I felt sick to my stomach.

Pressing a knuckle against my mouth, I glanced down at my trembling hands. Naririnig ko ang histerikal na boses ni Tita Sidra. It took me a while to figure out what she was saying.

"—wake Anton please and tell him that the kids are missing. Call Thyron as well." She gave me a worried glance. "Don't worry, Czarina, we'll all look for them."

Hindi nagsalita si Rigor. He just grabbed my hand and headed towards the door. Tita Sidra called us but he didn't even bother to stop. Itinuro niya ang kotse at nagmamadaling binuksan, saka pumasok sa driver's seat. I forced my limbs to move and opened the door. Hindi pa man ako tapos sa pagsusuot ng seat belt ay pinaandar na ni Rigor ang kotse.

"Castian is wearing a blue shirt today," he took a shaky breath and honked impatiently for the guard to open the gate. Binalingan niya ako. "Do you remember what Freuss was wearing?"

"It's a... pink dress, I think," my mind jumbled over her image earlier, trying to grasp trivial yet crucial things such as her clothing. "A pink tulle dress," humugot ako ng malalim na hininga.

"Alright," he nodded and stepped on the accelerator. Nagbabadya ang mga luha sa mga mata ko. My chest is filled with worry.

Where are they? Are they fine? What happened? Did someone took them?

My back is clammy with cold sweat. I tried to silence the voices inside my head and focused on spotting my son somewhere in the road, hopefully with Freuss in hand. Castian can be sometimes naughty, but he's never engaged with strangers before. He knows this will worry his mom. Naniniwala akong hindi niya magagawa iyon.

"Czarina..." Rigor's voice is soft, but I could hear the pain laced at the edge. "It's okay. We're going to find him."

A huge lump formed in my throat. Giving him a coherent answer isn't possible. Tumango na lamang ako. I felt him reaching for my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go and focusing on the road instead.

We scouted every place they could be—parks, churches, the temple, and even the beach. Tinanong din namin isa-isa ang mga nakakasalubong kung may nakakita ba sa kanila. Every time they say no, my heart sinks further into my stomach. I felt like walking underwater. Everything is muffled and the only voice I want to hear is my son's.

"Excuse me, may nakita ba kayong bata? 4 years old, naka-blue na shirt?" I gave my phone to a lady who squinted her eyes at the screen. Hope filled my heart for a few seconds only for it to drain when her face warps into something close as confusion.

"I'm sorry, wala eh," she gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Salamat," I could barely hear my voice. Nilagpasan ako ng babae at sumama na sa mga kaibigan niya. Gusto kong maiyak pero pinipigilan ko ang mga luha ko. I have to function well if I want to find my child.

I spotted Rigor from a distance. May kausap din siyang lalaki at ipinapakita ang cellphone niya. Nang umiling ang lalaki ay bumagsak ang mga balikat niya. I bit my lower lip and looked away. Ayokong nakikita siyang ganito dahil mas lalo akong kinakabahan.

"Rigor, let's go to the school," tumikhim ako at marahan siyang tinapik. Pagod ang mga mata niyang lumingon sa akin, saka tahimik na tumango at inakay ako sa sasakyan.

I walked slowly, feeling the weight of the world with each step I took. My breath is strained and my mind is going to dark places again. I swallowed the forming lump in my throat.

I glanced around the park one last time with dissipating hope in my chest when I caught glimpse of a pink tulle. I froze in the ground when the little hand connected to another tiny arm and then to a tall man wearing a blue uniform.

"Castian..." my breath died in my throat as I detached myself from Rigor to chase them. "Castian!"

Kaagad na lumingon ang anak ko sa tawag. I burst into tears as I finally caught up to him. Kaagad ko siyang hinablot at niyakap.

"Castian!" I cried.

"Mommy... can't breathe..." reklamo niya.

I laugh-cried while caressing his cheeks. Freuss looked at me with guilt. Umatras siya nang bahagya. Pinakawalan ko na si Castian at siya naman ang niyakap.

"We were so worried about you. Your Dad is worried..."

Hindi siya nagsalita. The man with them cleared his throat. I clumsily wiped my tears away and looked up to him, trying to find the right words to express my gratitude for bringing back my son.

"I can't thank you enough—Max?" the blood in my face drained.

Max smiled sheepishly at me. Hinawakan nito ang dulo ng suot na cap at bahagyang inangat.

"Czarina!"

Hindi ako makapagsalita habang titig na titig sa kaniya. Ugly images started playing inside of my head. He stared at me and slowly, a creepy smile formed in his lips. I felt a strong punch to my gut. I couldn't trust my legs to keep me standing, so I held onto the nearest wall of support I could find—Rigor's arm.

"This is your kid?" Max casually asked, gesturing vaguely towards Castian.

Hindi ako makapagsalita. Rigor is staring at him hardly. Bakas ang panghuhusga sa mga mata kung hindi dahil sa pulis niyang uniporme.

"The policeman helped us, Mommy," Castian said to us. Napatingin ako sa kaniya. He looked very guilty. Si Freuss naman ay nakatalikod at ayaw tumingin sa amin.

"T-Thank you..." the words spilled clumsily from my mouth. I should be thanking him with tears, kneeling and celebrating in joy but I couldn't do any of it. I'm just rooted in the ground, unable to move.

No matter how many years have passed, an abuser is still an abuser. No victim will be feeling easy around her abuser.

"Salamat," Rigor said in an unspeakably flat tone.

"Just doing my job," he shrugged and then looked at me again. I almost flinched when he shamelessly raked his gaze all over my face and body. Then he smirked. "I got to go. It's good to see you again, Czarina."

He waited for a few seconds but I didn't answer him. Nakipagtitigan lang ako hanggang sa sumuko siya at natatawang umiling saka tumalikod at naglakad palayo. I stared at his back as my entire body continued trembling.

"Mommy... masakit," reklamo ni Castian. Agad kong binitawan ang kamay niya nang mapagtantong dinudurog ko na pala ito sa higpit ng hawak ko.

"I'm s-sorry, anak," my voice broke. I crouched in front of him as relief washed over me. I quickly searched for any signs of bruise or cuts anywhere on his body. "Are you hurt somewhere? Are you okay? Where did you go?" sunod-sunod kong tanong sa kaniya.

"Let's get them home first, Czarina," mahinahong wika ni Rigor. "Freuss, come on here,"

Hindi umiimik si Freuss at hinayaang hawakan ni Rigor ang maliit niyang kamay. I held my son and together we went back to the car. Rigor informed his brother that we'd already found the kids. Nasa malayo pa lang kami ay tanaw ko na si Thyron na nakaabang sa gate. He kept on pacing back and forth. I glanced at Freuss. Isiniksik niya ang sarili sa pinakasulok habang yakap-yakap ang Barbie niyang backpack.

I sighed. Rigor slowed down. Hindi pa man siya nakakapag-park nang maayos ay binuksan na ni Thyron ang pinto ng sasakyan.

"Freuss! Goddamit, Freuss!" he hugged his daughter tightly, almost crushing her. Freuss' eyes widened in surprise while her tiny arms are flailing around her father's bulky body. Thyron's expression tightened.

"D-Daddy..." itinulak ni Freuss ang ama palayo. "I can't breathe, Dad."

Thyron quickly let go of her and searched her face. His eyes are filled with worry.

"Your grandparents are worried sick about you. Bakit ka umalis? Tsaka ano yan? Ba't may dala kang bag? Maglalayas ka ba?"

Hindi sumagot si Freuss. Nang balingan ko si Castian ay nag-iwas naman siya ng tingin. I sighed and grabbed the pink backpack. Nang buksan ko iyon ay may mga damit nga, floral panties, snacks, atsaka tubig. Hindi ako makapagsalita.

"I wanted to follow Mommy..." she said in a small voice.

Lahat kami sa kotse ay natahimik. Lalo na si Thyron. I never saw him with such a terrified face before.

"She said she's going to bring me back with her..." dugtong pa niya sa maliit na boses. "When I grow a little older, she's going to get me. But I'm already old. See? I can go to her, right?"

Nadudurog ang puso ko sa bawat salitang binibitawan ni Freuss. I couldn't imagine the pain ripping Thyron's heart apart. He stared at her with glassy eyes. Freuss looks like she's about to cry too when she saw her father's expression.

"You won't let me go to her!" she started screaming and kicking inside the car. "You don't like her! I don't like you, too!"

"Freuss..."

"I hate you, Daddy! I hate you!"

I tried to calm her down but she just swatted my hands away. Nakita kong tumatakbo papalapit si Tita Sidra sa sasakyan. She pushed Thyron aside and pulled Freuss into her arms while she continued crying. Pinandilatan ni Tita Sidra si Thyron at kinarga si Freuss papasok ng mansion.

Walang nangahas na magsalita sa amin ng ilang minuto. I'm a parent too. I know how Freuss' words just shattered Thyron's heart. I may not know their story, but I feel so bad that he's going through so much and that his daughter is hurting, too.

"I'm just... I'm gonna head inside," basag ang tinig niya at marahang isinara ang pinto ng sasakyan.

I glanced at Rigor. Tahimik niyang ipinasok ang SUV at ipinark sa labas. Binalingan niya naman ang anak.

"Daddy... are you mad at me?" halos pabulong na tanong ni Castian, halatang kinakabahan.

"What?" Rigor seemed confused for a moment. "Why would I be mad at you?"

Ngumuso si Castian at nag-isip ng ilang segundo bago sumagot. "I couldn't let Freuss go by herself so I went with her... I'm sorry for making you and mommy worry."

I bit my lower lip, trying to stop myself from getting emotional. Inabot ko ang mukha ni Castian at hinaplos ito.

"You did the right thing, Castian. I'm so proud of you. But promise me you won't do it again, okay?"

Tumango siya at humikab. Rigor switched the engine off and gestured towards the house.

"You must be tired. Get some sleep first,"

I washed up Castian and tucked him into bed. Naririnig ko ang nag-aaway na boses ni Thyron at Tita Sidra sa baba kaya nanatili nalang ako sa kwarto. Rigor is sitting next to his son, watching carefully as if he's afraid he'll be gone again.

I opened the windows to breathe some fresh air and exhaled. This has been such a long day. Tumigil na ang panginginig ng mga kamay ko sa hindi inaasang pagkikita namin ni Max kanina. I gripped the window sills tighter until my knuckles turned white, trying to release all the tension and then slowly letting go.

A shaky breath left my lips. Napaigtad ako nang biglang makaramdam ng mainit na brasong yumapos sa akin.

"I'm sorry about what happened. You must be worried." Rigor said silently.

I gave him a sad smile. "Akala ko kanina magkaka-heart attack na talaga ako, eh,"

Rigor laughed in relief. "Ako din. I've never been so worried in my entire life."

Natahimik ako at nilingon ang madilim na langit. Patuloy pa rin ang nag-aaway na boses sa baba at wala akong lakas para harapin sila. I think I should just stay here.

Rigor pulled my closer and press a kiss on my forehead. "This isn't the life I promised to the both of you, cherié. I'm sorry. I'll keep trying."

Those words comforted me. I never thought I'd gain back the sense of security for so long. Akala ko, hanggang sa dulo, kami nalang talaga dalawa ni Castian. He has no idea how much it relieved me.

Our staycation at the Treveron's mansion was cut short as tension rose between Tita Sidra and Thyron. Nabalitaan din ni Kenna ang nangyari. It was a total mess. When Rigor offered to take us back to Laguna, I did not hesitate. I don't want to expose Castian into these kinds of fights for so long.

Rigor hired some gardeners and helpers to clean the yard when we came back. The mansion felt empty without Kyros and Shantel, but now that Rigor is here, I also feel contented. Hindi na ako natatakot para sa kaligtasan naming dalawa ng anak ko.

I started working from home when we arrived and converted one of the rooms into a home office. Si Rigor naman ay ipinagpatuloy ang mga naiwan niyang trabaho. We take turns with watching over Castian as we both agreed not to hire a nanny yet. Hangga't maaari ay gusto kong kasama namin palagi ang anak ko.

"How's Thyron? How is he holding up?" tanong ni Shantel habang magkausap kami sa video call. She's in her room with a face mask on, reading some law books.

I sighed and continued beating the egg. "Hindi ako sigurado. Alam kong nasasaktan din siya. Wala namang magulang na gustong marinig yun mula sa anak nila, eh. And Thyron is trying his best."

She went silent for a moment, then nodded. "Well... I hope he'll be okay soon. He's been through so much shit lately,"

Kyros joined our video call a little while later and showed us the condo he's staying in Manila.

"Wazzup?" he jerked his chin and grinned at us. Nakasuot pa siya ng shades na parang tanga eh nasa loob lang naman siya ng condo. "Ang ganda ng tinutuluyan ko ngayon, no?"

Shantel rolled her eyes. "The place is not even yours, Kyros."

"Syempre maganda, bigatin 'tong si attorney eh!" he ignored Shantel's remarks and continued to boast.

I laughed. Ginalaw ni Kyros ang phone niya at ipinakita sa amin ang kwarto niya. It was so spacious and the furniture looks unused and expensive.

"Guest room. Dito ako natutulog."

"Wala namang nagtatanong," Shantel snorted.

"Selos ka lang kasi ako ang kasama ni attorney at hindi ikaw," Kyros smirked.

Shantel glared at him. I heard heavy footsteps on his end then a male voice sounded. Deep and authoritative.

"Kyros, we need to go. They're waiting for us."

"Saglit lang, bro," Kyros moved again and showed us the bedroom doorway. Eros almost occupied the entire doorway. Nakahawak siya sa doorknob at nakakunot ang noo. "Hi ka naman d'yan!" panloloko ni Kyros sa kaniya.

Shantel went pale and quickly left the video call kaya ako nalang ang naiwan. Awkward tuloy kaming nagkatinginan ni Eros. Naalala ko ulit ang kalokohang ginagawa ko sa kaniya noong graduation ni Rigor. Heat rose to my cheeks.

"U-uhm... h-hi," nauutal ko pang wika. I probably looked ridiculous right now. I'm wearing a pink apron with hearts all over it while Eros looked so formal in his suit. Si Kyros naman, parang tambay lang sa kanto dahil sa suot niyang varsity shirt.

"Czarina," he acknowledged me with a nod. "Glad to see you're doing well."

I awkwardly laughed. Pinandilatan ko si Kyros at sinenyasan na itigil na niya ang ginagawa. He laughed at me and said his goodbye before ending the call. I sighed and placed my phone facing down.

My days went busy after that. Alternate ang paghahatid naming dalawa ni Rigor kay Castian sa kindergarten school niya. Kapag hindi masyadong busy si Rigor ay sumasama din siya minsan sa akin. Nung una ay ipinapahiram lang niya ang kotse niya pero nagulat nalang ako nang magdala siya ng isa pang kotse sa bahay at ako na ang tuluyang gumamit noong luma niya. I insisted on paying him, but he keeps on declining. May iba pa naman daw siyang magagamit.

"Sana all," bulong-bulong ko habang pinagmamasdan ang puting SUV. I can't believe he's letting it go so easily.

He chuckled and patted my hair. "Just don't crash it, okay? Aside from you, that's my baby,"

Inirapan ko siya at sumakay na. Ako ang nagda-drive habang siya naman ay nakaupo lang sa shotgun seat at nagsi-cellphone. We agreed to eat outside today because I'm feeling lazy to cook and I didn't allow him to go near my kitchen. We parked outside of an Italian restaurant and ordered some pasta.

It was nice to have a day-off with him. Pareho kaming busy sa trabaho. After his successful exhibit, different agencies reached out to us. Marami ding media na gustong ma-interview si Rigor. I received a hundred calls a day and each time their questions kept on getting personal.

"Is it true that Rigor is dating a no-name girl? Can you confirm?"

I bit my lower lip to refrain myself from saying anything stupid. Kaagad ko nalang ibinaba ang tawag.

"Is he secretly married with a child? How long has it been going on?"

"Is he dating his secretary? She's pregnant?"

Umiinit ang ulo ko sa tuwing inaakusahan nila ako ng kung anu-ano pero hindi ko naman masagot. I just politely ended the calls and promised them falsely that we'll get back to them. Kinakabahan din ako dahil may name-mention silang anak ni Rigor. I didn't want them to find out about Castian and pester my son's life too.

Pagkatapos naming kumain ay pumasok kami sa mall para magpalamig. I wasn't interested in buying anything. Nagtingin-tingin lang ako. Bills are due this month and I have to pay it first. I also need to prioritize Castian's vaccines, too.

Rigor kept entering luxurious boutiques and pointing stuff for me. naiilang naman ako dahil alam kong mamahalin at natatakot din akong tingnan o tanungin ang mga saleslady sa presyo.

"This will look good on you," Rigor pointed again to a minimalist diamond necklace on display. Nakita agad ng saleslady ang interes niya at agad kaming nilapitan.

"How may I help you, Sir?" magalang niyang tanong.

Binalingan ako ni Rigor. "Do you like it?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at binalingan ulit ang necklace. Sure, it looks so pretty... but it's so expensive. I didn't have to ask her to know that it's a six-figure necklace. I haven't bought anything for myself lately but I couldn't possibly buy this all of a sudden.

Marahan akong umiling.

"What a shame. My wife doesn't like it."

Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan. Imbes na malungkot ay parang kinikilig pang nakatingin sa amin ang saleslady.

"Sayang nga po, eh. Bagay pa naman kay Ma'am,"

"L-Let's just go somewhere," nauutal kong wika at kinaladkad siya palabas ng jewelry store.

Rigor followed me outside. Dun pa lang ako nakahinga nang maluwag. I swear, aside from peer pressure, saleslady pressure is one of the hardest thing to overcome especially for introverts. Nakakahiyang i-turn down lalo na kapag sobrang invested nila sa iyo.

We went to the second floor and continued walking. We agreed to buy groceries afterwards. My gaze hopped from one clothing store to another until it landed on a beautiful emerald dress on display. My feet halted, staring at the dress as if staring at someone who has struck me at first sight. It is delicately made of sheer fabric with a silk lining and an elegant drape across the waist. I loved it so much.

"Do you like it?"

Napaigtad ako nang marinig ang boses ni Rigor. Nilingon ko siya at nginitian.

"I love it, but I don't have anywhere to wear it." I shrugged. "Tara na sa grocery, nakakabudol 'tong store na 'to, eh," biro ko pa at hinila siya patungo sa elevator.

Tahimik at masunurin naman si Rigor habang naggo-grocery kami. Siya ang taga-abot sa mga matataas na shelf at taga-tulak ng cart. He did not seemed bored as well. In fact, he keeps on asking questions as if he's really interested. Hindi naman siya sanay na mag-grocery para sa sarili niya dahil alam kong lumaki siyang palaging may nagsisilbi sa kaniya.

After we're done with the groceries, we loaded everything on the trunk. Pagkatapos naming malagay lahat ay kinapa ni Rigor ang bulsa niya. His face looked worried.

"I think I left my phone somewhere."

My eyes widened. "Ha? Sure ka ba d'yan? Kakabili mo lang nun, ah?"

"I'm gonna go back and try to find it."

"Sama ako—"

"No. Just stay here. Get inside the car, Czarina."

Sumimangot ako. Nagmamadali naman siyang bumalik sa loob. I sighed and looked around the deserted parking lot. We still have two hours before we pick up Castian.

"Czarina,"

My whole body froze when I heard a familiar voice called me. Tumayo ang mga balahibo ko sa braso at nagmamadaling inabot ang pinto ng kotse. Before I could even get inside, a pair of strong arm stopped me from doing so.

Max chuckled. "Why are you in such a hurry?"

I gathered all my strength to face him. He's smiling creepily at me. Nakasuot siya ng police uniform. I never felt unsafe with men in uniform until now. Umatras ako mula sa kaniya. I know Rigor is still looking for his phone but I secretly pressed the side keys of my phone five times to create an emergency call. Max is now blocking the door to my car with his colossal body. I glanced down at my feet and cursed myself for wearing heels.

"Max," I tried to stay as calm as I can and smiled at him, though the corner of my lips trembled. "It's been a while,"

"Yes, it is." He reached for my cheeks and shamelessly caress it. Agad kong hinampas ang kamay niya palayo. He chuckled again. "You're just as feisty as ever."

"You're a p-police now. Good for you."

Mas lalong lumaki ang ngisi niya. "Oh, yeah? Thanks. Kung hindi dahil sa akin, baka hindi mo na nakita ulit ang anak mo,"

My jaw clenched. It's hard not to show your temper when your abuser is obviously taking advantage of you. Kinuyom ko ang kamao at tinitigan siya pabalik.

"Thank you for bringing him back," I said dryly. "I appreciate it,"

Max closed the distance between us, looking down at my body. "There are other ways to thank me, Czarina,"

My throat closed up even though I felt like vomiting to his face. I tried to step back but he already grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him, pressing his face against my neck.

"How about we bring back the old times, huh?"

"Max, let go of me," naiiyak kong wika habang nagpalinga-linga kung may mga tao ba. Mas lalo akong natakot nang mapagtantong wala na ang isang kotseng nakaparada kanina at wala ding ibang tao dito. The owner of the car must've failed to notice anything wrong since he is wearing a police uniform.

"Oh, come on, I know you missed me—fuck!"

I shrieked when Rigor appeared out of nowhere. His fist connected to Max's right cheek immediately, sending him to the ground. He looked so angry and he was panting heavily.

"Gago ka, ah!" pinunasan ni Max ang dumugong labi at agad na tumayo. Rigor ignored him and went to me.

A hand went up to brush my cheeks. Hindi ko namalayang tumutulo na pala ang luha ko.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm f-fine." I stammered. My legs felt weak. When I glanced at Max again, my heart stopped beating. He pulled his gun and pointed it to Rigor.

Before I could even react, two gunshots echoed inside the parking lot. My breath died in my throat as Rigor's body collapsed on top of me, dragging the both of us to the cemented pavement.

Blood spilled like ink on a blank paper, staining the ground and the paperbag that Rigor dropped when he arrived. I stared at the content of the bag and realized it was the dress from earlier.

Ultimately, the blood reached the dress and stained its delicate fabric.

-

#HanmariamBFLIIChap14