kaden at asawa niyang si Ayla. At may sarili na rin silang bahay nilang mag-asawa kaya hindi na nakatira rito sa mansyon si Kaden.

Pero wala naman daw dinner like last time. "Sinabi sa akin ni Millie na gusto mo raw akong makausap? Kaya sinubukan kong umuwi nang mas maaga mgayon. Ano ba iyon, hijo? You can tell me anything." He said and smiled at me reassuringly.

Napatingin pa ako kay Millie na medyo malayo lang din nang konti sa amin ngayon ni lolo.

"I hope hindi po ako nakaistorbo sa trabaho ninyo?" I asked.

Umiling naman sa akin si lolo. "No. Hindi, apo. What is it? And don't worry about my work. I actually only come to the office now to still check on our business, but it's mostly Kaden now who does almost all the job in the company." He smiled as he mentioned about my other cousin.

Unti-unti akong tumango sa sinabi niya.

Pagkatapos ay niyaya na ako ni lolo na mag-usap na lang kami sa isang lugar sa mansyon. At umakyat na rin muna si Millie sa kwarto niya.

"I just want to know, kung bakit n'yo pa po ako hinanap? Just curious..." I said.

"You're curious?"

"Hmm, let's just say that it was only out of curiosity why I came here with you..."

Nagkatinginan kami ni lolo.

"Very well," he said.

"The truth was, I was guilty..."

I looked straight at him after he said that. At nagtagpo rin ang mga mata naming dalawa.

"You see, I had three sons. And all of them I forced to a pragmatic marriage that they never wanted... And only now that I realized they might had truly loved your mother, and the mothers as well of your other two cousins, Damian and Kaden...

"Akala ko kasi noon na pareho lang din sa amin ng lola mo, because we just also married each other for business. And we were just arranged by our parents. But still our marriage worked out. But I failed to understand that it can be different to my children..." He sighed.

Nakaupo lang ako roon at nakikinig sa kwento niya.

Medyo lumayo rin ang tingin niya sa pag-alala ng nakaraan. "And as a consequence, it felt like a curse that I lost all my three sons to some sickness and accidents... and the same as with all my legitimate grandchildren..." He turned to look at me again after he said that.

My lips parted a bit...

"But I still consider myself lucky because I was still able to find you together with Damian and Kaden." He smiled.

Hindi naman ako makangiti sa kaniya nang pareho. At nanatili lang akong nakatingin sa kaniya.

"Forgive me, hijo. I came to you so late..." aniya.

I still looked at him. At nakita ko naman ang sinseridad sa mga mata niya habang nagsasabi sa akin.

Umiling ako. "It was not your fault..." I said as I looked away a bit...

"Thank you, hijo, for accepting me... I promise to spend the rest of my remaining time here on earth with you and your other two cousins, Damian and Kaden. Iyan din ang pinangako ko sa aking sarili."

I looked at him again. And somehow I just suddenly remembered my father in him...

Naalala ko pa naman si Papa, kahit matagal na rin iyon. And I remember that although he was always absent, I remember that he was kind and good to me and my mother...

Palagi pa siyang nakikipaglaro noon sa akin noong bata pa ako. At ang dami niya rin palaging pasalubong sa akin na mga laruan, damit at sapatos din noon...

I was looking at my grandfather now.

What was really my reason why I came here? Was it really like what I said that I was just curious...

Well, it was some curiosity. And then... it was just going with the flow...

I feel like I have already lost my control even over my own life some time ago...

Parang hindi ko na kontrolado ang buhay ko simula noong mga nangyari sa akin...

At nagpadala na lang din ako sa mga Zachmann... Kaya naman namuhay na rin ako ng ganoon... na pumapatay ng tao...

And maybe ako lang din mismo ang hinayaan ang sarili ko na mawala sa control ang buhay ko... And having no control just felt the same as having no direction...

Naging ganoon ang buhay ko...

I was just simply out of control...

"And, Anthony, I want to know about your plans now that you're here," He smiled at me.

Parang naalala ko pa na tinanong din iyan sa akin ni Millie... Looks like they're curious about what I'd do now...

Pero ano nga ba ang gagawin ko ngayon pagkatapos?

Sa totoo lang ay tumigil na talaga akong mag-isip ng mga gagawin ko sa buhay ko dati pa. I didn't anymore have any plans. At talagang sumabay na lang ako sa kung saan man ako dalhin...

I actually already tried several times to just end everything... But every time I still get distracted, when I was in prison I attempted to end it, but then Frith Zachmann came to me...

"There are people who aren't as strong as you. And they cannot avenge for themselves... so you can do it for them..." He smiled...

Iyon ang sinabi sa akin ni Frith Zachmann noon.

At kahit hindi man ako sigurado, I just went with it. Tutal ay hindi ko na rin naman talaga alam ang gagawin ko pagkatapos noon...

"Do I have to go to work?" I asked my grandfather this now.

Umiling naman siya. "No, and yes. Yes if you want to then you definitely can. But no because you don't really have to go to work. Just like your cousin, Damian. That boy doesn't like working and it's fine. You can just do anything you want, Anthony. Whatever you can with the Delgado money." He said it and sounding reassuringly.

Pero bahagya naman akong yumuko. Wala talaga akong plano sa kahit na ano...

"And if it's about your past... Don't worry even about Frith Zachmann. I can erase every bit of connection you once had with their family. They do not have a control over you now, Anthony..." He told me.

Nag-angat lang muli ako ng tingin sa sinabi ni lolo.