Hello my lovelies!

Hope you're doing well! So another update huh? *Pats myself on my back* Anyway, I know the previous chapter had a complete twist out of the blue, everything was going well and I ruined it, sorry :$ But I needed that to make this chapter available, another twist.

Before I mention the twist on this chapter I want to thank you all for reading and supporting. Without you guys I would never enjoy writing this much! You guys make my day.

There's a writer I would like to introduce you guys to, @minion1518, she is writing two unique stories that you might want to check out. Her intikaam (intikaam means revenge) and the strings to my heart. Happy reading :)

So back to this chapter! There's a twist! Well this chapter is in a certain characters point of view ;) ! Any guesses? I am contemplating if to spill out the beans or just let you guys read on to find out. Okay I'll tell you, insert background music first, this is a chapter from Shawns point of view ;) ! So we get a piece of his mind :) ! Though it is hard to extract emotions from him, I at least tried.

To be honest I am not even sure about their feelings and I am just going with the flow. Do tell me what you guys think about Sana and Shawns feelings for each other? Anyway no more blabbering, enjoy! :)

Love
Shona <3

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Maturity is the ability to think, speak and act your feelings within the bounds of dignity. The measure of your maturity is how spiritual you become during the midst of your frustrations.

Samuel Ullman

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The idea of Sana tagging along with me to bring Adam back didn't go down well with me. Not because I don't enjoy her company, rather the opposite. I just simply don't want to get too attached to her. She has made me turn human after so long that I am nowadays kind of surprised with my own actions. I am a trained officer and to suppress any kind of emotion is a trait we inherit. Sana has somehow managed to break down my walls and how hard I even try to put the bricks back they seem to crumble down around her, I feel exposed almost vulnerable. The worst thing I know is to be able to feel. I sigh inaudible and halt the car next to Grand hotel where Sanas friend works.

I glance at the time. "Make it quick." I rush her without any valid reason, this won't even take much time and the monastery isn't far away.

My curious eyes finds her brown eyes which can spot a hint of gold in the sunlight and she smiles towards me, making me feel way more than I want to. She nods and walks out adjusting her shirt while I look away. I need to get a grip of myself and my sudden hammering heart. This is so wrong in so many levels. I lean back in my seat with a frustrated sigh and stare in front of me as if all the answers to my questions will be found if I just stare long enough.

Instead I see a pair of familiar smiling eyes flash through my mind. Whenever she is happy you can see it in her innocent eyes. Actually you can make out all kind of emotions through them, it is like reading a open book. The corner of my mouth involuntary twists upwards remembering her embarrassed expression. She is actually very naive and juvenile but it is her pure heart that keeps pulling me towards her.

When she jumped in front of me to save me from Ahmed I knew she acted upon impulse or reflex, whatever you like to call it, and she would do it regardless of who was standing beside her. That's just who she is, selfless and caring. However, she immediately turned embarrassed thinking what I would be thinking about her. I tried my best to cover my amusement and changed the topic as soon as I got the chance. Well, technically I diverted her mind by scolding her for not staying away from trouble which is in fact impossible. Offended she tried to pull away her hand from my grip, as if I would let that happen in that delicate situation.

This one girl is really unique. Even her room is one of a kind, I couldn't sleep the whole night due to my wandering thoughts. Also as Javed snores louder than an elephant, no offense. My hand accidentally came to contact with a hard material in the corner of her bed under her sheet. Curiosity getting the best of me I lifted the sheet to spot a pink diary, which could only belong to one person.

I snap out of my thoughts when a muffled scream pierces through me. "Shawn." My head turn to my left to witness a nightmare. Crap! Sana! Danger! My head immediately register the weapon in Yousefs hand I grab my own from the reservoir. Hurrying out of my car with a throbbing heart my eyes widens when Yousef actually fires. "Sana!" I scream my lungs out, no, no, no! Without thinking my hand lifts and with another violent sound I execute Yousef on the spot.

He falls to the ground with a disturbing smile etched to his lips which I can't care less about for the moment. Running towards a falling Sana, I let the gun drop from my hand and I encircle my hands around her waist just in time to catch her. Pulling her closer to me as if our life depends on it, I kneel down with her in my arms while her fragile hands clutches on to my shirt. Her body is radiating heat and I am afraid she'll turn cold any second. She closes her eyes and grimaces. Just a glimpse of her and I know that she is in immense pain, shit what should I do? She is breathing harshly and I feel numb for a moment, I can't think straight. What should I do? Can someone just please tell me what I should be doing?! Dammit! I am a trained officer how can my system shut down when needed? I just keep staring at her and the blood pouring from right below her heart.

Her soft olive skin is turning paler for every second. "La ilaha illa llaha Muhammadur rasulullah." I hear her mumble and I know what it means, she believes she will soon breathe her last breath.

Before sending me to the mission they made sure to learn me the basics of Islam and this was included. I also learnt a lot spending time with the Osman family, ok maybe a lot of wrong things too but still. What she is saying is the Shahada meaning the testimony, that there's only one God and his prophet is Mohammed. Every Muslim desires to make those words their last words.

The grip around my shirt loosens a bit as her energy is draining out. "Shut up Sana, nothing will happen to you." I whisper to her sternly while I try my best to push away the thick lump forming in my throat, I can't lose her. I just can't.

Why does this keep happening in my life? I just want to be and see everyone around me happy.

She opens her tear filled eyes to meet mine and she actually chuckles. "Thank you so much for everything Shawn, even though you were my kidnapper I can't deny the fact that you were my savior. Tell my family that I love them more than words can describe." She says between whimpers while her eyes loses its luster.

I shake my head. "No! Sana please, just stop it." I beg her with tears overwhelming my own eyes. "Nothing will happen to you! You'll be fine." I assure her and myself with my voice cracking as I cling on to her. "Sana?" She softly smiles before her eyes closes again. "Shit, shit, no, no, no." I softly shake her, she can't lose conscious and she definitely isn't allowed to give up on me. "Sana don't, don't. Please I beg you." Her hands drops from my shirt to her sides and I stare at the beautiful soul with agony pawning its way to my heart.

Slowly losing my mind I hold on to her for my dear life feeling really scared for the first time in very long, a bunch of different stinging emotions starts to storm inside of me while my heart is beating frantically. You can't do this to me, please.

Without spending more time in thinking about what to do next I lift her up in my arms. Running towards the car I place her in the passenger seat. While putting her seatbelt on my hand finds its way to caress her soft cheek. "Nothing will happen to you, do you hear me?" My words leave my mouth in a whisper.

No response.

Driving with full speed with a blurry vision I pray to God, just please be with her.

Pacing back and forth in front of the intensive care unit, in the hospital where Sana is admitted, I just can't calm my tormenting heart down. I have never felt this restless before. Every second passing feels like a eternity and I am just waiting for everyone else to arrive. I informed Javed about Sana who told me he will be here with the rest and inform her family.

I peak through the window to the room where the doctors are working on a unconscious Sana and I just feel so helpless and numb right now. Who should I turn to for answers of my questions? For comfort? This world suddenly seem so empty being engulfed in silence, maybe because I don't have a certain chatterbox beside me. Funny how habits changes, I used to love the silence and now I need a daily dose of Sanas lectures.

The doctors said she was critical due to the amount of lost blood and they took her in immediately as they were afraid that the bullet might have hit her heart. They're afraid that the chances of survival might be slim as they barely could feel her pulse. She is a fighter and will live for her bright future, I am not giving her a choice. "Hey man, how is she?" Javed grabs my shoulder breathless as if he has been running while Saeed, Zaki and Ibrahim is close behind.

I continue to stare at the pale figure in front of my vision and shrug, yeah I shrug as I have to keep up the minimum guard I have left. "I don't know. She has to come around." I tell them tiredly and Javed nods understandingly.

I sigh heavily while they clutches on to me to comfort me and to be comforted. My eyes wanders to my shirt with stains of Sanas blood on and the self-loathing mechanism kicks in. Why did I allow her to follow? Why didn't I accompany her? Why couldn't I be there for her? Why? All of this is my fault. Rage starts to fill my veins and I run a hand through my hair. I hate myself. I literally hate myself. If anything happens to her then I'll never forgive myself. I am the sole reason that she is in this situation, I made her a part of this mess and I should have been the one protecting her.

I shrug out of my juniors grips startling them and start to pace around restless again. Ibrahim grabs me by my shoulders to turn me around and looks straight into my eyes. "Relax dude! Calm down! Everything is going to be alright." He shakes me to install some sense into me, unfortunately it doesn't work.

I look closely at the four of them with pleading eyes. "You guys can pray right? You all believe in the same God? Please help me pray with you." I beg them defeated and they look at me with astonishment evident in their eyes.

"I thought you were a atheist?" Zaki questions surprised.

I absentmindedly nod running a hand through my hair. "Yes, but Sana believes in your Lord. I want to pray in behalf of her as she can't pray right now." I pause, what crap am I going on about? "No, I want to pray for her. If I pray with a sincere heart your Lord will listen right?" I have no idea what I am ranting, I sound just like Sana, what's going on with me?

Saeed, Ibrahim, Javed and Zaki shares glances with each other. Javed takes a step towards me. "Shawn, we will gladly guide you through the prayers and don't worry the almighty will surely hear your sincere calls, Sana will be fine. Matter of fact we all will pray for her." His soothing words have a unwinding effect on me and I start to get back to normal.

"Let's go." Zaki says and I look at them confused.

"Let's go where?" I question perplexed, I am not leaving Sana behind.

"You wanted to pray right? We will take you to a peaceful place." Ibrahim says and I know he is referring to the Mosque.

I shake my head. "No, I can't leave Sana behind, she's alone. Why can't we pray here?" I reason.

"Shawn it is not for long, we'll be back in less than an hour. There's no reserved place to pray in here." Saeed tries to change my mind.

I look at him with a blank expression. "I am not leaving her." I say sternly while my restlessness flares up again.

Javed grabs my shoulder. "Shawn, don't worry. Her parents and Sahara will be here any moment now. You're doing this for her, right?" Javed reminds me and I close my eyes.

Her face flashes through me again but this time she is giggling radiantly with light surrounding her and I take that as a sign. "Let's go." I excessively gulp to get rid of the constant forming lump in my throat.

Taking one quick glance at Sana, who seem paler than the hospital itself, we hurry towards our car. Javed insists on driving and to be honest I don't have the energy to argue. One question lingers on to my mind, what on earth am I up to?

I am a atheist, I don't believe in anything spiritual or divine and I certainly don't pray. I and my sister Mia are Christians for namesakes. We celebrate Christmas and all kind of holidays but just due to mere traditions.

Ever since I can remember I have been a introvert with anger issues, everything in my life has been going wrong. Yes, I am a successful officer but that's about it. The only source of happiness in my life was my sister Mia as she's the only one who has ever cared for me, and who I have ever cared about. Her small family was everything I had.

Then again my comfortable world was snatched away from me, my sister was taken away and I was left alone with a toddler. How I wished my life was more than just hurting and being hurt. Even though I didn't see a meaning with life I kept going, for the sake of Mia and Adam. I never understood the concept of God and praying, so that was a non existing factor in my life.

Suddenly here I am, taking baby steps towards God. I don't know why, but right now I need to feel some kind of assurance that everything is going to be fine. I need some hope and if trusting or praying makes me be able to get Sana back on her feet then I have no regrets in bowing my head down. Maybe what I lack in my dull life is just faith. Maybe God is calling me through Sana? Or maybe he is punishing me through Sana? She isn't suffering for my sins, is she?

My vision adjusts on the grand enchanting building, there's a half-moon adorned on the roofs dome. It's huge. I feel so minor beside it, almost worthless. Walking towards the entrance I feel a overwhelming power wash trough making the hair on my neck rise. I can't decide if I am dreaming or not. Every inch of my body can feel a sudden tension and a pinning feeling sets in my heart.

Javed breaks me out of my trans when we enter the serene Mosque. "We have to make wudu first." My eyes shifts to my blond friend and I nod realizing what he is referring to.

Wudu can be translated to partial ablution. It is a procedure were you clean specific body parts with the help of water before praying or reading the Quran.

There's a special room for ablution in the Mosque with taps along one side of the wall. With the intention of making ablution I mumble a Bismillah, meaning In the name of Allah, and start to wash my hands. Then I gargle trice, rinse my noise trice and splash cold water on my face which forces all my senses to wake up. Washing my right arm I go over to my left and then let my hands pass along my head to then clean my ears, before removing my hands I let the back of my hands touch the sides of my neck. Then I wash my right foot and lastly my left. Feels like washing away dirt or sins, can't decide on which one.

Standing up a bit dazed I follow the guys to the prayer room which is fully covered in a beige soft carpet. We stand in row and I just do my best to follow them while praying. First I place my hands on my abdomen while standing to then bowing down with my whole back while softly placing my hands on my knees. Then I am back to standing straight to then sit down on my knees with my hands on them. After a moment I bow down so my forehead touches the ground while my palms are resting beside on the soft carpet and then I sit down straight again on my knees with my hands on them. The whole procedure is repeated.

When done we raise our hands in front of us and make dua meaning invocation. That's when I decide to really pray and call out to God. Closing my eyes I forget my surroundings for a moment and just focus on what I am actually here for.

Well, even though I focus I have a hard time starting. What should I say? Where should I start? My restlessness starts to prick me again.

So I guess hi? Salammalaykum? Okay no that's weird? Scratch that. I am Shawn. I guess you already know that? Okay this is awkward.

A frown etches on me as I feel utterly stupid. What's wrong with me?

I am sorry for asking but are you really there? If you are then please give me some sign. I feel stupid right now. Okay sorry, you don't need to give me a hint or something but I need you right now. Actually I am here today as I need you to take care of a girl for me, she is actually your follower or what you call it. You should know her, Sana.

The mere thought of her makes my lips break into a small smile and my facial muscles relaxes. My ice cold heart doesn't feel as cold. Her smiling face is replaced by a picture of a pale Sana, that literally stings my heart and my smile quickly drops.

She needs you right now and I kind of need you to make her better. Just help her please? I am the reason for her to end up in the critical condition she is in and I won't ever be able to forgive myself if anything happens to her. I am sorry for not knocking on your doorstep earlier but I really really need you right now. Please help her and don't punish her for my mistakes. You can punish me all you want but not her. She doesn't deserve this.

I have never tried to pray before because I always felt that God didn't listen to us. It felt useless to pray to the one who makes you dream and hope but at the same time the one who snatches everything away from you without a warning. I used to question the fact that if God loves us then why should we be facing problem? I can't help to wonder how many hearts carry complaints? I now know that God testes us with hardship so we turn to him and don't forget him. It is easy to forget him and turn arrogant when life is only good. I also know that this is a way of seeing how strong our faith is.

I have always felt that prayers sent to the sky bounces back to earth. That's why I haven't ever tried to pray before but today I am down on my knees before you as I have been told that you test us for reasons known to you. So here I am, test me as much as you want but let Sana live in peace.

I really hope my prayers are answered. I won't be able to cope more misery in Sanas life, knowing that I am the one accountable. My heart clenches at the mere thought.

Please help me, and please forgive me. I have sinned way more than I can explain, my hands are even covered in blood as I am a murderer. What can I say, that's more or less my occupation and trust me I am not proud of it. However, she isn't a part of all of this and she is pure by heart. Even if me and you don't have the best of relationship, or more like no relationship at all, for the sake of her love for you save her.

I bite the inside of my cheek and think hard to come up with a deal I can make with the Lord. I know I have nothing to offer the Almighty but still here I am frantically thinking. That's when memories of Sana giving lectures on Islam flashes through in the back of my mind and I know exactly what to utter next.

If you save her I'll be researching about Islam and try to gain knowledge to understand it. I promise to give it a try and try to mend my relationship with you with a open mind. Please save her. Ameen.

A sudden warmth and serenity is spread to every corner of my body with the help of my pumping heart. This makes a shiver run down my spine, it feels divine almost as if someone is listening.

When opening my eyes I look around in the simple but elegant Mosque. My eyes lands on a Imam, Islamic leader, and without thinking through my legs carries me to him. The man in his mid thirty smiles at me with his soft brown eyes. "Salammalaykum brother, how may I help you?" His voice is powerful but calm, he seem to be from the Middle East.

"Walaykumassalam, I have a question." He nods with a blank expression and I take that as a cue to go on. "Can Allah punish my loved ones for the deeds or sins I have committed?" My question leaves my mouth before I can even formulate the sentence.

The man smiles again. "Allah can do whatever Allah pleases. However, it is mentioned in the Quran that a person will only be responsible for his or her actions. All I know is that Allah surely does give hardship to test our patience and faith. A person might see his tests as punishments but in real it might just be a blessing as your sins might wash away." His answer somewhat brings me relief as I take that as God won't be punishing Sana or Mia for my deeds.

Offering him a thank you I retreat back to my companions.

Now there's only one place in the world I would want to be in and for that I hasten my pace with gleaming eyes. My restless heart keeps beating hard for her. Please be alright. Allah, please be with her.