Hello lovely people!

So here comes chapter 10! This is a revelation chapter, a insight in Shawns life which will continue in chapter 11. With the next chapter you might understand him better. Enjoy!

Love
Shona

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The word 'Islam' means 'peace.' The word 'Muslim' means 'one who surrenders to God.' But the press makes us seem like haters.

Muhammad Ali

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"I am not a Muslim." Shawns words echoes in my head.

Staring at him with mixed emotions a battle starts inside me. Yes, my gut feeling was right all along but why? To add to my numbness a cold breeze swirl around and makes me shiver. I sigh heavily while looking away from his deep blue eyes, this is just too much drama for me.

In three days my life has turned to a nightmare and in 72hours my life has turned upside down. All the new information that actually has nothing to do with my life is killing me from within.

Why? Why am I getting affected? Why do terrorist exist? Why would Islamic extremist groups contain non muslims? Why do we need to label them as muslims when they're clearly just terrorists? Nothing more and nothing less.

I don't even know if I want to listen to his story or not. Why a non Muslim joins a extremist group, who claims that they are Muslims, is beyond my understanding. To be honest, I am disappointed by Shawn, he is first a human being and then something else. He let me stand beside that maniac and actually waited for him to justify his act.

I mean Shawn can't be that blind that he couldn't see what was going on? I was crying and still he let Yousef go on with his lies, the lies which made me lose my temper. How could he say that I was trying to seduce him? On a different note, Shawn is just a terrorist who kidnapped me for his own benefit. What do I actually expect from him?

Shawn breaks me from my tangled mind. "Let's go and sit in the car. It's cold and we can." He paused as if contemplating something important. "Talk." He says and starts to walk away from me with his back towards me.

It's true that it is cold and I only have a thin tunic on me. "What if I don't want to talk?" I hear myself ask with confidence which surprises myself.

He halts in his movement and he turns around seeming annoyed. "Then we don't need to talk, just get in the car if you don't want to get sick." He says through gritted teeth and the water from the lake reflects light on his intimidating eyes, giving them an edge.

I change my mind as I want to know his way to this so called life. "Actually, you know what I want to talk. It will be fun to know how a man turned into a horrible human being and so cold hearted that he wouldn't mind seeing someone get raped." I blurt out in rage and challenge his ego while clenching my own hands.

Shawn does a double take as my words slaps him. He swallows hard and looks at me while his human side washes over him. If my mind isn't playing games with me I just saw hurt on him and his vulnerable side display in his eyes.

However as Shawn is the ultimate actor, he masks his emotions with anger within a second. "Well, what did you want me to do? It isn't like I got the chance to beat him up since you smashed his head with a glass jug. He was already bleeding for God's sake, you would be in trouble if we stayed for any longer. I ran away with you, for you. What more do you expect me to do?" He asks with his cold blue eyes almost penetrating my soul.

We stay quite in our positions having a staring competition. The sound of the river is the only sound giving hint that the time is ticking. Not being able to keep my eyes locked with his anymore, I end up looking away first. His eyes hold such an intensity, which I have never seen or confronted before. His eyes makes pain wash over me, a heart stabbing pain to which my eyes well up.

His words hits me numb. He actually did more than what I could expect, he ran away with me. That makes both him and Adam traitors, and even worse homeless. That he even offered to beat him up is huge for me. Heaving a sigh I stroll past him brushing his shoulder and sit down in the passenger seat.

Adam is still sleeping soundly in the back seat and a tear slips from my eye seeing the child. A huge frustration washes over me, what is happening? Why can't I wake up and realize that this is all a big nightmare. It will show to be a damn interesting nightmare.

The opening of the door makes me wipe away my tears quickly with the back of my hand. He sits down and looks at me. Shawn clicks open the small reservoir in front of me and a box of napkins comes to my vision. That is not what catches my attention though as I laugh bitterly. "What?" Shawn asks furrowing his eyebrows.

I point towards the gun beside the box and smile towards him. "Should I be horrified, act normal or be happy?" This makes him clench his jaw tightly, he hands me a napkin and closes the lid with a thud making my heart skip a beat.

We sit there in silence, dead silence making our breathing the center of attention. This is actually ridiculous. "So talk!" I snap.

Shawn looks grumpy and rolls his eyes while having his thumb under his chin and index finger over his mouth, resting his elbow on the window frame. He doesn't pay attention to me.

I heave out a frustrated sigh. "Ok, I will be nice." I say sweetly and smile, which earns me a blank gaze. "Shawn, please." This time I actually sound as tired as I am. "I am sorry for before." Looking ahead to avoid his gaze I utter while my heart picks up its rate. "I genuinely want to know how you ended up here." My eyes shifts to him, seriousness evident in them and he holds them for a brief moment before sighing.

We sit in silence again with Shawn resting his head on the car seat. Natures sounds providing us some harmony to our ears. "I am an atheist." He suddenly says and make my head snap towards him. "Born Christian." He continues, I shift in my seat to be able to see him properly while resting my back on the door. "I joined the U.S. army when I was 18 as I was a rowdy kid." He chuckles and keeps his eyes focused ahead.

Hearing him so carefree and having his guard down amazes me, which almost makes me forget to ponder over him confessing that he is from the army, from the U.S. Army to be exact. That explains a lot. His rigid nature, temper and disciplinary behavior. Wait, so he isn't from Sweden? How can he speak so well?

"I didn't have any real aim and was always picking up trouble. The discipline I was seeking, for my short temper and life, was found in the army. Being a damn fine officer they made different plans for me, which eventually led to this." He seem aggravated and takes a pause.

Studying his expressions makes me realize how dissatisfied he is with life. Something doesn't add up. His words and behavior contradicts. Not wanting to push him I stay silent to let him open up in his own pace.

"They brainwash us to do this for world peace. This way we have more access to your barbaric countries in the Middle East." Automatically I frown hearing those insulting words but try to let it go as wanting to know more, which obviously doesn't happen.

His gaze seem distant when I interrupt him. "What do you mean with brainwash and barbaric countries?" I ask him annoyed.

His gaze fixes on me as if just realizing that I am also there. "I didn't mean it that way. I used their word for describing the countries in the Middle East. The U.S. government just wants more power and we being sold act upon their tunes." He shrugs. "They pay us good and provides complete safety and financial support to our families."

I furrow my eyebrows, are everyone just pretending to be Muslims? "What about the Osman family and all of those men in the madrasa? Are they also pretending?" I hear myself ask.

Shawn sighs and shakes his head. "No, they are here with different motives. Some wants Islam to grow, some are racists and some just want to take revenge for losing their family members due to the wars. They don't know that some of us are just pretending to be Muslims or that we are from the army. We are so called undercover officers with the aim of stirring around every event to our benefit." He enlightens and I feel somewhat speechless over the revelation.

Some of them doesn't even know the reality of their copartners. "How do you speak so well Swedish if you're from the U.S?" I question and he give me a soft smile.

"That's your question?" He chuckles, which makes me realize that I inquired about the least bothering fact.

Chuckling myself I say. "No, more is coming. I thought of going easy on you with the first one." He smiles at that.

"They trained me to speak fluently in 15 different languages so I could more or less manage around the world." He shrugs and my eyes widens.

I can barely speak in three languages and he is a master in so many. "Wow, okey. So what's your real name?" I question and he stares at me making me shift in my position uncomfortably.

What happens next makes me stare at him in surprise. He starts to laugh. Shawn's laughing. I wish someone could record it. He seem so young and happy that I don't bother that he is actually insulting me.

"Sana." He says between his laughs and the corner of his eyes crinkles. "You're something special." He laughs and I go crimson. "My name is still Shawn." He says while getting back to normal and runs a hand through his hair.

"Oh." I say embarrassed while looking at him somewhat mesmerized. It is like seeing a Dolphin speak, which is kind of rare right? "How come you decided to open up to me? You have barely known me for three days." I ask genuinely curious.

He shrugs. "Having caged every information and emotion inside me for so long it was about time to let everything out. And I have a gut feeling that I can trust you." He enlightens me and a smile cracks on my lips.

Even though I am not sure if I trust Shawn I am glad he trusts me. Strangely sometimes even though you just recently met a person you can get this feeling of knowing them forever, which is quite overwhelming. However, trusting a terrorist is not a good idea. Trusting a terrorist who says he is not a terrorist might not the best idea either. We sit there in silence again and I think of his words.

Something suddenly snaps in me and my mood goes as dark as the black night above us. My blood start to boil and a fire start to ignite in me. "So what you're actually implying is that you're from the U.S. Army and you're letting yourself play with billions of human beings feelings?" I ask him disgusted but still calm while searching for something in his unbothered eyes as he turns rigid.