The bikini I wore was yellow, I had it under my white ankle-length gown before I took off the gown to sunbathe on the wooden bench under an umbrella. The sun went down with the two of us drinking cocktails, chatting mostly about me, and dancing after taking a swim in the sea. In that short time, Natalie managed to win me over. By the shore, when we sat on the sand, she told me about college and what to expect. She said her roommate turned out a snitch and snatched her ex when she was home for thanksgiving. Then she said Brayden changed her perspective on trust. That certain line of hers had me feeling frail and guilty until she changed the subject, asking about the genuineness of Myles's physique.

Deeply blushing was something I couldn't rebel against, for the flowing memory from yesterday in Myles's condo was too explicit in my mind. He had returned from Nelson's family brunch and showed me some workout techniques in his private gym. When I was tired out, he playfully laid me back onto the sit-up bench, my legs hooked by the upper end and my head at the lowest level, my hair tumbling down the floor. Then he pulled his vest over his head, dropped to his knees above my head with his shorts set super lower around his hip, and then bent, bringing his contracting flexible torso hovering over me while his hands massaged my bare stomach, for I was wearing a crop top and everything after that, shifted from playful to desire. Our breathing was the only audible sound in the room. I could still feel the fire he kindled on the place just above my belly button that he kissed and his warm breath against my skin when he respired. I still wondered what could have happened if the timer he had set hadn't gone off and he instantly became conscious of our dangerous proximity and excused himself to have some water in the kitchen.

"Hey what are you two doing?" Brayden's precise voice thrust into my head and abruptly faded my current thoughts.

My eyes flew in the direction of the familiar voice and found my brother standing next to Myles, who was casually dressed and had hands in the pockets of his denim pants.

"Just girl time." I heard Natalie say, but it was distant in my head.

What I came to observe around Myles ever since we became intimate, was the doubt of others' existence. Whenever he was there, nothing and no one ever mattered.

And I was proven right because when I was on my feet, time had fast-forwarded to the point that Natalie was now dressed and was in the distance laughing in Brayden's arms, while Myles was an inch closer, tensed and strained, holding my dress with both hands.

"Thank you." I smiled and stood on my toes, stealing a kiss when I was sure no one was watching.

He strained, even more, looking away almost immediately.

I know my brother's presence was the reason behind his unease. It had me wishing for the time when all this closed relationship is over and we can be free like a typical couple on the beach. He couldn't even watch me get dressed. He turned his back to me when just yesterday he was kissing my stomach and tugging my crop top up.

When I was ready and in my shoes, he smiled awkwardly and we trailed behind my brother and his lover, cozily walking down the light-up street, laughing at some inside jokes. Something we do not have the privilege of.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked Brayden from behind to clear the awkward air between Myles and me.

Brayden glanced back at both of us.
"Into town."

Natalie squealed and twirled, walking backward and in a merry tone announced, "I know a good place for dinner."

My smile was fake, there was nothing real about it. Everything at that point tasted like a bitter leaf. I just mentally focused on two banners with inspiring quotations.

"The more I read, the more I acquire,
The more certain I am, that I know
nothing." Voltaire.

"And then I imagine not reading at all, not even trying. Therefore, I am not in the game of relinquishing any dose of wisdom there is to acquire." Nobody.

That was wise.

Somehow it enraptured me to the degree I forgot everything for a moment until I heard Myles's divine voice come up beside me.

"How are you doing?" He asked, valid dripping in every word.

Looking up at him, I honestly responded, "I miss you."

"I miss you too." He retorted, heaving after.

I smiled widely and he returned a tender one, knowingly brushing the backs of our hands. It stirred up goosebumps on my skin.

"Natalie isn't that bad." He said when we continued walking around the beautiful neighborhood under the stars in the sky.

"Yes. I guess." I agreed just when my phone vibrated in my hand and when my eyes dropped to the screen, I found a disconcerting message hanging there.

Scarlett Maverick: Why aren't you making progress? Remember, I warned you that Chloe would hear your scream if it turned bad.

She had to bring up Chloe. If I was not busy playing besties with Natalie, it wouldn't have gotten to that.

I clasp my phone with both hands, scrolling down Scarlett's account for her finest post. When I get to a post with two thousand likes, I take a screenshot and crop it in the neatest size before sharing it on my account with a tag.

Scarlett Maverick: You can caption it with 'miss you.'

Like for real?

The message came up in between the dozens of likes and comments that were starting to count in my notification box.

Maybe that was a step forward. Scratch the doubtful part. I was certain it probably was. No one makes a post of Scarlett Maverick and gets away with it if not those around her. But now she was on my account, with a caption that displayed friendship.

"Who's that?" Myles asked next to me.

"Can you do me a favor?" I returned a question instead of an answer. But he nodded anyway, meeting my eyes when I looked over at him. "Can you like the post on my page?"

Then his facial expression changed.
"No."

Guess he wasn't always agreeable.

"Myles, I am serious."
His impression on the post could help put patience and hope in Scarlett and could help grant some more time for me for an opportunity in her heart. It's all that I ever wanted.

But Myles didn't understand what it meant to me.

"Cali, I am serious too." He frowned, his stare wasn't very nice.
"Why would you post some girl on your account unwillingly and ask me to like her picture? Why would I like some girl's picture on your page? Why is there some girl's old picture on the page?" He probed devastatingly. My arms involuntarily wrapped around me at the criticism in his tone.

Not him, please. There hasn't been a soul who knew me that hadn't thought of me as a coward. But Myles? No.

I felt a drifting sensation of a hollow void in my heart, an emptiness I couldn't express. I patiently tried to control it but a crushing feeling radiated from my guts too. It was so painful that to mumble out a reply felt like dying.

"It's not unwillingly." My strained voice wavered as different thoughts squirmed in the back of my mind.

"Calista." He called worriedly, sadness had hazed his features as he demanded honesty when he was well aware, I couldn't find it in me to give him a drip of that.

I held his yet hopeful stare until I felt the burns of moisture behind my eyes.

"Whatever, never mind." I angrily dismissed.

Myles sadly swallowed and opened his lips to say something but I purposely cut him off, not ready for censure from him of all people.

So while I speeded to catch up with my brother, I implored, "Brayden... Can you like my recent post?"

"Sure." He winked and Natalie excitedly asked, "What's your account name? I will follow and like it too."

She did as promised immediately. I spelled out my handle and while I logged in to follow her back, I saw a notification.

Myles Cameron liked your photo.

I didn't know how to feel about it then. He liked the post as I had asked of him, but I knew it wasn't what I wanted, that I was in between desperation and fear and that Myles was right; what was some girl's old picture doing on my account? The worst girl whose existence was a hook in my bone. Her name alone could dominate with wrenching discomfort. And her actual presence was more scorching than a roaring fire-she could be hell.

Scarlett Maverick: Not so bad. I will soon dump those juvenile boys from high school. Keep up.

And she was satisfied while everywhere in me was aching.

I had slowed down, Brayden and Natalie were now ahead, laughing to themselves and swinging their hands heartily as they continued to walk towards the outdoor restaurant Natalie had beckoned. I stopped then, my heart was tightening in my chest like a giant fist. I waited for Myles. He was behind, but he was approaching me.

When he reached over, he stopped a foot away from me. My eyes swam with tears, I couldn't meet him, I wasn't sure what I could find in his gaze.

"Thank you," I said with an undertone voice.

His warm fingers brushed my hair and cradled my face. It was too soothing, my lids closed. It was what I wanted. He was everything I needed.

"I do not know what you're not telling me, but whatever it could be, we both know they are lying. One thing about the truth is it can not be deceived. I just wish you could see yourself from where I am standing and then tell me who's worthy of all the attention there could ever be."

Maybe someday if the world really exists.

"Look at me." He whispered and I blinked, a tear spilling down my face. "Cal, look at me." He insisted. And abiding felt so difficult. More tears left my eyes, slipping into his fingers.

"I am sorry." He quietly apologized for doing absolutely nothing. It punctured my soul and I grieved. I couldn't hold the excruciating sob that surged from my tight chest.

"Hug me." I shivered, shattering into a mess of agonizing sobs.

His arms came around me, protectively pressing my head to his racing chest with one hand. He kissed my hair repeatedly, rubbing my back with his other hand.

With every second of the clock, I was drowning in an ocean of nightmares with an endless bottom.

My life back home was too complicated, no matter how badly I wanted to live with my parents and pretend everything was alright. I can never find a place there when, even from here, I have been hunted down by terror.

That wasn't how I wanted things to go. I didn't plan to be this vulnerable about my burden but now Myles's shirt was drenched with my tears and snot. All the time, I breathed into his essence until I began drifting into comfort.

No! I can't give up on us for someone's sake. I can't lose the only happiness that I found. Perhaps the only option I have is to stay here.

~

We had dinner at an open location that smelled like lilac and all kinds of natural flowers because of the flower shop on the opposite side of the street.

Brayden obliviously chatted about Myles's breakup most of the time.

"I liked Autumn but I guess she's not the one." He told an anxious Natalie, who flashed me an apologetic smile from across the table.

I didn't have the energy to involve myself in the conversation. I had lost appetite and zeal for everything for the evening. I barely ate a quarter of what I ordered. Myles, too, I had noticed when my eyes downcast at his hands rubbing against his thighs under the table. I put my hand over his fidgety one and he stilled, along with his whole body.

That dinner was the second weirdest I experienced. I could only pray for it to end.