Warning: SPG content.

Huminto na sa paghabol kay Castian si Kyros, bakas ang pagkabigo sa mukha. Ako naman, hindi makagalaw habang yakap-yakap pa rin ako ng anak ko.

"Mommy, Mau left me again!" sumbong ng bata sa akin. "Ninang doesn't know what to do with the kitties."

Hinaplos ko ang buhok niya, natatakot na lingunin si Rigor. Kinarga ko si Castian at humugot ng malalim na buntong-hininga.

"C-Czarina... sorry..." palipat-lipat ang tingin ni Kyros sa aming dalawa ni Rigor. I could feel the weight of his stare in my back.

"What's your name?" narinig kong bulong ni Castian kay Rigor. Nakaharap siya sa kaniya. I heard Rigor chuckled.

"My name's Rigor. What's your name?" sagot niya.

"My name's Castian. Mommy, look! We have the same eyes!"

Napapikit ako nang mariin at ibinaba si Castian. Binulungan ko ang anak na kailangan ko munang magtrabaho at sumama muna siya sa Tito Kyros niya. He pouted and looks at me one last time before going back to Kyros.

"Bye-bye, Mommy's boss..." tila nanghihinayang pa na wika ni Castian.

"Czarina-"

"Sa bahay na tayo mag-usap..." I gave him a reassuring smile and then gesture for them to go.

Castian waves at me and Rigor. Hindi pa rin ako lumilingon sa kaniya at nanatiling nakatitig sa sahig.

"You have a son," he finally says. Hindi ko mabasa ang emosyon sa boses niya. I suck in a deep breath and finally turn to him.

His voice didn't give away anything, but his eyes say it all. It burns with so much emotions while he's watching Castian walk away. He has questions, and he's looking for answers. Hindi niya halos matanggal ang tingin mula kay Castian.

"Rigor..." my voice is weak. He finally turns to me and searches my face for answers. I tried to blink back the tears burning in the corner of my eyes but I failed. Nang pumatak ang isang luha ko, doon na niya na-kompirma.

Siya naman ang humigit ng malalim na buntong-hininga. "Meet me at the apartment after the party." Malamig niyang wika at tinalikuran ako.

Pangisi-ngisi pa si Thyron na palapit sa amin pero nang mapansin ang tension sa pagitan naming dalawa ay nawala ang ngiti niya. He turns to me with a look of concern.

"He saw Castian tonight..." I chewed my lower lip as I watch him disappear inside the function hall.

"Gago. Seryoso ba yan?!" gulat niyang tanong sa akin.

I turn to him, weary. "Mukha ba akong nagbibiro, Thyron?"

He reaches for the nape of his neck and smiled at me apologetically. "Ano daw sabi?"

"He wants to talk."

Tumango-tango si Thyron at inakbayan ako saka niyugyog nang bahagya ang balikat ko.

"Kausapin mo nalang nang maayos. I'm sure you'll sort it out. And if it's any consolation, Rigor would never hit a woman no matter how mad he gets."

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Hindi naman nakakatulong ang sinasabi niya! Ginulo ni Thyron ang buhok ko na parang bata at iginiya ako sa loob ng function hall.

Kabadong-kabado ako nang makita ulit si Rigor. He's talking to a woman who bought his painting earlier. Pahaplos-haplos pa sa braso niya ang babae at halatang nasisiyahan sa atensyon na ibinubuhos sa kaniya ni Rigor. Kaagad akong nag-iwas ng tingin at sumama nalang muna kay Thyron.

Throughout the evening, Rigor could barely look at me. Sa tuwing nagtatama ang mga mata namin, siya ang unang umiiwas. He didn't even eat. Nakita ko siyang palaging may kausap. It's like he's avoiding to vacant himself so I could go near him.

"Ayos lang ba kayong dalawa?" si Silver naman ang nakapansin. Tiningnan niya ako.

Binigyan ko siya ng pilit na ngiti. "Ayos lang."

"Hindi ka pinapansin ni Kuya," turan niya. "May nangyari ba?"

I look at her. She's not a big fan of mine ever since kaya nagtataka ako sa pinapakita niyang concern sa akin. Her cheeks flushed when she realizes what she's doing.

"N-Not that I care! I mean, Kuya has many flings and you're just an ex so..."

Natawa ako sa inakto niya. Kahit papaano ay nabawasan ang tension na nararamdaman ko.

"Ikaw ba ang nag-aalaga sa mga pamangkin mo sa bahay?"

Ngumuso siya. "Sino pa ba! Wala ka namang maaasahan sa Kuya ko. He can't handle Freuss and Kenna just left like that. If being Tita has an award, I'd be the best!" she boasted.

Napangiti ulit ako. At least I know she's going to like Castian. Thyron, too. That's two of them already. Masaya na ako kahit ganun.

I tried to console myself for the rest of the event. Nang matapos ang after-party ay nilapitan ako ni Lyle.

"Ma'am pinapasundo po kayo sa akin ni Sir," bulong niya.

Binalingan ko siya at tumango. "Where is he?"

"Nauna na po umuwi, eh. Nag-taxi nalang yata."

Mas lalong dumoble ang kaba ko. He doesn't even want to be in the same place as me! Habang sinusundan ko si Lyle patungo sa parking lot hanggang sa makasakay kami, hindi humihinto sa pag-aalburuto ang puso ko.

When we finally arrived, my heart is in my throat.

"Salamat, Lyle. Pagkatapos mong i-park, pwede ka nang umuwi," I instruct him while gathering my things.

Nang makaalis na siya ay mabagal akong naglakad patungo sa elevator. If I could drag the time to reach the second floor, I would. Parang hindi ko pa kaya na harapin siya, pero kailangan. I step inside the lift and pressed the second floor. Ilang segundo lang, nasa taas na ako. I took in a deep breath and step into the short hallway.

Nag-dadalawang isip pa ako sa harap ng pintuan. I pressed my forehead against the metal door, trying to find courage inside of me. humugot ulit ako ng buntong-hininga at pinindot ang buzzer. No one answered. I twisted the doorknob and step inside.

The room is poorly lit. I could barely make out the outlines of the furniture and appliances. Ang tanging may ilaw lang ay ang living room. Nakataas ang blinds ngayon at kitang-kita ang city lights. Two side lamps are lit in the couch, outlining Rigor's built in front of the floor-to-ceiling window.

I carefully walk towards him. He's holding a crystal glass. Brandy, probably to calm himself. Bahagya siyang napalingon nang marinig ako.

"Rigor..." my voice comes out as a squeak.

His shoulders are tense. Unti-unti, nilingon niya ako. His eyes are angry and full of pain. Hindi pa man ako nagsasalita ay naluluha na ako.

"You know why I called you here, right?" his voice is laced with so much danger.

Tumango ako.

"You have a son, Czarina." he says in a firm tone. His voice is laced with betrayal geared towards me. He pauses for a bit, his chest heaving. I could tell he's trying too hard to restrain himself. "Castian... is he my son?"

"Rigor, I can explain-"

"Is he fucking mine, Czarina?!" napapikit ako nang tumaas ang boses niya at may nabasag. I could hear his heavy breathing across the room. When I open my eyes, his hands are trembling and full of blood. He probably crushed the glass in his hands as the amber liquid pooled into the floor.

"He's y-yours..." I cried.

"Fuck!!" binalibag niya ang natitirang bubog mula sa kamay, dahilan ng pagputok muli ng ingay. I backed away for a bit, scared of what he's going to do. I expected him to yell profanities, to curse me, and despite what Thyron said earlier... to even hurt me.

But he didn't do anything of it.

Mabilis ang pag-akyat baba ng dibdib niya at tuluyang nililok ng galit ang mukha niya. Isinandal ni Rigor ang dumudugong kamay sa likuran ng couch hanggang sa napaluhod na siya nang tuluyan. His shoulders broke into sobs. Agad ko siyang nilapitan at niyakap.

"I'm sorry..." I said between sobs. Pareho kaming nag-iyakan sa sahig. Rigor's sobs are so painful to hear, but it's a price to pay for all the betrayals I did to him with our son.

"Limang taon, Czarina..." aniya. His hand is gripping my arm for support. "Limang taon yun..."

"You were gone when I found out that I was p-pregnant..." pag-amin ko sa kaniya.

"You could've called me, Czarina! You could've told me sooner! I will drop everything and anything for you and my son!" Rigor's voice broke with pain.

I flinched at the harshness of the reality brought by his words. Alam kong maling-mali, pero takot ako nun. Ayokong maging hadlang sa pangarap niya. I already gave up mine just for him.

"Does he even know I exist? Anong sinabi mo sa kaniya?" his voice is almost begging.

"He's looking for you..." pag-amin ko. "And I didn't know what to say to him."

Rigor nodded, still crying. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"His name is Castian?"

Tumango ako. "Castian Myles."

Rigor is starting to calm down. His eyes are still glassy and full of tears but at least he stopped yelling already. He gathers me into his arms and presses his head on my shoulders tiredly.

"I missed the first four years of his life. What's our son like, Czarina?" he whispers.

Pinigilan ko ang matinding panginginig ng mga labi para sagutin siya. "Castian is the sweetest, Rigor. He likes cats and piglets..."

"Piglets?"

Natawa ako nang bahagya kahit na umiiyak. Tumango-tango ako.

"He wants to have one as a pet."

Tumango-tango si Rigor. "What else?"

"He likes to take a nap. He grew up with Kyros, so he is the closest father figure that he has. He's sweet, thoughtful, and polite. Pero umiiyak siya kapag hindi nakukuha ang gusto, kagaya ng ibang bata."

Tahimik si Rigor, dinadama ang bawat salitang lumalabas mula sa bibig ko.

"Do you think he'll like me?" nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin.

I cupped his face with my hands, pressing my forehead against him.

"Of course, he'll like you. He's been waiting for you all his life, Rigor."

Nagsituluan ulit ang mga luha namin. I'm still in my red gown, on the floor with the father of my son. Maingat niya akong hinatak palapit at siniil ng halik. I could taste the salt in our tears, the pain in our chests. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata at dinama ang halik niya. Rigor's hand shifted from my shoulders to my waist and my back naturally arc towards him.

He pulled away for a bit, still heaving. I craned my neck when he started giving me feathery kisses, feeling the arousal stirring deep inside of me. Rigor guided me to the couch, still planting soft, wet kisses on my neck and the exposed part of my shoulders. I trembled under his touch.

Itinulak ko siya nang bahagya. Rigor struggled to pull away from me, but he did. I stood in front of him, unzipping my red dress with trembling hands. He stares at me from the couch, and I could see the desire rising in his eyes. I swallowed, letting the dress slip from my skin and pool into the floor. I step out from the pile of satin fabric and allowed him to roam his gaze on my body.

I became conscious under his gaze. Out of instinct, I wrap my hands around my breasts and tried to cover as much as I can. Rigor pulled me closer, staring deeply into the thin white strips on my skin, stretching in quick lines to create a pattern. I was about to tell him to stop staring at my stretch marks but he beat me to it.

"You're so beautiful," he murmurs, kissing each mark gently. I choked on my own sob as I felt the light graze of his lips on my belly.

I sighed under his touch. Rigor kissed me hungrily once more before gently turning me to face the couch. He pressed a palm against the small of my back, guiding me from behind. A gasp left my mouth when I felt his hand impatiently tugging down my lingerie. By the time he relieved me from my silk garment, I could feel his arousal.

Rigor unbraided my hair and gathered some strands in his hands to tug on my head. I yelped and before I could protest, I already felt his engorged manhood pushing into my moist body.

"Fuck..." he breathed into my ear while my knees wobbled, trying to adjust to his length. His body molded perfectly against mine. I moaned when he started moving. He was unforgiving and ruthless, pausing once in a while only to thrust deeper. My eyes rolled back in my skull as pleasure exploded inside of me.

"Rigor! Oh, God!" I am being loud, and he is, too. He doesn't bother to mute his grunts of pleasure and excitement and whispered something to my ears. Humigpit ang hawak niya sa balikat ko. He moved faster while I struggled to keep my balance.

I let out a groan again when my insides knotted and felt my release. Rigor came after me, spilling his seeds inside. Pagod kaming natumba sa couch. He chuckled and pulled me to him, kissing my forehead. Our bodies are damp and exhausted. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata at tinangay ng antok.

I only remembered being in his arms and feeling safe for the first time in years.

When I woke, Rigor's arms are still wrapped around me. Compared to the hard surface of the couch last night, I am welcomed in the cozy sheets of his bed. Ilang minuto akong nakadilat at dinadama ang pananakit ng katawan bago ko siya nilingon.

He opens his eyes lazily, pulling me closer to him while still half-asleep.

"Good morning." He murmurs.

My heart melts once again. I thought what we shared last night was just a dream and when I woke, I'll be crushed by the reality of us. But it's not. This is real.

Suminghap ako humarap sa kaniya. "Good morning..."

My fingers trace his rough jaw, stirring him from his sleep. Napilitan tuloy siyang dumilat at tinitigan ako.

"I want to meet Castian today," aniya nang walang pag-aalinlangan.

Tumango-tango ako. "He's in the house with his ninang and Kyros."

Tumahimik siya saglit. I could tell he's nervous about the idea of meeting his son for the first time. I placed my hand on his chest and he looks at me.

"He's going to love you..." I said in a whisper.

It was enough to get him moving. We took a shower together and ended up fucking in the bathroom again. I picked up my dress from last night and realized I couldn't go out wearing this anymore. Nagulat nalang ako nang may kumatok at bumungad si Lyle sa pintuan na may dalang paperbag.

"Uhm... inutusan po ako ni Sir kanina-" halos hindi siya makatingin sa akin. He doesn't have a clue about our history before and it may come as a shock to him. Nginitian ko siya at tinanggap ang paperbag.

"Salamat."

Tumango siya at agad na umalis. I opened the bag and smiled when I saw he ordered Lyle to buy some clothes for me. It's a white linen dress and a pair of undergarments. Kaagad ko iyong isinuot at sinalubong siya sa kwarto. He's also dressed in a pair of gray slacks and black blazer.

Rigor sent Lyle home again and drove to Laguna. Nagtake-out lang kami ng breakfast at sa sasakyan lang kumain. I called Shantel and Kyros to inform them that Rigor is going to meet his son. Nang makarating kami, kaagad akong nagtungo sa kusina kung saan silang dalawa nakatambay.

Shantel looks up from the counter, smiling at me. She acknowledges Rigor with a nod. Si Kyros naman, halos ayaw tumingin sa akin kaya siya ang una kong nilapitan.

"Czarina-"

"Ssh." I put both my hands on his arms and pulled him into a hug. "Salamat..." I whispered.

He was tense for a while then he sighs. "Phew. Akala ko hahatulan na ako ng kamatayan."

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya at binalingan si Rigor. Patingin-tingin siya sa paligid. He's looking for his son.

"Uhm... I'll talk to Castian first and then I'll bring him down."

He nodded. Pinisil ko ang braso ni Kyros bago ako lumabas ng kusina. I went straight to our bedroom and when I open the door, Castian is already awake. His face is lit with excitement when he saw me.

"Mommy!"

I hugged him tightly, missing my son terribly. Hinalikan ko ang noo niya. Kaagad niyang itinuro sa akin ang carboard box kung nasan ang mga kuting.

"I'm waiting for them to open their eyes, Mommy! Ninang said they'll open their eyes anytime..."

Tumango ako at sinilip ang mga kuting. Shantel must've given them some milk because they're just sleeping peacefully inside the box. Binalingan ko si Castian at marahang tinapik ang balikat niya.

"Castian..."

"Yes, Mommy?"

Lumuhod ako sa harapan niya at nginitian siya. "Remember when you asked about your Daddy?"

Tumango siya, medyo nalulungkot. "I remember, Mommy. You said to give it some time."

I nodded as well. "Listen, baby. Daddy has to be away because he's an amazing artist but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you, okay? Daddy loves you so much..."

"Okay, Mommy."

"And... uhm..." I bit my lower lip. He looks so hopeful right now. "Actually, baby, Daddy is downstairs right now."

Namilog ang mga mata ni Castian sa narinig. His eyes quickly darted to the door and then back to me. Giddiness and excitement rose in his eyes.

"My Daddy is here?" ulit niya.

Tumango-tango ako, nakangiti. "He wants to meet you, Castian."

Castian bounced and pointed to his kittens. "Let's show him my kitties, Mommy!"

Before I could stop him, he darted out of the room. I had to chase him down the stairs but his head is filled with so much excitement and he doesn't listen to me. Narinig niya ang mga boses sa kusina at agad na nagtungo doon.

"Castian!"

Three heads turn to me at once—Shantel, Kyros, and Rigor. Tumigil sa pagtakbo si Castian at tumitig sa kanilang tatlo. Rigor is frozen, staring at him intensely. Castian turns to me, his eyes glassy.

"Where's my Daddy?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Shantel sa narinig. Agad niyang kinurot si Kyros at sinenyasan na lumabas. Both of them exited the kitchen, leaving the three of us alone. Palingon-lingon pa rin si Castian.

"Daddy..."

"Castian," nilapitan ko siya. hindi pa rin gumagalaw si Rigor, nanatiling nakatingin sa kaniya. I pointed to him gently. "Your Daddy's here." I said as gently as I can. "Look, he's here."

Nilingon siya ni Castian at tumitig sa kaniya. Then he turns to me. "I don't understand..." his voice broke, he's about to cry again.

"Baby, he's your Dad." I kissed his tears but he just kept crying. Niyakap niya ang binti ko at isinubsob ang mukha sa palda. Rigor moved from the counter and gently approached him.

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Castian is still crying but when he felt Rigor's presence, sumilip siya sa mukha nito. Rigor's eyes are also glassy. He blinked back his tears and crouched in front of him.

"Hi," I could barely hear him. Basag ang boses niya at mukhang maiiyak na din. Castian finally turns to him.

"You saw me last night!" pang-aakusa niya dito. "You didn't tell! You didn't tell!"

Bumagsak ang mga luha ko sa sinabi ng anak. Rigor took in a sharp breath. Sinalo niya ang mahihinang hampas ni Castian sa kaniya.

"I'm sorry..." he said sincerely as his tears started falling again. "I'm so sorry..."

"I was waiting! I waited so long..." Castian continued crying. Tumigil na siya sa kakahampas at hinayaan si Rigor na yakapin siya. "Bakit mo iniwan ang Mommy ko..."

"I'm sorry, Castian." Humigpit ang yakap niya at napahagulhol. "I'm sorry..."

Castian kept on crying. Pinalis ko ang luha ko at lumuhod upang yakapin din ang mag-ama ko.

"I'll make it up to you," Rigor promised to him, and then turns to me. "To you and your Mom. I promise."

"You're not gonna leave?" Castian sobs.

"Never."

-

#HanmariamBFLIIChap10