You know,
   My mind is a miss it seems.
   I listen to the cars passing in the distance and the sounds of tires mashing asphalt has turned into the sounds of waves crashing in my mind. It's rhythm is practically hypnotizing.
  I listen to the dogs bark in the distance.
  The breeze is light and the stars peak through the passing clouds. Nite life here in the desert is quiet otherwise.
  So many passing thoughts as I sit. They're like falling stars. I've been horrible at catching them.
   I have very little to do here passing time in this moment. I have bitter memories of people's coming and goings in my life. Ive written those words in places nobody sees. Jajaja it's funny. I've been here for 5 years in the wattniverse and I've spared you all that sobby nonsense.
  It's fucking 2020 and I don't wanna SEE any o that in here.
  These times are nothing different. It's weird how it just happens, repeatedly, over and again. A lot of things can be measured in waves. The over and again pounding that made me a human to my own heartbeat!  Just again and again.
   I feel sexual urges like any other human being I suppose but this wake that I am on, man. It's "all good" vibes have been feeling kind of tense, as I shrug my shoulders.
  Roll of the eyes.
  These fleshly desires have always been with me. Ever since I can remember seeing my first tit.
  And this is why it's called "inner dialogue".
Fundamentally, I have no funds that aren't already spent, and I know that I've had some time off, but I should have been putting time in.
   I'm naturally a lazy bastard. How is any of this being a service to anyone. Like this string of words has no baring and it doesn't belong but I'm going to leave it because I have a hard time overthinking shit that I leave here with run on sentences and no need for proper punctuation.
  No sir.
  If I erase another line here I won't look at these keys for another week.
  So here I am. Doing this.
  It isn't great.
  I'm just a fucking guy typing shit out to the wattniverse. This is my term. I made that word up. Jajajaja
  Look.
  I love you. I do.
I'm that guy that practices things that I would say on my way to an interview. I'm that guy that has a mental list when he goes the the store and still forgets to buy cigarettes. I'm that guy.
   I like smoking. It's gonna kill me.
  At least we all know the things we like seem to hurt in the end anyways. Drink that 64 oz Mountain Dew. Can I get some love?
   I'm that guy that looks love in the face and runs away from it. Fear maybe?
  From what? For sure!
  I'm that guy that will leave your two penny's on the floor right where you dropped them. Nobody wants no karma for that.
   I'm that guy who runs mysterious for no reason. Always aloof running amuck when really, I'm just not that at all.
  There's got to be a way to make my world better. Not your world. Mine.
  I'm out here running in other people's matrix's and making my way but this in between worlds is lonesome. I have lots of time to appreciate the beautiful things I've seen.

I am able to finally go and visit with all the people I've ever written about and see their lives and their worlds and I've been out on my own so long that I miss the comforts of family and home.
At the same time, I'm out in the wilderness with no kids and no directions. I'm like in some anomaly where I'm doing the weird shit I wanted to do when I was young and had to wear the facade of good parenting. Maybe that's why our single grandparents always seemed cooler by themselves.
Whatevs.
I'm proud of this pic. I have lost 50 lbs this year. First time in life I have a brown ass.
The trees have been looking different to me. Like things are in full perspective hd. Clear as day with tactical glasses it seems. Maybe it's the color of the backdrop but even those have been brilliant displays out here in the desert.
I miss my kids.
Are you still here, reading this nonsense?
Top of the hat. Right off the presses.
The wind feels warm here. Like oven heat. It's the kind of hot that evaporates sweat as you sweat. Leaving a salty grit behind. Maybe it's dust. It feels dirty.
Beer is plentiful and the buds are green this time of year. Life now, even with the covid, seems rather pleasant when the buds are green.
Like many, waves. My own waves.
They're turbulent at times and seem almost typhoon-ish and lately I don't feel like I'm outside the breakers. Like a turtle fighting its way to the sea.
Sometimes when the wave is too strong, I pull away. I dive down under it. Push through it.
Sometimes we gotta be our truest selves. That's when you find out. I never learned anything good in life being happy. It all came from the the atmospheric waves of realities crashing walls, that broke the temple and busted its bridges.
It was burning them that made my life look bright.
I'm ready for the next wave. I've set my goals to the horizon. I know what I am made of. I have tested this mettle. I have sharpened the tool and listened to the worshippers cry for Slayer!
My teeth gnash with my chest bare, I stare into the sunset of the days achievements and rest my head on bamboo pillows and manifest my needs into reality.
But I'm the guy who doesn't check his blind spot when merging left. I'm that guy who wants to race you in a rez-runner on the interstate.
In my mind I'm like the Rock but in reality I'm more like Peter Griffin.
I love tacos. Last night I ate a bacon wrapped burrito. May have to try it again.
I just wanted to write something today. If you read this thank you. Please throw up something to let me know you read this brain puke of mine.
I've got to get ready for the works.