Hello guys!

Look who has managed to write an update!!! Even though being stressed!! Applauds to me? ;) Though I have to warn you, this chapter is highly boring lol. I told you my brain is fried, actually I have an exam in like literally a few hours but look where I am lol.

However, I hope to write decent chapters after I am back from my mini vacation ;) !

By the way I just noticed that my story is coming to an end soon. I thought I had a lot more to experiment with but no. The message I want to give has been there from the beginning. I just hope it is clear.

Thanks for supporting me guys! So please if you do like the chapter then vote and comment! Love you all!

Love
Shona <3

P.S. I'll try to update ones more before my mini vacation and after that I guess I am back the 18th of June if everything goes well.

Keep me in your prayers <3

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Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man.

Mahatma Gandhi

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The moment the car drives into the beautiful city Stockholm my eyes well up. Everything here is familiar, the trains, subways, busses, buildings and beautiful green scenarios. Sighing I lean back in the seat feeling overwhelmed, this is home. The sun is shining brightly making my golden skin burn, alas I couldn't care less. Sahara is sleeping beside me due to the exhausting long drive. Javed is travelling beside the chauffeur, obviously Shawn.

Gazing at him through the rear-view mirror I start to ponder over the last few days, I can't believe how comfortable I am around these people. One is supposed to be my kidnapper, one is supposed to be dead and one is well, a terrorists wife. To be honest, I am not even scared of Osman uncle, it is just his sons that have this negative aura around them. Not to mention one tried to, a shiver runs down my spine, I don't want to get into that. Shawns blank eyes finds mine and I realize that I have been starring. Giving him a soft smile I look away and admire the green nature of Stockholm.

Checking into two separate rooms in Grand hotel, one for the men and one for the woman, we freshen up a bit. The guys are setting up the computer and lots of wires, don't ask me for what, while I and Sahara are sipping on each cup of warm tea in their room.

We need to check the communication devices, cameras and the microphones, as I am the one who is going to be carrying the microphone Zaki attaches the necessary equipments on me. While Sahara helps me with the Niqab. "Done." Sahara smiles and I nod feeling a bit out of place. My eyes can see everything and also feel the lose second skin hanging around my body as a shield.

Feeling different I fix my eyes on Sahara. "How am I looking?" I question a bit raspy.

Sahara chuckles. "The point is to not have any opinion on your looks." She reminds me and I nod.

Still as my curiosity takes over me I walk over to the mirror and my eyes widens. This is the first time I am wearing a Niqab, the black garment is only revealing my eyes. To be honest, I don't know what to feel or how to react. I somehow feel protected from the world, as my identity is covered but at the same time feel really vulnerable. My brown eyes are filled with curiosity and they're too defined. This was different, somehow powerful but I know that this is not my cup of tea.

"Done gawking at your garment?" Zaki chuckles snapping me out from my space out.

I response in a smile, can he see my smile? I don't think so. "I hope your brilliant gadgets are working Zaki." Walking out of the room I tease.

"Of course they are, they are my precious and won't ever disappoint me." He pouts behind me and I can't help but smile.

The door closes behind me and the Bluetooth soughs in my ears. "Zaki?" No answer. "Zaki?" I try again. "Zaki?" Hesitantly I call his name. "Zaki!" I finally scream and my voice echoes in the long corridor. Oops.

"Stop shouting!" I hear Shawn from the other side of the door and can imagine him roll his eyes, well double oops.

Walking away from the door following the red carpet I walk in to the elevator. "Sana? Can you hear me?" Zaki inquires and I smile amused.

"No Zaki, I can't hear you." I tease him.

He is too innocent to notice that I am pulling his leg. "Can you hear me now?" He inquired again.

This is too funny. "No Zaki I can't hear you at all." I try to hold a serious tone.

"Do you hear me now!" He almost shouts.

I decide to match his tone. "No Zaki are you there?" I scream back at him.

"Ouch! No need to yell, I can hear you!" I can just imagine Zakis pout. "Can you hear me?" He inquiries again.

"You idiot, she is messing with you." I hear Shawns faint voice from behind.

I hold back a giggle. "No I can't hear." My smiling eyes turns to the opening elevator and I gasp.

Frozen to my spot I hear an alert Zaki. "Sana are you there? Can you hear me?"

Blinking my eyes I feel my heart beat in panic. Ahmed catches my eyes and I snap them down in a second.

"Sana, can you hear me?! She isn't responding." Zakis voice rings in my ear.

Ahmed walks in and stands beside me. Our images reflecting on the mirrored elevator. My heart drums hard in my chest as if it will explode any second. What is he doing here so early? Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. I keep chanting Allahs name.

Hearing some noise in my ears a worried voice tries to reach me. "Sana? Are you there?" His voice is alert and at the same time soft. "Sana?" What should I do? Ahmeds attention is thankfully on his mobile. "Something's wrong, I can hear faint noises. She must be in trouble." I hear Shawn again.

Okey, so I can't communicate till Ahmed is out of the elevator as he would recognize my voice but I can give them a hint that I am alive. Holding my fist to my mouth I start to cough violently, I realize too late that I don't need to put my hand to my mouth as I have a Niqab on.

"Sana?" Shawns voice is alert again and I cough again. "If you can hear me cough again." This is so lame but I still end up coughing. "Are you alright?" No I am not going to cough anymore, it will look like I am a walking germ machine.

Ahmed is already giving me sideway glances as I am acting weird, fantastic. Finally the elevator door opens at the bottom floor and Ahmed walks out, instead of walking out after him I press the close button as quickly as possible. When alone in the elevator again I sigh in relief leaning to the wall. "That was close." I mumble out to no one in particular.

Shawn strolls back and forth in the room. "I should have thought about this. They are hosting the whole event, obviously they'll be here earlier." Shawn regrets annoyed. "When is your friend coming? We need to install the cameras." Shawn halts to questions me.

"Her shift starts at 6pm but she will be here a bit earlier to help us install the cameras." I just hope everything goes as planned. "We have an hour to kill." While watching the time I comment.

"Good, we can get some rest then." Javed sighs and falls on the king sized bed. "I am too tired." Sahara puts her head on my shoulder and I smile, so we're not going back to our room I guess.

Shawn sits down in the couch opposite from ours. While Zaki falls on top of Javed with a thud and Saeed and Ibrahim falls on them, I chuckle at their state while Javed growls annoyed.

I catch Shawns shining blue eyes and raise my eyebrow. "Aren't you going to get some rest?" He shakes his head as a response. "Okey Edward." He crocks his eyebrows.

"Who is Edward?" He inquires sheepishly.

"The guy or more like vampire who never sleeps." I laugh. "Twilight." He shakes his head at the mention of Twilight.

I sit down in yoga position with crossed legs on the sofa and rest my head on Saharas head. "Why do you believe in a God?" Shawn suddenly questions breaking the silence in the room, wow this guy seem really curious about Islam.

"Why have you never asked us about it?" Javed comes and throws himself next to Shawn mopping.

I guess he couldn't sleep or rest or breath with a bunch of guys on top of him, I can't help but chuckle at his state. His messy blond hair is on every direction as if receiving a electric shock.

Shawn is for some reason glaring at Javed, nothing unusual though. "Never came into my mind before." He shrugs.

"What does that supposed to mean?" I question Javed. "Are you a Muslim?"

Javed stares at me with his green eyes as if I have questioned him the most stupid question of all time. "We all are." He finally manages to say. "Except Shawn obviously." He adds and I look at Javed surprised.

To be honest as Shawn wasn't a muslim I thought the boys weren't either. "Okey, so back to your question Shawn." I turn my gaze towards his. "I believe in a God because I can't imagine that there isn't a creator behind this breath taking world. It is too detailed and too beautiful to not have an artist. Secondly because as many evil people there are, I want to believe that there are a justice system beyond this world. I like the idea of hell and paradise. Thirdly because I rather believe in a God and realize that God isn't there after my death then the opposite." This is some of my personal reasons to believe in a God.

He seem to ponder for a second boring his eyes in to mine. "Why Islam?" That's actually a question that has bothered me a lot, why Islam?

Well I am born into a Muslim family but that is obviously not enough. I am good at questioning and when I became mature enough to understand what religion is I started to ponder over Islam.

My usual questions were why I was born into a Muslim family and not a family with a different religion. There was a lot of why, how, when and for what from my side. I started to research about Islam, tried to understand why it is spreading and to be honest it is an amazing religion, even if I am far away from knowing all about it.

Yes, it doesn't suit the western ideology, it doesn't suit many people and propagates modesty, which might seem conservative for some. But to be honest there is a elegance and sophistication in being modest. However, every religion and belief is beautiful in its own way and for me all the religion leads to one God.

Clearing my throat I try to answer Shawns question. "Because considering the lineage of Abraham, Islam is the youngest religion. Islam states that the same God is worshipped in Judaism, Christianity and Islam. There are a lot of similarities between every religion and being the youngest it seem more collected." I know that it is not enough to make someone understand why I believe in a certain religion, but this is important facts for me.

Shawn stares at me for a moment with a plain expression, I have a feeling that he is pondering over my answer. "You guys believe in the same God as the Christians?" He finally says and I carefully nod, he shakes his head. "I thought you believed in Allah?" Javed laughs at Shawns confusion and Shawns elbow shuts Javed up. "What's so funny?" He scolds.

This makes me chuckle while Javed tries his best to refrain from it. "I am so sorry Shawn." I say between my chuckles.

"Bro, what do you think Allah means?" Javed finally manages to inquire.

"What is that for a dumb question, that's your Lord." Shawn says annoyed and rolls his eyes, this all knowing guys is actually quite naive.

"Shawn." I utter to catch his attention and his head snaps towards me. "Allah does mean what we say it means while translating, it means God. The word Allah is simply the Arabic word for God and we use it instead of using the English word." His blue eyes seem perplexed.

"Why can't you just say God instead of Allah? Why make everyone believe that you are referring to another God? It is confusing." He now retorts as a question.

That makes me snap. "Because everything doesn't have to go by the English dictionary." Okey that sounded harsh and he seem a bit taken aback, but it is the truth. "The real reason is that God can be derived to Gods, Goddess and Goddesses and make the word God polymer and give God a gender. As we believe there is only one God we use the Arabic word Allah, which literally means the one. So it automatically becomes monomer and genderless." I elaborate so he can fully understand the reason behind why Muslims prefers to use the word Allah when referring to God.

Shawn nods and crosses his arms over his chest making his muscles underneath his black shirt more defined, look away Sana. "There's actually 99 words for the word Allah." Javed now add with seriousness and I smile.

When we are on the questioning and answering session I ask them my questions as well. "How come you agreed to this mission?" I question Javed.

He leans back on the couch and rests his head on Shawns shoulder, which earns him a scowl from Shawn. I bite my lips to hold back a laughter while Javed ignores him. "Because when we realized that people sharing the same fate as ours could fall so low to alter the truth and using the wrong tactics to triumph we felt disgusted. We wanted to be a part of the other side." He enlightens me with a shrug. "Showing that all the Muslims aren't the same."

That answer starts to nag my inner and my hands clenches to fists. "And how would you do that? I mean you kind of ended up helping them." I clear my mind.

"Well, we wanted to use the information we gained being a insider at the right time." He tries to clarify.

I shake my head. "You were never going to use it. You were only providing the U.S. Government with information for their benefit." I declare sincerely. "In my eyes as you supported the terrorist activities to gain information instead of trying to reform them you are all equal." Javed and Shawn stares at me while Sahara opens her eyes to mimic them. "Terrorism is about spreading fear in favor of political agendas, and you did the exact same thing but with your own motives. Who are you kidding when you say you want to clear the image of all the Muslims? Even now when exposing one extremist group you'll let the media point out fingers on every Muslims character." A thick fog of tension arises and I get tired of lecturing them. "What's the meaning of a few mere supporting words when your actions are differing?" My words come out barely audible.

They just stares at me and I suddenly feel disappointed, they can't even defend their act. Standing up I try to escape from there, the air suddenly seem short of oxygen. To be honest todays ISIS group reminds me of Ku Klux Clan. Ruining for themselves and others in the process, not caring that most of the human beings just want to live in peace.

"Sana, you are right." I halt in my movement hearing Ibrahims tired voice. "We never used to think about our actions, we just did everything for the praise, money and excitement." He continues with a soft voice and I turn around to face him. "Whenever we went to a mission, killed innocent for the sake of the war we always felt proud. Yes, some nightmares and some guilt trips then and now. But when getting back home, and when our chiefs and higher authorized people took us into the white room one by one, praising us made it all worth it." His gaze seem distant. "But never did we question their motives. Never did we think that we were wrong. Who would when important people gives you the feeling of being important?" He continues and I shake my head in disbelief. "Don't underestimate the white room and the brainwashing praise." He says not meeting my eyes with a soft smile.

Zaki and Saeed comes up from the bed and stands united by Ibrahim. "We know we aren't right but we aren't wrong either. A war has many faces. Right and wrong are sometimes separated by a thin line. Terrorism and war is different Sana. Yes, we accept we did wrong by standing by Osmans organization. We also know we did wrong by blindly following orders but please don't label us as terrorists." Zaki pleads with innocence. "This is our profession, we want to keep people safe."

I gulp looking at the guys, I know that they are right in their places. "Well, then I maybe should also give Osman clan a chance? Let them give me their point of view and maybe also not label them as terrorists?" My voice comes out acidic.

The flinch I detect on their faces makes me regret my words but to be honest I am just frustrated that they can't think for themselves. Turning around I walk out aimlessly with the door closing with a slam behind me.

The door is heard slamming again. "Sana!" Shawn is quickly behind me and he doesn't sound happy.

"Go away Shawn. I am not in the mood to talk to you right now." I dismiss him as my tears are pricking my eyelids, what has gotten into me? I am just being so emotional and stupid.

He spins me around in a second and cages me to the wall. "What's your problem? Why are you attacking them?" He questions me with a rigorous tone.

That makes me beyond irritated. "What's my problem? What's your problem? You have been the most horrible one! Yes you're under a lot of pressure but it is not like you actually care about the people around you!" I snap for no apparent reason at all.

Shawn snaps back. "Yes you are freaking right! I am horrible! No reason to lash out on the guys for that!" He retorts.

I give a bitter smile. "No you're right I should lash out on you! You're the most disgusting horrible human being ever." His jaw tightens and I actually panic due to his eyes turning dark.

"Don't forget what I am capable of Sana." He warns me and I actually get alarmed. " I have done a lot of things that I am not proud off and don't you see that I am miserable? Do you think it is fun to be rigid all the time? Not feeling the real euphoria being happy? I want to be happy, but it isn't as easy as you think. Not after everything I have done." He says carefully holding my eyes and my heart hammers in fear and probably guilt. "I didn't force you to come here, everything was clear from before. I am an officer and that's it, I will follow orders and I don't give a damn about others right now. I just want to be done with this stupid mission." His words makes me snap back to reality.

Inhaling a deep breath and sighing I try to calm myself down. "I am sorry, I don't know what got into me." I apologize and he gives a small nod holding my eyes.

Suddenly the atmosphere changes to a rather awkward one, he is too close to me. Thankfully picking up my discomfort he takes a step back and lets his arms drop to his sides, giving me breathing space. We start to walk back to the room in silence.

The charged atmosphere in the room makes me cringe. The guys are sitting in deep thoughts on the couches and are looking miserable. Clearing my voice I gain their attention. "I am sorry for being rude, don't take it personally. I don't know what got into me." I apologize insecurely.

Javed smiles at me. "We aren't mad at you Sana, we are actually disappointed with ourselves." He shrugs.

"Don't be, you're still heroes." I smile back and there's suddenly a knock on the door interrupting us.

Shawn opens the door and a wide smile spreads across my face seeing my friend Anna. "Hi girl!" I say and the blue eyed girl runs with her long brown hair flying behind her to hug me warmly.

I almost stumble over. "I am so glad that you're alright. The news startled me." she sighs and I hug her back feeling overwhelmed, gosh I am actually close to home.

After introducing Anna we head straight to the conference room as the clock is ticking. Shawn places the cameras and when getting green signal from Zaki we make our exit. Everything went rather smoothly even though I was a bit nervous remembering that Ahmed is in the same hotel. Getting back to the room, I change into my Niqab and Zaki ones again fixes the microphones and Bluetooth device on me. "Best of luck." He gives me a soft smile and I feel rather awkward after the whole outburst I had, seriously I don't know what got into me.

"Thanks." I manage to mumble out.

Shawn has been ignoring me and worked on the computer. He has connected the cameras to the television screen, the conference room is getting more and more crowded.

Before exiting the room with Anna, Shawn finally decides to talk to me. "Don't forget that we won't be saving you if you do something stupid. This is on you now and your clumsiness is yours to handle." His cold tone doesn't even surprise me. Wow, isn't he just adorable? Not!

Accepting his challenge I raise my eyebrow. "Don't worry, I don't even want you to save me." Turning on my heels I inhale a sharp breath.

No pressure at all.

Taking a deep breath I walk with Anna to the now packed conference room. Entering by the backdoor with the card Anna has provided me I quickly sit down in the row furthest away from the stage and try to make myself as invisible as possible. When Uncle Osman, Yousef and Ahmed takes their places on the stage the room falls into a ear soothing silence. Even though I know I have the Niqab as a shield, I feel nervous. Every time any of the members of the Osman family eyes me, I feel like being exposed as if they can see right through me. Thankfully I am not the only one with a Niqab so I don't feel out of place.

Uncle Osman grabs the microphone on the center of the stage while his sons stands behind him. "Assalammalaykum everyone and welcome to todays gathering." He says with a deep but calm voice.

Looking around me and seeing so many and all kind of people supporting terrorist activities makes a shiver run down my spine.

What is this? How can people be blinded by hate? Osman uncle talks about injustice made upon the Muslim community. How people see Muslims as parasites, how they take away every opportunity from them such as jobs, how they offend them by enforcing laws against the hijab when it is totally ok to go around without clothes and just how they snatches their harmony or peace away from them. How they want to end it by spreading fear and showing what they're capable of doing.

My whole body shakes and I clench my jaw to hold back my thoughts. How true it even is, we need to understand that this isn't a Muslim country and we will be judged. This is not a way to gain respect and love. You should not fight wrong with wrong. "Sana, breathe." I suddenly hear Shawn through my Bluetooth. "Calm down and don't you dare to jeopardize the mission by stirring any unnecessary lecture." He warns me and I furrow my eyebrows.

How does he know that I am itching to give a lecture of my own? Whatever, holding back myself and inhaling deeply I try to listen to Osman uncles absurd thoughts while waiting for my chance to get hold of the guest list.

When finally a break is announced and everyone gets busy to get some coffee and sweets, I stand up to check my surrounding. There are woman and men chattering and laughing, how they can do that after this kind of speech makes me speechless. Ignoring them I search for my target, while Shawn tells me to look beside the main door.

My eyes lands on a table at the far corner of the main door, I can see some papers on them. It got to be it. With determined steps I walk over to the table and smile widely seeing the guest list. Allhamdullillah, thank you Allah for making my job this easy.

Looking left and right I see that I don't have any attention on me. Quickly clicking pictures of the guest list with my mobile I hear Shawn again. "Drop the papers someone is walking towards you." Even though I am panic stricken I continue to take pictures of the last two pages. "Just drop it! Now!" I do as he say with a drumming heart when the last picture is taken, the adrenaline rush I feel is no joke.

I turn around to leave and a gasp leaves my lips. My eyes widens and I kind of freeze to my spot being eye to eye with a huge problem. "Salammalaykum, may I help you with something?" A suspicious Yousef questions me with narrowed eyes, making the room close in on me.