Chapter 15

Every muscle in my body seemed to tense and freeze as my father’s words sunk in. It wasn’t just the fact that he obviously knew who Parker was that was scaring me, it was the immense amount of judgment and disbelief that came with it.

“Dad,” I started slowly and carefully, not knowing exactly how to approach this conversation, “What are you talking about?”

“I’ll ask you once again Jillian, when did you start hanging out with Parker Collins?”

“I don’t know, a week or two after we moved here he started tutoring me in history, and since then we’ve been around each other a lot.” I replied honestly, still not understanding where this conversation was headed. “Why dad? It’s not like he’s a bad person.”

It seemed as though my reasoning was a bucket of cold water that had just doused my dad, as he stood stock still, staring at me with wide eyes that were full of disbelief.

“Not a… not a bad person Jillian!” he replied, directing his anger towards me as he raised his voice. “How much do you even know about this boy?  How do you know that he isn’t a bad person?”

“Dad!” I screamed, not understanding where his anger and sudden judgment was coming from. “What are you talking about? Of course he’s not a bad person, where are you getting any of this from?”

However, as soon as I asked the question and my dad’s face flashed with guilt and stress, my whole stopped spinning for a second, as I immediately knew the answer.

“That case,” I whispered in shock as a feeling of dread washed over me, “The case you’ve been working on for months, the one that was unresolved, it’s about Parker, isn’t it?”

“How do you…” he started, but I shook my head and cut him off.

“Parker told me that people blame him for his sister’s death.”

“Did he also mention that, when the police that were called that night, he was the main suspect in the investigation?”

“No, but...” I tried, only to be interrupted.

“Exactly, and that’s not even the half of it Jillian!” he replied, reverting back to his tactic of yelling at me. “I’m sorry, but even if he’s innocent in this whole mess, he still as so many things in his past that you don’t need right now.”

“If he’s innocent?” I restated, “Of course he’s innocent dad! He didn’t kill his own sister, and even if the evidence doesn’t show it, I’ve seen him crying at his sister’s grave, I know he didn’t do anything!”

As I saw him shake his head, I felt dozens of emotions run through me at once. I felt the guilt start to seep in for riling my dad up like this, I felt angry as I thought of what he was accusing Parker of, and I felt like I could pull my hair out with the amount of frustration that was building up inside of me.

My dad was looking at the contrasting black and white sides of this argument, when he should have been taking the time to see the blurred grey areas that, in this case, made up the truth.

“Jillian…” he started, his voice now softer then it had been previously, “I’m not saying he’s guilty of murdering his sister, I’m just trying to protect you.”

“Protect me from what dad?” I asked, now on the verge of crying.

“I know that you and Parker aren’t just friends, I could tell by just looking at the two of you tonight,” he admitted, smiling at me sadly, “But if he goes to court in a month and is, for reason, found guilty, he’ll be sent to jail for a long time. I don’t want you getting hurt through all of this, because I can tell you right now, his past isn’t pretty.”

“Daddy, the only person hurting me right now is you.” I whispered as pain wrapped around my heart and forced a single tear out of the corner of my eye.

“Oh Jillian,” he said apologetically, coming over to comfort me as I slid my back down the wall and sat down hunched on the kitchen floor, “I’m sorry, I don’t remember reading the section in the parenting handbook about what to do when your daughters boyfriend is a suspect for murder.”

Although his words made me feel a bit better, and I was sure a small laugh escaped my lips at his attempt to cheer me up, I couldn’t help but blush at the word boyfriend.

“He’s not my boyfriend dad.” I muttered embarrassedly, trying to push the images of us kissing a couple of hours ago to the back of my mind.

“You sure about that honey?”

And with that, I tucked my head into his shoulder as we just sat there on the kitchen floor, not bothering to move.

Sitting there in the silence, I couldn’t remember the last time my father and I had such as massive argument. Sure, there were times where I had made messes I forgot to clean, times I was out late with friends, and times when I swore accidentally in front of him, but I couldn’t remember a time when we so blatantly disagreed on an issue as big as this.

Lifting my head a few minutes later, after the tears seemed to have dried from my eyes, I sat back against the wall again and forced out the question that had been playing on my mind throughout the entire argument.

“Dad, why is Parker the main suspect for killing Freya?”

My voice was so soft that if anything in this house had made another noise, my dad probably wouldn’t have heard me, but luckily for me, my surroundings stayed silent as I looked to my dad with curiosity.

“The things I know are confidential,” he strained, although it seemed his resolve started to waver as a frown appeared on my face, “The files I’ve read aren’t supposed to be shown to anyone but the people working on this case.”

And although I knew the rules and legislations that came with my dad’s job, that didn’t stop me from giving the puppy-dog face my best shot.

“Please dad.” I begged, jutting out my bottom lip as my eyes went wide with innocence.

Hearing my dad sigh, I knew that I had succeeded. “Fine, but I’m only telling you the basics.” he said, and my stomach tightened as I prepared myself for what was to come.

“I don’t know how much he’s told you already, or what he doesn’t want you to know, but I guess I’ll start off by saying that his mom and dad divorced when he was a kid, and him and his sister were left with their father.”

I nodded along. “He told me about how his mom left and filed for divorce, and how as he grew up he found out that his dad had been using drugs and drinking a lot.”

“Yes, that’s all true,” he replied, “But I don’t know if he also told you that his dad was abusive.”

Just hearing the word abusive had sent a shiver down my spine, as I remembered Parker saying that his dad lashed out frequently, but he obviously didn’t want me knowing to what extent.

“I don’t know if he ever laid a hand on Parker per say,” my dad continued, “But results from the autopsy of Freya’s body showed that their were several lasting wounds on her body that had been concealed by makeup.”

“Anyways, the report that I’ve read says that when the police arrived at their house that night, Freya had already been dead for almost an hour, and Parker was found with his arms wrapped around her body. When they pulled him away and brought Freya away in the body bag, the reports say the Parker didn’t speak a word. Even when they brought him to the station to question him, he still stayed silent.”

“When the weapon was found and processed, they found Parker’s fingerprints on it, which was enough to charge him and send him to jail. However, when his father’s prints also showed up on the weapon and they started to question Parker about his father, he spoke, but he didn’t deny or confirm the accounts of abuse from his father.”

“From what I’m aware of, after Parker’s dead-end replies, the police contacted a behavioral correction facility a few towns over for children and young adults, which is where Parker spent the next two years of his life after the incident.”

“And then Saige’s mom got custody.” I whispered, as I tried to collect my thoughts after hearing what my dad had just said.

“And Saige’s mom got custody.” he repeated with a nod. “It was written down in one of the files that she had been fighting the courts for the majority of the two years for him to return to this town, and after everything, they realized that besides the protests from other citizens, they really had no secure reasons for keeping him away.”

As my dad stopped speaking and I processed all he had said, one fairly big question was left playing on the back of my mind.

“Where was his dad in all of this?” I asked, not believing that they could’ve blamed Parker with the murder when it sounded like more of the evidence pointed towards their father.

“That’s the thing,” he started, shaking his head in anger and sadness, “He’s gone.”

“When the police searched the house that night, there were no traces of his dad except for stray footprints and fingerprints. They couldn’t locate half of his clothing, his wallet, any identification, and his passport seemed to be missing. My best guest was that it was their father that killed Freya, and after seeing his son’s face, he packed up and fled. To this day they haven’t been able to find him, so unless he makes the right choice and ends up coming to the trial, Parker might be the one going down for murder if the other lawyers cook up some evidence of their own.”

The rage and resentment that bubbled in the pit of my stomach was enough to bring steam to my mind. How could somebody do that to his own daughter? And he left Parker to take the blame!

“They won’t be able to find anymore evidence right?” I asked, practically begging him to give me the answer I wanted to hear. “He can’t be sent to jail if he’s innocent dad!”

“That’s why I didn’t want you involved in all of this sweetheart.” he said, pulling me closer to him again as he kissed my forehead. “People go to jail everyday, even if they’re truly innocent. Lawyers will fight tooth and nail for their clients, and if the judge and jury are convinced, they rule on the facts that are presented to them.”

“But he can’t go to jail dad,” I said, sobs taking over my words as I let the tears fall freely, “He can’t.”

“I know sweetie, I know.”

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Waking up the next morning, I was shocked that I didn’t jump at the sight that greeted me when I looked in the mirror. My hair looked like a giant a tumbleweed and the eye makeup I had put on yesterday was now smeared and displaced, making me look like a zombie instead of a teenage girl who’d just gotten out of bed.

Replaying the events of last night, I didn’t know how to feel. I remembered retreating to my room after crying downstairs with my dad, and in my sleepy haze, I remember texting somebody before falling asleep.

My eyes widened as I checked my phone and saw that the last person I had texted was Parker. Scrolling through the messages, any feelings I had experienced last night were popping back up as they circled the pit of my stomach.

‘Parker…’

‘Yes? :)’

‘Why didn’t you tell me that you could be going to jail in a few months?’

‘How did you…’

‘My dad’s working on the case. I guess he recognized you tonight and then told me after everybody left.’

‘… I’m sorry xx’

The x’s at the end of his last text were enough to put a small smile on my face, but as I re-read the messages over once more, I wanted to punch myself in the face. Why did I have to text him last night? Couldn’t I have just waited until I saw him next to talk about it?

Sighing angrily at myself, I put my phone down on my bed and got ready quickly before heading downstairs for breakfast.

“Good morning sweetie,” my dad greeted softly as I entered the kitchen. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Better,” I said, before shaking my head, “But not by much.”

“Did you want some pancakes to cheer you up?” he asked, and even though I didn’t feel the best emotionally, the smell of his chocolate chip pancakes were enough for my stomach to grumble and him to laugh. “I’ll take that as a yes.” he chuckled, dropping three pancakes onto a plate before sliding them in front of me.

The pancakes were delicious, there was no doubt about that, but as I became aware of the lull in conversation, a nervous feeling started to crawl back into my mind.

“Oh, and Parker stopped by last night after you were asleep.”

My hand froze, leaving my fork hanging halfway in the air at the dad’s words. My mouth was left hanging open in shock, and when I tried to speak, my mouth would open but no sound would come out.

“Wait, what?” I finally forced out, not able to comprehend what my dad had just said.

“Yea, it must’ve been around midnight when I heard someone knocking on the door.” he said. “I wasn’t sure who it would be at that time of night, but when I saw Parker there I knew you must’ve said something to him.” He looked at me pointedly, making me blush before continuing. “When he asked if you were still awake, I said that you had just gone to bed and that I’d tell you he stopped by, and if I were telling the truth, he looked a little bit desperate to talk to you.”

The laughter that left my lips did not sound joyous, but instead forced and dreadful.

“I texted him last night, but when I woke up I barely remember it so I must’ve been half asleep.” I admitted. “I guess I asked him why he never told me about going to jail, and he didn’t really reply.”

“Jillian,” my dad said, his voice starting to fill with disappointment.

“I know dad,” I interrupted, “I know I shouldn’t have texted him that and I know that I definitely shouldn’t have been so forward, but I did and I was stupid.”

“Actually, I was going to say that if he’s really that beaten up about his past and trusts you with parts of it, you shouldn’t have pushed at all.”

“I know.” I said dejectedly.

“And since you recognize that, I don’t see why you’re not already heading over to his house begging for forgiveness.”

My head snapped up in shock. “Huh?” I said, my mind flooding with a wave of confusion, “I thought last night you said you wanted me to stay away from him, you know, stay safe and what not.”

“I remember,” he smiled, “But if you’re truly already this close with the guy, and he makes you happy, I shouldn’t be standing in the way of that. And by the way he looked last night, I’d say you’d be a good shoulder to lean on.”

My heart warmed at his words and I smiled, wondering how I got so lucky as to have an amazing dad, when others, including Parker, weren’t as lucky.

“Thanks dad.”

“Now go, I’ll clean up here.”

And with that, I didn’t care how I looked or what I should’ve been doing, I followed my heart and my dad’s instructions as I threw on my coat and grabbed my car keys, with my final destination just minutes away.

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Pulling into the driveway, the clock on my dash quickly reminded me that it was only nine in the morning, and even though my dad and I were early risers, that didn’t mean everybody else was. Deciding to just go with my gut, I exited the car and quickly hurried to their front steps, ignoring the cold air that blew through my clothes and nipped at my skin.

Knocking on the door, I hoped that he wouldn’t mind I was here this early in the morning, but in my mind, if he could come to my house at midnight, then I could show up at nine in the morning, right?

Unfortunately, I was deflated a bit when the door open and Susan was standing there, and the ounce of guilt sunk in when I saw that she was wearing pyjamas and a housecoat.

“Umm… hey.” I greeted sheepishly, “Do you know if Parker’s awake?”

“Oh come in Jillian,” she said, yawning at the end of her sentence, but otherwise, her words were chipper and genuine. “And I’m not sure if he’s awake, but he’ll still be in his room if he is. You know where that is?”

“Yea…” I replied awkwardly as she motioned for me to remove my coat.

“Well just go on up then.” she said, nodding towards the stairs as she hung my coat on the rack and closed the door.

Nodding stiffly, I headed up the stairs quietly, taking a breath as I slowly opened the door to Parker’s room.

Stepping inside as the door creaked, I winced, but my eyes quickly latched onto the sleeping figure on the bed. I was unsure if it would be rude to wake him and before I could even back out of his room to let him sleep, the floor beneath my feet creaked, causing Parker’s eyes to blink open slowly.

As his eyes opened and his head tilted up slightly, he seemed to notice me instantly and his eyes widened. “Jillian?” he questioned in surprise, and before I could blink or say a word, he was in front of me and his arms were wrapped around me. “I’m so sorry Jillian, so sorry.”

I didn’t know exactly why he was apologizing or why he was hugging me, but I quickly surrendered to the hug, resting my head against his chest as my arms moved my sides to wrap around his torso loosely.

“Why are you apologizing?” I asked softly a few seconds later, leaning back as I looked up at him. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“I didn’t tell you the truth…” he started, but I shook my head and brought my hand up to cover his mouth.

“You did tell me the truth, you just didn’t tell me all of it.” I explained. “I shouldn’t have asked my dad to tell me everything last night, it was your story to tell, and when you were ready, if you ever were, I would’ve been there to listen.”

He smiled softly at me, dropping one of his hands to intertwine with mine as he led me over to the bed, dropping down so that we sat beside each other.

“I wasn’t trying to hide my past from you, well, I guess I was, but it wasn’t because I didn’t trust you enough to tell you the whole story.” he reasoned genuinely, looking me in the eyes as he spoke. “It was because I was embarrassed and I thought you’d hear it and just…”

“What, run away?” I asked, and he nodded, looking ashamed of his assumptions. “Look at me right now Parker Collins,” I stated seriously, waiting until he listened to continue, “Even after hearing everything from my dad last night, I’m still here. I’ll be here with you through everything if you want me, and if you want, I’ll listen to you right now if you want to get things off your chest.”

And so he spoke.

He started by retelling me things he had mentioned in the past about his childhood, while also adding in additional pieces that I’d heard from my dad the night previous. The whole time I just sat there and listened, my hand intertwined with his as he let the ghosts from his past run free.

I think the line that stood out the most was when he would talk about his dad’s abuse over the years. “When my dad would lash out,” he’d said, “It wouldn’t just be with words. I remember times when his eyes would glaze over with fury and he’d just use his fists to convey the things he couldn’t say.”

I’d winced at times when he talked about his father, and when he talked about his sister’s death, I wasn’t the only one with tears in my eyes.

By the time Parker stopped talking, I could see the tears in his eyes and it made my heart break that much more for him. Nobody should have to go through the horror and abuse that he’d gone through growing up, but sometimes, life wasn’t fair.

Bringing my hands up to his face, I wiped under his eyes and looked up at him through my own tears. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.” I said, “I’m still here, just like I said I would be.”

My words brought a small smile to his lips as he took my hands in his once more. “Thanks for that,” he said quietly, “I think it was time that I got that off my chest.”

“Can I just ask you one thing?” I asked shyly, “And I promise that if you don’t want to answer it, you don’t have to.”

As his head tilted to the side, a curious look on his face, I assumed he was awaiting my question. “Well,” I started, “I was wondering why you never spoke up to the police against your father?”

The question hadn’t even left my mouth fully when I felt Parker’s grip tighten on my hands as I brought up the past with his father.

“He was still my father you know, the only blood family that I had left besides my mom, who had been gone since I was seven.” he replied spitefully. “I thought that if I kept quiet, maybe he’d come back and do the right thing. I thought that for once in his life he’d do the right thing. I was obviously wrong to think like that, but after I heard that they had evidence pertaining to the years of abuse, along with the drugs and alcohol he’d consumed, I just gave up. They had evidence on him so there was no reason to speak up any more.”

“So, if they ask you to speak up in court…?” I asked, trailing off my question for his reply.

“If they ask me about my dad in court I won’t lie.” he stated. “I know now that he never really loved me or Freya if he could do this to both of us, and I’ll testify against him. I have Saige, Aunt Susan, my lawyer and you on my side, so even though I wasn’t strong back then, I can at least pretend to be now.”

Looking at him, I didn’t see weakness in his eyes at all. I saw pure determination and honesty. “Parker,” I said seriously, “You might not see yourself as a strong person, but I, for one, think that you’re one of the strongest guys I’ve ever met.”

And before he could reply, I confidently rose from the bed slightly, leaning closer to him before planting my lips on top of his. Even though I should have been scared of his reaction, I wasn’t, and for good reason. Seconds passed, and before I knew it, his lips were moving in unison with my own. I was in that moment that I knew no matter what over the next couple of months, I would be doing whatever I could to help this boy in my arms.

I would do whatever possible to help defend Parker.

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Well look at that, you guys didn’t even have to wait a week for this, and let me tell you, I can already feel that this summer is going to be a good one for writing… and it’s only just begun! I really hope you guys don’t mind that this chapter is a little bit shorter than usual, but I couldn’t add more into it without taking out some of the raw emotion I tried to convey.

Anyways, happy Canada day :) xx