CHAPTER TEN

JAIRO'S POV

Pagkatapos kong ihatid si Kristine sa bahay nila ay punong-puno ng kaguluhan ang isip ko.

Pangalawang beses na niyang napahamak nang dahil sa akin. And if those weren't enough, I even received a message while I was driving my way home.

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From: 0913*******

Looks like everyone wants to get back at you, Jairo. But don't worry. If they don't succeed, I sure will.

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Hindi ko mapigilang kabahan na naman para sa buhay ni Kristine. Sa dinami-raming pwedeng idamay, siya pa talaga.

Ang tagal ko siyang pilit iningatan at iniwas sa kapahamakan, tapos itong saglit na panahong ginusto kong maging masaya kasama siya... ayaw naman nila akong hayaan.

Gusto ko sanang makasama pa siya ng mas matagal pero kung ganito nang ganito ang mangyayari sa kanya, then...

Then I have to let her go again.

Napabuntong hininga ako. Ayoko sana sa ideyang iyon. I mean for Pete's sake! I'm finally having a shot at her affection and this is happening!

I really thought I had it undercover but still no! Ayaw talagang makisama sa akin ng tadhana.

I really thought I finally have the courage to be with her and yet... and yet, I have to be weak and watch her from afar again.

That'll be okay though. I think she still doesn't have any feelings for me. I'll just have to think of something to reason out.

Something believable, why I have to leave her life and be, once again, settled in the shadows.

My mind was still preoccupied when I reached our home. My mom was there and saw me. I knew for sure that she knows there was something going on with me, but didn't ask further.

I entered my room and continued thinking of ways to keep her from danger. I could say that I was definitely having a difficult time—since I'm already thinking of a way but definitely not wanting to consider it, even as an option.

Nag-iisip ako ng iba pang paraan nang biglang nag-vibrate ang phone ko. I did not want to reach for it, but thinking it was Kristine, I still did.

But unfortunately, it wasn't her, but the last person I wanted to talk to.

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From: Blaire

Jairo, I want to talk to you.

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Ayoko sanang kausapin siya—ni-replyan ay ayoko, pero para bang may nagtulak sa aking kausapin pa rin siya.

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To: Blaire

When, where, about what?

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Akala ko ay matatagalan pa bago siya mag-reply simply because she's Blaire. But she proved me wrong.

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From: Blaire

Tomorrow, after class. In the school garden. Let's clear things up between us.

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Pumayag na lang ako sa gusto niya para tuluyan na naming matapos ang meron sa amin. A proper closure, to be exact.

Pero kinabukasan, nang magkaharao na kami, ay hindi iyon ang nangyari.

"My dad wants to meet you as my boyfriend. And like me, he wouldn't take no for an answer," mabilisang sabi niya pagkarating na pagkarating ko sa harden.

I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. Is she joking? She knew the real score between us but she has the guts to stand here in front of me and say these things?

She sighed. "Look, Jairo. We both know that it would still benefit both of us. I'll let you be with your gangster's ways and all your troubles, just ask me to come back to you. I'll forget all your imperfections."

Is she hearing herself? Seryoso na talaga siya dyan? Sobrang baba talaga ng tingin niya sa akin.

I was about to voice out my side when I remembered something.

Wait... Is this the sign that I was looking for last night? Is this it?

"Jai... come on. Ask me again," pangungulit ni Blaire.

Kahit naiirita ako ay inalis ko iyon sa mukha ko para hindi niya makita. I look straight into her eyes. "SU Feest. Meet me here again. I'll ask you that question you want me to ask."

At dahil mukhang nasunod ang kagustuhan niya ay isang masaya at malaking ngiti ang ipinakita niya sa akin. "I like that even more, I don't even know why."

And I don't like it one bit. Because for sure... I still might hurt her in some ways.

"See you there then, Jairo. Bye!" She gleefully left the garden and I couldn't help but feel my legs getting weaker so I had to sit on the bench.

Ayoko talaga ng planong ito. Hindi ko napigilang mainis sa sarili ko. Anong klaseng mundo ba ang meron ako na hindi ko siya pwedeng makasama‽

Kasalukuyan akong namo-mroblema at pinapagalitan ang sarili ko nang mag-vibrate ang phone ko. It was another message from that unknown number.

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From: 0913*******

I see... Is she more important to you than that girl from yesterday? Mukhang makikipagbalikan ka ah.

Don't worry, Jairo. Masasaktan din kita sa paraang hinding-hindi mo inaasahan.

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Is she more important to you than that girl from yesterday?

Na-stuck sa parteng iyon ng mensahe ang mga mata at utak ko.

Of course, I clearly know the answer to that.

Kristine will always... always be someone more than anyone.

She has become the most important person in my life since she started noticing my existence.

She... she's my queen.

She's my world.

And I'll do everything and anything to keep her safe.

Even if it means hurting her and myself.

Binura ko ang message na iyon. Ang dami ko nang pinoproblema, dumadagdag pa iyon.

Kung ano-ano ang pinagsasasabi, wala namang lakas na loob para kumilos.

Mga duwag

...parang ako.

Muli akong napabuntong hininga. Saka pinilit ang sariling umalis na sa school garden.

Malayo pa lang ay nakita ko na ang nakangiting mukha ni Kristine habang katabi sina Xei at Hyaciel.

Sana sa gagawin kong ito... makikita ko pa rin ang ngiti mo.

Sana ay hindi mo ako pagdadamutang makita iyan.

But I also hope... in the future... I would be the reason for your smile again, my Kristine.

What I'm about to do to keep you from my chaotic world would definitely be a mistake I'm willing to commit.

Kristine...

I know you don't know this...

And probably wouldn't know it anytime soon but...

Kristine...

I am deeply in love with you.