"We're going Christmas shopping," Megan tells me one day over the phone.

A girl has never asked me Christmas shopping before. I begin thinking about first base, then regret it because it's Megan Briggs, shut your piehole and treat her like a human being Adam, and then I wonder what flavor her lips taste like or if she wears flavored chapstick, and then we're back where we started. "Okay." I say, but my hand is trembling on the phone. "What time?"

"Three." she confirms.

"Dumb question. Do you wear flavored chapstick?" I ask, then bite my own tongue as hard as possible.

She laughs, which even through the shitty phone is like hearing a chorus of angels ringing the bells of heaven. "Sure. You want me to lend you some?"

I try to laugh back, but I sound like a goose. "Yes. Cherry. No, wait, that's basic. Pineapple?"

"See you at three, Rosenbloom." She hangs up on me and I fall back onto my bed, hitting the bedframe and feeling my back erupt in pain.

"Will?" I ask. My brother is lying on his own bed, as he often is, clicking away at his eight-year old DS. "Is a girl taking you out Christmas shopping alone a lead-up to first base, a step there, or after first base? Did I get friendzoned?"

Will snaps his DS closed. "Dude. I'm more of a virgin than you'll ever be. I thought people were talking about baseball until last year."

"Right. I guess I could ask Evan... wait, that's even worse. Guess I'm on my own here." I put my phone down on the bed.

"Are you two fighting over her? That's novel." Will says, then corrects himself: "Sorry. That was mean."

I close my eyes and try to reconcile my dozens of contradictory feelings about Evan Drake, whose messy hair and tight ass make me question my masculinity more than Christmas shopping sans the romantic aspect ever could. I sigh. "I have no idea. My life is a bit of a dumpster fire right now."

"Join the club." Will smiles. "See, when I feel bad, I play Nintendo. Mario Kart?"

"I'm not that much of a nerd yet. Haven't touched my DS since I was eight."

"Right." Will sighs, then flings back open the Nintendo and selects single-player.

I lose myself in stress and the depths of the internet throughout the sleepy morning until the doorbell rings. My mom thunders down the stairs and I leap out of my bed, faster than I could ever run in my superhero form, and find Megan Briggs downstairs in a scarf and puffy coat. She carries a satchel around her side. "Ready?"

"Yes," I decide. Even though I'm in the safety of my own home, which is heated, my face is as red as if I was standing outside. I pile in Megan's car, which is vacant except for her mom, and her car smells like gingerbread air freshener. There are magazines across the floor and her mom is listening to one of the channels that plays Christmas music after Thanksgiving.

Not that my Thanksgiving was anymore than a large dinner and a date I couldn't skip out on to go train.

I sit and try to look natural and impressive as Megan chats with her mother about when we'll be home, occasionally offering a "Thank you, ma'am," or "yes, ma'am", and I couldn't be more relieved to step out and see one of those indie start up shops I used to mock.

Megan grabs me by the arm and takes me inside.

"I need your help." she says when we enter the store, which is full to bursting with stuff on every wall, overpriced trinkets, and the scent of homemade soap. "What do I buy for Evan?"

"Wrong store," I respond. "It's Evan Drake. He probably wants a katana or heavy metal music."

"Oh gosh, do you really think so?" Megan whispers under her breath. "I usually buy people books or make something for them. I can't shop at all, but my mom suggested we come here."

"He'll appreciate whatever you get," I say. "Truthfully, I hadn't even thought about presents. I usually buy some kind of joke present for Will or look up video games, toss some sports equipment or gift cards towards my other friends, and forget about it."

Stoooooooop talking.

Megan laughs again, though this time it's much briefer, almost sarcastic. "Hey, that's fine. I could at least buy something for Serena and Harper here. Think Serena's into jewelry? I can see necklaces, but-" she picks a turquoise piece up, checks the price tag, then places it back down. "My mom is under the impression I have a lot more money to blow than I actually have."

"Soap is a little cheaper," I suggest. "Lotion? Candles?"

She nods. "I'll make sure to get you some."

"Alright." There's that feeling again, that sick envy that seems to rule my life.

She looks up, upset. "Wait, did you have anything in mind? I'm so sorry, like I said- bad at this. I've really never had guy friends before. I know that's weird..."

"No!" I say. "Not at all. I've never had girl friends- I-"

We're both blushing furiously, and I lean in. Her lips smell like gingerbread, too. Her glasses shine with the store's lighting, with every color of the walls and the jewelry and the whole world-

She pushes me back, right around my chest, blushing so red I think she's going to explode. "Adam."

"What?!" I say, and I realize the clerk is watching us. She notices too, grabs my hand, and we walk into the next room like nothing is wrong.

She looks like she might be about to cry again. "I'm so sorry for inviting you to this, then talking about other people, and I- I don't know if I can do this yet, and I feel bad, because I do like you. I don't mean as a friend. I mean when I'm with you, in the power plant, I feel invincible, but it's, well, never mind. Dumb. I just wanted to get to know you, I don't know, be normal for a few hours. Is this even what normal people do?"

I know we're thinking the same thing, now, so I clench her hand. "Normal people are always hustling to appear normal. Let's just be us. We're pretty great."

Megan sniffs, which could be the cold or the conversation, maybe both. "I'm buying all four of you candles, and then I'll make something at home."

"Stakes have been raised," I say. "If I get Evan a katana, what are the chances he gets in-school suspension? Might be the deciding factor."

She laughs in earnest, and I fall for her all over again. "Can you imagine?"

Evan stands between us even when he's not there. "Did you ask him to go shopping, too?" I ask, though it comes out more sinister than I ever could have intended.

She shakes her head. "He had me over, actually, which was why I called you up. Passing the message along. Then, I uh, well... I wanted to do something, so we're here."

"What message?"

"Well, at first it was about Serena. Apparently they got into a scuffle in school? Then it was family matters, then he started talking about you." Megan begins messing with her hair, twirling the bit that goes over her glasses with her index finger. "I felt so stupid, sitting there, listening to him talk about you. Like I was jealous. Is that weird?"

I plant my face into both my hands. "Meg."

"What?" she asks.

"I'm having the same problem."

We laugh until the clerk almost comes over to get us to stop disrupting customers, until we're practically crying instead of laughing, and then we pick out scented candles, using 'most pretentious name' as the base criteria for every choice. We pick out 'Rustic Forest Cabin', 'Moondrop of Paradise', 'Christmas Kitchen', and a variety of extras, just in case, including one for me to take home for Will. Before we get back in the car, Megan presses a stick of pineapple scented chapstick into my hand.

"You're a dork," she whispers into my ear, standing on her tiptoes to get up to my level. Her arm is draped over my shoulder.

I have one hand around her and one on the Diosite, in my pocket. She holds her other hand in her own pocket, and we are a matched set, two interlocking puzzle pieces in a five-piece puzzle. We watch the snowfall until her mom comes, when the moment disappears like snow against hot skin.

---

It's hard to admit it, but I'm kept up by them hiding things from me. I think about side chats stocked with emotional confessions, half-baked plans of mutiny (what is wrong with me?), about everything that the rational part of my mind would laugh at, and then my mind drifts back to first base and my heartbeat explodes in my chest, and I don't know which one of them I'm jealous of.

I decide to confront Evan about him and Megan's meeting the next day, and he turns out to be hard to find. He has his hood up all the way, so I didn't realize it was him until I saw him from the front, and his gait is different. He looks like a ghost in the school hallways. I hadn't realized how little I see him outside of gym, but he barely looks like he exists here. Evan Drake started the second the hysteria of our double life began. Before that, he was a premonition. A warning. He is adrenaline and fire, bright things burning to dust, and this is a sterile environment where you can't even burn the paper.

"Evan," I say, cornering him in the hall.

He pulls down the jacket hood. It's frayed all over and can't be less than three years old. His hair billows out from under it, unkempt as ever. It's like an ink-black fire atop his caramel-coffee head. He smirks, and I catch glimpses of Onyx. "What is it, Rosenbloom? Trying to ditch class and get ice cream again?"

"Sounds great." I say under my breath. "Let's do it."

His eyes stare up into mine, brown and unblinking. "Really."

"No." We're too close. I scan the halls, wonder if anyone's seen him and I standing here. We look like the couples who french after school until the janitors make them leave. I am overwhelmed with sudden claustrophobia.

He pulls away from me first, an imperceptible motion. He's short, but he seems even smaller in his too-small jacket and without the dark horns or mask. He looks like he's been consuming himself for sustenance for his own fire, and yet I know it's him, my Evan, the same way you know your left hand is your left hand when you move it without looking at it. "Megan told me you heard about our meeting. Trust me. I wasn't badmouthing you." he says. "I was just worried."

"Not even a little? I don't think you're capable of sustaining positive conversation for more than ten minutes."

"There's the smartass I know. You were getting sappy there for a moment."

I continue, speaking over him, "You now, you can just come to me in the future. It's not like I'm going to bite anyone's nose off. I think that's your job."

"I'll bite it off right now. Get a little closer."

"That's a little spicy for public school, Evan."

"Ha ha. Fuck you."

The bell rings and he wanders back down the hallways, lost in the crowd, but he raises a hand to wave back and I raise my own, praying my face isn't every bit as red as it feels right now.

I wonder if they felt like Megan and I in the gift shop when they were together without me, and I can't even pretend it doesn't fill me with petty adrenaline.

(A/N: And with this chapter, we've officially cracked 1K reads! Thank you all so much for your support. QvQ)