Luke's cold. He's thin, all of his body mass is spread out over his giant frame, so he gets cold easily. And it doesn't really help that Michael and Calum are practically in each other's laps in the seats in front of his. He squints, then glances over at Ashton, hoping the older boy will get the point.

He's got his headphones in and his phone clutched in his hands, gazing out the window thoughtfully. Luke's eyes zero in on the sticker stuck to the top right corner of his chest. It's all white, with only "Pls do not touch the artwork" written on it in Calum's chicken scratch. Luke had forgotten that Ashton wasn't up for touching people today. Come to think of it, he wasn't up for talking to people, either. Calum was his mouth piece, apparently.

Luke huffs again, sitting back in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest. His fingers smooth down the goose bumps on his bicep slowly, but he's still freezing. Ashton glances at him out of the corner of his eye, probably only because Luke had made the entire seat move, but then turns back to the plane window again.

Calum laughs from the seat in front of them, quickly followed by Michael making an annoyed noise, and Luke scowls. They know he hates being left out of things. And he's still fucking cold.

"I hate," Luke announces, to no one in particular. He doesn't even bother finishing the sentence, because no ones probably paying attention to him. Even if they are, they should know that he just hates everything. He hates this plane, he hates his band, he hates how hungry he is, he hates how cold he is, he hates that he doesn't have a blanket, he hates that no one will cuddle with him. He just, he hates everything. But mostly his band.

"What's the matter, little Lukey?" Calum sits up and turns to peer over the seat, all big, bright eyes and fluffy hair. Luke hates when they call him that, too. As always, Ashton and Michael both follow Calum's line of sight and glance back at Luke expectantly.

"I just," Luke huffs again, sticking his bottom lip up and glancing down at his lap. "I just hate!"

Calum gives him a considering look, eyeing him curiously for a few seconds, before he nods in agreement. "Me too."

Michael looks amused at the conversation. Well, from what Luke can see of him over the plane seat. Ashton pulls out one ear bud so he can listen closer, and eyes Luke up with a small smile. Luke knows they're amused at Calum's response, not the conversation. They're listening to see what Calum's going to say, not what they're talking about.

Luke doesn't respond, too caught up in his burning jealousy, so Calum takes it upon himself to reply. "Wanna join the mile high club?"

"Yes," Luke mutters miserably, not quite meaning it. Any other day, he'd be up for it, but today he's just upset. He's upset that everyone loves Calum and not him, and he's upset that he's still cold. Calum doesn't sense his sarcasm, apparently and jumps up. Michael's eyes widen while Ashton's narrow, as Calum trots over to Luke and grabs his hands.

"Right, then, better get a move on!" He says enthusiastically. He tugs Luke up and out of his seat, making the taller boy stumble, then drags him down the isle. Calum holds the creaky, plastic, bathroom door open and ushers Luke in, bowing slightly when Luke passes him.

Luke leans against the sink and pouts, while Calum shuts the door behind them and struggles with the lock. When he finally gets it, he turns and wraps his arms tightly around Luke's waist, propping his chin over Luke's broad shoulder and gripping the back of Luke's flannel shirt. Luke hums in surprise, instantly hugging back with his arms wrapped around Calum's neck.

"Why so glum, chum?" Calum asks softly, always so gentle.

Luke laughs and smacks the back of his head in one swift movement, ruffling Calum's hair and making him giggle. "Don't ever say that again."

Calum presses his mouth to Luke's neck and grins, littering tiny kisses across the skin while Luke sighs in content. "Really, Lukey, what's wrong?"

Luke sighs, turning his head to press his cheek against Calum's forehead. It squishes his cheek and pinches his lip ring, but he can't find it in him to move. "Nothing, Cal. Don't worry about it."

Calum whines, high pitched and annoyed that he didn't get his way. "I just want to know what's got you all sad and pouty," he mumbles.

Luke shrugs, accidentally knocking Calum's chin as he does so, and sighs. He tugs Calum even closer, fingers digging into the back of his shirt. "Would it be stupid to say I didn't even know?"

"No," Calum says simply.

Luke sighs in content. He tries to focus on the sound of Calum's breathing instead of how loud his heartbeat is in his ears, but winds up tightening his grip on Calum instead. He's not cold anymore, but he's more upset, now. He's starting to think that his irritation is coming from something else, other than his jealousy and body temperature. He doesn't know what he's feeling, just that there's a knot of emotion in his stomach and he can't get it unraveled.

And then, there's a sharp tug, and it comes.

"Would it be weird to tell you I don't feel like a boy today?" Luke whispers.

Calum doesn't even pause. "No."

Luke loves him, honestly. "I don't- god this is fucking weird." He snorts out a humorless laugh, clutching onto Calum even tighter, so he can't go anywhere, even if he tried.

Calum laughs a little. "I know."

Luke presses his cheek even harder against Calum's forehead. "Cal, I don't even know what I am."

"That's alright," Calum assures him quickly. "you don't have to decide right this very second, Lukey. Whenever you're ready to think about it, yeah?"

"Yeah," Luke sniffs. They stand like that for a while, just hugging tightly in the middle of the airplane bathroom, until Calum figures they're due to land pretty soon. They go back to their seats, only to find Michael's moved back and shoved the arm rest out of the way to lean against Ashton like a body pillow. Ashton's just running a hand through his hair, arm wrapped around his thin shoulders, and still looking out the window silently.

Michael wiggles his eyebrows at Luke, like that should mean something. Luke flushes and sits in Calum's previous seat, never letting go of the older boy's hand.

****

Luke gets gender. He gets that his sex is male, but his gender is how he feels. He gets that his gender is inside of him, not his external parts. He just doesn't get exactly what his gender is.

He doesn't really see the point to any gender, if he's honest. They're social constructs, male, female, agender. The only reason genders exist is because of how someone acts, looks, and dresses; how society perceives them. Genders aren't even real, to Luke. They're just titles and a way to feel normal for some people.

Luke already feels normal. He knows some people have different genders, outside of male and female. Calum's shown him. He doesn't care what his gender is because, with seven billion plus people on this planet, someone has to feel the same way. There's no way he's alone, someone has to have thought of this before.

The people supporting genders are all about destroying societal expectations and shit, but they're only building new, different expectations. The break down the male-female stigma and build up the gender spectrum, but they forget about the people who are lost within the notches. Luke's not a boy. Luke's not a girl. Luke's not agender, genderfluid, bigender- Luke's not anything. He's the one that's stuck between two ends of the spectrum, bouncing around like he's lost.

He's not. He's happy with himself. His gender doesn't matter to him. It's no one else's business, so it shouldn't matter to them, either.

****

"Hey," Luke looks up from his lap and glances down the bus couch. Ashton's right next to him, while Michael's leaning against the opposite arm rest with his feet propped in Ashton's lap. Calum comes back in from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn in his hands and crawls into Luke's lap like he fucking lives there (he kind of does). Luke grabs his waist to make sure he doesn't, like, fall and crack his head open or anything.

"Luke, I know you like talking, but," Ashton gestures towards the title sequence playing on the television. "Jurassic Park."

"Shut up, this is important," Luke snipes.

"So important that it can't wait until the end of the movie?" Michael looks skeptical. Luke snatches the remote off the side table and punches the pause button, mainly to make a point.

"I'm not a boy," he lets go of Calum's waist and holds his arms out, just to give them a good look, then presses play again. He tosses the remote in Ashton's lap so he can grab Calum's waist again. Calum seems content in watching the movie, as is Luke, but Ashton fumbles with the remote until he can hit pause again.

"What do you mean?" He asks quickly.

Luke shrugs. "I mean what I mean. I'm not a boy." He turns back to the television expectantly, but Ashton still has questions, apparently. Calum turns so he can watch them interact, shoving popcorn in his mouth like Luke and Ashton are the movie.

"What, uh- what," Ashton pauses and flicks his eyes to Calum for a second, probably not sure if what he wants to say is morally right. Luke's pretty sure it won't be. "What- what are you? Then? If you're not a boy?"

Calum scoffs. "Does it matter? Play the movie, I want to see some dinosaurs."

"I just want to know what pronouns I should use!" Ashton counters, without releasing his tight grip on the remote.

"It's a valid question," Michael points out, finally chiming into the conversation. Luke wishes he hadn't. His simple announcement has split them in half, apparently. Luke just wants to see the kitchen scene with the velociraptors.

"You don't need to answer that," Calum assures him, reaching back to wind his arm around Luke's neck and pat his opposite shoulder with greasy popcorn hands. "I'm proud of you for telling us, Lukey. You don't have to answer intrusive questions. You can tell us whenever you want."

"No, I-" Luke sighs, tightening his grip on Calum's waits. "It's not that I don't want to tell you, exactly? It's that I can't, really. I- I'm not anything. I don't fit into a category like you do, Cal. I'm just sort of here."

"That's okay," Calum assures him without even pausing. "Thanks for telling us." He presses a loud, smacking kiss to Luke's temple, making the latter giggle and squirm a bit.

"Okay, but pronouns," Ashton says, whining a bit and pitching his voice higher in a way he does when he's stressed. Luke's stomach tightens, because Ashton is stressing out over him. Ashton doesn't need any stress in his life.

"I don't care," Luke shrugs. "I literally could not care less what pronouns you use. He, she, they, anything else you can find, I don't care. Just stick with he, if it makes you more comfortable."

Luke really doesn't care about pronouns. Nothing makes him uncomfortable, not like when someone calls Calum a he on his girl days. He's honestly fine with anything they at to call him. Genders are weird to Luke, they really, really don't exist, but no one else seems to see it that way.

Ashton sighs at that. He stares at Luke silently for a second or two, then reaches over and ruffles his blonde hair lightly. "Alright, Lukey. But you tell us if you change your mind, okay?"

"Yeah," Luke agrees. After a few more seconds of silence, Ashton presses play again.

((Yooooo, so I started a fic called TRANS, and it's about trans boy!Michael. I have it all planned out and everything, and the intros up right now if y'all wanna check it out!! That'd be cool. Heck yeah.

Question: Favorite band/singer/music group??

Answer: ugh, a lot. Im feeling AWOLNATION (not as emo as it sounds I swear), Hozier (MY BABY), and Soapy aka fivesecondsofsheeran right now. And Halsey. HALSEY AF.

-Mel(ukE DOESNT AGE)))