'YOUR P.O.V'

"Koya," I giggle while shaking his favorite toy above his head, watching him jump up and down to attempt to bite or hit it. I raise the toy higher, then throw it into the grass. I watch as he runs through the yard like a playful puppy to retrieve it.

Once he catches it, he bites into it to keep the noisy toy in his mouth and runs back to me. As soon as he comes up to my level, he gets on two legs and keeps his balance on my calves to give me his item. I take it in a gentle manner and turn to the right to get ready to throw it but pretend to do it, tricking him.

He runs away for only a short distance, then stops to whirl around excitedly, staring at me with an adorable questioning look as if he understood what I just did. I laugh at his reaction and pitch the toy for him to play again.

He's the loveliest puppy ever.

As I was worrying about Jungkook, who left the house a long moment ago, someone rings the doorbell. I don't leave Koya alone as he continues to enjoy the game. When he returns to me, I pick him up and carry him into the house, then place him on the floor.

I leave him here for a minute, checking who's waiting at the front door. At first, I don't open up, recalling what Jungkook told me, how careful I should be from now on. I take a look through the peephole but see someone I didn't expect to be here so soon.

I open the door, still making sure to not do it to the full. "What are you doing here, Jaemin...?" I set my eyes on him with discontent, showing him I am not happy about seeing him anymore.

"Y/n..." he steps closer to me, pushing the door to come in. He closes it behind him without asking and takes me in his arms. Without saying a word, he sobs, his head pressed against mine, leaving me feeling uncomfortable and unsure of how to react. "Jaemin...What's wrong? What are you doing?" my heart races at the thought of Jungkook being in trouble or worse.

No answer leaves him, and he gets down on his knees before me. "Y/n...I know Jungkook told me not to talk about this with you anymore, but...I'm so sorry. This is my fault if all of this is happening to you...I'm so sorry...I should have been more careful, I sincerely apologize..."

"What are you saying?" I frown and step back, finding myself lost. He keeps his head down, his tears hitting the ground. "I shouldn't have gotten drunk on that night. She wouldn't have found the videos...I know I've made a horrible mistake, but I don't know what to do to make it up anymore. I tried everything I could, but it got out of reach since the videos were published."

My life is a mess, and this keeps on getting harder every day.

"What happened at that party?" I ask him to be clear and explain himself. He lifts his head up to look at me, his eyes puffy and red. "I...I got drunk because of a conversation I had with Jungkook that hurt me. I went to that party and just got wasted, but I remember that girl flirting with me...and I just...I didn't stop her. I can barely remember what happened afterwards, but she admitted to using my phone when I was unconscious and stealing the videos."

I nibble on my inner cheek, feeling split between anger and doubt. "What was that conversation about for you to get hurt?"

"He...He was..He used some words that hurt me by text, and I couldn't stand it," he does not tell me more, making it very difficult to believe him. "If it did happen, show me the conversation. I won't trust anyone but Jungkook from now on. I can't."

He stands up and gets his phone out, not acting suspicious. He starts scrolling through his messages to find the evidence, then hands me the phone. "Here, it happened on the same day he got to know about us. The day after I came here drunk."

I take hold of the phone and check the texts he is talking about.

[ it happened years ago just get over it >

< no, I wont get over it, asshole. She's my girlfriend and you come up to my house to tell me you had the best sex with her. Tf do you expect? You're lucky y/n was there or I'd have beat you up on the spot ]

[ I was drunk and I apologized! I don't even remember going to your house in the first place >

< sure find an excuse, that doesn't change the fact you hid that from me for so many years ]

[ That's my personal life. I don't have to share it with you >

< fuck off. I cant believe I ever let you become my friend. You're nothing but a fucking loser ]

[ i'd rather be a loser than a piece of shit like you. You're just an insecure bitch who need to belittle me just to feel better about yourself >

< insecure? Bro, y/n never caught feelings for you and left you despite having sex with you. I don't got a single thing to be insecure about unlike you ]

[ so you wanna play that game? Fine, ill do it too. You know wed have sex 3 times a week and that it lasted for 5 months right? You also know she'd orgasm pretty hard every time and ask me not to stop? Oh but she must not have told you that I was the first guy to ever make her orgasm and feel so good >

[ want me to continue? >

[ did she tell you that shed often initiate sex herself? That I know her and her body much more than you do? >

[ im the one who helped her heal from her past relationship with an asshole who made it impossible for her to fall in love again baack then. You don't fucking know anything that happened btwn us, how she felt with me. Nothing. >

[ So stfu bcs the only thing you've done is fuck her and pretend to care when you wouldn't even have laid a fucking eye on her if she didn't have that body >

[ do you even know about what she likes and enjoys the most? Her hobbies? Her favorite movie or song? I bet you don't bcs you're still the same guy as you were in high school. Fucking as many hot girls as you could was your only goal >

I avert my eyes from the screen, unable to look at it any longer. "Why would you talk about me that way?" I look up at him, handing him his phone. He takes it in a gentle manner, staring into my eyes. "I'm sorry. I was upset and deeply hurt. I regret using those words. I was always sincere, and I always cared about you. You know I wouldn't have talked that way if he didn't provoke me."

I cross my arms and avert my gaze from his. "Did you only come here to show me this?"

"No...I wanted to apologize. I wanted to show you that I never meant for things to get out of hand like that. I just need Jungkook to stop. He's going too far...I can't handle the way he treats me and talks to me anymore," he complains to me, tears welling up in his eyes. "He's just very upset; he cares about me, and it affects him as much as it affects me, maybe even more. Don't take it personally; just try to understand."

"Y/n...I just need to know...I need to ask you something," he speaks in a shaky voice, his expression pleading for reassurance. "Tell me, but you have to go home after that. Jungkook-"

"Did you fake it with me?" he asks, his eyes searching yours for any sign of deception. I cannot have this type of conversation with him. "Jaemin..." I try to find the right words to explain. "Please, y/n. Just tell me the truth. It hurts to not know."

I sigh and give in. "I never faked in. I promise. I was always honest and genuine," I reassure him, but it seems like he still feels unsure. "I miss you..." he dares say, leaving me speechless. "I know I shouldn't tell you this, but I can't keep it to myself any longer. Jungkook has always been a player. I know I've been an asshole for what I did, but he's just gonna break your heart. He likes to fuck around and not settle down; he's only with you because you're a pretty girl, and he's very manipulative and possessive."

"Jaemin, please. Don't..." I refuse to listen and trust him. If he was really with me for my body, he would have picked another girl in the office. He had much better options. "I treated you much better than him...I don't understand why you never fell in love with me. It hurts like shit to know you with him when you never loved me after all the things that happened..." he cannot control his emotions anymore. "Like...Did I mean nothing to you? He was right when he said you just used me?"

"I never used you, Jaemin. Don't say that," I tell him but cannot help wondering why Jungkook would tell him something like that. "Then what the hell did I do wrong for you to never catch feelings? If you didn't find me attractive, you'd never have had sex with me, right?"

"Stop assuming so many horrible things. After the relationship I had, I couldn't and didn't want to feel anything romantic anymore. That had nothing to do with you," I respond, doing my best to give him the reassurance he needs. He lowers teary eyes to my lips, remaining quiet for a little bit. Finally, he speaks, "I want you to never forget the fact I was always genuine. I always cared for you more than you even knew. What Jungkook implied is bullshit, and I sincerely hope you don't believe it because I'd never do that type of thing to you."

"I believe you, and I've always been honest, always cared for you as well," I return, some relief erasing some of his worry. "You need to go home now. Jungkook will be home soon, and I don't want you two to fight again."

"Fine," he moves back and steps back towards the door. As he stands in front of it, the doors already open.

He steps back right when Jungkook comes in, and an intense eye contact between them causes a moment of silence.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jungkook, whose presence I didn't anticipate, sends shivers down my spine with his voice, my heart skipping a beat out of fright. I step towards Jaemin and position myself between them to ensure nothing bad occurs.

I hold my breath, waiting for the tension in the room to dissipate.

"Jungkook..." I stutter in front of him, his eyes not leaving Jaemin. "I asked you, what the fuck are you doing here?" he pushes me away and grabs him by his collar to shove him into a piece of furniture brutally, letting his anger take control.

Koya is going to go insane.

"It's okay, Jungkook. He just came here to talk and clarify things," I follow him and touch his arm, hoping for his wrath to cool down. "Did you tell her?"

Jaemin starts to shed tears again, facing a man full of rage.

"I had to," he admits, and Jungkook instantly reacts with a powerful push, the force of it sending him crashing into the wall. "I told you to keep your fucking mouth shut about this, piece of shit!"

"Do you think she didn't already know?" his quavering voice breaks my heart. "She wasn't even surprised! She knew those videos were online already! Stop lying to her, she's not a kid anymore!"

"You shut your fucking mouth up," he raises his hand up to point his finger at him threateningly. "And do not try to tell me how to take care of her because you're not one to—"

"Stop talking like shit to me!" his voice suddenly echoes through the room loudly, Koya not liking this and barking at them. "I'm not telling you to do anything! I'm just saying that it won't make it any better if you pretend that everything is alright when it's not! I know it's my damn fault, but I'm doing everything to put an end to this! Stop treating me like I'm the worst person on earth...I can't fucking take it anymore."

"You are the worst person on earth," Jungkook utters painful words he must not mean. "You hurt her and caused her harm! So I do not give a damn shit about your fucking life and problems!"

"Don't say that, Jungkook. Please," I speak to him softly, attempting to calm him down and make him realize his behavior. "I know you don't mean it."

"I do mean it," his eyes full of wrath meet mine. "How can you feel any pity for someone like him? Look at the shit happening to you all because of him!"

"He didn't do it on purpose. He shouldn't have kept those videos on his phone, but that girl is the one who caused this. Try to understand how he feels too," I try to reason with him, but he does not say anything. He takes his eyes off of me and looks back at him.

"You get out of our house. I don't ever want to see your fucking face again," he does not care about what I said. "I hope you know I fucking hate you. I lost my best friend only because of you," Jaemin's faint voice cracks through his sob, and he storms towards the door.

"She's not your best friend anymore," Jungkook mumbles, getting Jaemin to turn around. He stares at him for a few seconds, then sets his eyes on me. I do not say anything, not contradicting Jungkook's words no matter how much this hurts me.

"I wish she wasn't so blinded by her feelings. Maybe she'd realize that you don't fucking deserve her at all," he says and steps out of the house.

Why would he say that?

The tension still lingering in the air, Jungkook drops his menacing look on me. "What happened? What did he do or say for you to defend him like that?"

"He just apologized and explained what happened. I'm not defending him, but I just don't want us to fight or argue anymore," I say with a slight tremor in my voice, hoping he can understand. I am so sick and tired of this; I just want it to end.

"Baby. You need to stop being so kind to people who don't deserve it," his voice softens. "He kept those videos for three years. He jerked off to them, and you're still worried about hurting his feelings?"

I break eye contact, feeling so uncomfortable about this. I cross my arms, unable to find the right words to respond.

"Don't tell me you knew or don't mind," he assumes again. "I knew he didn't delete them, but I didn't know about that. We never talked about them after we stopped. And yes, I do mind knowing what he did while watching those videos, but it's not like I expected anything better from a man. I'm maybe naive but not enough to believe he kept them as a memory."

He stares into my eyes for a moment, making me feel like I said something wrong. "Did nothing really happen while I wasn't here?"

"Nothing happened, Jungkook. I swear on my life," I tell him the truth. I wish he would not doubt me. "Can you promise me you've never had feelings for him, and that nothing more happened after that thing you both had three years ago? 'Cause I can't fathom the fact you had such an intimate relationship with him for five months and never felt more than attraction."

"I did like him, but it never developed into something deeper. I never fell in love with him because I was still affected by what happened with my ex. But I promise you, nothing ever happened between us after that," I explain, struggling to find the right way to convey my feelings.

No matter how much I repeat myself, I think he will never truly understand how bad what my ex did impacted me.

"I'm sorry, but it just doesn't make sense to me. Five months..." he breathes out. "Like...what did your ex do? You never told me about it...Was it physical or emotional?"

"Both. It wasn't bad bad, but it was...He was very manipulative. He'd gaslight me and guilt-trip me a lot. But he was my first, so I only understood how toxic it was after we ended our relationship. So it caused me to often feel anxious around him, especially when he'd want to be intimate. Because of that, my body would literally, like, block him out, and I just couldn't do it, but he'd get angry and frustrated every time and end up hurting me just because he thought I was emphasizing and lying just to not have sex with him," I finally talk about it with him after feeling the need to keep it to myself.

"I'm sorry," he says, realizing how serious this was. "I didn't expect...I didn't expect this."

I shake my head, smiling, and hug myself. "It's okay. I'm fine now."

He comes up to me and takes me in his arms, tangling his fingers in my hair to hold the back of my head. "I'm sorry for being so doubtful. I should trust you, but I'm just so scared to lose you or see you leave me for him."

"This won't ever happen, I promise you," I hug him back tightly, feeling his warm embrace comforting me. He drops a kiss on the crown of my head, rubbing his fingers over my hair gently. "I love you. I mean it."

I raise my head up and look into his eyes, feeling overwhelmed with emotion. "I love you too. I don't want you to doubt me and leave. I don't want to lose you either."

"You won't lose me," he cups my face and kisses my lips. He pulls away to stare at me, brushing some strands of hair out of my face, pushing them behind my shoulders. "You know I lied to protect you, right? I did it because I didn't want to see you even more hurt."

"I understand, don't worry. I could tell from your actions that the videos were online." I let him know I was aware of the situation. "I'm so sorry for not being enough. I feel so powerless and useless. I tried to protect you from that, but I failed."

"You are and did more than enough, Jungkook. You always put in so much effort to help me. No one could have done better than you," I reassure him, not liking the way he blames himself for something he was not even responsible for. He looks into my eyes, shaking his head and showing me he does not think likewise.

I press a kiss on his lips and tighten my hold around him. "You're an amazing boyfriend. I'm more than happy to have you."

He tenderly rubs his thumb over my cheekbone, some tears growing in his beautiful eyes. "Do you sincerely mean it?" he asks, his voice full of vulnerability. "I do. I'd never say those words if I didn't mean it."

He licks his lips and obviously holds his tears back, his gaze switching from left to right without breaking eye contact. The sincerity and fragility in his expression melt my heart. "I promise this will be over soon. I'll make sure of it."

"The most important thing to me is that you're alright. Stop harming yourself with so much pressure and worry because of this. I'm fine. I want you to stay away from that a little bit and ignore what is happening. If it's online, there's not much you can do anymore," I attempt to make him understand how much his mental health is important to me too, feeling like he is destroying himself way too deeply over this.

"I'll stop once it's over. Even if I can't make sure it is entirely removed from the internet, I can make sure that the original source is deleted," he remains stubborn, refusing to acknowledge the toll it is taking on his health. "I'm pretty sure this won't last. I'm a nobody. She will quickly realize no one cares about those videos because there's a whole bunch of other content out there that people are more interested in. If we show her it doesn't affect us, she won't have any power over us and will eventually stop and delete it herself. The only reason why she published it was to get a reaction out of us."

"Still, baby...I can't handle the thought of you being over the internet for that reason. I can't," he lowers his hand to my throat, giving some caresses to my skin. "I can't bear the idea of someone else seeing you like that."

"Just focus on me and your work from now on. That's all I'm asking for," I plead. He bites his lips and breathes out sharply. "I promise I'll focus more on you, I'm sorry."

He does not promise me what I wanted him to, but I let it go for now. He does not want to listen anyway.

"Avoid your phone today, hm?" I step back.

He nods, his eyes still exposing some reluctance. I smile at him and look down to grab his hand but notice an injury.

I turn it upside down to have a closer look at his knuckles, but he slides his hand away from mine. "What is that? Did you fight?"

"No. It's nothing," he replies, not being honest again. "Jungkook."

He sighs and hides his hands in his pockets. "I just punched a wall because I was mad."

I maintain eye contact, waiting for him to give in and spill the truth.

He does not speak but pulls me in for a kiss. "Stop worrying, baby," he murmurs, holding the side of my throat. "At least tell me you're not putting yourself in danger."

"I'm not. I won't do anything stupid," he says but does not sound convincing. "I trust you," I don't insist, despite not believing him. If he didn't do anything stupid, his knuckles wouldn't be so messed up.