The shifting shade of his irises hinted danger and something more... Hindi ako nagpatinag at patuloy ang pagtitig sa kaniya habang ang isang kamay ay nakahawak pa rin sa handle ng sasakyan.

"Let's talk outside." He said, finally. Lumabas si Rigor sa kotse at sumunod naman ako. There is a small stone terrace overlooking the La Union sea that tenants can enjoy if they want some solitude, and thankfully at that time, it was deserted. Doon nagtungo si Rigor. Giniginaw akong sumunod sa kaniya.

Sa likod ng batong terrace ay poste ng ilaw. When he turned to me, the rays from the lamp made him look luminous and unreal. Half of his face was buried in shadows, while the other gleamed under the mercy of the light. He looked at me seriously.

"Hindi ko sinagot si Kuya kanina kasi wala ako sa lugar." Mahinahon niyang wika.

Nagtaas ako ng kilay sa narinig. Biglang may kuya? I smirked.

"Sabihin nating wala kang pakialam kung nasa lugar ka o wala para sagutin ang tanong na iyon..." I placed both my hands at the stone railings and felt its coldness numbing my skin. Nilingon ko siya. Danger glint in my eyes. "What will you answer?"

Rigor leaned closer, trapping my body between him and the hard rock behind me. Nawala bigla ang tapang ko lalo na nang lunurin niya ako sa panglalaking amoy niya. How could he still smell so good after a long day? I've never even seen the man spritz perfume earlier to freshen up. This is really illegal!

Naputol ang pag-iisip ko nang maramdaman ang daliri niya sa baba. He lifted my chin to make eye contact as weakness brew in the pit of my stomach. I felt the loosening band of my hair tugged as the wind blew. Nakakuyom ang kamao ko upang ikalma ang sarili.

Rigor reached for my clenched fist and gently held it in his hands. One by one, he untangled my fingers and kissed the tips of it. I sucked in a deep breath, feeling his kiss throughout every pore. Senses told me to push the man away. Gut demanded to reach for the nape of his neck. I followed the latter.

Eager to ignite the flame I started, Rigor lowered his lips to mine. The wind blew and the band lost its grip. My hair flew into the air as he placed a hand on the back of my waist, pulling me closer. Napapikit na ako.

I've been kissed but never like this. I've been touched but never this gentle. I has my own taste of passion and desire but never this strong that it is starting to terrify me. It still feels like the first time...

Losing my mind is an understatement when Rigor traced the shape of my mouth using his expert tongue. My knees are wobbling as my body trembled under his touch. With the last of my will, I pulled him away.

"Rigor..." it came out as a moan. I drew in a sharp breath to steady myself. Hindi naman ako uminom pero lasing na lasing ako.

"Ano, Czarina?" his voice lingered in my head while he's still brushing his lips with me.

"You're supposed to answer me..." I said weakly, gasping when he nipped my bottom lip and pushed me harder against the stone wall. I could finally smell the man without the expensive perfume. Taste him without the interference of alcohol and mint. See him without the cloudiness brought by alcohol. "Not kiss me..."

Huminto siya. We were both catching our breaths when he forced himself to move away from me. My lids are still heavy and my heart racing. Pilit kong inaninag ang mukha niya sa dilim.

"Hindi na ba sapat yun na sagot para sa iyo?"

I chewed my bottom lip. Everything is happening so fast. Pinag-aralan ko ang mukha niya.

He sighed. "Fine." Then reached for my cardigan. Dahil sa kalikutan namin kanina ay muntik na pala itong mahubad sa akin. He placed it back properly and then glanced at me. "If I didn't care about my place, I would've claimed you right then and there..."

Umawang ang bibig ko. His eyes remained cool and sharp.

"But I do..." he frustratingly run his fingers through his hair. Ipinikit niya ang mga mata at bumuntong-hininga. "I'm sorry for kissing you. I couldn't help myself."

My cheeks burned. Wala akong nagawa kundi tumango nang nilayasan ang bibig ko ng sagot para sa kaniya.

"Alam kong kakagaling mo pa sa isang relasyon at ayaw kitang madaliin. No matter how toxic... you still need to heal. And you need time, I have to respect that."

Tumango ako. Yun din naman ang laman ng isipan ko. I enjoyed the kisses and am overwhelmed by his attention, but it doesn't erase the fact that I am still in transition. I'm already carrying the weight of my mother's demise, and deep down, even if I deny it, I blame myself for being in a 2-year relationship with a man who's been nothing but a poison to my life. I have so much emotional baggage and bullshit that I want to settle first before engaging in another relationship... even if we're talking about a goddamn Treveron right now.

"We'll take it slow, cherié." He reached for my cheeks to caress it. I sighed under his skin.

"We'll take it slow..." pagsang-ayon ko. "So that means... no more kissing."

Seryoso niya akong tiningnan. "No more kissing..." he said it out loud as if to convince himself.

"...And touching."

His lips set into a thin line before he withdrew his hands from me. "Alright, if that's what you want."

"That's what I want." Labas sa ilong kong sagot sa kaniya. Of course, I want it. But if he keeps on kissing and touching me, I'd forget about all my bullshits and will most likely create a fantasy world with him where none of my problems exists. That's the worst-case scenario that could happen. I've spent years sharpening my self-control and I consider myself a master but with a Treveron around... I might as well go start from the scratch.

"We shouldn't be left alone as well..." dagdag ko pa.

He nodded and put his hands in his pockets. The wind blew softly now, sending little waves to his hair. Pansin kong mukhang nagrerebelde siya at pinapataas ang buhok kahit na malapit na ang kanilang graduation.

"I'm sorry, this set-up might not be what you are used to..." I gave him a cute smile. Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni Rigor.

"What am I used to?"

Naalala ko yung picture nilang tatlo ni Philodemus sa Instagram na in-upload ni Thyron kanina. Nahagip iyon ng tingin ko habang kinakalikot ko ang cellphone sa sasakyan. A lot of girls commented, asking for his IG username. Wala namang naka-tag doon sa picture pero alam naman ng lahat kung sino sila. I bet they're still hunting for his Instagram account because both Philodemus and Thyron's are public.

"Uh... girls throwing themselves at you?"

He scoffed. "Hindi ko alam ang pinagsasabi mo, Czarina."

Umikot ang mga mata ko. Seriously? He doesn't know? Ganun na ba talaga siya ka-cave man at wala man lang kaalam-alam sa nangyayari sa paligid niya?

"Anyway, as of now... we're friends." Pagkaklaro ko.

"Friends that don't kiss." Angal naman ni Rigor.

I laughed, but it came out as a low, sultry sound. Sumama ang tingin sa akin ni Rigor.

"You're right. Hindi talaga tayo pwedeng iwanan na dalawa lang." then he sighed and glanced at his car. "I better go. Pumasok ka na sa loob at baka kainin ko lahat ng mga sinabi ko kanina."

Giggling, I waved goodbye at him and stepped inside. Napabuntong-hininga ako. Narinig ko ang pagbusina niya sabay ng tunog ng papaalis na kotse. I immediately stripped off my uniform to take a shower, hoping to cool my head. Gusto kong panindigan na tama lang ang lahat ng sinabi ko sa kaniya kanina.

After showering, I stepped out and saw the light in the screen of my phone go on for a moment. Must be a text message. Dinampot ko ito.

Rigor:

Good night.

Nagtitipa pa ako ng sagot nang dinugtungan niya ang text niya sa akin.

Rigor:

Good night as a friend.

I burst out laughing like an idiot. I deleted my reply and instead sent him a skull emoji. Tawa pa rin ako nang tawa habang nagbibihis. Nang matapos ay naupo ako sa kama nang hindi pa rin naaalis ang ngiti sa labi.

Tama nga na hindi agad ako umuwi kanina...

The next morning, Sorcha dragged my sorry ass from my classroom as soon as I finished my last period. She's demanding to hang out with Kirby and knowing her stubbornness, I did not bother to argue.

Kirby is already waiting for us in a café near the school. It's nothing like the fancy café where Rigor took me. In fact, it really is a working hub. Malakas ang Wi-Fi connection at may unlimited coffee kapag nagbayad ka per hour. Malapit na rin ang final exams namin kaya naman medyo nagseseryoso ang kaibigan.

"Salutations, bitches." Maarteng inilagay ni Kirby ang phone at tinaasan ng kilay ang bitbit kong makapal na reviewer.

Actually, I got it from Rigor. Since he's already graduating, ibinigay niya sa akin ang reviewer niya noon. He made it himself. The excerpts from the textbooks are printed but the rest of the annotations are his handwriting. Malinis. Straight to the point. Naka-organize ang color ng highlighters na gamit niya. May legend pa ng colors para hindi ako malito. I couldn't help but grin each time I think about how he spent sleepless nights creating this before.

"Aba, mukhang nagseseryoso na si Czarina sa pag-aaral niya," puna ni Kirby. "Pumayag lang ako na dito magkita kasi akala ko charot lang yung sinabi niyong mag-aaral kayo."

Inirapan siya ni Sorcha. "Do we look like a joke to you? Our major teacher is a pest. Palagi niya akong pinariringgan sa tuwing ako ang nakakakuha ng lowest score. I swear, I will ace this fucking exam and give her a middle finger before I proceed to fourth year!"

Tumawa si Kirby. Ako naman ay nagpunta sa counter para magbayad at kunin na rin ang kape namin. Bitbit ko ang tray na may lamang tatlong styro cups at inilapag iyon sa lamesa.

Kirby is smart. Sa aming tatlo, siya siguro ang pinakamatalino. Hindi lang iyon agad nakikita sa kaniya dahil sa hitsura at pananalita niya. But I heard he aced his studies in the states, but never bragged about it on social media. Instead, his timeline is filled with sexual memes that you'd never think he graduated with latin honors in a prestigious university.

Binuklat ko ang reviewer at napangiti ulit sa nabasa. Pinaningkitan naman ako ni Kirby ng mga mata.

"Tingnan mo 'tong gagang ito. Hindi pa ako nakakita ng taong nakangiti habang nagbabasa ng Digital Citizenship. Baliw ka, girl?"

Hindi ko pinansin ang pambubuska ng kaibigan. My phone buzzed inside my pocket. Kinuha ko ito at lalong lumawak ang ngiti nang makatanggap ng text message mula kay Rigor.

Rigor:

umuwi ka na?

Kirby went on rattling and pestering Sorcha while I typed a reply discreetly.

Czarina:

studying with sorch & kirby in the hub. u want to come?

I placed my phone away and tried to concentrate on what I am reading even if I am hungry for his reply already. Nang mag-vibrate ang phone ko ay mabilis pa sa alas kwatro ko iyong kinuha.

Rigor:

u forgot that i'm graduating? that's a good excuse to see me. otw.

My cheeks burned. Stupid! How could I forget that? Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin ay nakatingin na pala sa akin ang dalawa.

"Ano?"

"So, ano ng status niyong dalawa ni Rigor?" prangkang tanong sa akin ni Kirby.

Naalala ko ang pinag-usapan namin kagabi. "We're just friends."

"Friends? With or without benefits?"

Pinandilatan ko siya ng mata. Sa lakas ng boses niya ay napapalingon ang mga babae sa kabilang table sa amin.

"Manahimik ka nga."

"You want my advice? I'm fairly good at it when it comes to relationship." He batted his eyelashes at me.

"Hayaan mo na si Czarina, mukhang nagkakaseryosohan na talaga silang dalawa ni Rigor. Why don't you give me an advice instead?" panghahamon niya.

"Ay, sis. Huwag na, hindi ka rin naman makikinig. Nakakaloka ka, ilang beses na kitang sinabihan na lubayan na yung Thyron na yun, hindi mo naman ginagawa. Para lang akong tanga dito."

Sorcha pouted and looked away. Natawa ako.

"Fuck!!"

Lahat kami napalingon s amalakas na pagmumura. Tumaas ang kilay ko nang makita si Ylona na naliligo ng kape habang masama namang nakatingin sa kaniya si Shantel na hawak ang wala nang laman na styro cup.

"Anong problema mo?!" she yelled. Nakuha niya ang atensiyon ng nagbabantay sa counter at kaagad na pinuntahan ang dalawang nag-aaway bago pa ito mas lalong magkainitan.

"May libreng coffee bath si Shantel," Sorcha chuckled. "What was that all about?"

"Diba sabi mo sa akin mabait yun?" Kirby whispered and nudged Sorcha.

She shrugged. "Only met her a few times. Being kind doesn't mean she can't pour coffee to bitchy people.." she glanced at her own textbook. "I bet it's about her sister."

"Stormie? The one who was exiled to Cremona?"

"Taray, hindi lang pala si Rizal ang na-exile. Si Stormie din pala." Kirby commented.

"Their parents are freaks. Much freakier than my parents, for your reference. Lalo na yung nanay."

"Don't you think mentally unstable people shouldn't be allowed to have kids? They'll just pass their problems to their children which in turn will traumatize them as they grow."

"There should be a law that prohibits crazy bitches to have kids." Sorcha sighed. "I'm so freaking tired and I'm still in my 20s."

Sinulyapan ko si Kirby. None of his family members are problematic. Their problems are petty. They know how to communicate properly. I appreciate that he's trying to sympathize with the two of us despite being a foreigner to these kind of bullshits.

"Correct ka dyan, girl. Problematic na nga, gusto pang magka-anak. Last I checked, sadness is not something your kids should inherit. Nakakaloka yung mindset na gustong magka-anak para sumaya, para mawala ang problema, para mas lalong tumibay ang relasyon. If you can't strengthen your relationship without a kid, you don't deserve to raise a family in the first place. My parents aren't perfect, but at least they know how to raise children correctly."

"Pakisabi nga sa nanay mo mag-conduct ng parenting symposium para sa nanay naming dalawa." Sorcha joked.

"Anyone who hears us will probably think we're ungrateful brats..." I sighed.

"Ang sabihin mo, masyado silang conservative at nilamon ng katoxic-an ng pamilya nila." Maarteng namaypay si Kirby. "Ako yung nas-stress, girl!"

My face lit with laughter. Bigla akong napaigtad nang makaramdam ng mainit na kamay sa balikat ko. I turned sharply and cursed myself when Rigor is already crouching, his face a few inches away from me. His head inclined.

"Akala ko ba nag-aaral ka?"

I swallowed. Kirby tapped his fan against the wooden table. "Di mo sinabi na by partner pala ang pag-aaral dito. Does that mean I partner with Sorcha?"

Inirapan ko ang kaibigan at inilayo ang mukha kay Rigor, saka nahihiyang itinuro ang bakanteng upuan katabi ni Kirby.

"M-Maupo ka..."

"Her voice changed." Kirby whispered to Sorcha who just chuckled. Masamang tingin ang ipinukol ko sa dalawa. "C'mere Rigor, darling. I don't bite."

Nag-alangan pa sandali si Rigor bago siya naupo sa tabi ni Kirby. Walang-hiya naman siyang tinitigan ng kaibigan. I giggled inwardly. I could only imagine the brute's discomfort.

"So, ayun, Rigor, nagpapanggap na mag-aral itong dalawang 'to. Feel at home." Kirby said cheekily.

Rigor chuckled. He seemed to be at ease now. Bumalik tuloy ang tingin ko sa reviewer nang inangat niya ang tingin sa akin.

"Tapos na ang practice ceremony mo, Rigor?" si Sorcha.

"Wala kaming practice ngayong araw."

"Ahh, so ano kayo ng kaibigan ko?"

Sinipa ko si Sorcha mula sa ilalim ng lamesa. She just smirked at me. Napaka-kaswal ng pagkakatanong niya! Rigor turned to me.

"We're friends."

"Friends? Weh? Pinlano niyo ata ang script niyong dalawa eh!"

I glared at Kirby. "Stop pestering the man, Kirby. I told you, we're just friends. Ayaw mong maniwala."

"Friends daw..." he muttered under his breath.

Napairap nalang ako at ipinagpatuloy ang pagbabasa. I love my friends to death, but somehow I want to send them to the gates of hell because of their nosy mouths! Pinagtitripan ko din naman sila pero hindi naman ganito kalala.

It took them half an hour to finally get their shit together. Nagseryoso na sa pagbabasa si Sorcha habang si Kirby naman ay hindi na nanggulo pa. Rigor is reading something, too, but it's not academic-related. He's just reading for pleasure and even refilled the coffees for us.

Ginabi na kami sa hub. Nananakit ang likod at mata ko habang nililigpit ang mga gamit. Inaya naman kami ni Kirby na kumain muna sa labas bago umuwi.

Malamig na sa labas habang naglalakad kami at nagbibiruan. Hindi naman kalayuan ang restaurant na gustong pagkainan ni Kirby kaya hindi na rin siya nag-abalang kunin ang nakaparadang sasakyan. Nasa unahan sina Kirby at Sorcha at kami naman ay nakasunod sa kanila. Rigor offered to bring my books and the bulky reviewer. Walang imik ko iyong ibinigay sa kaniya.

"I'll apologize for my friend's pestering..." I started, glancing at him.

"It's nothing. I have siblings, Czarina. I'm used to this."

I smiled a little, remembering last night's event. I know even if they throw hard jokes at each other, they have a strong bond as siblings and cousins. Blade is silently domineering, giving sharp looks to anyone who stares a little longer at his sister. Silver is catty, but there is softness in her voice whenever she's talking to her brothers. Thyron and Rigor shows equal respect to each other. Philodemus is just the same, overprotective to Silver and respectful to his male cousins. The Treverons will never fail to amaze me.

Rigor maintained a safe distance from me while walking until we reached the restaurant. Nahagip ng tingin ko ang nakapaskil na white bond paper sa glass wall, announcing a hiring for crew. I've been sending my resumes to possible companies that I could apply for, hoping that I could land a part-time job as soon as possible. Hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ring sumasagot.

Nang makaupo ay hinayaan ko ang mga kaibigan na um-order para sa akin. Just when I thought about it, my phone vibrated. Unknown number ang lumitaw sa screen. Butterflies fluttered at my throat. Mukhang isa ito sa mga pinag-apply-an ko ng trabaho.

I cleared my throat and got up from the table before answering the call.

"Hello?"

"Czarina..."

Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan nang marinig ang pamilyar niyang boses. My brows furrowed.

"It's me, Max. Let's talk."

-

#HanmariamBFLChap11