he last trip into the Veins is the worst, but I still find myself desperate for Shiloh's personal time. Karen and Garrett's Diosite are almost immediately forfeit, and they leave shoulder in shoulder, laughing at a joke about a video game I've never played. They remain my fourth question, never to be answered, but deep within me I believe they can work out no matter what the Diosite is or isn't doing to their heads. Or not. Still, they'll be okay. They're tough kids.

We all are.

Amanda leaves next, kneeling down to Shiloh. She ruffles his fur. "You guys really screwed us over," she says, with no hint of sarcasm. "I'm going to think about this for the rest of my life, chew it up like bad gum until it's been too romanticized and ague to elicit any emotion, and then, when it has become synonymous with everything else that went wrong in my life, I'm going to cry again."

"I am sorry for what happened to your friend," Shiloh says.

"You aren't, and that's fine. Thanks for everything, buddy." Amanda hands him her Diosite, shedding her costume, and she winks to me as she exits. Shiloh mulls it over in his mouth before swallowing.

I lean down. "So. Siblings."
Shiloh turned his head. "I know all about siblings."

I sigh. "Nothing better to do tonight. I know this is all over, that I can't tell anyone... but I need to know. Why don't you give me your life story, seeing as you've probably inferred or dredged my memories for mine?"

Shiloh nods stiffly. "Anthem and I were from the same nine-cell Diosite shard, which split into a less potent five and four cell. Anthem ended up being capable, while I was... less so. She's dealt with several groups before, this is my first time- I was so scared I would get everyone killed, and she told me I wasn't capable of feeling sentiment- that it was all a holdover from other lives, from the running of human fingers down my shard, when we were the shard being controlled by a hapless human-"

"That's how you guys are born?!" I exclaim. "Through that?"

Shiloh nods again. "We never lied about your planet being in mortal danger, though. We can't choose what the Veins do, either. It is a larger organism than us, and we are born to protect and die for it. Simple."

"Fair," I say. "I mean, not fair at all. Completely unfair for us. But that's not entirely your fault. The system just sucks."

Shiloh cracks a half smile, faked for the benefit of my human sense of comedy. "'Sucks.' Huh. Well, I let her make the plans, hoping to avoid failing the mission and dooming both our species, but this isn't about me, or anything I may have experienced. This is about the people I took advantage of, and regardless of motivation or intent, my actions were incriminating. This wasn't fair to any of you, and it never was. My emotions are not complex as yours, but I am at least able to feel some shame- the years have not yet hardened me. For what it is worth, and it is worth very little, I am sorry for what my mission has done to you and your brother. To both of your 'families', as you will."

"You don't have to be like them," I say, folding my hands. Praying, in spite of myself. Thinking of Karen, unable to make that call, and what I would have done.

"I appreciate the sentiment. Perhaps more than you'll ever know." Shiloh lowers his ears, "But yes, I do. Which is why- and I can tell you're thinking it right now- no, we can never be anything akin to friends. I will remember you, if I am ever called upon again, and I will try to be more honest with those kids, but this cycle? It doesn't end."

I pick him up and hug him, and he writhes out of my arms. There is nothing in his eyes, just that empty purple stare, like that of a stuffed animal. (It hurts how much it reminds me of my brother.) Reluctantly, I give him my shard, and he tastes it, and the lair begins to disappear around us, crumbling like Ignatius's plants. I watch the whole place disappear around me, hanging like stardust in the air for a moment too long. I want to grab it back, as I find myself in my bed, but a familiar presence holds me back. This is our real goodbye, and as the last of the bright dust dissipates into the open air, leaving me in my room in a seamless world, I think, Goodbye, Shiloh.

My mind is silent.

I feel empty for days. The clammy sensation doesn't leave for longer than that, but I can't complain.

After all, I know the Alpha team has it much worse.

---

"Screw this month in general," Amanda says as we sit in Garrett's house, together, studying for tests none of us want to take. "I would rather go kick Ignatius in the balls again than sit around preparing for standardized testing."

The joke brings on a wave of silence. We all remember the obituary, Garrett even claims to have attended the church where the silent cremation took place, and I bought flowers to the grave at least once, even though my hand was shaking the whole way, like he would reach up from the earth and drag me down with him under the dirt. Worse, I found his work a few days after it was all over, after some truly extensive google searching.

His art is beautiful, lush and vibrant, and adorned with plants. His backgrounds are astounding, his color work is perfect, and the last bit of art posted on his personal blog was a self-portrait of himself, done digitally, with his signature flower crown upon his head and the two Diosite shards positioned on his head and around his chest. He has a soft, mysterious smile, and eyes full of life.

I think I must have browsed for hours, until my eyes stung and my throat was sore from crying. I think I've fallen in love with his style. Amanda passed on viewing it, for personal reasons, but I've noticed certain design trends in her recent classwork.

Garrett comes downstairs with cookies. The basement is cozy, with a paused game of Mario Kart awaiting us after a mandatory thirty minute 'studying' streak. Combine that with the refreshments, and even better, the company, and somehow this has become our new lair. A few of the Naval Brigade girls have joined the squad, once or twice, when we hold meetings at Amanda's house.

"I give up," Amanda declares, tossing a wadded paper across the room. "Mario Kart it is."

"Seconded," Garrett says, and I reluctantly pick up the first person controller.

We defy the sacred law of all party games (they who host shalt be player one) in favor of time worn tradition. Somehow, I'm still 'in charge' by default, although I'm not sure if I should be, but as we coast the tracks, I fall into it anyways. "Don't you guys worry we'll never get there again?" I ask idly, sitting crosslegged. "I was taking a test the other day and I swear, my anxiety was back. I know that's stupid, but..."

Karen pauses the Mario Kart. Her glare is intense in the blue light. "It's not stupid. You're better without your powers than you ever were with them, Will. I know you were thinking the whole time that you needed Shiloh, more than anything-- I think we all liked being special, at least for a while, but Shiloh wasn't even a crutch. He was like training wheels. You need to be a hero for yourself now." she smiles sadly.

"I know, I know... I was just hoping everything would be fixed when this was over, but it's... really not. I'm beginning to think I might just be like this forever. I kind of... reached out for him, one night? A few nights. Most nights. I really need my shield back..." I bury my head in my hands. "This is dumb."

"I've done worse," Karen admits, "and I wanted to deserve it. I killed people with those doors in the Delegation."

"Ditto." Garrett is watching the screen.

"I might have..." Amanda pauses. "Okay. So maybe we've all done dumb things in the aftermath of this, and hey, Will, you can't magic away anxiety," Amanda says. "I know this will sound stupid, given circumstances but... don't stress about it. At the very least, don't stress about this aspect of it. We're always getting better. That doesn't mean you'll ever get to some point where you'll be over everything. Over life. Who do you want to be, Adam Rosenbloom?"

Karen snorts, and I laugh along, uneasily, although my brother's haunted glare still unnerves me more than I can admit to anyone. He's not over anything, but hey, boys don't cry.

"Anxiety or no anxiety, we're going to make it through this. All of us. Do you hear me? You are going to be something incredible if I have to push you up that hill myself." Karen says.

"I think that goes against the point," I tell her, half serious, and she leans her hand into my shoulder.

Garrett puts his hand on my other shoulder. "Dude. Trust me. Don't disagree with her."

"I guess... we could help people," I say. "I really want to get into some community service, or just... anything! We don't need powers to do that... and I'm going to have a lot of free time, now that I'm not saving the world. Directly."

"That's the spirit." Karen slaps me on the back, and I flinch.

"Karen!"

We laugh, Garrett spills a plate of cookies on to the ground, and Amanda goes for them over his cries that the dog has stepped there, several times, and who knows where the dog has been or what its paws are covered in. Amanda responds by taking a larger bite of the next cookie, citing the five-second rule, and then we play Mario Kart for hours.

I guess there are things that can hold us together besides the end of the world.