Chapter 7
"Do you think I should tell him?"
Humalumbaba si Shantel sa kitchen counter. She abandoned her books on the table and leaned against the marble, still deep in thoughts.
"Ano nga ulit yung rason mo kung bakit ayaw mong sabihin sa ex mo na boss mo ngayon na may anak ka sa kaniya?" her lips curl in a smirk.
I gave my best friend a deadpanned look.
"Come on, Shantel. You know about it already. Rigor exists in a whole different world. Kada galaw niya, may media na nakaabang. God knows what I'll do if unconsented pictures of my son circulate online. His fans might even attack him." My heart swells in anger just thinking about it. I couldn't even sleep properly for the past two weeks with the thought that someone is bullying my son. I want to go there and give them a piece of my mind. Parang gusto kong pumatol ng bata.
Tumango-tango si Shantel, sumasang-ayon.
"At isa pa..." bumagsak ang mga balikat ko. I buried the fact that he's going back to Baltimore after all of his affairs here. Hindi ko na kailangan pang itanong sa kaniya. This is not where he belongs. He can flourish his career abroad. He's too big for the cheap showbiz here in the country. "Aalis din naman siya."
"Gatekeeping your son from his father could do more damage than good, Czarina." mahinahon niyang wika. "I'm sorry, but I think your excuses are bullshit. Takot ka lang na ilayo ni Rigor sa iyo ang anak mo kapag nalaman niya..."
I bit my lower lip and turned away. I couldn't look at her in the eyes while she's slapping me with the truth. Inaatake na naman ng hapdi ang dibdib ko dahil alam ko, sa loob-loob, ito talaga ang tunay na rason.
I love Castian to death. I'll be dead if he's gone. He gave me so much hope, so much light, that the thought of giving him up to someone else leaves me breathless. I could feel the cold fear clawing at my throat, slicing at my skin. When I looked down, my hands are already trembling.
"Just take it slow, okay?" Shantel says softly, looking down at my trembling hands. She reached for my palm and gave it a squeeze. "If it's any consolation, Rigor doesn't seem the type to drag your son away from you. Of all the Treveron's, he's the most decent for me. I'm sure he'll take this as a rational adult. If not, don't worry because I'll make sure that the custody of your son remains yours."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "How are you gonna do that? Hindi ka pa naman abogado?"
"I have ways." She winks and throws her head back, laughing softly.
You mean you have Eros. Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi upang pigilan ang sariling sabihin iyon sa kaniya. Tumango na lamang ako.
I rarely talked to Rigor for the past few days. He is busy painting for the upcoming exhibit. Some of his paintings from Baltimore were shipped and delivered today. I locked it in his office and tried to clean up after him when I'm done with the emails and his website.
Sumilip ako sa kaniya mula sa opisina. He is hunched over a huge canvas once again, his eyes sharp with focus, and his hands firm with expertise. He's wearing a paint-splattered overalls, pulled down to his torso, revealing a tight black wife beater shirt. He started wearing the suit after he ran out of jeans because he keeps on staining them. I thought he'd look ridiculous on it, but he's not. In fact, he looks like a tease. I could see the little skin beneath his shirt that disappears into the pulled down suit each time he stretches. Para akong tangang pinagpapantasyahan siya dito sa loob ng opisina. But he never once lifted his gaze on my direction, so I never really had a problem about it.
I tried to conjure the man I dated back then. He never really changed. None of his skyrocketing success clouded his perception. But it's hard to humble a man who is meant for fame and glory. Gatekeeping my son from him means letting him pour himself into the world. Is it really worth it?
"Czarina?"
Napaigtad ako nang marinig ang baritonong boses niya. I blinked, and he's already in front of me. His head is tilted slightly, scrutinizing me. My cheeks burned with the thought that he just caught me daydreaming about him in broad daylight. I cleared my throat.
"Yes?"
"I'm asking if you're hungry." I watch his eyes gleam in thirst and the playful twitch of his lips. "Are you hungry?"
"I'm... uh.. yeah, I'm hungry," nauutal ko pang sagot sa kaniya. I shut my legs close and sat straighter. Umarko ang kilay ni Rigor sa ginawa ko. "Should we have lunch, boss?"
He frowned. "Stop calling me boss. You're making me sound old."
Ngumisi ako. "What should I call you, then?"
"Daddy." Barumbado niyang sagot sa akin habang pinupunasan ang pintura mula sa kamay.
My shoulders broke into laughter. "Oh God, we are so dead if someone hears the way we talk to each other."
"Too bad we're all alone here, huh?" he threw the rug away and placed both hands on the desk, leaning over me.
Nawala ang ngisi sa mukha ko at napalunok. "You're invading my personal space..."
He didn't answer. Nakatitig lang siya sa akin na para bang pilit hinuhukay kung anong laman ng isipan ko. I'd rather throw myself in a cliff than let him know what I've been thinking for the past hour.
"Let's just eat."
Pinigilan kong bumuntong-hininga nang malakas nang sa wakas ay lumayo na siya sa akin. He turns his back and snatches his wallet and car keys. Lyle called last night with a flu, so Rigor allowed him to rest the day off. Isa pa, pareho din kaming tambay sa studio kapag tapos na ako sa mga lakad at nasa opisina lang. Lyle and I would sit in the corner, admiring him in silence while he's working.
Sumunod ako kay Rigor palabas. I'm still getting used to wearing pencil skirts and heels. When I was still a caretaker, I wore pastel scrubs and crocs so it was comfortable for me to move around. Rigor didn't bother to impose a dress code, but I still want to look professional especially when I'm representing him in meetings and appointments.
He brought me to a nearby Japanese restaurant. Most of the students go here after their classes because of the great menu and affordable price. Rigor got us a table and excused himself to take a call while I'm looking at the menu.
My phone starts vibrating in the table. Unregistered number iyon kaya kumunot ang noo ko.
"Hello?"
"I'm looking for Czarina Saorsie Martinell," a female voice, brisk and in a hurry says from the other line.
"Speaking."
"Are you related to Debbie Margaret Alonzo?"
My heart went up to my throat. Ilang taon din ba nang huli kong marinig ang pangalan niya? Her last words to me were ugly and it scarred me for life. Everytime I'm in a bad place, I always remember it and my mood worsens.
"Yes."
The words tumbled out of my mouth on its own. Even with all the hatred I have for her in my heart, I can't dismiss the urgency in her voice and the nauseating feeling that crawls in my skin upon taking this call.
"We've been searching for two months for any relatives." She gives out a huge sigh. "Can you come to ManilaMed immediately? It's an emergency. I can't tell you the details over the phone. It is best that you come see your mother."
I want to correct her and say that she's no longer my mother since five years ago but I kept my mouth shut. Naiipon ulit ang sama ng loob sa dibdib ko. I just nodded as if she could see me and assured her that I'll call her back as soon as I have my free time.
"I don't want to hurry you but... there's not much time," her voice is rich with grief and sympathy.
"I'll come." Paninigurado ko sa kaniya bago ibinaba ang tawag.
Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakitang nakatingin na pala si Rigor sa akin, nagtatanong ang mga mata. Kaagad akong nag-iwas ng tingin at itinago ang phone ko, saka itinuro ang menu.
"Wala akong maintindihan sa menu, Rigor. Ikaw nalang ang mag-order para sa akin,"
"Are you sure?" medyo nangunot ang noo niya.
I nodded and gave him a tight smile. "I'm sure. Mukha namang masarap ang nasa picture, eh."
He really ended up ordering for me. Pilit kong inalis sa isipan ang natanggap na tawag at pinakinggan siya. He said that a national artist just reached out to him and asked if he wanted a collaboration. He keeps asking for my opinion, because this said artist is living in Benguet and we have to go there to meet him. I told him it's a good idea and something to busy himself with after the exhibit.
The food is good, but it's not my taste. Maybe I lost some of my appetite with that call as well. Maliliit na kanin at hilaw na isda na nakabalot sa seaweed ang in-order ni Rigor para sa akin, tsaka maliliit na octopus na nakapaloob sa bilog at maraming sahog. I looked down at my half-eaten plate and frowned. Rigor is still busy eating. Dahan-dahan kong itinulak ang plato patungo sa kaniya.
"Ayaw mo na?"
Umiling ako. "Ayoko. Hindi ko na maubos,"
He chuckled and dragged the plate towards him. He then gestured to my untouched glass of water.
"Just wash it down with water if you don't like the taste. We'll look for other places to eat tomorrow for lunch."
Tumango ako at iyon na nga ang ginawa. Inubos niya yung pagkain niya, at pati na rin yung natira sa akin. When we were done, we stepped outside of the restaurant and walked back into the studio.
May nadaanan kaming kid's store pabalik, and I couldn't help myself when I saw a cute navy blue pajamas with piglet prints on it. I don't know why, but Castian loves pigs and cats. Natutuwa siya kapag may nakikita siyang baboy na maliit. He begged for me to have it as a pet but I just can't risk it so I gave him a cat instead on his birthday.
"He'll love it..." bulong ko sa sarili ko at muntik nang mabali ang leeg kakalingon dun sa nakitang pajama set.
"Who?"
Kaagad akong naalerto at napalingon kay Rigor na nakatingin ulit ngayon sa akin. Umiling-iling ako at nginisihan lang siya.
Pagkarating namin sa studio, nagkulong ako sa opisina para tapusin ang mga hindi ko pa nasasagutang emails. I have a meeting to attend for him tomorrow morning. Rigor just lounged lazily in the studio, not in the mood to paint. Tuwing dinidisturbo niya ako ay pinapalayas ko siya. He exited the office with slumped shoulders and ended up taking a nap next to his painting supplies.
Nag-ring ulit ang phone ko habang nagtatrabaho ako. I glanced at Rigor before picking up to answer the call. It's from Castian's kindergarten.
"Hello?"
"Ms. Martinell, you have to come to the school today."
Napapikit ako nang mariin. Alam ko ang tono ng boses niya. Either something bad happened to Castian or Castian did something bad. Hindi na ako nagtanong pa at kaagad na niligpit ang mga gamit ko. I hurriedly stepped out of the office.
"Rigor, can I leave early?"
His eyes flew open, then he lifted half of his body using his elbows to stare at me.
"I'm still not done with the emails but I'll continue once I get home. Tsaka bukas, hapon na ako makakarating dito. I have a meeting in the morning. Lyle will drive me."
His gaze lingered at me for a moment before he nodded. "Uuwi ka nang maaga?"
"Oo, eh. May emergency sa bahay."
He went silent. I could tell he wanted to ask but he never said anything. Tumango lang siya nang marahan at bumalik ulit sa pagkakahiga sa sahig.
"Sasakit ang likod mo nyan. Mas mabuti pang magpahinga ka nalang sa baba kung ayaw mo nang magpinta ngayong araw."
Hindi niya ako sinagot. My hands reached for the doorknob. Nilingon ko ulit si Rigor.
"Aalis na ako."
"Ingat ka." Was all he said as I stepped out of the studio.
Nagmamadali akong pumara ng taxi patungo sa kindergarten. If I commute in jeep, it will take me longer. Nang makarating ako ay kaagad akong pumunta sa room ni Castian. I saw him sitting in front of his teacher's desk and another little girl sitting in front of him with her arms crossed.
Kaagad akong lumapit.
"Mommy!"
Kita kong umirap ang batang babae nang sumigla si Castian at kaagad na lumapit sa akin. She's very pretty, with straight black hair and creamy complexion. Castian is just a few inches taller than her. For some reason, she also looked familiar.
"Miss Martinell, nag-away si Castian at Freuss kanina. Tinawagan ko na ang Daddy ni Freuss. He's on his way here."
I bit back a gasp when I saw a thin strip running across his cheeks with what I suspect is a claw from the little girl's hands. I looked at her. She looks unharmed. Maldita siyang nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin.
"What happened?"
"Kasalanan ni Freuss," kaagad na sumbong ni Castian. "She keeps saying that I don't have a Daddy, and I told her that she doesn't have a Mommy then she got mad!" Castian tip-toed and whispered into my ears. "I think she's crazy, Mom."
Inipit ko ang pang-ibabang labi at binalingan ang kindergarten teacher nila.
"Tinulak ni Castian si Freuss. Kinalmot naman niya si Castian," tila nahihiya pa niyang paliwanag sa akin. I nodded. I don't blame her. Children can be aggressive and they operate based on their tiny hearts and big emotions. Sana nga lang at huwag mag-marka ang kalmot niya sa pisngi ni Castian.
Nakipag-usap ako sa guro nila habang nasa upuan pa rin ang dalawa. I want to talk to her father. I don't want to judge the way she behaves but my son is hurt. Paano ako mapapanatag kung kinakalmot pala ng ibang estyudante ang anak ko sa eskwelahan?
"Hey, I'm so sorry I'm late!"
I turn around, ready to fire my rants but my eyes widened when I saw Thyron stepping inside the classroom with an apologetic look on his face. His eyes mirrored the shock in my face, then his gaze traveled from me to my son clinging to my thighs.
Parang huminto yata sa pagtibok ang puso ko.
He stared and stared at Castian for a few minutes, before he managed to drag his gaze back to the stressed kindergarten teacher.
"Mr. Treveron?"
"Ah, yes. I'm sorry. May inaway daw si Freuss?" binalingan niya ang batang babae. "Pangatlong eskwelahan mo na ito, anak."
She just pouts angrily and scoots away. Ni hindi man lang niya binati ang ama at mukhang ayaw pa na makita ito. I gave Thyron a questioning look.
"Mae-expel ba si Freuss?" diretsahang tanong niya sa guro.
The kindergarten teacher looks at me nervously. "N-No... I mean, not if Ms. Martellin doesn't want to."
Bigla akong napressure. Kanina, gusto kong pagsabihan kung sino man ang tatay ni Freuss pero ngayon halos wala nang lumalabas sa bibig ko. I looked at him nervously. He laughed.
"It's okay, Czarina. This is not the first time. I'll also take it as a sign to take her back to La Union, to her grannies."
"I want my Mommy, not grandma and grandpa." She stubbornly says.
We stood there awkwardly, me, Thyron, and the kindergarten teacher. I cleared my throat and gestured to Castian's other classmates.
"Why don't you play with them first? I'll see you in a while. I'll just talk to Freuss' daddy."
Tumango si Castian at binalingan si Freuss. Inilahad niya ang maliit na kamay.
"Aren't you coming with me?"
"I'm still mad at you."
Castian shrugged. "I'm not mad at you anymore. Let's play?"
Freuss stares at his hand for a few seconds before sighing and sliding out of her seat. Nilampasan niya ang nakalahad na kamay ni Castian at pumunta sa mga kaibigan niya. Castian glanced at me before following her.
Thyron instantly touched my arms.
"You have a son?"
"And you have a daughter," I said in acknowledgement, nodding. Natatakot akong itanong kung sino ang nanay niya dahil baka tanungin niya rin ako.
"You know each other?" naguguluhang tanong ng kindergarten teacher.
Ngumisi si Thyron at hinila ako palapit, saka inakbayan. "She's my ex-wife."
Kaagad ko siyang hinampas at itinulak palayo. "Tigilan mo nga ako." I shot the teacher an apologetic look. "He's my colleague in college."
She nodded, glancing back and forth.
Pinag-usapan naming tatlo kung anong dapat gawin. I don't want to report it to the principal's office, but I also don't want Freuss to go on unpunished. Castian should also be reprimanded, for shoving her down. In the end, we agreed a three-day suspension for Freuss and one-day suspension for Castian.
Sinundo ko ang anak ko pagkatapos ng meeting namin. Thyron and Freuss are still arguing in the back so we left. Naghihintay kami ng jeep sa tapat nang biglang may humawak sa balikat ko.
"Ihahatid ko na kayo," ani Thyron. Freuss is behind her, dragging her pink roller bag with a frown on her face.
"Sa Laguna ako nakatira, Thyron. Huwag na."
"Ayos lang. Uuwi kami ng La Union ngayong suspended si Freuss. I'll drop you off."
Castian yawned. Nagpalipat-lipat ako ng tingin sa dalawa. He seems tired. If we commute and wait for the bus, he'll just get more sleepy and tired. Tumango nalang ako para sa kapakanan ng anak.
The children went inside the backseat while I sat in the shotgun seat next to Thyron. At first, we were silent. Castian and Freuss are arguing harmlessly at the back, then they both dozed off. Nung tulog na ang mga bata, saka ako kinausap ni Thyron.
"How old is he?"
I swallowed. "He's turning five..." my voice is weak and barely audible.
Tumango-tango si Thyron. "Halatang-halata, Czarina."
My fists froze in my lap. Natatakot akong balingan si Thyron upang kumpirmahin kung anong sinabi niya. My heart feels like it's about to explode.
"Alam ba niya?"
A sob rose quickly to my throat. I shook my head, defeated.
"Ipapaalam mo ba?"
This time, I turned to him, in verge of tears. Binalingan lang ako saglit ni Thyron bago niya ibinalik ang tingin sa daan. Umiling siya.
"It's not my place to tell..."
I nodded gratefully.
"But whenever you're ready..." he trailed off, and then smiled at me. He still has the goofy energy around him but he seems more matured now that he has a kid. "I'll be happy if Freuss finally has a playmate aside from her twin. She seems to click with Castian."
I wiped away the unshed tears and glanced back at the sleeping kids. Freuss' arms are crossed but she's leaning against Castian's shoulders while sleeping.
"Thank you, Thyron..." I whispered, feeling relieved.
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#HanmariamBFLIIChap7
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