Author's Note: Hello! This is the last chapter of Bleed for Love. If you've reached this part, I want to thank you for reading all the way despite my inconsistency. I hope you enjoyed the second installment of Deceret Series as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you!

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"Kuya!" dinamba ako ni Silver mula sa likuran. I nearly spilled the can of paint I was holding into my bed. Agad ko itong inilapag sa bedside table. "Let's play!"

"I have homework to do, Silver," I lied and wiped away some of the paint that had scattered into my fingers.

"But you promise me you would play with me!" naiiyak na niyang wika.

I sighed and turned to her. Her big brown eyes looked so sad and it twinkled with unshed tears. Ni hindi man lang siya nag-abalang ayusin ang buhok nang tumakbo dito sa kwarto ko.

"Just play with Thyron," I tried.

"I don't want to play with Kuya Thyron, he's a cheat!" she scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

Napabuntong-hininga ako. I glanced longingly at the canvas I just bought and then back to my sister. I skipped my afternoon classes today just to paint. I am eager to translate my ideas into paintings but I couldn't deny my sister her happiness.

"Okay, I'll just change."

"Yay! You're the best!" she jumped up and down and gave me a kiss on the cheeks before squealing her way out. Napailing ako at hinubad ang uniporme. I changed into a simple black shorts and white cotton shirt. Saka ko sinundan ang kapatid pababa.

I heard voices when I reached the grand parlor. Muted conversations. Tita Sidra's sympathetic voice. Then, I saw a tall man in ragged jacket and worn hat. He's talking silently to Tita Sidra. May hawak siyang malaking frame sa isang kamay. Ang isang kamay naman ay nakahaway sa braso ng isang batang babae.

Out of curiosity, I went to them and tried to gather from crumbs of their conversation.

"I'm really sorry about what happened. I never expected Debbie to... do that." Tita Sidra sighed and massaged her temples. "Let me help you and your daughter."

"Salamat," malalim at tila pagod ang boses ng lalaking kausap niya. "Ibebenta ko ang painting na ito sa iyo kahit na sa... murang halaga. Kailangan ko lang talaga ng pangtustos sa anak ko," he glanced lovingly at his silent daughter.

"Are you kidding me? I'm not going to buy this at a cheap rate!" Tita Sidra exclaimed. "You're an artist. Charge your worth. I'll pay an artist's price, as you deserve. You've always been talented. I'll wire you the money and I'll even try to recommend you to my friends who are redecorating their houses. Your works will surely lit the place."

The man seemed touched. He nodded and murmured something. Niyakap naman siya ni Tita Sidra saka binalingan ang batang babae. I remained rooted to the ground. The girl finally turned to them.

She had the face of a muse, I thought, while looking intently at her. But her eyes are on fire. I found myself getting drawn to her. I restrained myself from walking over to her to get a whiff of her scent. Because if I do, I'll never get her out of my mind. Scents stay longer in me like memories. She hasn't spoken a single word but I could not care less. Her mouth is made for kissing and reciting sweet poems, but it would not matter if the assumption is false because her cupid's lips would suffice. She must be a few years younger than me.

"Salamat po, Ma'am," she said in a silent yet calm voice.

"Take care of your Papa, okay?" Tita Sidra said, stroking her hair. I had a strong urge to feel her hair in a man's hands. I looked down at my palms and looked up at her again. The corners of her lips tugged upwards very slightly. A hint of happiness flashed across her rebellious eyes.

Tita Sidra said some more and then escorted the two of them out of the house. I completely forgot about Silver that afternoon and when she found me dazed at the bottom of the staircase, it was too late.

At 16, I had found the face of my muse.

"Fuck, bro, she was so aggressive last night!" Thyron ranted as we walked down the hallway. "I thought she was inexperienced. A complete opposite!" tumawa pa siya.

Napailing ako at itinulak nang bahagya palayo ang kapatid. I never approved of Thyron's ways with women. He's an effeminate. Lectures from his sibling whose only months older than him wouldn't get through his head so I never bothered. Takbuhan ako palagi ng mga babaeng iniiwan niya kapag hindi tumutupad sa deal nilang no strings attached.

"Karmahin ka sana sa pinaggagawa mo," bulong-bulong ko pa.

He laughed as if I said something funny and dragged me inside the gym. Intramurals ngayon at gustong manuod ng hinayupak ng women's volleyball. As far as I'm concerned, he was never interested in the game. He just wanted to see some ladies in red shorts.

"Hi Thyron!" a tall girl in a tight-fitting shirt and red shorts suddenly appeared in front of us. May hawak siyang bola. Lumawak ang ngiti niya nang balingan ako. "Hi, Rigor!"

Tumaas ang kilay ko. Hindi ko 'to kilala, ah?

Out of politeness, I smiled and acknowledged her. Thyron's grinning at the two of us while the girl—who introduced herself as Cathy—told us about their game.

"Inom kami mamaya after game! Sana makasama kayo... Rigor,"

Absent-minded akong tumango sa kaniya at naupo na nga para manuod sa laro. I'd rather lock myself inside the art room to finish my project but instead, here I am with my goofy brother. Nang makaalis na si Cathy ay siniko-siko kaagad ako ni Thyron.

"She keeps asking for your number, you know?" he whispered at me kahit na wala naman na si Cathy. "She's hitting on you."

"I don't know her,"

"I don't remember her, either." Pag-amin ni Thyron. "But she's hot. So, who cares?"

I grunted and ignored him. Sinubukan kong mag-focus kakanuod sa laro pero maya't-maya ay may lumalapit sa amin at kinakausap si Thyron. Sometimes, Thy would introduce me to them. Tumatango lang ako at ibinabalik ang tingin ko sa laro. It's the BS PolSci versus STE. Cathy is leading the STE team right now while the other department is being led by a mean-looking girl.

One look and you could tell she didn't come her to play.

Maski si Thyron na abalang makipagharutan sa mga babaeng lumalapit sa kaniya ay natigilan at napatingin sa babae mula sa BS PolSci. Her spikes are powerful and damaging. Her serves are also meant to destroy the other team. Hiyawan ang mga tao sa tuwing nakaka-score sila. Maski ang mga hindi niya ka-department ay sinusuportahan siya. She doesn't look happy while she's on the field, but she's very competent and aggressive.

"Oh, fuck." Thyron cursed while looking at her. "I have to know her name."

Napailing ulit ako at ibinaling ang tingin sa kaniya. She's really attractive. Her body is quite delcate to be serving powerful spikes which amazed me even more. Unlike Cathy, she's a bit petite. But it did not stop her from leading the game and winning at the end. Umingay ulit ang buong gym sa pagkapanalo nila.

She exited the field while a bunch of her classmates swarmed to her to congratulate her. Nang lingunin ko si Thyron ay wala na siya sa tabi ko.

Speed ng hayup.

I stretched my legs and waited for the sea of students to thin out before heading outside. Bukas pa naman ang laro ko kaya uuwi nalang muna ako ngayong hapon. I pulled my phone out and texted Silver if she already had her lunch. Nang ibalik ko ito ay biglang sumulpot si Thyron kasama ang babae sa gym kanina.

"Rigor, this is Sorcha. Sorcha, my brother, Rigor."

Speed talaga.

"Hi," Sorcha said, assessing me from head to toe. Then, she smirked. She's very intimidating. I don't have a single clue of what's going on inside her head.

"Hey," I answered and gave her a polite smile. "Great game."

"Thanks," she shrugged and rolled her shoulders. Nagpalinga-linga siya na para bang may hinahanap. Her eyes zeroed in to someone and for the first time, it lit with slight happiness. "Czarina, here!"

I turned and froze when I saw the girl running towards us. My mouth turned dry. Her hair flew behind her as she ran, like an escaped muse from a painting during nights at the museum. Her skin is flushed from the heat and delight. Her eyes still as fiery as I first saw it.

"Hey!" she was panting when she reached us, but deftly pulled her friend into a hug. "Congrats!"

Hindi ako makapagsalita habang titig na titig sa kaniya. I couldn't be mistaken. She's the girl I saw in our house years ago. I never thought I'd see her again.

"Where were you?!" may himig pagtatampo sa boses ni Sorcha.

"I'm sorry," she chuckled and it already sounded like a melody to me. If voices have a color, hers would be peach. Her lips are full and rich. I quickly shoved my hands into my pockets to resist the urge to reach for it and see how she'll react. Punch me, maybe? She looks like she has a lot of strength in her hands. If she's not a painter, she's a writer. No woman gets tiny veins like that from mere house chores.

"Anyway, this is Thyron and Rigor," Sorcha introduced us to her.

Thyron grinned and supped her. Tumawa siya nang mahinhin at bumaling sa akin. I looked at her expectantly, desperately hoping that she'll remember me.

But she didn't.

"Hi," she said with a small smile. Before I could even answer, she turned back to her friend and started chatting. Nakikisali naman si Thyron sa kanila hanggang sa magkayayaan na kumain sa labas.

"Pass muna ako, kailangan kong bumalik sa trabaho, eh," she smiled apologetically at her friend and Thyron.

Well, I'm not going too.

"I'll go home as well." Ani ko at binalingan ulit siya. "Enjoy your meal, guys."

Nagpaalam na ang dalawa sa amin. She also walked away from me as well. I sighed and rubbed my temples. I've been trying to perfect her face since the day I met her but there are some features I couldn't quite grasp until I see her again.

Fate must have taken pity on me today.

"You look sad."

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong lapitan siya nang makitang nakaupo siya mag-isa sa pool. She's been sitting silently for about 20 minutes and staring at the moon.

"Is the party not amusing you, cherié?" the endearment my father used to my mother slipped out of my mouth with the sight of her. Hindi siya sumagot. The determination made my feet walk towards her on its own. "Can I sit here?"

Umusog siya palayo, bahagyang nakanguso. I chuckled. I wonder if she remembers me. It's been over a year since we were introduced to each other. Each time I see her on the hallway, she barely makes an eye contact with me so I couldn't test if her memory is serving her right.

"Ganda ng moon, no?" tumingala ako saglit at in-appreciate ang liwanag ng buwan ngayon. Saglit lang, dahil agad akong lumingon sa kaniya na nakatingin na din ngayon sa buwan.

Mas maganda ka.

"Huh."

She was never interested in me while I was so invested with her for so long. Hindi ko rin naman siya masisisi. She has a boyfriend. But the guy is a jerk. Nahihirapan akong itago ang gigil ko nang masulyapan ko kung paano niya kausapin si Czarina.

Wala bang nanay o kapatid na babae ang lalaking 'to?

I tried to ignore the urge to punch the guy in the face. She deserves better. I know she knows she deserves better than that disrespectful asshole. Pero nakikita ko rin ang takot sa mga mata niya na para bang may mangyayaring masama kung bigla niyang hihiwalayan ang lalaki.

While I was painting that night, I decided that she's still going to be my muse. Even if she weathers far away, get married to another guy, and start her own family, it will not change the fact that she is and will always be my muse. I don't have to attach myself to her romantically to use her as the subject of my paintings. She wouldn't know about this when it's all one-sided.

"I'm just so confused!" Thyron ranted again. Sira ang kotse niya kaya nakikisakay siya sa akin ngayon. I glared at him while driving. "She said we're exclusive, and now she's seeing somebody else?!"

"Exclusive to being fuck buddies, Thyron. Not in a relationship."

A deep scowl appeared between his brows. "How do I know they're not fucking? That's already cheating, right? Cause I've been with her for almost a year and..." he trailed off, then cursed. "Damn that woman."

I chuckled, seeing Sorcha standing by the campus gate. May lumapit na lalaki sa kaniya at nginitian niya ito nang malawak.

"Yeah, damn that woman." I said, referring to somebody else.

Mabilis pa sa alas kwatro kong nabalitaan na hiwalay na si Max at Czarina. I felt so relieved by then. I don't like Max. He is a danger to himself and to the people who surrounds him. I'm glad he's out of Czarina's life.

Nanatili pa rin ang distansiya ko sa kaniya dahil alam kong kaka-break niya lang sa boyfriend niya. I also don't want to overwhelm her.

"Rigs," tawag ni Thyron sa akin. He looked worried, so I stopped walking. Dali-dali niyang ipinakita ang cellphone niya sa akin.

"Gago ka." I swatted his hand away when he showed me a picture of a naked woman. Magpapatuloy na sana ako sa paglalakad pero sinunggaban niya ang braso ko.

"It's a leaked nude. They're saying it's Czarina."

I froze in my tracks as hot temper rose in me. Napakuyom ang mga kamao ko at wala nang mapaglayan ang galit na sumisibol.

"Who. The. Fuck. Leaked. That. Picture.?" every grit of my teeth carried the danger of my anger. In our family, I've been known for my temper and my lack of restraint. I let my fist talk first before words roll out of my mouth. It was such a bad habit that I've been trying to unlearn for years, and now some jerk is triggering me again.

"Max."

I shouldn't interfere. Czarina has a strong personality. I knew it the moment I saw her for the first time. The girl of my youth. No one could have such fiery eyes and not do something about this.

"A girl shouldn't be sorry for setting her boundaries around people, especially men. Good night, cherié."

I could hear the fear in her voice, and I've noticed she's been avoiding me since the scandal. Akala niya siguro akala ko na siya talaga yun. It can't be her. I've memorized her face for so many years in my painting, even the shape of her body.

I could spot her from a distance. The loose curls of her hair bounced softly when she turns her head. Tiny wrinkles appeared in her eyes when she smiles, and it made her look kinder. She smells faintly of lavender and vanilla. I could recognize her by her smell, the distinct coffee-black of her eyes, the way her feet lightly walk the ground, as if she's afraid of taking as much space in this earth. Even with thousand voices screaming at me, I'd recognize her honeyed voice talking in the crowd. I've been with her for so many years in my painting, I would know her in life and in death.

That picture meant nothing to me.

Bumangon ako mula sa kama at pinagmasdan ang mukha niya. It's already dawn. I tugged the canvas closer to study her eyes at the mercy of the moonlight. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata. I thought it was just a phase. A brief attraction to a girl I met when I was still young. But she stuck with me, grew older with me. And she has no idea about it at all.

Without even thinking, I grabbed my phone and sent her a text message.

To: Czarina

Still up?

Hearing her voice that night soothed me. Her voice flowed like river in my ears. The last of the jagged grief in me started to dissipate. I found the corners of my lips tugging slightly by the time the call ended.

It was one of those nights, when the spin of hours never seems to end. My body is weary and my hands are trembling. I got myself drunk to sleep but the alcohol did nothing to my body. Binuksan ko ang drawer at kinuha ang bote ng sleeping pills.

She said this has been her happiest for the past few days. I played with the yellow pills with my fingers while recalling our conversation. I ended up crushing the pill with my fingers.

I'm not taking it tonight. How can I ruin such a perfect night for her with this? Napailing ako. I let my body collapse in the bed. My breathing came in slow and steady.

I think it was the last night I ever took those pills.

It was also the night when I realized how crazy I was about her. It was love at first sight. Just in my case, it never ended when it should. I went on with my years unconsciously falling more and more in love with a woman with fiery eyes.

So why... why can't I see the usual spark of her eyes? Why can't I feel the strength of her grip in my arms or feel the heat of her breath? Her head drops back against the ground with her eyes half-close, almost lifeless.

How can she think of taking the bullets for me? The knowledge that she might be taken away from me is choking my breath. A scream explodes from my throat, tearing its way out of the deserted parking lot. Calling her name. A desperate prayer.

She just laid there, bleeding. In my arms.

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#HanmariamBFLIIChap15