Akaashi sat up slowly, taking in a deep breath. He'd woken up a while ago and was feeling very hungry. He could ring his bell but his body felt a bit better so he stood up slowly. It was dark outside and the castle ground looked dark beyond the glass. He grabbed one of his coats and walked down the halls barefoot, tiredly going in search for the kitchen. He wanted some cookies.

He grabbed the kitchen door handle and slowly pushed the door back. The table of servants all looked up and noticed him before bowing quickly, worried. Akaashi yawned. "It's okay, it's okay. Don't bow."

"Would you like something sir?"

"Do we have any cookies?"

"What sort of cookie?"

"Chocolate chip."

"We do. Would you like if we warmed them for you?"

Akaashi nodded and sat down close to the fire on the floor. A younger servant hurried to try and get him to sit in a chair but he just smiled at her. "It's okay, really. You all are no different from me. Just relax. I like sitting on the floor."

She backed away and returned to her spot at the table. Akaashi was handed some cookies and he ate them in silence. They were warm and the chocolate was gooey. His favorite.

"Thank you. I really needed that. Where is my mother?"

"She's in her study."

Akaashi stood and bade them farewell before going to his mother. She was sat on a couch, reading. Akaashi climbed into her lap and held onto her.

"Well hello there."

Akaashi hummed.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Much."

"Good." She rested him on her chest and he fell asleep within no time. She decided to just lay here with him. If her husband had a problem with this then so be it. Akaashi was her one and only son and if he needed to be held even at twenty then he would be held.

****

Akaashi yawned, stretching. He turned over only to be met with the floor hitting his chest. "Ow..."

He sat up and rubbed his chest. His mother opened the door. "Go get dressed honey, your father wants to talk to you."

Akaashi felt a pang of fear. "Yes ma'am."

He scrambled to his feet and ran down the halls to his room. He certainly wasn't sick anymore if he was running in the castle. He changed quickly and got his hair to cooperate. He then walked to his father's side of the castle, composing himself.

He knocked twice and waited.

"Who is it?"

"It's Keiji, father."

"Come in."

Akaashi walked in and closed the door behind him. He stood still, waiting for his father to turn around. When he did Akaashi dropped into a bow. He stood and his father glared. "I was told you wished to talk to me?"

"I do." He went around his desk and looked Akaashi up and down. "You certainly don't look sick."

"I was able to rest enough to heal."

"Mm. Why were you out of the castle if you were so sick?"

"I wanted to clear my mind and get my body moving to help with being restless."

"You threw up in the snow."

"Yes sir, I did. I did not mean to. I am unable to control-"

"Shut up."

Akaashi went quiet. He hated this man. So much.

"You had to be carried by a peasant. A blacksmith. Those men are filthy. Do you know how awful it is to hear your son had to be carried by a peasant? You are a constant reminder of weakness."

Akaashi took a deep breath. If only he had his sword.

His father stepped closer and Akaashi didn't dare move. He knew what was coming.

His father slapped him and his body stayed firm in its place.

"You don't even have a thing to say about what you've done?"

"You told me not to talk."

He was slapped again. "If you show your face to me any time over the next week I will beat your soul out of you. I am tired of you disrespecting my family name."

"Yes sir."

"I'm currently looking for a suitor for you. He will be here within the next four months."

"He?"

"Yes, he. You are homosexual, aren't you?"

"Yes sir."

"Of course you are. "Go, I don't want to see you anymore."

Akaashi left and walked to his room. Amaya saw him on the way and her eyes softened in pity. "Again?"

Akaashi nodded. "And what's the punishment this time?"

"He found a male suitor."

"Oh honey..."

Akaashi smiled sadly. He kept walking and went to his room where he changed into something more casual. He sat at his desk and pulled the string connected to his bell downstairs. A maid came in and Akaashi looked at her tiredly. "Can I have some ice? Or snow in a bag?"

"Of course sir. Would you like breakfast?"

"Yes, please. Just some eggs or something."

"Scrambled?"

"Of course. And if we have any paperwork for me to do I'd like that."

"Yes sir."

Akaashi nodded and opened a notebook. He doodled for a bit and then ate. He filled out his papers and checked on the kitchen staff before deciding he was downright bored. He couldn't go outside. Couldn't go see his sisters. Couldn't see his mom.

This was going to be a hard week.

He walked back to his room and grabbed a book, getting comfortable in the window seat in another window. His favorite blanket was draped over him and he read for hours, silent. Some time later a servant brought him lunch and he ate in silence again.

Amaya visited him and Akaashi just talked with her. It hurt to see her little brother with a bruised cheek and sunken eyes. Since Akaashi was little he had been singled out and thrown around like a doll by their father. Amaya was looked down upon since she was the oldest and not a male. She didn't want to rule at all and Akaashi did, which was certainly different.

Akaashi had admitted to Amaya one night after being beat that he wanted to kill his father himself, even if it got him banished or killed. He had no violent thoughts besides ones about his father. Akaashi was ashamed of it but he felt awful from years of abuse.

The situation with him being sick was irritating. His father picking a suitor for him made him mad. He wanted to fall in love naturally with someone and rule the kingdom with them. Those walks that he saw couples take would be so lovely. Reading together. Dancing together. Playing chess together. Sharing a bed...

None of that would come with an arranged marriage. He only knew of one that had happened and it was between the Aba Johsai kingdom's kings. They had an arranged marriage and had hated each other for the longest time until someone let it out that they had been caught well... together in private. They stood up for each other and shot down any harsh words.

Akaashi knew it wasn't possible for him and that night he sat alone in bed and cried. He didn't want to be forced into a relationship. He didn't want to have to sit in his room for a week. He didn't want this anymore.