Chapter 14

Hi pretty reader! :)

Welcome. So I don't know what to say, this might be a boring chapter or not, I am sorry. I just need to write these filler chapters before some fun.

Actually my exams are getting the best of me and I can't seem to write anything decent anymore. Hope I am back with a bang after one of my exams which is on Monday, please pray for me and all students around the world!

Any kind of feedback, wish and suggestions are welcome. Just bring out your thoughts, I want to know what's going on in your pretty mind :)

Love
Shona <3

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Freedom of speech, freedom of the press, and freedom of religion all have a double aspect - freedom of thought and freedom of action.

Frank Murphy

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Me and Shawn are eating a bowl of chicken noodle soup each, while Javed, Zaki, Ibrahim, Saeed and Sahara are staring at me. The reason that they're staring is not because I am looking adorable, in fact it is quite the opposite. Sitting with my legs crossed on the chair at the dining table as if owning the place, I am slurping on my soup to their amusement.

"Guys please! Stop starring at me!" I snap at them and they don't even look embarrassed, I point at Shawn. "Here you have an amazing looking piece of terrorist to droll over so stop gawking at me!" Shawn coughs violently and I hand him his glass of water while clapping or more like hitting his back viciously. "What happened to you?" I question annoyed when he composes himself while the other chuckles.

He glares at me with his ice cold blue eyes throwing daggers at me. "Don't you ever think before you speak? Learn to filter your thoughts!" Shawn scolds me with a raspy voice between gritted teeth.

I look perplexed. "What did I say now?" I question and everyone beside us laughs.

Javed is the first one to interfere. "Actually our Captain here is not good at handling compliments." He chuckles and Shawn focuses on his bowl of soup again.

My cheeks heats up, I really need to put a filter on my mouth. "I didn't even mean it that way." I shrug and try to act causal.

"I am sure you didn't." Zaki winks at me and high fives Javed, earning themselves glares from both me and Shawn.

"Touchy." Javed comments and I focus on eating my dinner instead.

When done we all gather in the living room and I sit down on the leather couch with Zaki and Javed next to me. In the opposite couch Shawn is placed in the middle with Saeed next to him and Ibrahim in a armchair beside them, while Sahara serves tea to everyone. After serving she sits down in the empty spot next to Shawn with a cup of her own.

To be honest when I first saw Sahara I freaked out, maybe because she is Yousefs wife and I was afraid she was out after me. However, as she greeted me without any attack I calmed myself down and stayed close behind Shawn. Shawn told me that he had texted Sahara to get out of there after the incident with me, why I can't tell.

"So can someone now enlighten me what Sahara is doing here?" I question after taking a sip from my soothing strawberry tea.

Everyones focus shifts to Sahara who looks calm and comfortable in her own skin. "I am a part of this group." She starts which confuses me. "Remember I told you that I met Yousef at a bridge?" I nod at that. "Well, the story I told you is accurate but the only difference is that I was implanted there. The guys found me before Yousef did and I decided to help them out by being an insider." She enlightens me and my head spins.

"You mean to say, that you married Yousef and became his lawfully wedded wife to access some information?" I question astonished and a shiver runs down my spine.

"Yes." She confirms, she let a man touch her just for some information? "Stop being so judgmental!" She snaps and her green scarf give her brown eyes an edge, did I say that out loud? "I know what you're thinking, that how could I have fallen so low to spend time with a man I married just for information, right? At least I married him. But let me tell you Sana, you're not a goodie two shoes yourself. Did or did you not on multiple occasions spend time alone with Shawn these past couple of days?" She challenges me with intervened hands.

My mouth hangs open, making me gape at her and Shawn turn rigid beside her while the rest gets uncomfortable. "Are you being serious now?" I question her while a fog of tension starts to cloud the room. "I am not here by my own choice." I verbalize slowly. "The reason I have spent time with Shawn is due to the fact that he is my kidnapper." I add distraught at her words and feel filthy.

She crosses her arms over her chest. "Ok we let that one pass but being a Muslim you're obligated to wear hijab and to not judge people. Aren't you too fast on judging people?" She tilts her head, ok that I couldn't deny.

My throat goes dry as I remember all the occasions I have judged even Shawn on. "Sahara, I am not understanding why you're trying to bring out my faults. I haven't really said anything to you. Yes, I do sin. Matter of fact everyone does, that's why we have been given the chance to ask forgiveness from our Lord and he has promised to forgive every sincerely repenting heart." I take a pause formulating my next words with a drumming heart spreading heat across my whole body, like if I am having a fever.

When finding my voice again I continue to add with tears pricking my eyelids. "And I am sorry for being judgmental. To be honest, it is hard for me to not be giving a thought to how absurd the past couple of days have been, this is all new to me. However, I'll try my best to refrain from it." I honestly promise, as I can see that I have majorly sinned. "And the worry you and Shawn seem to have over me not wearing a hijab, drop it. I'll wear it when I am ready." I stand up and leave my cup of tea on the table. "I am too tired right now and want to sleep a bit, good night guys." Telling them that I walk to the room they have given me.

Closing the door I lean back on the brown door with a heavy heart. Within a second my tears start to pour, in an attempt to mute my sobs my hands reaches my mouth. My heart aches at the humiliation. It is not that I care about what others actually think of me. However, I am hurt by the way Sahara lashed out on my character and Shawn didn't say a word to defend me. Not that I expect something from him but he should by now know that I am not a characterless person.

Sniffing and wiping away my tears I go to the washroom and do my wudu, cleaning or purifying ritual before praying. Not wanting to ask anyone for a prayer rug, I look around in the room. The room is quite big with a bed beside the window, a bureau at a corner with a mirror above it, two chairs beside a small round table beside another wall and a television hanging above the opposite wall.

Thankfully I find a prayer rug in one of the drawers and give search for the direction of Kaaba in the Islamic Compass app in my mobile. Kaaba, a holy building in Mecca, is always faced while praying no matter where you are in the world. The direction is called Qibla. Spreading the prayer rug across the room towards the corner. Securing the scarf, Shawn had brought with him for me, around my head I start to pray.

The dua I end my prayer with is. "Oh Allah, make me among those whom You have guided, and make me among those whom You have saved, and make me among those whom You have chosen, and bless whatever you have given me, and protect me from the evil which you have decreed. Verily, You decide the things and nobody can decide against You and none whom You have committed to Your care shall be humiliated and none whom You have taken as an enemy shall taste glory. You are blessed, our Lord, and Exalted, we ask for Your forgiveness and turn to You. Peace and mercy of Allah be upon the Prophet." Tears streams down my face as I feel so lost in life and at the same time feel a divine kind of peace. "Please Allah, guide me, forgive me, my family, the whole Ummah and guide those who are lost. Please Allah, make me pass the tests in life and guide me back home." With that I hear a knock on my door and I swiftly mumble. "Ameen."

Getting up and folding the prayer rug neatly I leave it back in the same drawer. Unwrapping the scarf I let it hang around my neck over my chest. "Come in." I say when done and the door opens.

Sahara is seen and I offer her a small smile while she returns it unsurely. She fiddles with her fingers nervously, playing with her wedding band. "I am sorry." She starts with a small whisper. "I was lecturing you and forgot myself that judging and bringing up others sins is equally wrong in Islam." She continues and her brown eyes turn soft.

My tired lips forms a soft smile. "Don't worry about that, it happens and I am sorry for judging you." I reply and she sighs in relief.

"Thank you, the guys were scolding me for my behavior and was going mad." She enlightens and I chuckle humorlessly.

"People scold the ones they're close to." I wink at her and she stares at me with a unreadable expression, while my heart stings at my own stupid bitter feelings.

"Sana, the guys likes you." I bitterly smile at that and sit down on the bed. "Just because I have been here longer doesn't mean I have them wrapped around my finger. They really like you." She pushes. "Maybe that's why I got jealous of you, you have this carefree nature, easily blend in with everyone and do what you feel is right." Her words surprises me.

Placing the end of the scarfs neatly in front of me I shift my eyes to Sahara. "Thanks but I don't think that's the case, my carefree nature is surely more a burden." I say and look out of the window. "Especially for my kidnapper." I bitterly chuckle while my throat burns.

"No that's not true!" She argues and sits down next to me. "Okey, tell me. Do you know who Adam is?" She asks me and I nod awkwardly, of course I know and this just makes me miss him. "Still today we are not sure about who he is." I look at her surprised. "Do you know where Adam is right now?" She continues and I nod again. "We have never been enlighten where Adam is kept when he is not with us." Should I feel special? "Shawn has never interfered in other persons dispute if not to just tell everyone to shut up. For the first time I have been scolded by him and it is he who have ordered me to apologize Sana." She takes my hand. "The boys likes you, don't think any other way just because of my stupid bitterness towards life." She says and I smile at her gesture.

Feeling a bit better I pull her into a hug, clearly surprising her. To be honest he should know better about my character by now and I am happy he at least tried to stand up for me.

Pulling away I mumble fixing my eyes on Saharas. "Thank you." I tuck my hair behind my ears.

"No worries." She mumbles and offers me a small smile.

Sitting there quite awkwardly playing with my hands I ask her a question which is nagging my mind. "Do you know why Shawn and I ran away?" My voice comes out a bit shaky and my heart is beating uneven.

Sahara doesn't meet my eyes, she looks down on her intertwined hands and nods. "Yeah, Shawn called me and told me. He ordered me to get out off there as soon as possible, so here I am." Seeing hurt in her eyes makes me want to punch myself for being so insensitive, it was her husband after all. "Yousef is a great guy, I don't know what came in to him." Her voice comes out as a whisper.

My curiosity takes over. "I hope you don't mind me asking but how is Osman family in general? I mean you have lived with them?" My eyes rests on her profile trying to analyze her expressions.

She pulls her knees to her chest and a full grin appears on her lips now. "They are actually amazing people, I always felt at home there. The lack of love and happiness in my life was given to me by them. I have a lot to be thankful for in real." She bits her lips and her eyes twinkles.

Tilting my head I smile at her. "We find love in the most bizarre and unexpected places and circumstances." She nods at that with a big grin."Why did they join the extremist group?" Wow, did I just question that?

My heart stops for a second. "Dad, I mean Osman uncle has a past, that shaped him to the man he is today. War can really traumatize you and to be honest, instead of getting therapy he is acting upon his frustration." There's a sudden silence in the room making me hear my own breathing. "When the Middle East was invaded during his younger years his father used to help victims as he was a doctor. When one day he was aiding a soldier from the West, he couldn't save him. The soldiers partners assumed that he killed him. They didn't believe him when he defended himself as he in their words were lying, Muslims are obviously born with terrorism and lies in their blood. Ironically enough it was they who was there in the Middle East, fighting a war which wasn't theirs to fight." Sahara gives out a bitter chuckle.

I listen in silence, not knowing what to say actually. "What happened then?" My voice hitches in my throat.

"One day when he came back home after being with a friend he found his whole family brutally murdered. They didn't even spare his two younger sisters who were found beside their own bed, in horrible states." The air goes chilly around me and goose bumps forms on my body, a small gasp leaves my lips.

"Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiun, surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return." I whisper, it is a phrase used when hearing that people have past away.

"Yeah, who will explain to them that you can't instill love and respect by fear?" She sighs. "They are good people but they are blinded by hate. This is the problem with humans, a few persons deeds always leads to hate towards a whole nation or group of people." This was, wow. I don't know what to say.

I clear my voice. "Only light can drive out darkness and only love can drive out hate." That's the only thing I could think off to say, this verse derived from the bible really gives a perspective.

Sahara smiles. "Anyway, get some rest as tomorrow we will be planning our one last mission." Enlightening me she wishes me good night and I walk with her to the door to close it behind her.

What catches my attention is that when she leaves she looks up at the right side of the door as if looking at someone, her eyes indicates that she is clearly surprised. My curiosity gets the best of me and I tip my head to take a glance, two ocean blue eyes catches my attention. His back, head and right foot is rested on the wall while his arms are crossed across his chest.

Breaking the eye contact by looking away I walk in to close the door. "Are you alright?" I hear him ask and slightly nod to realize that he can't see me, perfect.

"Yes." I shortly reply and try to close the door again, he slips his foot in which makes me startled.

He runs a hand through his hair indicating that he is either nervous or worried. "About the hijab, the reason I used to insult you was because that's one of the basic things I have knowledge about when it comes to Islam. I know that it is the woman who wears it and without it they're considered bad." He enlightens me hastily as if he has a train to catch.

Not knowing what to say I shrug. "Ok."

He bores his intimidating eyes into mine and clenches his jaw. "What I am trying to say is that I." He pauses and scratches his neck. "I am like." What's up with him? "I am sorry." He says quickly enough for me to hear and my eyes widens while he rants on. "I did intend to humiliate you and that was one of the ways I knew would work as Muslims are quite sensitive when it comes to the hijab." This is the first time he has directly said sorry to me, and I really don't know how to react so I just awkwardly stare at him.

Without any emotion I blurt out the words reaching me first. "It's okey."

"You're not angry?" He asks astonished.

I shrug. "No that's not a valid reason for me to get angry. That was before and you have apologized." Playing with the door knob I tell him.

He stays silent for a moment which makes me a bit nervous, he is very intimidating. "Can you enlighten me why people wear hijab?" My eyes snaps up to him, is he curious about the hijab?

I clear my throat awkwardly as I usually try to avoid this topic but decide to share my knowledge with him. "First of all it is a command from our Lord, that should be enough. Then to be modest, so that we don't attract unnecessary attention from males. Also to be judged by our worth not by our appearance. Then lastly to save our beauty for our spouse." Enlightening him I feel my own subconscious prick me.

"Then why don't you wear it?" His questions throws me off guard and I fiddle with the door knob. "I am sorry, I am just curious." He is quick to add, wow did he just say sorry a second time? Two times in a row? Must be something in the air.

I shrug and think about it. "I don't know, I just don't feel ready. Also because I am scared of not being able to respect it enough or carry it with dignity. This society is different and I don't know, I am just weak. In Sha Allah in the future." Giving him a piece of my mind I look away from his burning gaze.

"Isn't it mandatory?" He inquires now leaning against the door frame with crossed arms.

I sigh. "That has actually always been debated by different scholars but as much as I know yes, it is." Telling him honestly I feel my palms sweat.

I feel scrutinized under his gaze and continue to play with the knob. "You do trust your Lord don't you?" I nod at his odd question and he holds the door knob from the other side forcing me to stop play with it, that makes my gaze dart up right into his boring eyes. "Then if you do trust him fully then I am sure that adoring the veil your Lord will be the first one to protect you from the society. You have nothing to be scared of." My eyes widens in astonish at his supportive words, and with that Shawn walks away.

Staring at his retreating back dumbfounded, I don't even get the chance to thank him. Closing my door I fall on the bed lightheaded, did that just happen?

Diverting my mind to tomorrow a soft smile breaks on to my lips. Tomorrow is a new day and from tomorrow I'll be a part of a mission. It is actually a bit exciting and I have always been a fan of 'Mission Impossible', this is the closest it can get for me. With that thought, in no time, I end up falling asleep.

There's this glow from a bright light that is disturbing my sleep. A creepy feeling itches me making me slowly open my eyes and I let my vision stabilize. Receiving a major heart attack seeing two eyes staring at me I scream my lungs out while sweating. My scream gets muffled abruptly by a cold hand covering my mouth.

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