We had the joy of waking up to another early morning as our time at the Bateleur Camp was over and we were now moving onto Klein's Camp, a small resort in the the northern corner of the Serengeti. We had a short, thirty minute drive back to the airstrip and then a quick, forty minute flight to the Serengeti in Tanzania, from there we took a very bumpy car ride to the new resort, arriving just after ten in the morning.

Along the way to the resort our driver gave us a brief rundown of the place we would be calling home for the next two days. The resort was nestled on the edge of the Kuka Hills, giving all guests a spectacular view of the Great Migration as it passed through the valley below. There were ten cottages placed along the hillside, each with makuti thatched roofs and walls of local stone, each cottage had an en-suite and rich wooden flooring, not to mention another private veranda to relax on. There was also a large camp bar and main dining area, both beautifully and rustically furnished, with its own amazing views of the valley.

The camp was apparently a hotspot for elephants and big cat sightings and it amazingly lived up to its expectations upon our arrival. When we were shown to our cottage a huge herd of elephants came to drink from the watering hole just at the bottom of the hill, my camera was pulled out of my bag alarmingly fast and it took everything in me not to run over to them to get a closer look. I made a mental note to call home once we were settled, I needed to tell Alice how spectacular this all was and how thankful Jake and I were.

We spent the rest of our morning unpacking a few items and visiting the little souvenir shop, buying items for both sides of the family because why not. They deserved a little treat. We called the families like I said we would as we lounged around the pool. Alice made sure to embarrass me, asking if I had worn any of the little gifts that she had packed for me. I hadn't and I ignored her. Jake raised his eyebrow at me, his eyes sparkled with excitement as he thought about seeing me in lingerie just like what I wore on our wedding night. I guess wearing something nice for him tonight wasn't a bad idea.

Around the pool we got to talking to the other two couples that were on the trip with us and we decided to all have a meal together in the evening in the main dining area.

"You need to stop being friendly." Jake complained from behind me later on that night as I was getting ready. I looked slightly to my right, looking in the mirrors reflection to see him leaning against the entryway of the bathroom, his arms folded across his chest.

"What? Why?" I stared at him, confused, my hand paused mid air as I stopped applying my mascara.

"You know why." He grumbled, standing up straight as he reached his full height, ducking under the doorway as he stepped fully in the bathroom. "I want you to myself at night."

"Oh please." I went back to applying the mascara to my long lashes. "Stop being a baby, Jacob. Its nice to make friends." I leant in a little closer to the mirror to zero in on any smudges that I had made. From the corner of my eye I saw Jake move behind me, and then I felt his hot hands on my hips through the towel I had wrapped around me. "What are you doing?" I asked innocently, ever so slightly backing my ass up against him as I put the mascara bottle down.

"Just playing." He said quietly, watching my face as I tried to hide my smile as his hands slipped higher to subtly pull on my towel that was hiding my naked body.

"Only playing?" I asked, trying to put a seductive tone to my voice. I straightened up and let the towel fall to the floor, revealing my naked body to Jake. His eyes pooled with lust as he gripped my now naked hips in his large hands.

He pulled me back against his growing hardness and groaned. "You're so goddamn sexy." I had made sure we left the pool early so we would have a little extra time to ourselves for this exact moment.

I turned in his arms, sliding my arms over his bare stomach, chest and shoulders. "Do you want me?" I asked teasingly, trailing one hand back down to rub my hand over his length that was still concealed by his boxers.

"Badly." He growled before grabbing my hips a little harder to lift me up onto the countertop.

"Have me then." Those three words sent him crazy, his boxers were suddenly on the floor and he pushed himself between my legs. His lips captured mine in a hungry kiss that was so dizzying I forgot how to breathe.

His hands were grabbing me everywhere, pulling me into him, holding me so tightly, and it was driving me insane. It was very rare that he was ever rough. I guess he always felt that he had to be gentle and treat me perfectly, like he forgot I was bulletproof and I couldn't handle his strength, but sometimes I did want to grabbed like he couldn't get enough, I wanted to be thrown around a bit. The closest we had got to what I wanted was on our wedding night, and now I just wanted more.

In one single swift move, I grasped his cock and guided him into me, making his knees shake and a thunderous groan escape him. He worked himself into an even pace, his thrusts hitting me perfectly every time, as I had one arm wrapped around his shoulders, the other gripping the countertop to hold me in place.

The feeling was sending shivers down my spine in the most exciting way. His eyes had a blazing fire in them, the pure need and hunger was turning his already dark brown eyes almost black. I bit my lip as I stared back at him and he surprised me by shaking his head before pulling out. "What's..." I didn't get a chance to finish my sentence as he grasped my hips and lifted me off of the countertop and placed me back on my feet. He proceeded to spin me around so that I was looking at our reflections in the mirror, his large body towering over mine.

His hot, heavy breaths were hitting the back of my neck as he stared back at me. "So perfect." He whispered as he slipped his hands around my waist and pulled me back into him with a jolt. I could feel his cock pulsating against my ass cheek, it made my insides clench with excitement. What was he going to do next?

"Jake." I breathed out as he ran his soft lips up my neck.

He pulled my ass against his crotch and then ran his cock between my legs. I stretched up onto my tip toes to give him better access and with one quick movement he was inside me again, filling me as my eyes fluttered closed. "Keep them open." He snapped and I blinked them open to see him already watching me.

His fingertips from both hands dug into my hips roughly, and I was almost convinced that he would leave bruises. This was what I wanted, just a little more handsy. I got lost in his beautiful reflection in the mirror, watching my beautiful man claim ownership of my body once again, the moans falling out of our mouths in perfect unison.

He stared back into my eyes, a little smirk on his face as he slipped one of his hands from my hips to reach forward and between my legs. He pressed his fingers against me, and pleasure filled shockwaves raked over my body as a squeal escaped me. I watched as a grin worked its way onto his gorgeous face, staring back at me before he lowered his gaze to watch himself fuck me.

Jake held himself deep inside, moving his fingers in quick circles, leaving nothing but pleasure in their wake. My moans were getting louder as I rolled my hips back into him, begging him for more. "I love the sound of you moaning." He stated, grunting straight after as he continued his movements, each thrust harder than the one before. His bottom lip disappeared between his teeth and I made no effort to remain quiet, letting him hear just how much he was pleasuring me.

His bulging muscles evident and now covered in sweat, his teeth tightly clenched making his jawline stand out, his dark eyes shining back at me with the strangest mix of absolute need, hunger, love and adoration. His hair was messy, the longer parts that he usually gelled back were slightly falling over his eyes, the way I love it, all messy and soft.

What he was doing to me was taking over all of my senses. As I stared back into the eyes of beautifully created perfection, the fact that he was all mine, left me in a screaming mess. "Jake!" I gasped, half worried that my grip on the granite countertop would crack and break it.

"So good, baby." He groaned, watching me.

I inhaled deeply and held my breath as the pure pleasure tore through my body, one of the most intense orgasms I had ever had ripped through me like a steam train. I watched as Jake smiled back at me before he gave in to the pleasure as well. His finger tips dug deeply into the skin on my hips, the slightly discomfort swirling in with the pure bliss caused me to back myself up into him as he released into me.

We remained unmoving, just watching each other as hot, sweaty, panting messes as we tried to catch our breaths and calm our heart rates. "I think I need to shower again." I complained despite my smile as Jake pulled out of me and stepped back. I turned to look at him with a sad pout on my face, all that effort I put into my make up only to have to do it all over again.

"Well, I think you look perfect, baby." He grinned at me before walking over to the shower. "All sexy and shiny."

"Thanks." I laughed as I sauntered over to him. "But I'm still showering again."

"I wasn't going to stop you." He smirked as I squeezed past him, his hot palm taking a handful of my ass cheek as I stepped under the warm water.

* * *

"Isn't the view just beautiful." Vera said, her Portuguese accent rolled off her tongue, I was so envious.

The six of us had been sat at a rectangle table at the top end of the restaurant on the balcony that overlooked the never-ending plains beneath us. Nearly every inch of the earth below was lit up from the white light of the moon and stars. It looked truly peaceful.

Each couple had been sat opposite each other, Jake and I on one end, Larissa and Seb in the middle with Nico and Vera on the other end closest to the balcony edge. Everyone looked very glamourous, enough to rival the Cullens almost and I could see that Jake was beginning to silently judge the other couples for being minutely stuck up but I had to remind him that this was a five star safari resort, most of the guests here were going to be well-off people. I liked the other couples, they were friendly and fun to be around. Jake was just being selfish and wanted me all to himself.

We were greeted quickly and offered our menus and as I opened up the menu that was handed to me, my eyes zeroed in on the twelve ounce fillet steak, served with garlic butter mushrooms and roasted vegetables. God, how long had it been since I'd had a juicy bit of medium-rare steak? It seemed like a big meal, but I was suddenly starving and all I wanted to eat was this big, fat steak. Maybe it would taste better rare, that is what was being recommended. My mouth filled with saliva just thinking about it.

"Have you chosen, baby?" Jake asked, reaching across the table to take my hand in his and rub his thumb over the back of my hand.

"I think I'm going to have the steak special." I said a little meekly, afraid of being slightly judged by the other diners at our table.

Jake smiled at me proudly as Larissa and Seb exchanged a surprised glance. "Oh, me too!" Vera exclaimed clapping excitedly. "We can be fat together." She hummed happily as she smiled at me from the other end of the table.

When the food arrived my mouth began to water terribly. The first bite was even better. The juices and blood from the rare steak even managed to make a little venom pool in my mouth. From across the table Jake rolled his eyes at me, he knew that happened when I ate something I really liked.

After our meal we moved on to the bar, devouring cocktail upon cocktail, well us girls were. The men stuck to their beer stating that they had to be chaperones for the way we were acting. I was the most sober, my metabolism burned the alcohol away before it could take full affect on me, if I had to put a label on how I was feeling it would be tipsy.

"So, we were only together for six weeks before he popped the question." Larissa was explaining as she showed off her engagement ring to Vera and I. "Whirlwind romance really, but we remained engaged for a year just to be sure before we started planning-"

Larissa was interrupted by a loud crashing noise from behind the bar, with the sound of glass shattering and a woman's shocked shriek silenced the bar area. Everyone's head shot round to the door behind the bar, a few guests sat at the bar teetered on their seats, unsure of whether they should go and help or not. A woman had accidentally knocked a tray of clean glasses onto the tiled floor of the kitchen, an honest mistake and everyone seemed fine.

"It's all okay!" The bartender called out. "Just a few broken glasses."

A few seconds passed and the buzz of chatter started up again and Larissa went back to explaining her love story. I took a deep breath a tried to concentrate, feeling a little lightheaded, but, as I inhaled, a strange unwelcome feeling took over me. "Shit!" I heard a woman's voice echo from the kitchen, too quiet for humans to hear, I watched as she looked at her hand to see a shard of glass stuck in her palm, oozing red blood beginning to pour from the wound.

The metallic smell was suddenly overwhelming, too sweet. My throat began to burn as the venom pooled in my mouth. I held my breath as the thought of bursting into that kitchen and sinking my teeth into that woman's hand became all too much. My fingertips gripped the armrest of the chair I was sitting on, my nails cutting through the fabric as my throat yearned and cried out for the taste of this poor woman's blood.

Fuck! Why did it smell so good?!

I wanted it! Needed it! It took everything in me not to move a single muscle. All I could focus on was the taste of my venom, the aching of my throat, and the image of the blood now soaking through the cloth the woman had wrapped around her hand.

"Aria? Are you okay?" Vera's cool hand touched my wrist and my head snapped round to her. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from hissing at her.

"Yes." I said through gritted teeth, trying my best to smile and not to breathe. "Excuse me, just need to use the restroom." I had never moved so humanly fast in all my life, they most likely thought that I was going to throw up. I placed my glass down on the coffee table and sped walked with little grace towards the ladies restroom, giving Jake an attempted reassuring smile as I went. I just needed to get away from the stench of blood.

I had never been more thankful to find an empty bathroom. I stepped inside and locked the main door and rushed to open the window, inhaling the clean air that hadn't been contaminated by fresh blood. What the hell was wrong with me? Where had that come from? The only other time I'd had a thirst for blood was when I hadn't eaten for days and now I had literally just stuffed my face.

I took about three more deep breaths, taking in nothing but nature until my breathing returned to normal and I could no longer smell the blood in the air. Had my body finally caught up with the vampire side of me, did I now need blood to survive? I was sure to expect a call from Alice some time soon, she definitely would have seen this. Carlisle will know what to do.

I composed myself, making sure my makeup looked fine and that didn't look like I could've had murderous thoughts a few moments ago. Cautiously I exited the bathroom and relief washed over me as the blood smell had dissipated so that I couldn't smell it anymore. Jake caught my eye immediately, looking at me with slight worry, as I passed him I touched his shoulder telling him I just needed a urgent bathroom break, that I had been holding off from peeing for too long. He laughed subtly as I re-joined the girls. Thank god he believed it.

"Did you puke?" Vera asked as she smirked at me over the top of her glass.

"No!" I smiled at her, trying to remain calm and causal. "I just really need to pee. Too many drinks does that to you." I explained with a light-hearted shrug as I picked my drink back up.

Conversation continued and I tried my best to listen but I kept finding myself drifting off and getting lost in my own mind, all the while I was staring at my purse waiting for Alice to call the phone that was concealed inside.

* * *

I was going crazy, I wanted to rip my hair out, throw myself off this jeep, even rip my skin off. I needed to do something! Anything! I needed to stop staring at Nico's damn carotid artery because all I could think about was lunging for him and sinking my teeth into his neck.

Was this what a newborn felt like? Almost being driven crazy with the need to feed, the need for blood. Everything about him was just so enticing, the scent of his skin, the saltiness of his sweat. I wanted him. I wanted to drain the life from him, drink him dry until the violent burning in my throat had subsided.

Maybe the heat from the sun was driving me mad? Maybe this was all a hallucination? Alice hadn't called yet, it had been over twelve hours, I know there's a time difference but come on. That shouldn't affect it! I just had to be dreaming, I wasn't actually thirsting for human blood.

Jake didn't suspect a thing last night, though we didn't make love again like we usually did after dinner, I just told him I was tired and the lack of sleep had caught up with me. In all honesty I just wanted to get the day over with and return to normal again - though I had now come to realise that wasn't going to happen.

Last night Jake had agreed to go on a joint couples safari with Vera and Nico. I thought it was a great idea, I woke up fine feeling fresh and ready for the day, but that was until we had met up with the couple and our guide, and for the last hour I had been trying my best to hold my breath. How in the hell had Bella done this with so much composure when she had first seen Uncle Charlie? I was swallowing nearly every twenty seconds to keep the venom down and the scent of it out of Jake's nose.

He now knew that something was wrong, he just didn't know what. If I didn't sort myself out and perk up he was going to be on my case. An idea sprung to mind, as disgusting and revolting it made me feel, it was the only thing I could do to soothe the burning. Hesitantly, I caught the inside of my cheek between my teeth. I took a deep breath because I knew this was going to hurt like a bitch but I couldn't give anything away.

I tried to remain as calm as possible, and counted back from three inside my head.

3... 2... 1...

Very slowly, to ensure I didn't bite right through the thin skin, I let my teeth sink into the few layers of flesh and savoured the metallic taste of my own blood as it hit my tongue. I could've moaned out loud with how good it tasted, what relief it brought me as the severe burning in my throat cooled. I was horrified with myself, this was my own blood, and blood in general! But I needed it, craved it, loved it.

Was this the new norm for me? Drinking my own blood to satisfy myself? And where had this sudden urgency for it come from? And why hadn't Alice called me?

"Are you okay, baby?" Jake asked me, taking my hand in his larger one as he looked at me with the same worried expression he did last night.

Quickly, I ran my tongue over the slight puncture wound inside my cheek, letting the remaining venom stitch the skin back together. I just hoped my breath didn't smell like blood. "Yeah, of course. Just a little warm." I smiled at him, a true smile, because the burning had numbed into hardly anything. For now, I was satisfied.

"Just checking." He didn't seem convinced but smiled back at me anyway before lifting my hand to place his lips against the back of my hand.

I settled into his side as I tried to relax, the burning was gone for now, but that was just the issue. When was it going to return?

For the rest of the day I tried to seem normal, now that the thirst wasn't eating at me, the thought of it coming back was. There was brief moments when I was able to forget about it completely, like when we were able to witness a super pride of lions lounging in the shade of some trees. I counted eighteen of them, six of which were cubs who were all playing in the dirt and disturbing the sleeping adults.

We were also able to see some hippo, crocodiles, African buffalo and a lone leopard. The leopard was hard to spot, it was lying up in a tree, sleeping along a branch. What made me spot it, was the flicking of its tail as it dangled down through the trees, moments later our guide was able to locate it with some binoculars. I felt a little smug that I had seen it first but obviously I kept that to myself.

Our truck returned to the resort in the late afternoon, the sun was now burning orange as it was on its way too setting, casting long shadows across the landscape. Jake, Vera, Nico and I rushed to the viewing balcony upon our guide's request to watch as the great migration passed through the valley below. They had been travelling through the valley long before we had arrived here but there had been some sightings of another pride of lions and they were beginning to form their attack.

It was a little strange for us all to be so excited to see an animal about to be killed but it was like we were in the middle of a David Attenborough documentary, and you couldn't tear your eyes away from the view. It was nature after all. 

Even from the distance we were at, it could have been my heightened senses, but the ground beneath my feet was rumbling. The wildebeest were moving in long, loose columns, cantering across the earth, the black soil stuck to their hooves as the dry dust kicked up behind them. The animals stretched far into the distance, their nodding bearded heads as ungainly as their galloping. Sometimes they skittered left and right, trying to dodge the stalking of the pride of lions that enclosed on the mass herd from the left.

The lionesses worked together, edging closer with precision as they tried to spook the wildebeest out of their protective formation. When the herd split the lionesses advanced, driving forward with speed as they selected a large male who seemed to be trailing behind by a second. From the way it galloped, slightly stiffly, I could tell it was one of the older animals and it was sure to meet its end.

One lioness sped in from the left, pouncing forward, claws outstretched as it half tackled the wildebeest to the floor, her claws raking its flank as she used her strength to bring it to the floor. A second lioness swooped in from the right, her jaws immediately latching and biting down on the flesh of the animal's neck. The wildebeest struggled but three more lionesses came running in, standing guard as the life drained out of the animal on the floor.

We continued to watch as the males came in to feed first before they all began to feast together. The stench of hot flesh and blood was a little appetising but I was thankful that the burning didn't return. It seemed that my own blood had definitely done the trick. Perhaps I had nothing to worry about...

* * *

My mind just wasn't clearing. Why did this have to happen to me now? Why couldn't I have become more vampire back at home where people could help me?

Stop, Ari!

Going over it again and again wasn't going to help me, there was only one thing that could help me and I was dreading it immensely. I didn't want to drink blood, I didn't want to change. I didn't want Jacob to hate me for it, he loves me, he loves the Cullens, I knew that. I just didn't want him to resent me for even thinking about the idea of going out there and finding something to feed on, let alone thinking about feeding on a human. I guess time had just caught up with me, being a non-feeding vampire for nearly six years had run its course. I now needed blood to sustain myself.

I closed my eyes and listened to Jake's steady breathing, his lungs filling slowly with air, the gentle beating of his heart. I was so eternally thankful that I didn't find him appetising, that would've killed me if I had, but that didn't mean that it couldn't change. I needed to do this to keep him safe, one bite from me would kill him.

I had been fine all evening, all through dinner, even afterwards when we walked back to our cottage after sharing a private meal together. It wasn't until we were kissing on our private veranda that the burning returned with a vengeance. It wasn't Jake that had set it off, but some mass feeding frenzy about fifty miles north, it sounded like hyena had got something big, they had most likely stolen the kill from some big cats, but the smell of that fresh blood had got to me again.

My heart broke when I denied Jake the chance to make love again, claiming I was still too tired and that the lack of sleep had exhausted me. I just didn't want to hurt him and didn't want to risk it.

So here I was now, finally giving in to the temptation after lying awake for hours. I inched myself off of the bed, putting all the effort I could into not disturbing Jake from his sleep. I couldn't let him know about this, not until I had it figured it out myself and spoken to Carlisle about it. Either way I had to feed before I did something dangerous.

I skilfully managed to get myself off of the bed without waking Jake, and got changed into some leggings and sneakers. To ensure that he wouldn't notice the draft of the open door I decided to sneak out through the bathroom window, leaving it ajar so I would be able to get back in later.

When my feet touched the dirt I tried to force myself into hunter mode. I inhaled the air, tasting the different scents to try and get a sense of what direction to head in. I had only ever hunted with Nessie for fun, not taking much notice as I wasn't the one going in for the kill, the only time I had ever got close was when Vladimir and Stefan arrived as witnesses unexpectedly. All the other times I had killed the opponent was right there in front of me, I didn't have to track them down.

The air was still warm, and I couldn't smell any fresh kills, to be honest I couldn't smell any fresh animal trails. To the east was the sound of a nearby river, I could hear the bubbling water and feel the dampness in the air from that direction. As it was still warm I figured some animals might be thirsty.

I checked my surroundings, ensuring that no humans were still awake and sitting on their verandas. The only thoughts I heard back were those of dreams, no one was conscious. As the cottages were built into the hillside I decided to be daring and make a leap down the steep hill. With one final glance around I bent my knees and then pushed off of the ground. The air whooshed around me for three seconds until I landed on the even valley floor with grace and silence. I hadn't disturbed anything.

I double checked what direction was east before speeding off towards the river which by my estimate seemed to be about fifty miles away. My breath was shaky, I was so nervous. I didn't know what to do, where to grab the animal... where to sink my teeth into. I shuddered just from the thought of it, though the burning in my throat intensified, like it was urging me on.

I skidded to a stop about a mile out as I tried to think about how best to strike if I came upon a possible meal. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate, listening in on my surroundings. The whisper of roosting birds in the trees around me, the leaves scrapping together in the breeze, the faint clicking of termites following each other in a long line back towards their nest. I tried to ignore the buzzing of the river and focus on what lied ahead. Something was drinking, the splash of lapping tongues, the loud thudding of heavy hearts, pumping thick streams of blood.

It felt like the sides of my throat had sucked closed.

I breathed in its scent. It was warm, rich and tangy. I wrinkled my nose and my eyes burst open, further down the riverbank, about two miles away, was a small herd of buffalo. Two were on the look out as the other's drunk from the river. Thankfully the wind direction was to my advantage, I should be able to sneak up on them undetected.

My palms were sweaty with anticipation as I let myself drift with the scent, letting my thirst take control as I ghosted through the underbrush at a low crouch. The venom and saliva pooled in my mouth as the thumping of their heartbeats became more intense.

I centred myself around the scent of the male, the hot spot in his thick neck where the warmth pulsed strongest. Only thirty yards—two or three bounds—between us. I tensed myself for the first leap but froze and shot my head to the right. The muted padding of immense feet stalking at a quick pace. I hissed to myself, I had competition.

The wind suddenly shifted as the scent filled my lungs and my eyes caught sight of the intruder. I darted down lower in the thick grass to cover myself as I watched the lone, male lion saunter through the grass towards the small herd of buffalo. I became twitchy, it was going to scare my hunt away.

The lion's tawny hide slinked its way into a wide curve just beside me, it was so focused on the buffalo it hadn't noticed me. His tail twitched as he prepared to spring as my gaze darted between him and the buffalo. He suddenly burst up through the grass, startling my first prey as they fought to scatter.

Fuck!

With a light bound, I sailed through the air and landed directly in front of the lion, the move shocking us both really. He skidded to a stop, hissing and growling at me fiercely. He was big—easily four times my mass. He clawed the space between us, his eyes bright with fury.  Half-crazed with thirst, I ignored the exposed fangs and the hooked claws and launched myself at him, knocking us both to the savannah floor.

It wasn't much of a fight as my instincts took over.

His raking claws could have been caressing fingers for all the impact they had on my skin. They felt like nothing compared to that of the wolves'. His teeth could find no give against my shoulder or my throat. His weight was nothing. My teeth unerringly sought his throat, and his instinctive resistance was pitifully feeble against my strength. My jaws locked easily over the precise point where the heat flow concentrated.

It was as effortless as biting into butter. My teeth were steel razors; they cut through the fur and fat and sinews like they weren't there. The flavour was wrong, but the blood was hot and wet and it soothed the ragged, itching thirst as I drank in an eager rush. The cat's struggles grew more and more feeble, and his screams choked off with a gurgle. The warmth of the blood radiated throughout my whole body, heating even my fingertips and toes.

The lion was finished before I was. I shoved his carcass off my body in disgust and fell to my knees beside his cooling body.

The thirst subsided as I finally felt full, but that didn't stop the guilt that coursed through my body. My lungs heaved as the tears started and my breath came out in ragged gasps as the tears dripped from my chin and onto my palms that rested in my lap.

I cried until no more tears came, but the emptiness and horror that I felt remained.

What had I become?

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