Chapter 10

Turning the tap off in the bathroom, I wiped my hands on the towel that was hung up on the wall and looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked just like I had when I left my house, purple paint spots and all, but for some reason, I could also see the confusion that was clouding around me.

My mind was reeling with what had happened just minutes before in Parker’s bedroom. I was almost positive that we would’ve kissed if Saige’s mom hadn’t called up to us, and when I really thought about it, I probably wouldn’t have minded.

The problem, however, was the fact that as soon as he realized what he was doing, he ran away, telling me that I deserved something better. Did he think that he wasn’t good enough for me? That just because he had a past, I wouldn’t want to see if our futures were intertwined?

As I tried to reason Parker’s actions, I headed downstairs where Saige and her mom were waiting for me at the kitchen table.

“You didn’t have to wait for me.” I said, taking the empty seat beside Saige.

“You’re our guest, so it was only appropriate.” Susan replied, smiling kindly at me before rolling her eyes at her daughter, who had already shoveling piles of food onto the plate in front of her.

Returning her smile, I kept quiet as I looked at the food laid out in front of me. When she said that we’d be having chicken and potatoes, I hadn’t expected much else, but she had gone over and beyond for just the three of us. There were the two main courses, as expected, however, there was also a pan of roasted vegetables, a side of macaroni salad, and a plate of garlic bread.

I didn’t know where to start when I piled my food onto my plate, but as I dug in, I was reminded what a real home-cooked meal tasted like.

“This is delicious.” I commented as I swallowed my first bite.

“Thank you, but it’s really nothing, just a bit of spices mixed in to enhance the taste.”

“She likes to think that her cooking isn’t the best thing on this planet, when really, she’s just being humble.” Saige said quietly, leaning towards me as she pointed across the table with her fork.

“Well it’s definitely better than the take-out I was supposed to be ordering tonight.” I said, smiling as I took another bite.

This time though, Susan didn’t reply, choosing to glance at the empty place beside her, where I noticed for the first time, a plate had been set out.

“Didn’t I hear Parker come in a couple of minutes ago?” she asked in a confused voice. “I thought he’d want something to eat.”

I didn’t want to say anything, as it wasn’t my place to get involved in their families problems, instead, I just kept my head ducked guilty, knowing that it was my fault Parker wasn’t sitting at the table with us.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Saige shrug her shoulders. “I saw him come in and go upstairs, but a minute later he was more or less running towards the door again.”

As I peaked up from my plate to see her mother’s reaction, I could see that her eyebrows had creased and her mouth was set into a small frown.

“What about you Jillian? Did you see him when you were upstairs?” Saige asked, making my eyes widen slightly and my head snap up a little too quickly.

“Hmm?” I asked, trying to play off my lie.

I mustn’t have been a very good actor, as Saige’s eyes narrowed slightly at my reply. “I said, did you happen to see Parker when you went upstairs?”

“Umm… yea, but he didn’t tell me where he was going when he left.”

Technically, I hadn’t lied.

Saige’s eyes were burning into the side of my head as I stuck another forkful of food into my mouth, and even though I couldn’t meet her eyes, I knew that she suspected I knew more than I was letting on.

However, before she could question me further, her phone beeped from inside her pocket and I felt my shoulders relax slightly as her attention had shifted off of me, at least for the moment.

That moment didn’t last long though, as Saige checked her phone and her eyebrows creased. “It’s just a text from Parker,” she said, making my shoulders tense up again, “He said that he’s somewhere clearing his head, and to tell you not to worry.”

At that news, I felt an intense feeling of guilt bubble up in the pit of my stomach. It was more than likely that he was not coming home because he knew that I was here, and after the events that had almost transpired in his bedroom, he obviously didn’t want to face me.

The thing was, I wanted to talk to him, now more than ever. He was avoiding me, and more than that, he was still trying to hide his past from me. I had worked out that his past held secrets, and I didn’t need to know them all at once, but I felt as though I could trust him, and I wanted him to know that he could trust me to.

I felt that my brain was jumping all over the place, but as I stood up abruptly, I couldn’t help the words that spilled out of my mouth next. “Sorry about this, but I think I know where Parker is, and I kind of need to talk to him.” I said, ignoring the weird looks that both Saige and her mom were sending me.

Before I turned to leave however, I smiled guiltily at Susan. “Thank you so much for having me, and I’m really sorry for leaving like this, there’s just something I have to do.”

The confused look on her face morphed into a soft, genuine smile as she replied. “It’s not a problem Jillian, you’re welcome here any time.”

I nodded in appreciation, bidding them both goodbye once again as I walked out of the kitchen, blatantly ignoring the look that Saige was throwing me, which clearly said that the next time I saw her, I would be in for a round of questioning.

As I stepped outside, I realized that the temperature had dropped significantly since I arrived, and even though I was currently wearing jeans and a hoodie, it was still quite chilly. The wind was blowing aggressively, and although my car was parked in the driveway, I made a split second decision as I took off down the driveway on foot, heading towards the only place I could think of where Parker might be hiding out.

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Parker’s POV

The harsh November wind was blowing at me from every direction as the sun started to set and the night fell upon the city. My hands were pushed deep into the pockets of my jeans and I had pulled my hood up to cover my face, but with the way that people were walking around me carefully and crossing the street to avoid me, I assumed I must’ve looked like a teenage boy looking for trouble.

And they were wrong.

I didn’t want to cause any trouble for anybody, and I just wanted to forget about everything that had happened in my past. That, however, was kind of hard to do when I had to walk past Freya’s memorial at school daily, as well as have everybody in town whisper about me as I walked down the streets.

Even now, at dinner time on Saturday, a few people recognized me as I stuck to the shadows, pointing and whispering as I made my way by.

Turning down the path, I pulled my hood down as I walked deeper into the forested trail. The vast mass of trees stopped the wind for the most part, and although the temperature still stood quite low, it wasn’t as unbearable as it had been as I sank down onto the mossy ground beneath a tree.

Resting my head on my knees as I looked out at the water in front of me, I realized that it felt weird to just sit here and relax. I had no pen or paper to draw with, there were no birds chirping in the trees as they had started to migrate south for the winter, and Jillian wasn’t here to talk to.

Jillian.

Shaking my head, I felt a goofy smile fall onto my face as she danced across my mind. The girl that wasn’t afraid of what everybody thought of me, the girl who asked me to help her with history when she barely knew me. The girl who had been running around my head for the past couple of weeks, the girl who had recently been the muse for a few of my drawings. The girl who had been a friend to me over the past weeks, the girl who was beautiful, kind, sweet, and so much more… who I had almost kissed.

My dopey smile slowly morphed away as I realized the mistake I had made.

Jillian was a great girl, and I considered her a friend, but I never wanted to get into a relationship with her. Not because I didn’t like her or she wasn’t the type of girl I was interested in, because I actually liked her quite a lot; the way she smiled at me and the way she made me feel happy when my past was bringing me down, she was amazing.

And that’s where the problem arose… she was amazing, but she deserved somebody better than me.

I had meant what I said to her, because honestly, she deserved somebody that could make her their top priority, somebody to love her unconditionally, and somebody who didn’t come with a boatload of baggage dragging behind them.

Sighing, I pulled out my phone to send a quick text to Saige, telling her that I was fine and that I’d be home later. I didn’t want to include any more, just in case a certain brunette friend of hers was still lingering around, because I just wanted to be alone right now.

Relaxing against the tree behind me, I pulled my hood back over my head and closed my eyes, deciding to just enjoy the peace that was surrounding me.

Time went on, and although I felt like an hour had passed, it was probably only ten minutes when my brain shifted from the soothing sound of the pond to the sound of crunching leaves near by.

My eyes popped opened instantly, wondering who was walking this trail after the sun had gone down, but as they focused on the figure coming out of the shadows, I wished that she would disappear.

As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t mind pulling a disappearing act either.

Her eyes quickly adjusted to the minimal light and latched onto mine, making me tense up as she slowly made her way towards me.

“Hey,” she said softly, biting her lip as she stood a couple of feet away from me, looking as though she felt guilty about something.

“Hey,” I replied, mentally slapping myself as I heard the emotionless and hard tone to my voice, beating myself up even further as I saw Jillian visibly flinch away from my voice.

It was silent for a couple of seconds, the air suffocating us with an aura of awkwardness before either of us made a move to speak.

“Look,” I sighed, but it seemed as though she had the same idea as she spoke the same time as me, which was much more effective at breaking the ice than I thought.

The side of her mouth lifted up shyly as she nodded at the mossy ground beside me. “Do you mind?” she asked, biting her lip as if she was genuinely thinking that I was going to say no.

And although it crossed my mind to say no and push her away, I figured that she had already grown close enough to me, there wasn’t any harm in letting her a little closer.

I just hoped I didn’t regret it.

Scooting over slightly, I saw her eyes sparkle with something, maybe surprise, as she took a seat beside me.

“So…” she trailed off, picking nervously at the end of her sweater as her gaze flickered up to meet mine.

“I’m sorry I kind of went off on you in my room earlier,” I muttered, embarrassed that I had let my emotions get away from me as I saw her looking through my sketchbook. I didn’t want her to know that I had been drawing her as of recently, mainly because it felt like I had been invading her privacy, but I definitely didn’t except her to like them.

I felt her hand rest lightly on my shoulder, and I turned to face her.

“It’s really not that big of a deal,” she replied, “If anybody’s apologizing out of the two of us, it should be me. I’m the one that was snooping after all.”

“But you wouldn’t have if I didn’t keep my drawings so private.”

“You had a right to keep them to yourself,” she shrugged, pulling her legs up to her chest as I saw a chill run through her body. “Just like I had the choice whether of not to look through your drawings, and I made my choice, just like you made yours.”

“Can I ask you something though?” Speaking as one thought raced across the back of my mind. “Did you really like my drawings?”

The wonder and the uncertainty about my art was always playing on my mind when somebody judged me for liking art and exploring my passion, but this time I was anxious for her answer, as I actually cared about what she thought.

Judging by the silence, which seemed to drag on endlessly, I started to think that maybe she had been lying when she told me she liked my drawings.

“Are you kidding?” she asked incredulously, “They were amazing!” Continuing as her words took a small weight off of my shoulders.

“Thanks.” I replied, the words stumbling out of my mouth.

“Really Parker, you can trust me when I say that those sketches were probably some of the best I’ve ever seen outside of a gallery.”

“You’ve been to a gallery before?” I asked curiously.

She tucked a piece of her fly away hair behind her ear as she replied shyly. “Yea, I think it was the beginning of the last year when my class took a trip to the Regional Art Gallery. It was a couple of hours away from my hometown, and I forget what the name of it was, but I do remember that I loved some of the sculptures and paintings that were displayed.”

I could tell that she was being sincere in her opinion, that she really did enjoy the displays she had seen, but I couldn’t help the bubble of jealousy that appeared in the pit of my stomach. Here was a girl who strived in both science and math, and she had gotten the chance to see the work of artistic geniuses, while I, somebody who was actually had a passion for art, had never been given the chance.

Containing my inner jealousy, I smiled at her, reveling in the silence as I looked back out at the pond. The sun had pretty much disappeared from the sky now, and the blends of colours that had been left behind could just be seen through the trees, making it all the more angelic. I could feel the temperature dropping slowly as the seconds ticked by and the two of us sat among the silence.

Glancing to my right quickly, I could see that Jillian was shivering and wrapping her arms around her legs to keep warm, so, in a split second decision, I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her towards me.

I immediately felt her tense, which made me think that I had just made a complete fool out of myself, but after a few seconds had gone by and I felt her wiggle towards me to get comfortable, my heart started to beat a little faster.

And we just sat there.

The next few minutes were filled with silence, just the sounds of the night surrounding us as we relaxed into each other’s arms.

When the stars started to shine, becoming noticeable through the tops of the trees, I felt Jillian move her head slightly. “You can trust me you know.” she whispered, and if we were surrounded by anything but this silence, I probably wouldn’t have been able to hear her.

It took me a moment or two to realize that she was no longer talking about trusting her to tell me the truth about my art, but telling me that I could trust her with everything, including my past.

Sighing, I rested my head against the tree trunk behind us and felt Jillian look up at me as I spoke. “I know,” I replied, using the same softness that she had spoken with, “It’s just tough for me to talk about sometimes.”

“Parker, I’m not telling you to bare your whole soul to me at this very moment,” she said seriously, but the way she said it, it just made me laugh a little. “Hey, don’t laugh, but seriously, I’m not expecting that, but if you ever want to talk about anything, whether it be about your past or my opinion on something you’ve drawn, I’ll be there to listen.”

“What if you don’t want to hear the horror stories from my past?” I asked quietly, my emotions starting to become evident as my voice cracked. “What if you listen and then run away?”

“Don’t you think it’s my choice to listen?” she asked in reply, “And I won’t run away… not from you.”

I don’t know if it was the sincerity of her voice, the fact that my heart started to beat just a little bit faster, or just the words she was speaking, but I suddenly found myself talking as I gazed out at the stars reflections on the water.

“When I was younger, my sister and I looked up to my mom a lot.” I started. “She would always help the two of us make lemonade stands, you know, the corny ones that you see on street corners with backwards E’s, and she just always loved us to the fullest.”

“But when the sun went down and I climbed into bed, I would hear my mom and dad fighting. I don’t remember what most of it was about, but I do remember hearing numerous crashes and screams every night. I was always so scared, and since I didn’t want to make them even madder, I would run across the hall and sleep with my sister most nights, to scare away the nightmares which inevitably came anyways.”

“I’d dream about what was actually going on, physically seeing my parents push each other around and scream at one another, but on some good nights, I’d dream about running away from it all with my sister and my mom. We would go somewhere where we’d be safe and we wouldn’t have to worry about what my dad would do about it, because we’d be free.”

“One day I came home from school, and since Freya was already in middle school, I guess she had stayed late for a club meeting or something, and my dad was at work, so the only person around was my mom. But, when I found her in the bathroom, she was just finishing up packing a bag.”

“She told me that she was just going to stay at her parents house for the night, and I just remember begging her to take me to grandma and grandpa’s house with her, but of course, she didn’t.”

By this point in the story, I wasn’t even ashamed when I felt the tears falling down my face, I just continued on speaking without looking at Jill. “She told me that she’d be back in the morning, by the latest the next afternoon, but she never came back.”

“As the days went on and her absence was still apparent, my dad called the police to file a missing persons report, but when the mail came the next week and a set of divorce papers were sealed shut in an envelope, I knew my dream about escaping with my mom and sister was over. My sister and I were left with my dad, alone and scared that he’d lash out on us like we’d heard him do to my mom so many times.”

“Then things just went from bad to worse.” I said, pausing and closing my eyes. When I felt Jillian squeeze my hand in support, the one that wasn’t wrapped around her shoulder, I continued, as I knew she was listening.

“I didn’t realize it at the time, but after a few months passed I started to notice something different about my dad. For one, he was never home, leaving my sister to pretty much raise me while she was still a kid, and secondly, his whole attitude kind of took a nosedive. He started getting angry at random times when he’d see me or my sister, he’d blame me for letting my mom walk out the door that day, and he was just a mess.”

“I didn’t find out until I was probably thirteen that his behavior was a result of the all the drugs and alcohol he’d consumed, but by then it was already to late.”

“And then Freya died, and my life basically went to shit,” I stated, an ounce of anger seeping into my voice. “My dad disappeared as soon as it happened, leaving me alone to be sent away and dealt with for a couple of years, and then when Aunt Susan finally persuaded the authorities that she was a suitable guardian for me, I moved in with them during the semester break of junior year.”

I stayed silent then, just waiting for Jillian to say something about what I’d just shared with her, and although it wasn’t the whole story, it actually felt good to get something out in the open.

“Wow.”

I didn’t know whether it was the rush that was still surging through me after unraveling a bit of my past, or the fact that she sounded speechless, but I couldn’t help but laugh. “I tell you all that, and all you could say is wow?” I asked, my laughter simmering down as I spoke.

“Well there’s not much I can say, is there?” she replied. “The only thing I can think of is the pain you must be in. I mean, my mom left when I was eight and my dad took it pretty hard, trying to change and shift from the fun dad I always remembered, but he never turned to drugs when things were rough. He eventually came around to see that he had to keep on living, but I couldn’t imagine how differently my life would’ve turned out if he didn’t.”

“I guess we kind of have similar back stories then, huh?”

“Are you kidding?” she asked incredulously, “My back story doesn’t compare to yours at all. Sure, my mom left me as a kid, but I never had to go through the amount of pain you’ve been through.”

I stayed silent at her words, not knowing what to say or how to reply, but the lull in conversation didn’t last much longer as Jillian continued to talk.

“You’re really strong Parker, and it doesn’t matter if nobody else can see it,” she explained, “I do.”

What I wasn’t expecting, was the feeling of her soft lips connecting with the side of my cheek for a couple of seconds, making my breath hitch, before she pulled back and relaxed into my arms right again. I could feel my cheeks starting to burn with a blush, and all that I could hope for in that moment was for her not to notice the fact that my heart beat had quickened immensely.

That, and for her to still want to be around me when I told her the whole truth.

Hugging her a little bit closer as the wind picked up slightly, I cherished the silence around us as we sat there, relaxing in the comfort and warmth of each other’s arms.

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I don’t know how you guys feel about this, but I hope it lived up to your expectations! Part of Parker’s past has been revealed, and of course, the fact that the majority of this chapter was in Parker’s POV should make you guys happy!

Also, thank you all so much for the 80,000 reads. I really appreciate the love and support :)