I wake up and feel my eyes being sore. I'm used to it by now.

I notice the notebook on my table. Having gotten up, I open it, seeing the pages covered in all the words describing the last few weeks of my life.

And of my relationship falling apart.

I check the time, realising we have yet another practice for our midnight surprise today. With that on my mind, I go get some breakfast before quickly disappearing in my room, staying there the whole day.

We're going back to school tomorrow.

And I'm nervous.

Because I won't be sitting any close to Seungmin, Minho nor Changbin anymore. I'll be sitting away from them, not saying anything because I know it's completely pointless. They wouldn't even let me finish one sentence. And if yes, they'd oppose to everything without accepting anything.

I spend the whole afternoon watching videos until it's time to go. I pack my stuff and go catch the bus.

I meet some classmates on the bus, greeting them and sitting by them as we talk.

"Don't you know if Minho and Changbin will show up?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't think they will."

"But Minho said he'd come."

"To be honest," I say, recalling all the things those two would tell me, "I don't think it's that important to them. So yeah, I doubt they'll come."

We arrive to our destination, slowly changing into our sporty clothes, getting ready to start practising. There's just a few of us but we still try to practise hard.

And suddenly the door opens.

Seungmin walks in. His head is lowered, shoulders slumped as he throws his bag at the chair, starting to change his shoes right away. "Hi."

We all greet him back.

I do as well. I stand there and watch him but he wouldn't even give me one glance.

And that's when I know it's absolutely pointless. I spend the rest of the practice with Chaewon, Yeojin and Hyeju.

When we end, Seungmin simply disappears without saying anything.

And the most of us go sit in the pub for a while longer. We get ourselves some lemonades or beer to drink and talk.

"I actually almost broke up with my boyfriend last night," Yerim confesses.

We all look at her in shock. "What?"

She explains everything while I can't help but slide back into my thoughts. I wanna say I'm kind of breaking up with Seungmin but it feels weird to say aloud.

And so I just smile when the topic changes, pretending like everything is okay until I'm on my own in my room again.

I practice the choreographies a little before finally going to sleep.

My heart is shattered already. Everything that reminds me of it is just stomping on the small pieces, turning them into ashes.

And I'm wishing for it to be like Phoenix.

I hope it'll burn again.

Please stop this pain.