Sometimes I just feel like, everyone is exceeding and they think so high of me.
But I just fail silently and act like nothing is bothering me, and I don't think I can keep it quiet much longer.
This last year I've been opening up a lot more.
But still I have feelings that I won't admit to even myself. These feelings include the feeling that everyone is so ahead of me and that I'm just left in their past.
I'm just another person with a dream and I'll just die like that.
Parents will tell you things to make you feel better but in reality, a certain thing they say will have a negative meaning to you.
And that thing they say will just be repeated in your mind till it's a sudden and utter fact.
This may seem like I'm talking about harming myself and believe me, the only way I'm harming myself is emotionally.
I am not suicidal.
Although sometimes I just want to sleep till I can't remember.
Because life moves too quickly for me, and I'm just trying to make my life out of jigsaw pieces that my sister scatters around.
And those around me will talk about ambitions and I think about how mine will never be redeemed and it saddens me.
It saddens me to a point of tears.
And I feel stupid.
Because it's just a feeling, just a thought.
Just a reminder about how I will not succeed in my dream.
I act happier than I feel.
I always have.
And I don't want to live like that.
But I don't want to lose people.
I already have because of my sudden "Emo Phase"
I hate that term... "Emo phase"
I am not in a phase.
I've just been hiding this for years.
Those closest to me didn't even know.
Heck, my family doesn't know a fraction of the thoughts in my head.
And I'm scared to speak my mind.
And if it were as easy to speak my mind as everyone says, I would've done it by now.
But I can't, and I fall asleep every night creating some type of imaginary reality where my heroes save me and I'm happy.
But it's unrealistic.
My dream is unrealistic.
Because life is realistic and life is cruel.