There was a weight that was lifted, but a weight that prevailed too. Guess that's what happens when you finally snap and let it out, but when you let it out, you realise you've actually accepted what happened, and that you can't live in denial anymore. And that's what Raina felt in the hours that followed her stand-off with Edmund. It was well into the evening, as the night crew stayed on deck to maneuver the ship. Raina sat on the prow, her new favourite place on the ship now, and stared out into the midnight ocean.

It was always going to end this way, wasn't it? She asked herself. While always holding out a small ember of hope for ending up with the boy she's come to care about so deeply, she knew they could never be together. Life has a knack for throwing wrenches and hardships your way, but this takes the cake. All this makes you question whether what you felt was real, or whether you just wanted to feel something, so you made it up.

But no matter what happened, Raina could never pretend she didn't care about Edmund Goddamn Pevensie.

He just had to say that, didn't he? Raina wondered. I wonder if he meant that or it was a spur of the moment.

Spoiler alert, Edmund loathes himself for saying that, knowing full well now he never meant it.

From the entry to the map room, Edmund watched the girl he tormented sit alone on the prow of the ship, her hand repeatedly going to her face, and wiping at her eyes rapidly.

You know that gnawing feeling? In the pit of your stomach? When you know you've hurt someone so deeply, they'll never recover? That's what he felt, and how he'll blame himself for losing the one he always dreamed of, because of his anxieties. He let that cloud his judgement, and went so far as to believe that of all people, Raina Laurel, the kindest, most caring and loving person alive, was selfish.

I'm a fucking asshole. Edmund thought to himself, as he watched Raina stare out into the ocean. He felt tears build in his eyes, as she buried her head in her hands and sobbed, quietly. Edmund couldn't bear to see that, especially when he was the reason for it, as well as not being able to go and comfort her. He just bounded away inside, rapidly wiping at his eyes, disappearing from sight of who seems to be his younger carbon copy, watching from the edge of the deck.

Eustace observed his annoying, snarky cousin physically break down, observing that girl on the prow, the scary one with the powers and stuff. But for the first time, observing Raina so frail, so upset, even Eustace felt a twinge of sadness for her. He had no inkling as to what might've happened, but he figured it had to have been bad.

Eustace then made the brave decision to walk upto Raina, nervously twiddling his fingers. Her back was to him, just as he softly cleared his throat. Raina turned her head slightly, as Eustace looked taken aback. Even in the darkness, he could see the paleness of her face. the redness of her cheeks and eyes, and the slickness of her cheeks. She had been crying, and she looked broken. Eustace had never seen anyone like that, least of all Raina, possibly the strongest, most powerful badass he had ever had the honour of meeting (don't say this to her).

'Did you need something, Eustace?' Raina asked, her voice soft, on the verge of cracking.

'No no, I uh...' Eustace trailed off, not knowing how to approach her, especially because he hadn't dealt with talking to someone crying, especially not this way. Raina figured it out.

'Not used to seeing this, huh?' Raina commented, as Eustace nodded slowly.

'You can sit, I'm not going to flash my eyes at you or make you hang upside down.' Raina joked, as Eustace laughed genuinely before taking a seat next to her.

'Are you alright, Raina?' Eustace asked, concerned. Raina took a shuddering breath, as she looked up towards the sky.

'No, Eustace, I'm really not.'

Eustace felt a kind of concern for her, something he'd not felt for anyone before. He may be terrified of her, but he saw her differently now. Right now, she is human, not an all-powerful goddess.

'Would you like to be alone? I-it usually helps me.' Eustace admitted as Raina gave him a tight-lipped smile.

'I'd have to agree with that, but right now, I'm really not sure.' Raina replied, reaching up to wipe her eyes.

'I figured you'd be happy I'm not talking to your cousin, considering you hate him.' Raina sassed, as Eustace chuckled, and looked down.

'It's a normal thing, I figure, but from what I can see, I don't think what happened between you two is normal.' Eustace stated, simply. Raina felt tears build again as she recalled Edmund's words. She let out a shallow breath.

'It's not, and let's just say, once all this is over, I don't plan to see him again.' Raina mirrored Eustace's tone. Eustace looked shocked. He knew his cousin was dumb arse but even he didn't think he'd mess something like this up the way he has.

'What did he do? I'm going to deal with him, the most uncivilised little-' Eustace started speaking, angrily as Raina waved him off, a small smile on her face.

'Eustace, as much as I'd appreciate you trying to beat up your cousin, it's not necessary.' Raina assured.

Eustace stood down, but he still wanted to know what his cousin did. From what he could tell, Raina was a very tolerant and accepting person, so for her to not want anything to do with Edmund, it had to be something unforgivable.

Raina recognised the worried curiosity and decided to tell him.

'The thing is, um, about 3 years ago, I lost my family, in all but 24 hours, and I stopped talking to Edmund, because I needed to cope. I...cut him out, and now I'm back here, and I lied to him about why I cut him out. Needless to say, the Umbra Regem painted me as a selfish liar, and that's what Edmund thinks of me now that he knows. I couldn't believe he fell for it, and now once our work in Narnia is over, I don't want to see him again. I went 3 years without him, and I can easily go the rest of my life without him.' Raina ranted, almost trying to convince herself she can live the rest of her life without him.

This was the first time Eustace felt pain for someone else, pain so deep, he wanted to punch Edmund and hug Raina at the same time. He felt protective of her, as though she is his older sibling, something he'd never felt before. Hearing the kind of trauma Raina experienced, on her own, without ever speaking about it, it made him hurt for her, and feel even more respect for her than he already did.

'I'm...I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone.' Eustace admitted, sadly. Raina gave him a sad smile.

'You don't have anything to feel sorry for.'

The pair sunk into silence, watching the moonlight on the surface of the water, almost making it glow.

'Look, Raina...Cousin Edmund is an arse, a total arse...' Eustace blubbered, as Raina laughed a little at that. Eustace cracked a smile too.

'But...something tells me that he cares about you, and always will.'

Raina closed her eyes, and looked down to stop the tears from falling. She rapidly looked up at the sky, and blinked to stop the tears, and turned to Eustace.

'Here's something you're going to learn soon, Eustace...'

Eustace furrowed his eyebrows.

'Even if you care about someone, it doesn't mean you're meant to be with them, no matter how much it hurts.'

**********

'Ready?'

'Yep.'

'Okay, and...GO!'

Reepicheep threw a piece of wood into the air, as an arrow cleanly sliced through it, cutting it into two pieces, just as it fell into the ocean. Raina dropped the bow, a case of arrows strapped to her back. She cocked her eyebrow, pondering. The morning light engulfed the ship, as Raina observed the splinters in the ocean.

'I haven't had much of a chance to practice my archery skills, to be honest.' Raina admitted, dusting her tunic.

'It need not be your weapon of choice, but it's always good to know, my Queen!' Reepicheep piped up. Despite feeling like the epitome of shit, Raina cracked a smile at Reepicheep's infectious enthusiasm.

'I can't disagree with that. Well, I've got backups.' She shrugged as Reepicheep nodded.

'You do! And may I say, you are a mighty force with it!'

Raina smiled, gratefully, observing the brave mouse.

'And you too, Reepicheep. There is no one else I'd rather have by my side, fighting that bastard.' Raina's face clouded over, thinking about all that the Umbra Regem had done to her, taken away from her. She will get her revenge and get rid of him, if that was the last thing she did. Reepicheep sensed her anger at the Shadow evil, as he puffed his chest, fixing her with a look of resolution.

'He will pay, I know it, because we will make him pay.'

Raina smiled.

'I said it to you the first time we met, my Queen. We are all standing by you.'

'You did, indeed, and I couldn't be more grateful for that.'

Raina reached back and placed her bow inside her case of arrows, as she took a seat on the deck, watching the ocean lap against the ship. It was very much a clear day, with some wind, the birds were chirping, and everything was normal, so normal, it felt sinister. Reepicheep bowed and took his leave, as Caspian approached the Queen, looking a little distracted.

'Mind if I join?'

Raina turned to him, her face impassive, but a small tug of a smile could be seen at the corner of her mouth.

'Knock yourself out.' She said, her voice a little flat.

Caspian took a seat next to her, as they watched the ocean waves. He cautiously turned to her.

'Do you want to talk about it?'

Now that he was closer, he could see the dryness of her cheeks, the paleness of her face, and the redness in her eyes, as well as the bags under them. It was clear she hadn't slept. His heart tugged for Raina, now knowing the depth of the torment she experienced alone.

'I don't know.'

Caspian understood all too well how she felt, to a degree. He could understand the emotions she felt to a degree, and hoped that she could open up to him, and talk about it. Raina looked down, as she sniffled slightly.

'Did you feel this way too?' Raina asked, quietly. 'Did you also feel the need to isolate yourself from everyone?'

Caspian mulled it over, a shadow cast over his face, recalling those dark memories.

'I did. But I couldn't act on it.'

Raina squinted her eyes at that.

'What do you mean?'

Caspian sighed, and turned to the stairway that led below deck.

'Let's go inside, I'd rather my crew not hear this.'

'I understand.'

The pair got up and we're about to walk towards the door, when Raina caught Edmund looking at her from the other side of the deck. She stopped short, her heart hammering, her throat drying, and her mind screaming. Despite her resolution over no longer wanting him in her life, she couldn't help but ache at the image of Edmund she was seeing.

Just as broken as her, if not more.

His usually calm, and relaxed demeanour was long gone, his shoulder slacked, his eyes red, his face pale, and his disheveled hair. She would've run up to him and hugged him and...maybe done more until he was happy again, when she realised.

She couldn't do that anymore, and she never will again.

Just as their eyes met across the ship, the sparks threatened to fly, but each other's pain kept it down, hidden, as if it never existed. It was soul crushing, really, watching two people, who couldn't be more perfect for each other, separated by forces they could overcome, if they just knew how to. And from what I can tell, they know it, they just don't know it.

Caspian sadly observed the two locked eyes, his aching for both of them, knowing how they felt. Something stirred in him, as a familiar face appeared in his memory. The situation might be different, but the end result was the same. Two people who wanted to be together, but couldn't, because fate had other plans.

A face of true beauty, of kindness, of a kind of love you never thought you'd be worthy of. Someone who made you believe that things get better after the darkness passes, who gives you a reason to fight, to live, to be your best self. Her eyes stared back at him in his memory, glazed over, a slightly trembling lip, palling skin. Her brunette hair was styled into curls, a distant yet pained look in her eyes, her hands by her side, in the same blue and white gown she wore almost 3 years ago. Even when upset, she was the picture of true perfection. She reeked of love, of longing, so deep it felt impenetrable. Caspian felt tears prick his widened eyes, as his breaths felt shallower every moment, not realising how much affected him, and still affects him.

Raina had snapped out of her trance, and eyed Caspian's face, worriedly. She shut her eyes, willing them to flash violet, and they did, surprisingly. She required drawing on the power of a memory to do so, but her control over her will appeared to return. She zoomed in on Caspian's thought with ease, as she felt a heavy feeling settle over her heart.

'You wanna talk about it?' Raina asked, snapping Caspian out of his trance, staring back at Raina, confusedly.

'What? What're you talking about?'

Raina gently tugged him inside the quarters, near the map room, completely not having noticed Edmund fuming at the sight. He ended up punching the railing of the deck in anger, frustration and even hurt. Someone placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, which revealed to be Lucy, a concerned expression pasted on her face.

'Ed...' She said, slightly reprimanding, but worried nonetheless. Edmund sighed, sharply, before turning away, leaning against the railing, his arms crossed against his chest.

'Sorry.' He said, quietly, as Lucy looked at him, sadly.

'I wish there was something I could do.' Edmund spoke again, feelings of regret lacing his voice.

'If one thing is certain, Edmund, when it comes to making things right, it's never too late.' Lucy tried to sound encouraging, even though she knew deep down it would take a lot for Edmund to turn this around. It's not that it was impossible, it was just exceptionally hard. Not impossible, just hard. Edmund looked at her, his face seemed impassive. He shrugged.

'Where there's a will, there's a way, right?'

'Always.'

*********

'I know you're not over Susan.'

'Wh-what? No! There's nothing to get over!'

'Spare me the lies, Caspian. I'm not blind, and I can also read minds, and in your case, I didn't need to. I know that look, I've seen it before, mostly in the mirror.'

Raina needled Caspian about his past feelings for Susan, the king trying desperately to dodge the topic. But Raina wasn't about to back down, especially when there's a chance for her to forget her own pain and trauma, and help someone overcome theirs. Caspian huffed and ran a hand through his growing hair.

'How much did you...you know...' He trailed off, unsure, as a small smile tugged at the corner of Raina's mouth.

'Enough.' She stated, simply.

'Look, I...' Caspian began. 'Do I have feelings towards Susan, right now? No, I don't.' He explained, trying to convince himself.

'Caspian...' Raina began, her voice soft.

'I know how you feel. I really do, and I can't help you, if you're not honest with me. When I was feeling this way, I was completely alone, and all I wanted was someone to talk to, maybe someone who knew how I felt.' She said, reminiscently.

'I don't know if you want me to be here, or if you want to be alone, but know that if there is anything you want to talk about, I'm here. And I'll probably understand more than you think.'

Caspian did feel a little at ease. He didn't want to burden Raina with his overbearing thoughts, especially which were heavier than they seemed, but for a moment he debated telling her how he felt. Then suddenly, everything Raina went through over the past couple of years came rushing back at him, and he internally scolded himself for thinking it's okay to burden her with this, when she herself is going through so much. As he went down this chain of thought, Raina gently touched his arm, forcing him to look her in the eye.

'I know you think you shouldn't 'burden' me with this.'

'Can you stop reading my thoughts all the time?' Caspian asked, somewhat annoyed and somewhat caught. Raina chuckled at that, as she shook her head.

'Hey, if you got mind reading powers, you'd use it all the time on people too.'

'Fair enough. But, how're you doing it so easy? Coriakin really helped, didn't he?'

'He definitely did, but I think I've got my will back. To a degree.'

'Wait WHAT?'

(A/N i know, really uneventful, i'm sorryyy but it'll get better from the next couple of chapters i promise!! chapter seventeen should be up in a few days, im still doing my finals, just submitted my math final last night ugh, i hate math so much. anyway, i hope you guys are enjoying and i'll see you in the next chapter!!)

please do vote on the chapters guys, it would really help my fanfic!