June 5, 1994

          To my family,

A few months ago and I wouldn't have even cared to write this, but now all I can wish is for you to be here, or for me to be there. Wherever you are. Ever since that occurrence, I have been lonely. Only one soul who I can not interact with is here to keep me company. However, it is complicated. Everything here is so hard to understand. I just want to go back to how things used to be. I just want to go home. But, I can't. And I don't know why. 

Dad, I miss how you constantly took care of us and made sure we were all well taken care of. I miss how you used to take me to the movies every now and then, even though you couldn't even afford a house that wasn't so close to a highway. I miss how you cared about me and my family so much.

Mom, don't think I forgot about how you always stuck as the glue of the family, keeping me and my brothers together in one piece. You were always the strong one. No doubt about that. Too bad it took an instance like this for me to finally figure that out. 

Gabe, as your younger brother, I know how annoying you can really be. How hard on me you were at times, especially that one time you made sure I had practiced my swings enough, so much so that you kept me up past midnight working on it with me. Now I see that you were just pushing me to get better. I saw it then, but now I know how important that was to me. I might have lost the game if it weren't for your persistence. I just wish I could return the favor someday. 

And finally, Alex. My little brother. If you hadn't been such a winey one we would have probably gotten along better than you might think. We had so much in common. We both liked watching games as well as math, for some reason; and we both were the jokesters of our classes. However, you were so much nicer than I think I can ever be. Even when we disagreed, you were always open to my side. The little genius of the house. 

I miss you all so much. Even the arguments we had about grades and cleaning the house. Even that one time Gabe locked me in the closet until I recited the alphabet five times just for fun. I just wish I could come back. And I wish you were actually there if I do.. but, I know that wishing never makes things come true. You can't wish a dead man out of his grave. Just as I can't wish you all back. Just like I can't wish myself back.  

It was only April when we were separated. When you left. I only fear that maybe all of this is an afterlife unexperienced by anyone else; for I feel so distant from everything. Perhaps I was flung out of reality itself.