❝universe laughed, and i bled on god.❞

•√•

If the sky could call you with any tune you like, which one would you choose?

Though Beomgyu never got the chance to select that-- but somehow-- maybe because of one wish someone made to the stars-- he heard a faint tune of waves coming from great distance, and slowly entering his ears.

One. Two. Three.

In the fourth attempt, Choi Beomgyu opened his eyes.

The world around him was white. Pearl white. Snow white. Swan white. Cloud white. Milk white. Everything-- or nothing, was covered in different shades of white; silks and ribbons draped over as far as his trembling gaze could go. When he sat up, his eyes swirled with tears as the memories started speed running to his mind.

Rain. Blood. Tears.

Sunflowers, a lot of sunflowers. Sunflowers, sunflowers, sunflowers, Choi Yeonjun, Choi Yeonjun, Choi Yeon-

"No, no, no!" Beomgyu leaped up to his feet, horror stricking his eyes as he broke off into cold sweat, watching his hands shaking terribly by their own. "No- no- no! I can't be- no-"

No way that happened. No way he died from one hit on his head. Some people survive even after falling from aeroplane, drowning in water, or burning in flames-- but did he really die just from a hit? Come on, it wasn't that severe!

He looked around, pain squeezed his lungs as he shouted, "Hyung! Hyung!"

Nothing.

"HYUNG!"

The unrelenting silence around him made Beomgyu realize whatever it was left to realize. He stared, wide eyed, trying to catch a faint sound of his heartbeats but there was nothing. He put a hand where his heart was supposed to be, but it wasn't even beating.

There was a ground underneath Beomgyu's feet which felt soft like pillowcase. His eyes trailed down to the front, as he started to realize the very source of sound was coming from nowhere than the scenerio before him. Unnerved and mystified, he sucked in some air because he could, as the clouds dissipated from his gaze to splash a palette of pastel colors on the white canvas around him.

It was a sea.

His first time, seeing one.

Sol used to search up for sea related videos on internet. Little Beomgyu, with his eyes perked up in curiosity, liked watching how mighty the waves looked as they crushed on the shore. How blue and how painful. How tears seemed to escape from his mother's eyes as she only watched those videos.

"Mother, why are you crying?" Beomgyu asked once.

Sol stopped crying immediately and glanced at her son. There was something odd held between her auburn gaze as she stared emptily, all colors drained off her face and after some painful moments, replied. "It reminds me of someone I've lost."

Someone? Beomgyu couldn't be more curious. He held his knees in anticipation as he asked again. "Who's that?"

With a faint smile bringing to her lips, his mother answered. "Someone who once asked me to let her take me to the sea. And me, being the fool, refused. Which is all my life, I've regretted so much."

Sol looked away and continued. "She was right there, her hands were held at me. It couldn't be more perfect time then it already was. We could have run away, but we didn't. That's why I swore to never see an ocean in my life, ever again."

Regret.

Sadly, there was too much regret in Sol's life.

Beomgyu felt his knees giving up. Just like that time when he first got slapped by his father for breaking a glass accidentally. He let out a great sob, just like that time when he finally realized what death meant, and his mother's one at that, at the age of nine. He hid his face with his hands to muffle the sound, just like that time when Yeonjun got beat up by the first position at 100 metre racing in their middle school, and Beomgyu was too frustrated to hold back his tears.

It always comes back in a circle. Pain.

Beomgyu felt white, boiling rage building up inside him. If his memories weren't lying, then he surely died, but he still was seeing some really satire hallucinations. Or maybe someone was that adamant to not let him go to Heaven already. Nice. Very nice. What did he do to deserve that?

Insane thoughts infiltrated his brain. Wait, what if his dead body wasn't given a proper burial, so now he was standing at this god- knows- what heavenly dimension? Was this what keeping him from dying for real?

Oh, if he had the chance, he was definitely gonna kill his father this time. Did he do something funny with his dead body? Did he like- burn it or- well, he was a psychopath, and Beomgyu was his most hated doll, so...

"How dare he touches my corpse--!" he raised his leg to kick the air in frustration, "That stupid, old hag, unrefined petroleum oil, that goddamn fucker--"

"Brother, don't curse!"

Beomgyu stopped himself and snapped his head around in a hot second to see something very astonishing, that he half wished he would unsee what he had seen right now.

"I see, you're awake." a little fairy danced beside his right ear, showering Beomgyu's curly hair with fairydust. "How do you feel?"

God damn. Wait.

Beomgyu stared at the fairy, and she stared back.

Holy cow.

What kind of fantasy world did he get transported into? Surely it wasn't those highly questionable isekai animes Japan made, right?

You got to be kidding me!

"Look, I'm not open for dealing with nonsense at this moment!" Beomgyu shut his eyes tight, refusing to accept that whatever shit was happening around him, was real. There's no way he was seeing an actual fairy before his eyes. Did he study science all these years just for this joke?

"Hey, hey!" the fairy shouted in excitement and danced on his shoulder. "I came here to deliver a news! Surely you want to hear what it is?"

"No." Beomgyu shook his head vehemently. Science is truth, science is truth, science is the only truth. If it wasn't, that it would mean he successfully wasted precious years of his youth gobbling up lies. "If you're trying to say that I've reincarnated into a novel or something, then no. Absolutely no. Let me die in peace!"

There's no way he would go live in a world where Choi Yeonjun did not exist.

Speaking of him, Beomgyu felt an odd nausea inside his chest. But since there was no beating of his heart, it felt more pathetic.

"Uhm, sorry to inform you that, but you're already dead, brother."

Beomgyu's eyebrows twitched.

"So, this isn't any reincarnation shit?"

"No."

"Where am I then."

"One step before the immortal world!"

Beomgyu opened his eyes finally, and spoke in an awfully tired voice, "So? Am I going to Heaven or Hell?"

That made the fairy turn into blushful red.

"Uhm- I'm very sorry, but we're not allowed to disclose that."

Haha, just tell me I'm a goner already.

"Then? What's the purpose of me being here?" he wanted to snap open the fairy's neck for proving that he really wasted his life studying science for nothing. "I'm betrayed already. At least let me hear something good--"

"You're going back to Earth!"

"I am?" Beomgyu screamed in extreme happiness, suddenly he did not want to snap open the fairy's neck anymore. "I fucking am?"

"Ssh, why are you cursing in the heavenly realm?"

"Oh, so this is a heavenly realm?" Beomgyu looked around proudly, at least he should give a nice praise before going back. "Good! I love the decorations-- the sea looks dreamy and the ground is so fluffy-- like clouds--"

"I'm being serious! If you curse like that, you might lose the chance of going back!"

Oh. Beomgyu zipped his mouth shut.

"Now, listen to me carefully." the fairy stopped waltzing around and stood still in the air, right before his eyes. "For an unwanted incident been risen, you have to head immediately back to Earth and stay there for a certain time limit."

"A certain time limit?" Beomgyu started to speak but the fairy cut him off.

"During your stay in Earth, you can't use your powers unless it's an emergency."

"My powers? What powers do I have even-"

"You'll be given additional support for a problem less stay in Earth."

"What's that--"

"And now we come to the main part." the fairy spoke in a stoic tone. "If you fail to complete your mission, then you'll... not be given any punishment at all."

"What the heck is this mission you're talking about?" Beomgyu asked incredulously, his eyebrows twitched in annoyance. "Certainly you're gonna tell me what I should be confronting? Like, I'm dead already, you can't say that I'm gonna die again or something--"

"A person." the fairy interrupted him. "You need to save a person."

"And who's that?" Beomgyu stared at her as if she was saying the silliest thing, "Look, I've no intention to throw myself into any saving missions right now-"

"Choi Yeonjun. You need to save Choi Yeonjun from dying."

Beomgyu's mouth hung open.

*

What?

For god knows how much time, Beomgyu had been wondering around that heavenly realm with his brain malfunctioned and mind wrapped around that sentence the fairy had spoken. She paid Beomgyu a short leave to deal with the monstrous blow of her words. Beomgyu could not thank her enough.

So Yeonjun Hyung was going to die.

Beomgyu stared down at his feet, unable to think anything straight. Everything that had happened with him until now was overwhelming and nerve wrecking, but somehow, he was still able to keep his cool and not lose his nuts.

Her words repeated inside his head like a chant and he kept getting bewitched to them.

18 days. The fairy said Yeonjun was going to die in exactly 18 days from now on.

She also mentioned something about his powers, like 'Able to shift things' , 'Talk inside head', 'Let himself visible'. He was going to get back to Earth and try saving Yeonjun from death, which reason was unknown, and if he failed, he would not be given any penalty.

"It's like a do or don't situation." the fairy had answered him. "If you success, then a poor soul like Choi Yeonjun can continue living. But if you fail, he can not. That depends on you, what he can do and what he can not do."

Beomgyu asked her if he could refuse.

"Of course you can." she replied. "But you know what that means, right?"

He will die.

Memories hurled into his mind. Slow, fading reels of a distant summer, when they played by the seashore their mothers rested in deep sleep. Beside the large sand castle, Yeonjun was putting a mould of what shape Beomgyu couldn't decipher.

"What's that?" he pointed at it.

"It's a love!"

"Where are you gonna put that?" he asked. Oddly excited.

"Um, on the roof of the castle, I guess?" Yeonjun scratched his head, his jet black hair was full of sand. On his cheeks and on his hands, too. Like golden pecks of diamonds. "It's gonna be named, 'Yeonjun and Beomgyu's Love Castle!"

Beomgyu remembered how he stared at Yeonjun after that.

"That's so embarrassing, Hyung!"

"Why?" Yeonjun asked curiously, his bright monochrome eyes were full of unknown shades of colors as he stopped doing whatever he was doing.

"Boy's don't do that..." Beomgyu fumbled on how to let the words out. Damn, he was failing.

"Don't do what?" his Hyung kept questioning. "Don't do what, Gyu- ah?"

Beomgyu felt his nose turn violent red. Was he that stupid? Well, he was only ten years old, so...

"Boys don't make sand castles like that!" he finally blabbed out, fast. "They make stone walls, soldiers, kingdoms or such things..."

He failed to say what he was trying to say and stopped flailing his hands in a miserable way.

"Oh." Yeonjun replied curtly, his ears were a bit pink. "I thought..."

"Thought what?" Beomgyu asked quickly.

"You were saying boys don't love each other like that."

It suddenly hit Beomgyu like a raging storm that he never asked Yeonjun why he said that.

What did he mean that day? Would Beomgyu ever get to know?

Sighing, the boy pulled himself upto his feet and looked around. There was none. So he raised his hand and clicked his two fingers, initiating a signal.

Crack!

"Have you made a decision?" the fairy popped out of thin air and asked him at once. She looked kind of nervous to Beomgyu. Why? Thinking he would refuse such a chance like that?

"Yeah, and I don't wanna go."

The fairy's shoulders slumped down. "Really? Have you thought it over and over? Do you really want to lose this chance?"

"Right."

Yes, Beomgyu thought it over and decided he did not want to go back there.

Don't get him wrong. If there was a question that one had to die between him and Yeonjun, then Beomgyu would volunteer, which he already did. And that answered all of his doubts.

He wasn't even able to save himself, then how on Earth would he save Yeonjun?

And as long as Uncle Sunjae was alive, he knew he didn't have to be anxious. Uncle would do whatever it took to save his own son. Why depend on Beomgyu to do it? Also...

"I have no intention to go back if I'm gonna get nothing." he replied selfishly.

"Brother, he's your best friend!"

"So?"

The fairy looked aghast. "So? He's really going to die in 18 days! Or do you still have any doubts on that?" she sounded enraged. "Or did you always pretend be his close friend but you never weren't?"

"Who knows?" Beomgyu shrugged his head.

"You disgust me!" the fairy's face was contorted in anger. Well, Beomgyu did not care. "Is this what you think of a friend? Shameful! Absolutely shameful!"

He gritted his jaw but did not say anything.

"Fine. I won't persist you anymore." she huffed and turned her back after saying. "Just to tell you, it took me a whole rustication from the Heaven for spying and stealing Choi Yeonjun's Fate from them and bring it to you. In just one desperate hope that you will try to save him!"

"Who told you to bring that to me, anyways." Beomgyu stated in a dry tone. He knew he was being rude. Too much rude that he was starting to hate himself for it.

"Oh! So all of that was a joke!" the fairy was about to burst into tears. "Forget I ever asked for anything! I knew she was wrong from the start, wishing that her son would actually care-"

"Wait, who are you talking about?"

"Never mind about that!" she retorted angrily. "Well, sorry. Sorry to keep you waiting. I won't annoy you anymore from now on."

She flapped her wings and begun to fly whimsically.

"Wait, you didn't tell me yet!" Beomgyu widened his eyes and began to scream. "Who told you to do that? Who's the she? Are you- are you talking about-"

"Well, Chae Sol was always wrong about her son!" the fairy shouted, "I knew from the moment she described him so fondly to me, saying he would absolutely become good friends with Yuri's son!"

Beomgyu stopped dead in his track. 

"M-my mother? Is she here?"

The fairy didn't answer, which he already predicted, so Beomgyu began to shout. "Wait, wait! I'll do it!"

She stopped flying away and turned to look at him.

Well, damn it.

"I'll go. But in return, you have to let me meet with my mother for once." he panted as he gripped his knees and looked up at her desperately. "Please. It's a request."

She looked aghast.

"You'll go?"

"Yes!"

"Promise?"

"Yes!"

"Then why were you speaking shits moments ago?"

"I was just joking, damn!" he spoke the truth. "I was trying to get you irritated and lose your head so in return you would give me anything I wanted, but wait- hey, you just cursed, too!"

She pretended not to hear him. "You're just like the rascal your mother described to me."

Beomgyu swore he nearly smiled.

•√•

It was nearly evening. Around six or half past six. Red, blue and orange hues were scattered around the pillows of clouds in the sky. They kept swirling like blood on a lake's surface; perhaps they were indignant about choosing an exact shade.

The people living underneath that sky were exactly the same; unable to choose how they should live on with life.

There was no light inside Choi Yeonjun's room. His bedsheet wasn't kept, maybe a little smelly, too, and his slippers weren't in place. Only the last, handful rays of setting sun were coming through the window.

The door was hanging ajar.

As Beomgyu flopped down on Yeonjun's doorstep, he let out a high pitched scream because yes, his legs failed to keep him standing. His face crashed on the solid, marbled floor, and his wings gave a feeble tatter before sparkling more brightly.

Yes, Beomgyu got himself wings.

The fairy was adamant to put those highly annoying, aphrodite coated pair of bejeweled freakish costume on Beomgyu's back. As he vehemently declined to have them-- because he simply abhorred the idea of flying on top of Yeonjun's head, all that fairy did was to shake her head.

"You'll find these wings very helpful! Because when you will get tired of walking, you can simply hop off the ground and levitate in the air!"

"Which I totally don't want!" Beomgyu had yelled at top of his lungs as he jumped up and down to remove those silly wings from his back. "Get them off, you toothless pinnacle! Get- them- off!"

"I've got a golden tooth, if you didn't know." the fairy had flashed him her shining teeth, and he saw two silver tooth also glowing confidently. "Now, off to go, brother!"

Brother my foot. 

He got up and brushed invisible dust off his shirt. By any means, that fairy, or Cinderella's godmother, had also gifted him a brand new pair of navy blue shirt with half white tee underneath and long pants, matched with blue shoes. Beomgyu was sure that he looked ridiculous in them. What was he, Peter Pan?

He slowly looked inside the dark room, and slided inside. As he squinted his eyes to make them adjusted with darkness, an unmistakable voice spoke in front of him.

Soft, minty and utterly broken.

"Beomgyu? Is that you?"

•√•

a / n : i'm deeply sorry for such a rushed and rusty chapter. i swear i tried. but writing isn't something i enjoy these days anymore... i don't know what's wrong with me.