(Trigger Warning: contains graphic descriptions of panic attacks. read at your own discretion)

She felt the sword slice through her chest again. She saw those dark eyes stare back at her, a sadistic smile etched on his face. The blood seeped through, staining her clothes. A blinding pain gripped her, as she crumpled to the ground. Just before she fell into oblivion, he bent down to her level.

'Just because they say you're a goddess, doesn't mean you are. You can't save everyone.' Glozelle whispered.

Suddenly, she's back home in Finchley. Her grandmother stands before her, smiling, arms stretched wide. Raina smiled before running up to her. Just as she was about to reach her, she vanished.

'No! Grammy!' Raina screamed. She looked down to find her grandmother lying on the ground, lifeless.

'No no no no, not this again..please..' Raina begged.

This was the image she could never get out of her head.

She tried forcing it away, and just as she did, found herself on a battlefield. Her father, clad in khaki, races to save a solitary soldier in the line of fire. By saving him, he got the worst of the blast.

'DAD!' Raina screamed, as her chest convulsed in pain. She fell to her knees as she witnessed her father die before her eyes.

She was then transported to a corridor. The walls were white, the hallway abandoned. There was a door at the end of the hallway. Raina slowly walked forward, and peeped through the window in the door. Her heart dropped just as a long beep sound was heard.

She was suddenly caught in a chokehold, by the same man back at the Lone Islands. She couldn't get out of his grip this time. He squeezed the life out of her

You can't save everyone. A voice spoke. Raina turned around to see Edmund. Her eyes widened.

'No..Edmund.. I-' She couldn't complete her sentence.

'You left me.' He whispered. Raina's eyes watered.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I-'

'I wish I never met you.'

********

'NO!' Raina screamed.

She jolted awake, her forehead sweating profusely, her palms in tight fists, knuckles white, chest heaving. She opened her hands to see her grip drew blood. Blood.

She was laying in a hammock, in an empty room. There was a window, where she could see the water. A warm sea breeze blew in through the window. Raina took a solid 5 minutes to calm her racing breathing, as she carefully wiped the sweat from her forehead. Just then, Edmund entered the room, a concerned look on his face.

'Raina! I heard you scream. What's wrong?' He asked worriedly, as he came over to her. She didn't know how to answer. Her vision of Edmund came back as tears bubbled in her eyes. She couldn't speak. The tears fell freely.

He said he wished he never met her.

Edmund did not hesitate to pull her into his chest, and protectively wrap his arms around her, as he rested his head on top of hers. Raina held onto Edmund for dear life. After the images she saw, she needed to get them out of her head, and the one place she was always safe, though she would never really admit it, was in Edmund's arms. Her mind kept telling her not to do it, because she'll get in too deep again, and this time she wouldn't be able to recover. Raina was too exhausted, emotionally and physically to pull away. She just stayed in his arms, sniffling, as some tears fell from her eyes and onto his tunic. He soothingly rubbed her back, as he felt her relax slightly. As he pulled away, seeing the look on Raina's face made him terrified. Her eyes were red, the bags under her eyes very noticeable, her cheeks puffy, and her lips almost red. He'd known Raina a while, and not once had he ever seen her this way.

He'd never seen her look so broken.

'Raina..what's going on?' He asked, simply. 'Right after we spoke to Lord Bern, you passed out. What happened?'

Raina's face was pale. She didn't know how to start or where to start explaining.

'I-I had a nightmare.' She said in a small voice.

'Okay, do you want to talk about it?' Edmund asked, hopefully. This was the most he got out of her ever since they came to Narnia. He just needed to know what happened.

Raina couldn't stop visualising him saying that he wished to have never met her. Her throat was tightening, as she felt a crushing weight on her chest. It felt as though she was under water. Her skin began to pale, and her nails dug into her palm, as her knuckles turned white. She looked down to try and steady her shallow breathing. Her lips quivered as tears ran down her face, the images tattooed in her mind.

All those horrifying images, those scarring moments broke her. After experiencing it, she shut them out and now suddenly, she's watching all of it on repeat.

She began to lose her grip on herself, as her vision swam in and out of focus. Her heartbeat was ringing in her ears, as she wheezed.

Edmund recognised what she was going through and took her face in his hands.

'Hey, hey it's okay. You're safe, you're okay. I'm here.' He reassured as he leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

'Close your eyes and take a deep breath.' He said, calmly. Raina followed his instructions.

'Now, focus on me. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Focus on me.' He continued as Raina set her gaze on him. Her pupils had dilated to a great extent, but seeing the calm look on Edmund's face, the dilation began to decrease.

'Now, think of a happy place. Your happy place.' He said, taking her hands and kissing them. Even while experiencing a panic attack, Raina felt her cheeks blush.

She closed her eyes and tried to think of her happy place. Funnily enough, she found herself on the field outside the Telmarine Castle, where she and Edmund decided to..you know..

Raina's breathing had normalised, as the panic she felt died down, and she felt more relaxed. She turned to Edmund, curiously.

'How did you know what to do? I've never felt this before..' She asked. Edmund's face clouded over for just a moment, but enough for Raina to notice.

'Experience.'

******

'Are you okay now?'

'Yes, Edmund, for the bazillionth time.'

Raina rolled her eyes at Edmund's concern, as they walked across the deck, possibly to try and hide the butterflies in her stomach.

'I can't help it. I can't see you like that.' He admitted, softly. Raina gasped quietly.

'It's not a big deal, Ed, it's fine.' She mumbled, and tried to move away. Edmund gently grabbed her arm.

'Hey, why're you avoiding me?' He asked, a little hurt. Raina did not expect him to ask that.

'What's going on with you? This is the most I've spoken to you in almost 3 years.' Edmund said, slightly angry.

'Edmund, I can't talk about it.' Raina said, distantly.

'Why?' Edmund pressed on.

'Because I can't!' She yelled, catching the attention of the crew members working. She looked down embarrassed, and met Edmund's hurt and confused gaze.

'Lord Bern is right. My powers are weak, because my will is weak.' She admitted before speed walking away from him, leaving a flurry of questions in his mind. Reepicheep's voice caught her attention.

'Trying to run away?'

Raina turned to see Eustace running, with a blade in his hand, as Reepicheep intercepted him, standing on a barrel. Eustace looked flustered, as Raina smiled, chuckling to herself.

'We're on a boat, you know?' Reepicheep mused.

'Look, can't we just discuss this?' Eustace asked, pleadingly.

'That was for stealing.' Reepicheep said, as he swiped his blade across Eustace's shirt. It tore slightly, revealing an orange inside.

'That was for lying.' He continued, as he impaled the orange on his blade, as Eustace's eyes bulged.

'And that..' The mouse swiped the orange across Eustace's face, causing the latter to look at him angrily. 'Was for good measure.'

Eustace gritted his teeth as he struck his blade at Reepicheep, who cheered.

'Aha! That's the spirit!' Reepicheep cheered, as Eustace continued to swipe at him.

'We have ourselves a duel! Catch' Reepicheep threw the orange at Drinian, who caught it in his hand, smiling amusedly.

Raina crossed her arms, as a smirk settled on her face. Caspian and Lucy joined her.

'What's going on?' Lucy asked. Raina chuckled.

'Eustace tried to steal an orange, so now he and Reepicheep are going to duel.' Raina explained as Caspian let out a hearty laugh.

'Oh this is gonna be good.' He said. The crew members stopped what they were doing to watch this amusing duel, a very unevenly matched one at that.

Reepicheep stood on a barrel, as Eustace looked for an opening.

'Now, come on! Take your best shot.' Reepicheep taunted. Eustace swung at him, but Reepicheep deftly dodged his attacks.

'Is that it?! Come on boy!' The mouse taunted, as he rolled over to avoid Eustace's attacks. 'Focus now Focus! Yes! Ha!'

Eustace was getting annoyed as he couldn't land a shot on Reepicheep.

'Stop flapping your wings like a drunken pelican! Poise.' Reepicheep exclaimed, as Eustace eyed him.

'Keep your blade up! Up, up, that's it! Now.' Reepicheep said, almost as though he was training Eustace.

Eustace lunged forward with his blade, as Reepicheep avoided it by jumping on his back, and using his tail to swing over to a barrel behind him.

'Yoo-hoo! Over here!' Reepicheep called out, as Eustace tried to remove his blade from where it got stuck in some wood.

'Now! Lunge with your foot! Not your left, your right!' Reepicheep explained, his tone, impatient. He stood on the railing as Eustace faced him.

'Be nimble, be nimble!' Reepicheep exclaimed. 'It's a dance boy, a dance!'

Eustace lunged forward repeatedly, to try and gain an edge over the annoyingly good mouse.

'Come on now, again, again! That's right, that's right!' Reepicheep exclaimed, seemingly glad that Eustace began to get the hang of it.

Eustace swiped at Reepicheep, as the latter tumbled backwards.

'Oh no!' Reepicheep yelled as he vanished behind the railing. Eustace worriedly rushed forward to check what became of the mouse.

Raina chuckled to herself as she noticed Reepicheep standing on some rope, above Eustace. Did he really think Reepicheep's going down that easy?

'He did.'

Raina looked to her right to see Edmund standing there, a wide smirk on his face.

'I said that out loud?'

'Yeah.'

Meanwhile, Reepicheep used his tail to tap Eustace's shoulder.

'And that!' Reepicheep yelled, just as the boy turned around, the mouse delivered a mighty kick, causing the boy to go sprawling on the floor, knocking a basket to the ground. 'Is that!'

Cheers erupted throughout the deck, but a shrill scream was heard. Lucy came forward and noticed someone crawl out of the basket.

'Look.'

A little girl crawled out, who Raina recognised as Gael, Rhince's daughter.

'Gael?'

Rhince stepped forward just as Gael stood up. She looked timid and afraid.

'What are you doing here?' Her father asked, a surprised look on his face.

'Come here.' Rhince walked over to her, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, the little girl leaning into him, trying to hide from everyone. Drinian approached them, the orange in his hand. A small smile cracked through.

'Hmm. Looks like we have an extra crew member.' He mused. Rhine smiled slightly as Gael timidly looked up. Drinian offered the orange to her, who took it, wordlessly. Raina and Lucy approached the girl, smiles on their faces.

'Welcome aboard.' Lucy greeted her.

'Your majesties.' Gael said, as she curtsied in the cutest way possible. Raina smiled.

'Call me Lucy.' Lucy told her.

'Call me Raina. Come on.' Raina beckoned Gael forward as Lucy wrapped an arm around her shoulders, bringing her inside the ship.

'Come on, look lively!' Drinian bellowed. 'Back to work!'

All the crew members busied themselves, as Eustace bent down to pick up the blade he was using. Just as he walked away, Reepicheep called out.

'Good match.' He said, slipping his blade back inside its sheath. 'I'll make a swordsman of you yet.' He continued with a proud smile.

Eustace couldn't help but grin at that, shyly.

'Yes well.' His face became impassive. 'If the playing field were a little more even, it would've been an entirely different result.' He grumbled as he walked away. Reepicheep chuckled.

'Indeed.'

(A/N ahhh i know this wasn't my best, but it gets better i promise! as you can tell, raina is wrestling with her demons, and trying not to fall for edmund again. it's taking a toll on her and it's going to come to a peak soon. i also noticed my chapters prior were quite long, and i intend to write 25 chapters and an epilogue for this book. so henceforth i'm keeping the chapters shorter, just so it doesn't seem like i'm dragging it out in the end. for now, i'm going to work on some comic relief to lighten the mood. i hope you guys are enjoying and i'll see you soon!)

please vote on the chapter guys! it would really help my fanfic!!