Chapter 12

Needless to say, Parker ended up buying me ice cream that afternoon.

Even trying my hardest I was only able to knock down a couple of pins at most per round, and by the end of ten rounds, Parker was the winner by a long shot. And although I tried to pay for my own sundae when we got to the ice cream parlour, he was dead set on being adorable and cute as he shoved a ten dollar bill into the cashier’s hand before I could protest any further.

It was weird at first, being on a date with Parker, but truthfully, it just felt as though we were two friends having a good time together, with the added benefit of holding hands once and a while.

When we went our separate ways that day, there was no denying that I had a definite crush on him. The way he smiled at me sent waves of happiness coursing through my body, the way he looked at me made me constantly blush, and the way he just laughed with me and let himself go made my stomach rustle with butterflies.

Over the course of the week that followed, Parker and I had started to talk in the hallways before classes, text regularly, and just enjoy each others company on the days when we didn’t feel like being alone.

Every once and a while Saige would tease me or make jokes about how Parker and I were on the road to a relationship, but I would always just shrug it off, letting her have her fun.

After all, I didn’t know what Parker and I were.

It was obvious that we were friends, but anything beyond that was a blur of grey at the moment. Only time would be able to tell what the future had to hold.

As the days turned into weeks, it seemed as though the year was winding down to a cold ending. The temperature had started to drop significantly, resulting in bulkier sweaters, heavier mitts, and flushed cheeks all around.

December, and the Christmas season, seemed to be in full swing throughout Byrendale. On more than one occasion Parker, Saige and I had gone to a local coffee shop for their top-notch holiday flavoured drinks, as we just couldn’t get enough. We’d also been spending quite a bit of time just keeping warm inside, tucked away from the chilly winter air, listening to holiday music and watching the odd Christmas classic.

The one thing that I personally had been putting off was the decorating.

Ever since I was eleven or twelve years old and I realized that my dad had absolutely no eye for decorating the house for Christmas, I had been granted the task to make the house ooze festive cheer, but this year, I was falling a bit behind.

As the second week of December fell to a close and our house remained bare of decorations, I finally realized that it was time to stop procrastinating and just get the job done.

And it seemed as though my father felt the same way.

Coming downstairs for breakfast on Friday morning, I expected my dad to already have left for work. What I didn’t expect however, was for the old box of Christmas decorations to be sitting in the middle of the living room with a note taped onto the top.

I thought you’d want to set these up before I got my hands on them

~Love Dad

Rolling my eyes at his not-so-subtle hint, I placed the note back where I found it before making myself a quick breakfast and heading to school, promising myself that, no matter what, I would have all the decorations set up by the time the weekend was finished.

Walking through the halls before the first bell, it was as though the usual Friday atmosphere had changed. People who were usually smiling and anticipating the weekend were now full of gloom, and the quiet ones seemed to fall even further into the background as I headed to my locker.

When I saw that neither Parker nor Saige were waiting for me at my locker, as they had been for the past couple of weeks, I didn’t jump to any insane conclusion. Maybe they were running late. Maybe they had a doctor’s appointment. Maybe they were just at their own locker.

Shrugging it off and continuing with my usual business, the morning bell rang, giving an ounce of life to the students that were still lingering the halls, and I headed towards my first class.

I thought nothing of the fact that Saige remained absent as the clock continued to tick, but when I checked my phone during second period to see that I didn’t have a single message from her or Parker, I started to get a little bit worried.

“Hey,” I whispered to the girl beside me, keeping my voice low enough so that the teacher wouldn’t be able to hear me. “You wouldn’t have happened to see Saige or Parker today?”

To my luck, I happened to land a seat next to one of the nicer girls in my class, and without hesitation she replied, however, it wasn’t the reply I was hoping for. “Sorry, but no.” she whispered, looking slightly apologetic over the fact that she couldn’t help me.

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, turning back to face the front and copy down the last part of the note we had been writing. However, my focus strayed quickly as I tried to think of where the two of them could be.

Surely nothing serious was going on, right?

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Now I was getting worried.

Lunch and the last two periods had passed without a word from either missing body. I had sent a couple of worried texts to both of their phones, but had not received a word back, and when I called both of their phones during my spare period, I was sent straight to voicemail after a couple of rings.

If nothing was up I’m sure one of them would have at least texted me back telling me not to worry, and since they hadn’t, my mind was starting to stray towards the worst-case scenario. Had they gotten into a car accident? Did somebody die? Did an alien spaceship abduct them and force them to give up their soul?

Although the last thought was incredibly far fetched, and not humanly possible, it just proved that my brain was not functioning properly as it was filled with constant worry.

Also, the dull and sombre atmosphere that was surrounding the school earlier that morning hadn’t gone away. Most of my teachers, along with a majority of my classmates, had looked down as the hours slowly passed, as if just being in the school was enough to cut down their spirits.

I couldn’t put my finger on what the reason behind this school wide depression was, but just as I was walking towards the front doors after the final bell, it all clicked into place.

The reason why both Parker and Saige were absent today, the reason why they weren’t answering their phones or returning my messages, the reason why everyone in the school looked to be having a bad day.

Passing Freya’s memorial case, I saw that a handful of new flowers and notes had been added, and when I stepped closer, I quickly realized why.

The day she died, December 15th, 2010; that was today’s date.

Today was the day that Freya Collins’ passed away. Three years ago today Parker had lost his sister, Saige had lost a cousin, and so many people that once attended this school has lost a friend.

With a sudden feeling of misery, helplessness and sadness, I took off out the front doors of the school faster than I probably ever had before, climbing into my car in record time with only one destination in mind. Pulling out of the parking lot quickly, I drove just over the speed limit as I headed towards Saige’s house, hoping that somebody was home.

Luck seemed to be on my side that afternoon, because with only a short red light and a couple of stop signs I was able to reach their house in record time.

Presumably, I looked a little bit out of my mind as I walked up the front steps, and my only hope was that their neighbours weren’t home to see me knocking on their door like somebody who had lost their mind.

After a few frantic knocks and a couple of seconds spent anxiously waiting for somebody to answer, I brought my fist up to knock again, but before I could, the door opened to reveal a sorrowful Susan. Although she tried to smile when she saw it was me at the door, I knew that happiness was probably the furthest emotion away from what she was truly feeling.

“Oh, um, hi.” I said, stumbling over my words, as I had no clue what to say.

“Hi Jillian,” she said, her voice strained and quiet, “I’m assuming your looking for Saige or Parker?”

“Well, I umm, I was wondering where they were all day and I was worrying about them because they weren’t answering their phones, but then I saw the memorial at school and I realized what today was, and then I rushed over here, and…”

My endless rambling caused a shortness of breath as I continued to talk, but Susan cut me off with a light chuckle.

“I get it Jillian,” she replied, her sadness seeping back into her voice, “And I think Parker and Saige left their phones here when they left this afternoon. I let them stay home today and they decided to get out of the house, but I’m sure if you still wanted to find them, that they’d be at the town cemetery.”

“Oh, okay. Would you be able to tell me exactly where that is?” I asked embarrassedly.

“Still don’t know where everything is?” she asked as the smallest shadow of a smile grew on her face.

“Not exactly.” I replied sheepishly.

“It’s actually a couple of blocks away from the school.” she said before proceeding to give me simple directions to the cemetery.

“Thank you,” I responded gratefully, “And I’m, umm, sorry about your loss.”

She nodded her head in appreciation. “Thank you,” she said quietly, before saying goodbye as I headed back towards my car.

Now, let’s just hope I didn’t get lost on my way to a cemetery.

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It turns out that the directions that she had given me were incredibly useful, as I just continued down the street that the school was on, turning twice before the cemetery came into sight.

I parked my car next to the wrought iron gates and climbed out, a gust of wind blowing harshly as I slammed the door and headed inside. The fact that I was walking on top of buried bodies did not escape me as I felt a distinct chill run up my spine, and it didn’t help one bit that the weather, as cold as it may be, was grim and fierce.

As I walked slowly through the rows of headstones and tombs, I felt sadness seep into me. The cemetery itself was a nice one; it was small and organized, but still big enough to accommodate the ancestors and current residents of this town. However, I had never been in a cemetery before, as nobody I had known throughout my life had passed away, and the knowledge that peoples loved ones were currently lying breathless and still six feet beneath me was not something that sent cheer through my veins.

Huddling my sweater close to me as I braved the wind, I kept an eye out for Saige and Parker, but as I continued down the winding path of the cemetery, I came up short as I scanned the area. I could see the trees had lost their leaves as they now lay forgotten on the ground, and the benches that were scattered over the property were bare, only the chipping paint and the empty seats left to look at.

Five minutes had to have passed before my eyes caught hold of two people not that far away from me.

It was Parker and Saige.

They were sitting next to one another in front of a small headstone, looking as though they needed the comfort of one another to hold themselves together. Trying not to interrupt the silence, I walked slowly over to the headstone, stopping only a few feet away from them.

My attempt at being silent however, didn’t end up being very successful, as the leaves beneath my feet crumbled and crunched as I walked, making Saige turn her head in my direction.

“Hey.”

My heart clenched at the tone of her voice, because although it was loud enough for me to hear over top of the wind, it sounded raw and filled with emotion, as though she had just finished crying. All I wanted to do in that moment was to run over to her and wrap my arms around her in comfort, but I stayed where I was, sending her a sympathetic smile as I spoke.

“Hey, how are you?”

Even though I wanted to knock myself for asking that question, as it was quite obvious that she wasn’t exactly doing the best, I was slightly shocked by her answer.

“I’m fine,” she insisted, running the back of her hands below her eyes to wipe away any remaining tears, “It’s just been a pretty rough day.”

A few seconds passed with nothing but the sound of the wind surrounding us, until I tried to divert the topic onto something a little less depressing.

“So, I tried texting you a couple of times today.” I stated.

“Yea, sorry.” She sniffled. “I haven’t really checked my phone today; I didn’t really want to see all the messages from family and old friends about Freya.”

“It’s fine,” I admitted, “I was just a little worried when both of you didn’t show up for school, I thought something had happened before I saw the memorial and realized what today was.”

“It’s not like you were expected to know,” she said, wrapping her arms around her knees as she leant against Parker, who had yet to even acknowledge me. “You just moved here a few months ago, it’s not like you knew her or anything.”

“But I know you guys, and I’m here for you when you need me.”

A smile appeared on Saige’s lips at my words, but Parker, well he had a completely different reaction.

Springing to his feet quickly, surprising both myself and Saige, he turned on his heel faster than you could blink and disappeared down the winding path of the cemetery, heading back out towards the entrance.

“Did I say something?” I asked quietly, my eyes on Parker’s retreating figure.

“It’s not you specifically, it’s just the day in general. Parker usually doesn’t like spending today with anybody, but last year when it rolled around, my mom advised us to hang around each other for moral support, and it actually eased some of the pain. I didn’t think Parker minded it, but since he woke up this morning, it’s like a storm has been brewing in his head.”

“So it’s nothing I did?”

“I don’t think it’s you… I think you’d actually make it better if you went after him.” she admitted, “He needs someone to look after him. I have my mom, and even though she’s there for him too, it’s hard to share when it comes to something like this, so go,” she advised, “He needs you.”

Even though a voice in the back of my head was telling me that her little speech was just her playing matchmaker, I knew that today of all days, and especially now, as we stood in the middle of a cemetery, she wouldn’t be joking around. So, taking her advice, I turned quickly and tried my best to catch up with Parker.

Only managing to trip over my own to feet once, I caught up with him just as the front gate came into sight.

“Parker.”

Hearing my voice so close to him, he suddenly stopped, his back faced towards me with his shoulders tense and shaking.

I paused for a second, not wanting to overstep my boundaries, but as I continued to speak, I slowly moved closer to him. “Parker,” I started quietly, my voice just above a whisper, “Are you okay?”

As silence filled the blowing air around us, I stopped just behind him. Just as I was lifting my hand to rest on his shoulder, he turned around to face me, and my arm dropped back to my side, but my heart wrenched at the sight of him.

His eyes were filled with tears, and as a single tear rolled down his face, it was as though I could physically feel the pain he was going through. I never could handle seeing someone close to me cry, and when I did, it was as though my insides wrenched with every tear that fell down the person’s face.

“Parker,” I whispered again, and without any acknowledgement or thought, I suddenly had my arms wrapped around him in a hug of comfort and warmth. Parker still stood frozen in my arms, but as I rested my head against his shoulder, I felt his arms slowly wrap around me before he started to completely fall apart.

All I could feel at that moment was his shoulders shaking as he buried his face into my hair and cried, and all I could do was stay strong, holding on to the hope that I could do something, anything to make him smile again. I wanted to take the pain off Parker’s shoulders, even if that meant putting it onto mine, but knowing I didn’t have that kind of power, I stood solid in the embrace, giving him the comfort that he desperately needed.

The wind started to blow harder and as the seconds turned into minutes, I could feel Parker’s breathing slow down slightly until it reached a normal speed and his shoulders stopped shaking.

When I pulled my head back slightly to see if he was alright, my heart filled with sadness. The tears had pretty much dried up, but the stains on his face from where the tears had fallen were visible, and they definitely weren’t a sight I wanted to see.

“Hey,” I said, bringing my hands up to wipe the tear stains away, “It’s going to be okay. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but eventually it’ll be okay.”

Parker’s eyes closed as I dropped my hands and intertwined them with his. He was silent for a second, but as he squeezed my hands and opened his eyes, I could see an ounce of guilt swirling around them. “But it might not be Jillian.”

“What?” I asked, not understanding what he was trying to say.

“I wasn’t completely honest with you that night near the pond,” he responded. “Don’t get me wrong, what I said was true, but I also left some things out. Some things that are just too hard to talk about sometimes.”

I nodded in understanding. “It’s fine,” I replied, squeezing his hands with reassurance, “I told you then that I didn’t expect you to bare your whole heart onto a plate, and I meant it. When you’re ready, if you’re ever ready, you can tell me, and I won’t judge you.”

“But what if you don’t understand, what if you blame me too?”

His voice was so quiet, I almost didn’t hear it, and when I did, I didn’t understand what he was trying to say until suddenly, it clicked. “Somebody blames you,” I stated in shock, and at my words, Parker’s eyes shut tightly as he turned his face away from me. “Somebody blames you for Freya’s death, and that’s why people are so judgemental, they all think they’re right.”

With the silence that came afterwards, I knew that I was close enough to the truth without him having to speak.

“Hey,” I said in a hushed tone, letting go of his hands as I brought mine back up to his face, forcing him look at me as I continued to talk. “I don’t care who blames you or what they say, I know that just seeing you here today proves that you aren’t the one to blame. I don’t care what anybody else has to say, I will always believe in you, and when you decide that you want to talk about it, I’ll be here.”

As I smiled up at him shyly, my nerves starting come alive as I realized the jump I just made to try and get him to smile. My words could have come off extremely clingy and creepy, but as I saw the vague outlines of a smile appear on the corners of his mouth, I relaxed slightly, knowing I had done something right today.

“Thank you,” he replied, and although the sadness was still vividly shining in his eyes, I could see the specks of care, happiness, and calmness swirling as well.

Instead of replying, I simply looked into his eyes and smiled, but as our gaze locked, something started to shift around us. Suddenly the wind that was blowing became a little less prominent, and the graves around us started to disappear from vision, all I could see was Parker.

I might have been imagining it, or maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, but I thought I saw Parker’s gaze slip down to my lips for a split second. I knew, as he did it again, that my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me, and as my eyes replicated his actions, the thought of kissing him was suddenly the only one in my mind.

Would it completely ruin everything?

Why was this happening now?

Were his lips actually as soft as they looked?

That last thought brought an immediate blush to my face, and as I felt him leaning closer to me, my heart suddenly went into overdrive as it felt like it was about to explode.

Just as I felt the slightest brush of his lips on top of mine, he pulled back in haste, leaving me wanting more when I suddenly realized that reason for his decision.

“Hey guys, I...” Saige started, breaking the spell that Parker and I seemed to have been under, but as my cheeks flushed and Parker ducked his head in embarrassment, Saige stopped talking as she narrowed her eyes at the two of us. “Are you two okay?”

I knew that with the way she was looking at us she definitely expected something to be up, and when her gaze lined up with mine, I could tell that she knew exactly what was going on.

“Actually,” Parker spoke, clearing his throat, “I was just asking Jillian if she wanted to get out of here and do something a little more uplifting. We were just going to come get you actually.”

Even though a mother hen could probably smell that lie from a mile away, Saige didn’t push the matter as, without question, she nodded her head and started in the direction of my car.

When she was out of hearing range, climbing into the backseat of my car, I turned to Parker. “Are you sure you’re okay with leaving?” I asked. “I could always go and bring Saige home while you stay here.”

“I’m sure Jillian,” he replied with a small smile, “I think I just need to relax today. I don’t have to forget Freya, but sometimes, I just need a distraction from the painful things in my past, and you’re proving to be a good one.”

Not sure if his words were meant to be a compliment or insulting, my cheeks still seemed to heat up slightly as he took my hand and led me towards my car, putting a start to a very eventful, yet random afternoon.

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So, that’s it for now. I’m sorry that the chapters seem to be shortening slightly, but right now I feel that this is as long as they can be without dragging too many things together at once. Also, I’m sorry that this took so long to get right. Truthfully, I had about ¾ of this written 3 weeks ago, but I just couldn’t find the time or the inspiration to get the ending of this chapter right until tonight.

Also, I kind of started racing through episodes of the Vampire Diaries and in about 3 weeks, I’ve gone through two and a half seasons… IT’S SO GOOD!

Anyways, I really hope you enjoy this chapter, and even though I have soccer, work, school, graduation, and prom in my life right now to worry about, I’m going to try and get the next chapter up soon enough :)