I feel like there's a wall in my mind...
I try so hard, but when I try.. I fail.
It's all that happens, no matter what people say.
It's pressure because in the 'big future' I have planned, I fear I cannot do these things.
I know I just have to practice but when I try, I fail.
I read a quote that said
'You only truly fail when you give up'
This meant a lot but after a while it just hit me that I want to give up.. that I wish life was easy... that I was naturally talented but..
I can't.
Maybe others think I can but I don't.
And the only limitations you have are the ones you give to yourself but I just can't break through.
My mind is another person, it's a bully...
I try but it pushes me down, taunts name, it gives me hope only to tear it away.
My Dad used to help me, but he's grown impatient with my emotion..
That's why I hid it away..
I could turn to my mother but I've seen and heard her and my sister argue and it doesn't make me want to open up...
I know there's others, there are my friends...
But I just... keep on finding reasons to hide away...
I can't talk... I don't want to...
I lay emotionless at night and I want to scream out for someone to help, to show me, to lighten the cave I call my mind.

Emo comments don't help.
"Are you emo? Do you cut?"
"Haha! You must have a black heart!"
"You depressed or something?"
These are just a few.
I can't find faith anymore.

I try music
It always helps me! Right?
No, it just reminds me that I'm terrible at music...
And I'm going to fail....
Positive mindset? Ha!
No.

I don't want to upload this..
I don't want to worry people...
I don't want to keep people up at night.
Everyone has their own worries, why should I hand mine over to them?
It's not fair.
Life isn't fair, it's hard...

Through music I've seen the baddest parts of the world...
It sucks....
If we had no endorphins in our brains...
We'd all be sad.
Maybe then people would see the world the way I do?
I'm scared my idols will die and I'll have no one to listen to....
I'm scared those around me will distance themselves even if they say they won't..
Tears of others make me feel pathetic...
Because they can do something so.. human..
I'm human, just human...
I'm not born a rockstar.
I'm not born better than a puppet...
But sometimes I would adore to be controlled by someone better...
Someone who knew..
A year back, that's all I knew..
People controlled me...
A person controlled me.
And now that's all I know.
I want to cry but I can't... I won't let myself..

I know to achieve what I want, I have to work hard.
But I'm finding it hard to motivate this lifeless mind of mine.