Chapter 7

    So to end this story off, I guess I must say, the girl….was me.

I’ve never felt pain like that. All of the rejection the lies, all of it was spinning through my head. My mind realizing how stupid I had been the entire time. How childish I was to think that he actually cared for me when he said he did. If he cared for me, then why did he leave me alone when I needed him most. Why did he just get to make me feel like I was the most worthless thing on the entire planet one day and then the next day I was his best friend and he needed me.

    Though I realize now he never needed me. He never cared for me. My brain tricked me into thinking he did. Tricked me into believing in him.

    What really kills me though is all the signs were there. He never had time for me, never did anything for me and though I would do anything for him, and as much as I convinced myself that he was there for me… he wasn’t. Everything was a lie.

    I found out from her that day in the computer room. That he had tried to force me to do things I didn’t want to. That was the only reason he was with me. He wanted me to pleasure him in ways that he had never been before, just simply because he didn’t want to graduate high school a virgin. He was embarrassed because he hadn’t slept with anyone. Hadn’t seen a woman naked. He had a girlfriend for over two years and everyone just assumed he had done the dirty with her.

    She wouldn’t let him touch her either.

    Once they broke up it drove him crazy. He couldn’t handle the fact that he was a child in a man’s world, and somehow that was my fault. It was my job to take care of that for him.

    I think back to the night he took me up to the place where we watched the city. I too this day still don’t know where that was in our little city. My heart pounds every time I think about what he tried to get me to do that night. With his best friend there.

    I never thought I would fall victim to sexual abuse, mental abuse, and emotional abuse. I thought I was always a smarter girl than that. A stronger girl than that. But it always catches us when we least expect it. We deal with it. Even after we’ve gotten over it. Grown up, moved on, starting new relationships. It’s still there, lingering in the background. The things he did to me will forever affect me. I will always wonder what he was thinking. Wishing if I were to ask him again he would just give me the truth. An honest apology for everything he had done.

    But to this day, he still believes he did nothing wrong. Still mentally trapped by his own mind, abused by his mother, as her psycho fits continue to torment him, haunt him, and show him how to negatively treat woman.

    So this is to the man that nearly destroyed me. That hurt me in ways no one else will ever have the power to. The boy that doesn’t deserve to be called a man, because he doesn't know how to treat a woman.

    So once again I guess I must say, the girl….was me.