"We fight every night for something
When the sun sets we're both the same
Half in the shadows
Half burned in flames"

--2016--

  I can't believe it's been two years. As I cross another day on my calendar, I grab the local newspaper. I grin as I see they've failed to catch me. Again. When I said Rogers wouldn't hesitate to throw me under the bus, I wasn't wrong. I only wished Nat would've stopped him but apparently she didn't. "The Ruby Raven still at large : what we know so far." S.H.I.E.L.D. gave them everything : my name, my age, a picture of me. I've avoided them so far and I can tell it pisses them off. I became even better at hiding over the past two years and I feel the thrill of danger each time I leave a place, unsure of where I'll go next. That's why I spice it up. I grab a red pen and circle the headlines. I draw a raven and add my signature, a simple "See you never, Rogers." I can't wait for him to find it. I leave it on the table and once I'm out, I buy a burner phone. I find somewhere quiet and dial the emergency number to the line they created just for me. So much for the Ruby Raven.

  "Emergency line for the Ruby Raven. What is the object of your call ?"

  "I saw the Ruby Raven," I say in my most beautiful Italian accent.

  "Ma'am, can you tell us your exact location ?"

  "I'm in Florence, Italy. I saw the building she went into."

  "Can you give us the address ?"

  "Of course."

 I give them the address as they asked and hang up immediately. Do they know it was me ? Well, they'll probably do when they'll see what I left on my dinner table. I did the same thing in Paris and also in Nice. Then I went to Brussels. Then to Amsterdam, where I almost got caught. I also stopped briefly in Barcelona and now I'm leaving Italy, heading off to Romania. It's gonna be a long trip but I'll have to be careful. I hop on my motorcycle and drive north. I only stop when I cross the Slovenian frontier and I find an isolated motel to spend the night. The ride was long and I can hear my stomach growling as I check in.

  "Is there a room service ?"

  "No, there is vending machine upstairs," the receptionist answers with a strong accent. I thank him with a nod, careful to keep my eyes under my hoodie and find the vending machine. I don't really have any change but the machine looks like crap and my intuition tells me I might not need any. I kick it softly and, as I expected, a few snacks fall off their emplacements. I get them with a disappointed smile. Crisps and crisps and crisps again. I head into my room and throw myself on the bed. I'll fall asleep in a minute if I don't do anything. I eat my poor meal and my eyes land on the bedside table. They left the local newspaper and I expect to see something about me again. God, was I wrong. I'd recognise this face anywhere and yet something about it feels off. It's not...it can't be. The articles is about some king that died recently. T'Chaka ? The name doesn't ring any bell. I look at the picture again. They say he's the killer. I'm not fluent in Slovenian but I know enough to figure James is being charged with murder. Seeing his face again... I have to find him. If I am right, he's being framed and I know for a fact that the Winter Soldier hasn't killed anyone in two years.

  When I left the hospital two years ago, I kept track of him after I found him back. He was still too confused and I had a hard time following him. Moreover, getting too close to him would obviously put him in danger and I couldn't bring myself to do that. So I followed him, lurking in the shadows and making sure he was okay. How will he react when he sees the news ? Will he see that ? Maybe he already saw it. I bury my face in my head before I enter the bathroom. I crunch my nose : the place isn't what you'd call clean but it'll have to do. I take a quick shower and put on my old clothes. I really should steal new ones. I already ran out of money when I bought that phone this morning. I sigh and decide this isn't the right time for a nap after all. I have to find James before S.H.I.E.L.D. does. Before Rogers.

  I go back to the lobby and escape by the front door. The receptionist is asleep anyway, he won't see me leave without paying him. I hop on my motorcycle again and I drive all night long. I drive and tears roll down my face. I don't even now where they're coming from. The only thing I like about the serum H.Y.D.R.A. injected me is the effect it has on sleeping. I'm not easily tired and I couldn't be happier about that : it helps me with the nightmares. I get them every time I try to sleep. Whether it's James' face when the Winter Soldier comes back or Rumlow's grin as he hits me... They're the worst. I finally stop in Romania and something about this place feels good. It's like an instinct, I don't know, but ever since H.Y.D.R.A. injected me with that bloody thing, the Winter Soldier and I share something more. Maybe that's why I know he's here. I haven't seen him yet, but I know he is. He has to. I feel my eyes starting to close uncontrollably from the days I'd just spent fully awake. I guess I can't avoid sleeping any longer. I drive through town and find a small building behind a market. It looks old and there's only two lit windows. Well, I gotta take my chances, right ? I walk in and climb the stairs until I find an empty apartment. It's a long shot, though, and as I pick the lock, I have to pray for it to be unoccupied. And it is ! I let out a nervous laugh as I enter the place. God, I'm so tired. I really need to get some sleep. I put a chair against the door and get into bed. I don't even take off my clothes and drift away really quickly.

  "How could you ?"

  I shake my hand and grab my hair. I want him to stop talking.

  "You lied to me. You stole my life !"

  "S-stop..." We're in my old room, back in H.Y.D.R.A.'s facility.

  "You stole my goddamn life, y/n ! You're no better than H.Y.D.R.A. !"

  James' face is twisted with anger and I can't take it anymore. I'm crying harder than ever and pictures of us start playing before my eyes. Did I steal his life or did I save him ? I'm not sure anymore. There's a weird noise that makes my head turn and suddenly I'm in that apartment in Romania again.

  I sit up in bed and remove my sweaty hair from my face. The noise is still there. It almost sounds like...a cat ? I turn my head and there at the door is a white cat, meowing after me. I get up and open the door for her. I'm pretty sure it's a she. She immediately starts rubbing her head against my head and she jumps from the windowsill to the wooden floor. She walks between my legs and meows some more.

  "Who left you, baby girl ?" I pick her up carefully and notice she's got a collar. There's a medal with her name on it. "Well, Alpine, I guess you got yourself a new friend." She meows again. She's probably hungry and she looks a little dirty. I decide to open all the cupboards, hoping someone left something for her. Nothing. "I think I saw a market yesterday. We should check it out."

  I realise how silly I must sound, talking out loud to a cat. I've been alone for two years and it shows. I find a large bag and I gently lay the cat in it. Her head sticks out as she looks curiously at her surroundings. I put on my baseball cap again and head down to the market. It's larger than I expected and there are lots of things I can give Alpine, well, I think. I'll have to be smooth, though, because I ran out of money and can't pay for food. I sigh and consider begging : nah, it won't work. I walk slowly around the market and grab some fruits when I can. I even manage to steal a fried sardine that I give to Alpine. She meows happily and I scratch her head, smiling candidly for the first time in months. I tilt my head back up and my eyes fall on a familiar silhouette. His hair's a bit longer than it was two years ago but I can recognise the curve of his metal arm under his jacket. He's here. I was right. My heart starts beating faster and I have to stop myself from running to him. C'mon, y/n. He might not even remember you now, who knows ? He might be mad at you. My head and heart are buzzing with so many emotions that I feel like collapsing. He's barely ten meters away from me and I have to leave. I start turning around when Alpine meows once more. I open my eyes wide and James faces us. He looks at me with confused eyes. His expression is hard to read : confusion ? Anger ? Sadness ? Blankness ? Maybe a little bit of each. We lock eyes and my whole body freezes. It feels like an eternity but he eventually gets away from me. No, please, not again. I follow him through the crowd and Alpine lets out frustrated meows when she accidentally gets hit by a stranger's hip. I scratch her head real fast and try not to lose sight of James. He gets in a building that looks almost exactly like the one I left. I follow him in and he leads me to what I believe is his apartment. I don't need to knock : he knows I'm behind him and leaves the door open for me. I close it behind me and let Alpine walk freely again.

  "I knew you'd follow me," James sighed. He seems...disappointed ?

  "James." I can't say anything else. His name hasn't escaped my lips in years. "I..." I have no idea what to say.

  "Don't feel forced to say anything. What are you doing here ?"

  "I followed you."

  "I mean in Romania."

  "I'm on the run, James. Haven't you read newspapers ?"

  "So my memories are right. You are the Ruby Raven."

  "Y-yeah. I'm not proud of it."

  "That's not what the news said."

  "The news lied." He finally faces me and his eyes sting like a thousand needles. He's broken and trying to fix himself. I know it because that's how I've looked ever since he left. "I- I missed you." He doesn't give me any reaction and it breaks my heart even more.

  "What do you want me to say ?" He finally asks. "I don't... I know you're important to me," he says as he looks through the window. "I wrote everything I could remember since that day and it's been..." He shakes his head. His eyes fill with something more than sadness : it's remorse. I see this as an opportunity and take a step closer.

  "What do you remember, James ?" I slightly lift my hand and he doesn't back up so I place it on his arm. "You can tell me."

  "I tried to kill you, didn't I ?" He looks away and tries to escape my touch.

  "It wasn't you."

  "You should be mad. Angry. Why aren't you ?"

  "Because I-" I close my eyes. Because I love you, idiot. But I can't really say that now, can I ? "Because I know it wasn't you. How come you remember that ? You usually don't remember the Winter Soldier's actions."

  "I don't know. Maybe...maybe I spent more times as James Barnes than I did in a long time and that's why I couldn't...I couldn't shut down completely." He sits down on a mattress that's laid upon the ground and he buries his face in his hands. I sit next to him and rest my head on his shoulder. He's tense. "I remember your face when I..." He gulps. "I remember that. The way I hit you and how injured you already were and I... I could've killed you."

  "But you didn't. You didn't attack me, James. I need you to understand that."

  "But it felt like it was me. I was screaming inside of my own head, I..."

  "I'm here now."

  "Have you seen the news about me ?"

  "Yeah. We'll figure it out, alright ?"

  I feel like he nods but I'm not sure. I don't look up. Alpine walks to us and rubs her head against our legs. I scratch her head.

  "Who's that ?"

  "I found her at my window this morning. She hasn't left since. This is Alpine."

  "She's cute."

  I tilt my head up and notice the scrap of a smile on James' face. I look at him looking at the cat as he scratches her head and strokes her silky hair. How could anyone frame him for murder ? I rest my head on his shoulder again and we stay there for a while. It's gonna work out. It has too.