Trigger warning: mentions and brief descriptions of suicide.

Raina spent the rest of the day training with Coriakin. She soon got the hang of accessing her memories as a means of using her powers. She wasn't getting tired out, but she wasn't unable to tap into her powers of life, as Coriakin predicted. But she was getting her powers back as a result of tapping into her memories, which was a big deal. Raina mainly used angry memories, such as that of Miraz and Glozelle. Safe to say, she felt very strongly about them and it translated in her power. She started to feel more normal again.

'Oof. I haven't felt this exhausted yet exhilarated in a while.' Raina spoke, as she bent down, her hands on her knees, as she breathed heavily. She just finished smashing a boulder, summoning a large fire, extinguishing it with water, and creating a small thunderstorm.

'I can't believe I just controlled the weather!' She exclaimed as Coriakin chuckled, heartily. They were standing in the gardens outside Coriakin's mansion.

'I'm glad. Now, one last thing we need to try.' Coriakin stated, as Raina straightened herself and turned to him.

'Since the Umbra Regem specialises in using your mind and will against you, you must know how to do it right back.'

Raina's mouth fell open as she stared at Coriakin, doe eyed.

'Y-you want me...to mentally manipulate an ancient demon?' Raina stuttered out, enunciating the word 'manipulate'. Coriakin sighed.

'Our minds are powerful. Way more powerful than anyone could imagine. It could be our greatest strength, but also our worst enemies. The best way is to discover one's weakness and use it against them.' Coriakin explained, as Raina gulped.

'That's beyond cruel.' Raina replied.

'Desperate times call for desperate measures.'

Raina nodded.

'So what do I do exactly?'

Coriakin mulled it over for a moment.

'You need someone who volunteers to let you sort of invade their minds and find out their deepest fear. That's the first step. Once you know what that fear is, it's fairly simple how to exploit it. But the first step is to discover what it is.' He explained.

'I find it hard to believe anyone would volunteer to let me do that to them.' Raina sassed, crossing her arms.

'I'll do it.'

Raina and Coriakin whirled around to see Edmund standing there, hands in his pockets. Raina's eyes widened as she shook her head, profusely.

'NOPE. nope. I am NOT doing that.' She maintained. Edmund came forward, arms out.

'I'm fine with it. Do it.' He maintained a calm look in his eyes. Raina looked alarmed and still shook her head.

'Edmund no! I am not doing that to you.' She choked out, her voice cracking slightly.

'Your majesty, are you sure about this? I must warn you, it is a tumultuous experience.' Coriakin warned. Edmund turned to him and nodded, assuredly.

'I am.' He replied, as he turned to Raina, who was paling slightly out of fear. He placed his hands on her arms and looked deep into her eyes. She didn't look at him.

'Raina.' He said, softly. Raina slowly looked up, her eyes sparkling with tears. Edmund reached up and gently wiped them away.

'Trust me.' He whispered.

Raina was terrified, but she also realised that this might be her only choice.

'Okay.'

Coriakin stepped forward.

'Raina, all you must do is discover his fear. Now, he will put up a fight.' Coriakin turned to Edmund.

'You naturally have a barrier between your unconscious and conscious mind. It's what the consciousness tries to hide, as well as the subconscious. Our deepest fear lies at the deepest part of our minds.'

Coriakin looked at Raina.

'You must break through the barriers and find out what lies beneath.'

'How do I do that?' Raina asked.

'There is the easy way, or the hard way.' Coriakin began. 'The easy way would be using force and breaking into someone's unconscious minds against their will.'

Raina squinted at him.

'Wouldn't that be the hard way?' She asked, confused.

'No. It's easier to use force on someone. Naturally as a powerful being, it wouldn't be difficult for you to do that. But the hard way would be to convince someone to trust you enough to let you through the walls of their mind.'

Raina sucked in a deep breath. She turned to Edmund, unsure.

'Edmund, are you sure?' She asked again, warily. Edmund nodded.

'I am. Do what you have to do.'

Raina walked closer to him, and stood in front of him.

'Close your eyes.' She whispered to him, as she took his hands in her own. The warmth of his palms made her shiver slightly, as he held her hands securely.

She closed her eyes, and Edmund followed. Raina reached for the power within her. She breathed in deeply and felt her eyes flash violet. She zoomed in on Edmund's mind, and soon found herself in his mind palace. Silver swirls of his memories were floating all around her. Wisps of important memories and information of his conscious mind. As they whisked past her, she caught glimpses of Peter and Susan. Peter was getting on a train, while Susan was getting on an airplane, along with their parents. It appeared to be the last time Edmund had seen his older brother and sister.

Raina gulped as another silver wisp flew by. This time, it was of Edmund staring Eustace down. The two were having a squabble over something, and neither were willing to back down. This one made Raina smile slightly to herself, before snorting as Edmund told Eustace he licked every one of the sweets that Eustace demolished. The horrified look on Eustace's face was priceless.

Raina shook her head as she began to push forward, towards Edmund's subconscious. Just as she inched forward in his mind palace, Raina felt Edmund squeeze her hands, slightly, possibly meaning she's pressing in the right place. She felt the walls push back, as Edmund subconsciously fought back. She wondered whether she should try and convince him to let her through, or whether she should break his walls down with force.

She began to channel her strength through her mind to break the walls of Edmund's mind. A grunt was heard, as Edmund tried to resist Raina's attempts to invade his mind. She wanted to stop, but she knew she couldn't. She let out a shallow breath and used her will to get past Edmund's subconscious mind. She felt a force push back, as she kept pushing forward. Edmund and Raina's hands were gripped tightly.

Suddenly, the force gave way, and Raina broke into Edmund's subconscious. Raina felt Edmund stumble slightly, closer to her, reeling. Her heart was crumbling, knowing that she was hurting him this way, but it was her only choice.

As she emerged in Edmund's subconscious, Raina encountered many more silver wisps of his memories, and the atmosphere was quite solemn. There prevailed a sense of sadness, anxiety and frustration. Something she knew all too well.

Raina could feel Edmund's slight annoyance and anxiety coming to Narnia again, and not being a leader. The first two times he came, Peter was in charge, and this time around, it was Caspian and her. Raina didn't feel that he harboured animosity towards her, but towards Caspian. She could feel his disappointment, his slight anger, she felt his pain.

Eventually, Raina emerged somewhere else in Edmund's mind, surrounded by an even stronger barrier. This time, the walls were of steel, at least they felt as strong. Edmund was now heaving in Raina's arms, violently convulsing, as she tried to push past.

'Arghhh.' Edmund groaned in pain. Raina summoned more strength, just as Edmund let out a pained scream.

'AHHH. No no no no NO!'

Raina felt her body convulse as well, hearing Edmund's screams.

'I can't do this. I can't do this!' She screamed at herself.

'You must keep going Raina.' Raina heard Coriakin's voice some distance away, as she felt her surrounding blur. She was losing her grip on her power as she felt the walls cave in around her. She could feel Edmund's fear, his pain, his agony, and worst of all? She was the cause of it.

'That's it.' She whispered to herself.

She decided enough was enough.

She stopped using her power on him, as she continued to stand on the border between his subconscious and unconscious mind. Edmund tensed slightly, but relaxed soon after, as Raina held his hands in her own. She then connected with him telepathically, as she began to converse with him.

'Edmund, it's me.' Raina said in a soft, reassuring voice.

'Raina..' Edmund whispered mentally. 'I don't know if I can do this..' Raina's heart broke at the softness of his voice. She squeezed his hand, encouragingly.

'Edmund, I know things have been rocky between us, but know that I..' Raina trailed off as she realised she was about to say that she'd never hurt him. Her heart dropped as she felt guilt wash over her like a tsunami. She swallowed.

'I can't, Raina.. I can't let anyone see that I'm..' Edmund trailed off as his voice cracked. Raina stepped closer to him, as she lifted his hands in her own and clasped them.

'Edmund.' She whispered in a way that made Edmund's heart race, and cheeks flush. There was something in her voice as she whispered, something you'd read about, but not necessarily experience in real life because it feels too perfect.

'You are strong. You are kind. You are so brave.' Raina said, softly.

'You make me stronger. You make me kinder. You make me braver.' Raina was getting a little choked up as she finally said what she had been repressing for so long.

'But most of all, Edmund, you make me happy. And there is nothing in this world or any other that could ever change that.' Raina admitted, as she felt her own walls crack. She built up her walls after she lost her family, and it was something about the way Edmund made her feel that made her crave her old self again. Her old self that finally admitted to having feelings for him.

Edmund gasped hearing everything Raina said. He was trying to keep the walls up, to not have his heart broken again. He was trying to be cautious. And why wouldn't he? The girl he opened up to, left without a trace and she came back and she's so different to who she used to be. She wouldn't even tell him what happened. It was a mixture of worry and anger, neither outweighing the other. Hearing this from Raina, Edmund's brain turned to mush, and his heart beat faster than it ever did before.

'Raina..do you mean that?' Edmund whispered, as he felt her now calming presence in his mind. He could almost feel the warmth of her smile in his heart.

'I meant it, just like I did before.'

'Edmund, I know you're afraid. I know you're worried, you're anxious, I would know better than anyone, of course because I can read minds, as you know.' She chuckled, and Edmund cracked a reminiscent smile at that.

'But if you need more proof..' Raina took a deep breath, and decided to return the favour to Edmund.

She gave Edmund a pathway to her mind palace, and felt him glide through. She braced herself for what she was about to reveal to him, something which she prays allows him to see just how much he means to her, and how much he would always mean to her.

Edmund blinked in confusion as he emerged in Raina's mind palace. He found himself in front of a portal of sorts, where he could see a lonely Raina, sitting at her desk, tears running down her face, as she shakily took in a breath. It appeared to have been quite recent. She hugged her knees to her chest, and buried her head into them. It was raining that day, a thunderstorm, the likes of which had not been witnessed in a long time.

I wish everything could just stop. Raina thought to herself. I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I don't know how long I can keep pretending.

Edmund could hear her thoughts, and felt his heart drop.

I think it's best that I end it once and for all. I can't put up with another little shit asking me how I'm doing. 'Oh just peachy!' Raina taunted and slammed her fist on the desk.

Edmund squinted as he felt a sense of alarm set in. He did not like where this might be going.

Raina then slowly opened a small drawer at the corner of her bedside table, and pulled out an ornate box. She opened it, and found something sharp, glinting in the dim light of the room. It was a dagger.

A dagger glazed with ancient poison.

Raina grabbed the hilt of the sharp knife and lifted it out of the box. Her finger grazed the side of the dagger, not even flinching when it sliced her finger open, and blood seeped through. The blood dripped onto her desk, but Raina's face was blank, impassive, as tears fell from her eyes.

You know that feeling? When you can feel just how broken someone is? You can feel it, the tightening sensation in your chest, a kind of pain you can't explain with words, your legs become weak, and you fall to your knees. The sheer loss of hope makes you lose hope too. Watching someone lose hope in everything around them, it's unexplainably painful and traumatising.

That's what Edmund felt, watching the girl he cares about lose her hope in everything. He realised that this is probably where her will began to weaken, but he still didn't know what happened. He watched Raina observe the dagger with bated breath, which hitched in his throat as she brought it to her wrist.

'No...no no no no no no..' Edmund whispered, fearfully. Raina wondered if letting Edmund in on her mind, especially for this, was a good idea. Maybe it wasn't but it's too late to turn back now.

In her memory, Raina began to press the blade into her wrist, slowly. Something was building in her that was threatening to release. Something that had been building for a long time.

And for the first time since everything that happened, Raina finally screamed.

'AGGGGHHHHHHH.'

Edmund recoiled slightly at the intensity of her scream, feeling everything she was feeling.

What he didn't know was the sheer mountain of grief, trauma, guilt, loss and pain she felt in that moment. Raina could feel herself being wrenched back to that place by watching it in replay. The grief came back. The trauma, the guilt, the loss, everything came back. But she had to show why she didn't do it.

Just when Edmund thought he couldn't take it anymore, he found Raina's eyes falling upon a framed picture on her desk. He squinted to get a better look, and gasped when he saw what it was.

A picture of him and Raina just before they fell apart.

Raina dropped the dagger and picked up the photo frame, and stared at it for a few moments.

'Ed..I'm sorry..I just- I don't know what to do, I'm-' Raina was getting choked up as she grazed her hand over the picture, reminiscently.

'This was all my fault... I cut you out, and I'm so so sure you hate me right now.' She sniffled as she spoke.

'I'm sorry I let you down.'

If Edmund wasn't crying before, he definitely was now.

Raina got up from her chair, and plopped herself on the bed. She observed the photograph again.

'I'm sorry. I shouldn't do this, I shouldn't give up, I know that! But i just-'

'I wish you were here. Maybe if I hold on, you will someday. I can't know for sure, but if I don't, you definitely won't.' Raina whispered to herself.

She went to the dagger on her desk, and put it back in the box and hid it under her bed, never to be seen again.

'One day, Edmund.' Raina whispered. 'One day.'

********

Edmund found himself back, as he reeled from what he saw.

Raina didn't give up because of him.

'Edmund.'

That voice gave Edmund butterflies everytime.

'I don't want to get into details of what happened. But everything you saw was true. I don't like talking about this, and you're the first person to know.' Raina explained, softly.

Raina suddenly felt the walls to Edmund's unconscious mind weaken and eventually fade. Her eyes widened, just as Edmund spoke.

'I trust you, Raina. Even if the world ends tomorrow, you're the person I'd trust, no matter what.' Edmund whispered, as he literally let Raina into the deepest part of his mind. He practically laid himself bare for her. He prays he made the right choice.

'Thank you, Edmund.'

Raina summoned her strength again as she entered the darkest part of Edmund's mind. If his subconscious mind was dark and painful, this was at least 20 times darker. The memory wisps were not silver, they were a dull gray, as Raina shivered in the presence of such darkness. She could feel Jadis's presence everywhere in Edmund's mind. Her seductive voice, promising him the world, just if he could give in to her, and Edmund fighting back with all his might.

He still hasn't moved on.

Raina moved further and felt a sense of unworthiness. Edmund had betrayed his siblings the first time he came to Narnia, and it appears to be haunting him. He worries that everyone still considers him a traitor. He felt an enormous amount of guilt about the fact that Aslan had to sacrifice himself to keep Edmund alive.

Edmund worries he didn't deserve it.

He worries that maybe if he was resistant to the White Witch, maybe Aslan wouldn't have had to sacrifice his life. Maybe if he knew better, things wouldn't have turned out the way it did.

Raina stopped in her tracks when she saw a gray wisp come to a stop in front of her. It grew wide and showed a 14 year old Edmund begging his father not to leave. He clutched his father's arm, looking up at him with pleading eyes. His father gave him a sad smile, before ruffling his hair, just before he walked out the door, in his army uniform, the door closing behind him. Edmund stood there, frozen, as tears built in his eyes. Just then, someone knocked on the door. Edmund opened it to reveal a 14 year old Raina standing there, her face a mask of concern.

Moments later they were arguing. You know, the argument in which Edmund said this:

'YOU CAN'T PROMISE THAT RAINA!'

Yep. That one.

Raina was getting choked up, reliving that day. She completely repressed it, and now realised that it hurt Edmund, just as much as it hurt her.

Raina stood frozen, as she felt Edmund's insecurity and fear after his father's departure. She felt his guilt over the way he treated her. In the memory, Edmund's mind began to race, as so many words came at him. Coward. Pathetic. Stupid. Weak.

Raina shuddered at the expression on Edmund's face. What was even more scary was that Edmund believed it.

He believed that he was a coward. He believed that he was pathetic, that he was stupid, that he was weak. Despite feeling supreme pain for him, Raina couldn't help but blush slightly as he expressed frustration in his inability to tell her how he felt about her. It was short-lived however, as what she saw next, changed everything.

Another memory wisp came to a stop in front of Raina, as she stood in the depths of Edmund's mind palace. In it, Edmund stood outside Raina's home in Finchley, long after she relocated. She read every thought running through his mind.

Why did she leave without goodbye? Why Raina why? I thought we- Edmund cut himself off, as he shook himself.

What surprised Raina most about this was that Edmund did not seem to harbour any animosity or anger over what happened. It was just plain hurt. And somehow, that was even worse. When you don't have the energy to deny your pain by being angry.

I trusted you. After everything, I trusted you. After everything that happened with Jadis, you, you Raina, were the only one I could trust.

The words Edmund thought next, changed everything.

I don't know if I ever will again. Better to die alone, than trust someone and have them take it away.

(A/N hi everyone! i'm back, and WOW this chapter took me at least a week to write. more time went in planning this than it took in writing. it was heavy, to put it lightly. i know the book is going kinda slow, but it gets better, i promise. a mini climax of sorts between edmund and raina is coming very very soon, and things will pick up the pace from there, i promise. i hope you guys are enjoying so far and please share your thoughts in the comments! i'd love to know if you're liking it or not! i love you all and have a lovely day <33)

please vote on the chapter guys it would really help my fanfic!