Chapter 5

Umagang-umaga ay sobrang magulo na ang bahay. I woke up groggily, trying to squint my eyes from the harsh sunlight that entered my room through my big, naked windows. The housemaid must've taken the curtains a day before to wash it.

Isang marahang katok mula sa pintuan at imbes na matulog ulit ay napilitan akong bumangon. I yawned and went to the door, still in my night down. Nang buksan ko ito ay mukha ng isa sa mga kasambahay namin ang bumungad sa akin.

"Senyorita, kanina pa po kayo hinahanap sa baba..."

"Bakit, anong oras na ba?" tanong ko sa kaniya, bahagyang hilo pa rin mula sa pagkakatulog.

"Alas syete y media na po, Senyorita. Nagagalit na po ang mommy niyo kasi kanina pa po kayo hinahanap."

I pursed my lips and nodded my head. Umalis din naman ang kasambahay matapos ko siyang pabulaanan na bababa din ako pagkatapos. I went back to my room, still barefoot and in my tiny night gown when I passed by my life-sized mirror.

My cheeks are flushed. Pati ang ilong ko. Suminghot-singhot ako at napapikit sa tindi ng sakit ng lalamunan.

Damn.

I groaned out loud. I am sick from yesterday's rain! And the party is going to be tonight. All the more I don't want to go out and just mull inside my room.

"Stormie!"

Malalakas na katok ang bumulabog sa akin habang nagbibihis ako. I quickly pulled my skirt and zipped it up before rushing towards the door. Mother's scowling face greeted me.

"What's gotten into you, huh? The guests downstairs are waiting. Nakakahiya ka!" mariin pero sa mababang boses niyang wika.

I opened my mouth to speak, but decided not to. Shantel popped out from Mom's back, already dressed in her peach skirt and cream blouse. She waved at me and mouthed 'morning'.

"I'll be down in a sec, Mommy..." nakayuko kong wika.

My mother rolled her eyes and murmured something angrily under her breath as she and Shantel hurried downstairs. My twin sister winked at me before disappearing. I sighed and closed the door again.

Mabagal ang paglalakad ko patungo sa drawer kung saan ko madalas tinatago ang mga gamot na iniinom. I took a pill today, and looked for something that could aid my cold.

Matapos inumin ang mga gamot ay nag-headband nalang ako para hindi halatang walang ayos ang buhok ko at bumaba na. From a distance, I could see my cousins and some of my father's important political friends circling the table.

"Hi, Stormie..." bati sa akin ng isa kong pinsan, si Elizabeth.

"Hi, Beth." Tipid kong sagot sa kaniya sa garalgal na boses.

"My, my! Ang ganda na ni Stormie! Pareho kayong magaganda ng kambal mo..." puri sa akin ni Tita Helen, habang kumikislap ang mata. She is my mother's sister and a brilliant in fashion designing. Siya dapat ang magde-design sa ball gowns naming dalawa ni Shantel pero dahil busy siya ay naghanap nalang si mommy ng iba at nang makakatrabaho ora mismo.

"Thank you, Tita Helen." Mahinhin kong sagot bago inokupa ang upuan sa tabi ni Shantel.

"Shall we pray first?" my father said gruffly before putting his newspaper down. My cheeks reddened when I realized na ako nalang pala ang hinihintay nila bago makakain ng breakfast.

We muttered our silent prayer and started the breakfast. Everyone is excited for the party earlier while I am trying not to choke on my food because of my cold. And to make things worse, everything tastes so bland to me right now.

"Are you okay?" bulong sa akin ni Shantel nang mapansin niya ang pagsinghot-singhot ko.

I smiled weakly at her. "Doing just fine."

Tumango siya at tipid akong nginitian, bago nagpatuloy sa pagkain. My Tita's are gushing about how beautiful our ball gowns are. Ang mga pinsan ko namang lalaki ay abala sa pag-uusap kung sino sa mga magagandang kaklase ni Shantel ang dadalo sa party.

"Ikaw, Stormie? Wala ka bang inimbita?" tanong ni Tito Jag sa akin.

"Uh... wala po."

"Oh, bakit naman? Birthday mo tapos wala kang inimbita?"

My mother chuckled and quickly answered for me. "Alam mo naman, Jag, na introverted ang batang ito. She has no friends!" then she rolled her eyes at me. "Not that I see her trying to make friends with the kids around her age. Hermit turtle ata tong anak ko, eh."

I smiled bitterly. At least she called me her daughter, right?

Tumagal ang titig ni Tito Jag sa akin, pero hindi na siya nagsalita at nagpatuloy na lamang sa pagkain. I finished my meals quickly and excused myself.

"Be back here quickly, Stormie. The designers and make-up artists will be here in a while. Sabay-sabay na tayong lahat magpupunta sa Aureo La Union."

Tango lang ang naging sagot ko sa paalala ni mommy bago ako tuluyang umakyat.

Nagpahinga ako nang ilang minuto sa loob ng aking kwarto, thinking that the dizzy feeling would just go away but it didn't. In fact, I felt more sick the second time I got up from the bed when my mother sent one of our housemaids to fetch me.

Busy si Shantel sa pakikipag-kuwentuhan sa baklang designer kaya hindi na niya ako napansin. I went straight to our waiting car and hurled up in the backseat, my temperature rising each and every minute.

"Mija, are you alright?" narinig ko ang malambing na boses sa akin ni Abuela.

I opened my eyes and smiled weakly at her. Mas lalo pang nag-alala ang mukha nito at nilapitan ako. Inilapat niya ang kaniyang kamay sa aking noo at kaagad din itong inalis na para bang napaso.

"Good God! You've got a fever, mija!" she exclaimed.

Nawala ang ngiti ni Shantel habang naglalakad patungo sa kotse nang mapansin ang pagiging histerikal ni Abuela.

"Abuela, what's wrong?" she queried.

"Your twin sister here, Shantel, has fever."

Napatingin sa akin si Shantel, blangko ang naging ekpresiyon sa mukha.

"Kindly call your mother, Mija."

"It's okay, Abuela. I-I can manage later on..." nauutal kong wika sa kaniya, takot na lumapit dito si mommy sa amin at pagalitan na naman ako.

Abuela stared hesitantly at me, before she nodded her head in defeat. Napahinga ako nang maluwag. Pumasok na rin si Shantel sa backseat at tinabihan ako.

Nang makarating na kami sa four-star hotel kung saan idadaos an gaming kaarawan ay mas lalo pa akong nahilo. There were photographers and videographers that my mother hired to cover the event. Mula sa paglabas sa sasakyan hanggang sa pagpasok namin sa hotel room ay nakabuntot sila.

The tall guy with a beanie focused his camera on Shantel, who turned to him and give him a sweet smile. Nakasunod sa kaniya ang isa pang babae na may dalang camera at napatingin sa akin.

Tumikhim siya.

"Elliot, kunan mo din siya. Silang dalawa ang debutant," narinig kong bulong niya sa kasama.

"Huh? Akala ko ba ay kay Shantel Roman lang ito?"

"Tanga. May kakambal kasi yun... nakalimutan ko na ang pangalan. Basta, yang naka-black skater skirt."

Napatingin sa akin si Elliot, kumukunot ang noo. I smiled hesitantly at the two of them.

"A-Ayos lang po kung hindi niyo ako isama sa video para mamaya..." tumikhim ulit ako at suminghot. I could feel the back of my throat burning.

"Ay, hindi! Naku, baka mapagalitan pa kami..." pagak na humalakhak ang babae at siya na mismo ang nag-angat ng camera para kunan ako. "Smile uh..."

"Stormie." I said.

"Hehe. Smile... Stormie!" she said.

Tipid lang na ngiti ang iginawad ko sa kanila bago ko binilisan ang paglalakad ko hanggang sa makasabayan ko na si Shantel. We entered the hotel room and I was smitten when I saw the gowns prepared for us.

The crimson gown looked so elegant and... powerful. With tiny diamond stabs lining up its neckline, it shines every time it kisses the artificial light from the room. And the ball gown is tremendously huge that it can easily capture the attention of anyone.

"Woah..." Shantel sucked in a deep breath and excitedly examined the gowns. "Ang gaganda!" she cried.

The only difference between the two gowns is that, the other one is an off-shoulder type with long sleeves that looks like a second skin when worn while the other one is a tad revealing, with plunging neckline and backless details.

"Mommy... parang gusto ko po 'tong off-shoulder type!" ani Shantel.

My mom turned to her. Pinandilatan siya ng mga mata ni mommy.

"Hush, Shantel. Stormie will wear that one... alam mo namang may peklat ang batang iyan sa kamay..." she muttered angrily. "Wouldn't want our guests to be talking about her ugly scars for the rest of the evening!"

Disappointed na napatingin si Shantel sa ball gown. I swallowed again. Sabagay, mas maganda nga iyong off-shoulder dress kesa sa isa na masyadong revealing. I'm not sure if the designer had already consulted Shantel with regards to the styles of the gowns that we ought to wear.

"Ayos lang po, Mommy. Tsaka, bagay din naman kay Stormie itong off-shoulder gown eh." Inakbayan ako ni Shantel at nginisihan si mommy. "Right, Stormie?"

I coughed in response. Tumaas ang kilay ni mommy pero walang sinabi at umalis na ng hotel room. Shantel stared at me worriedly.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Ayos lang talaga..." magaspang ang boses kong wika.

"We could tell mom about your cough... baka mamaya mapaano ka pa sa party."

"Hindi rin naman ako magtatagal roon,"

"Why?"

I smiled weakly at her. "I don't have friends invited to the party, remember?"

Guilt flashed across my twin sister's eyes which made me feel twice guiltier. Napakurap siya.

Kaagad kong binawi ang mga sinabi ko. "I mean... not that I have friends anyway. Tama iyong sinabi ni mommy... na wala akong kaibigan."

"What about Zechariah?"

I snorted in response. "Leonora Roman wouldn't let someone from the middle-class society step into the holy party that she prepared." Wika ko. "And Zechariah has to work tonight."

"Oh..."

Nawala ang sigla sa mukha ni Shantel matapos ang usapang iyon. Mas lalo pa akong naguilty, I feel like I have been really rude to her. It's not right to blame my twin sister for the things I couldn't have. When friends flock naturally to her, I have to work hard just to earn one. So who the hell am I going to invite to this party?

Tahimik lang ako habang inaayusan ng stylist. Patuloy pa rin ang pagvi-video sa amin ng mga videographers at paminsan-minsan ay sinasama na nila ako sa shoot, kahit na mailap ako sa camera.

Because my hair is short, the stylist decided to just curl it and let it hang loose. She placed a silver hair ornament on the side of my hair and sprinkled some silver dust to complete the look. Light lang ang make-up naming dalawa ni Shantel.

Pasulyap-sulyap ako sa kaniya habang inaayusan. Kung kanina ay madaldal ito, ngayon ay tikom na ang kaniyang bibig at seryosong nakatitig sa salamin. Mas lalo pang bumigat ang loob ko sa nakita.

Wala kaming imikan dalawa hanggang sa tulungan na kaming magsuot ng mga ball gowns. The off-shoulder gown fitted my body perfectly. Ibang-iba ang hitsura ko ngayong naayusan at nakasuot ng mamahaling gown kumpara sa araw-araw kong hitsura.

For once, I felt like another girl.

"Ang ganda-ganda mo, Ma'am..." bulong sa akin ng stylist. "Sa totoo lang, mas nagagandahan ako sa iyo kesa dun sa kakambal mo. Friendly kasi yun kaya gusto ng lahat ng tao. Pero no offense sa kaniya, ha? Pareho naman kayong Roman at pareho kayong magaganda."

I smiled tightly at her words. Her kind words that somehow aided to my bruised self-esteem that I know my mother or other people will destroy later on.

"Tara na po..." anunsiyo ng isa mga tauhan sa akin.

Tumango si Shantel at tumayo. Binagalan namin ang paglalakad, ayon sa gustong mangyari ng mga videographers, habang kinukunan kami ng video. Umiiwas ako ng tingin sa lens ng camera sa tuwing itinatapat ito sa mukha ko. I still feel very uncomfortable.

Bumaba na kami sa function hall, nakabuntot pa rin ang mga videographers. Dad is already waiting by the door, dressed in his smart three-piece suit. He nodded appreciatively when he saw Shantel.

Huminto kami sa harapan at hinintay ang anunsiyo ng MC.

"—ladies and gentlemen, let's all welcome, the debutant—Shantel Iona Roman!"

The door opened. Pumasok si Shantel na nakakapit sa braso ni Dad. Nagpalakpakan ang mga tao habang nakatingin sa kaniya. Ang iba'y kinukunan na siya ng litrato habang nakangiti.

Nanatili lang akong nakatayo sa may pintuan, hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin. We've rehearsed of this party a few days before. Tatawagin ang pangalan naming dalawa ni Shantel at saka kami papasok.

But no one is calling my name...

Malapit nang maabot nina Shantel at Daddy ang entablado pero wala pa ring tumatawag sa pangalan ko. Lahat ng mga mata'y nakatuon sa kanilang dalawa.

My heart clenched painfully. May napapatingin na sa akin at nagbubulong-bulungan.

"Kakambal ni Shantel?"

"Yung nag-suicide...?"

Mga dalawang minuto rin akong nakatayo sa may pintuan. I watched Shantel took the elegant pink plush seat in front of everybody. Nang dumako ang tingin sa akin ng dalawang MC ay nanlaki ang mga mata nila. Kaagad na siniko ng isa ang kasama nitong lalaki at itinuro ako.

His eyes widened too, before clearing his throat.

"And Shantel Iona Roman's twin sister... Stormie Iona Roman...." Nag-aalangan pa nitong wika.

Doon pa halos napalingon sa akin ang lahat ng mga tao. Yumuko ako at nagsimula nang maglakad. Compared to when Shantel graced the floor, no one even bothered to applause for me or take pictures. Nakatingin lang sila sa akin at ang mga mata'y puno ng pagtatanong.

Dahil sa awkward na tension ay mabilis na nagpatunog ang DJ upang mawala ang atmosphere na iyon habang naglalakad ako. Tears stung my eyes as I crossed the stage and went to sit beside Shantel, on the pink plush seat prepared for me.

"Are you okay?" bulong ulit niya sa akin nang makaupo na ako.

I felt like crying but I couldn't. Not in front of everyone. Not when all of their eyes are watching me.

My mother elegant sauntered in front of everyone, with her silver iron dress that clads to her body like a second skin, she might as well look like a model. There is no sign of aging or stress in her face and body, and everyone adored Leonora Roman as the governor's beautiful wife and perfect mother.

"I would like to give my warmest welcome, to those of you who have made their time to come and attend my daughter's debut..." she said for the opening remarks. Hindi na ako nakinig at iginala ang paningin sa paligid. Wala ni isang mukha ang pamilyar sa akin. Puro ito mga kaklase o kakilala ni Shantel.

No. I actually know some of them.

My heart bitterly churned when I saw the elusive face of Ylona Knightley—the daughter of a vieux riche family who owned lots of properties in La Union and is one of the biggest importers of sugar to other countries.

She's tall, beautiful, and... evil. Ylona is one of the reasons why I couldn't stand the all-girls school and also the one who drove me to the edge. She backstabbed me several times and I couldn't forget when she flushed my lunch to the toilet one time.

Ironically, she is my twin sister's bestfriend.

The MC announced that we're first to hear the messages of the 18 important girls in our lives for the 18 candles.

"Shantel, you are very pretty, smart, friendly and outgoing..."

"I'm so glad I met someone like you, Shantel..."

"You are far, by the most, prettiest and kindest girl I've ever met, Shantel..."

I sighed. Of course, no one is going to give me a message, even if it's scripted. Wala naman kasi akong kaibigan. I didn't have a chance to choose my 18 candles and 18 treasures for this debut.

Not that it's my debut, anyway. Para lang akong salinpusa dito...

Hindi ko maiwasang hindi sumama ang loob sa tuwing naririnig ko ang mga papuring inialay ng mga tao kay Shantel. Even if it's just scripted, or it really didn't come from the bottom of their hearts... would someone like to praise me a little? Kahit isa lang...

My eyes watered. I took in a deep breath before I noticed my twin sister getting up. Kumunot ang noo ko, hindi alam kung anong gagawin niya. Wala naman ito sa na-rehearse namin, ah?

"Stormie..." she said when she got hold of the mic. Ngumiti siya sa akin, dahilan upang magulat ako. "I know you didn't invite anyone for this debut, so I guess I'll just speak for you..." she chuckled. "No, seriously, sis... I want you to know that I love you so much. Even if we go to different schools, even if we have been separated for a while... you'll always be my sister and I am so glad to have you in my life. You are sweet and pure-hearted. Compared to me..." pagak siyang tumawa. "I hope you enjoy this night, Stormie."

Nagpalakpakan ang mga tao sa sinabi niya. My heart clenched some more. I swallowed the lump in my throat and hugged her when she got back.

We then proceeded to the 18 treasures before we had our dinner. Wala akong ganang kumain kaya nanatili lang ako sa upuan ko sa harapan, habang si Shantel ay nakikihalubilo sa mga bisita niya.

After eating, we were entertained by the parlor games.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the debutant and her 18 roses..."

The lights went off. Kumabog ang dibdib ko. I know no one is going to dance with me but still...

Dumako ang tingin ko sa mga gumagalaw na anino sa tabi at nanlaki ang mga mata nang masinagan sila ng kulay asul na liwanag.

Philodemus with his dark eyes, adjusted his guitar and looked at his bandmates. Mabagal na naglakad si Shantel sa harapan, ngiting-ngiti at naghihintay sa unang magbibigay sa kaniya ng rosas.

Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Philodemus. He's wearing an army green jacket with black shirt inside and ripped jeans. The weight of my stare must've burned him, because he turned to me and stared intensely.

Napatuwid ako nang upo at kaagad na nag-iwas ng tingin. My heart thumped inside of my chest. What is he doing here?

Wait...

Vocalist ng Memento Mori...

"And may I present you tonight, La Union's rising boy band... the Memento Mori..."

My throat constricted with what he said. Sila ang Memento Mori...?

I sucked in a deep breath. Hirap na akong makahinga ngayon. Kung gayon, si Philodemus pala ang tinutukoy ni Shantel na bokalista ng bandang iyon.

Philodemus is the guy my twin sister likes. No, the guy she loves...

Mas lalo lang sumakit ang dibdib ko. Lalo na nang marinig ko ang kaniyang baritonong boses na kumakanta.

"I found a love for me... darling just dive right in and follow my lead..."

Impit na tilian ang lumabas sa bibig ng mayayamang kaklase ni Shantel nang kumanta siya. A handsome boy went to the front and gave the first rose to Shantel, then they began dancing.

But even as they danced, and some of the people are cheering for them, I could see Shantel's eyes on Philodemus. Titig na titig siya dito at namumungay ang mga mata.

Well I found a girl, beautiful and sweet

I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love

Not knowing what it was

I will not give you up this time

But darling just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own

And in your eyes you're holding mine

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song

When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath

But you heard it, darling you look perfect, tonight...

I watched my twin sister danced with different boys. Some of them are from school, some are the sons of my father's politician friends, and some of it are my cousins.

"Sei la mia donna... la forza delle onde del mare... cogli i miei segretti molto di piu.."

Nagulat ako nang kantahin ni Philodemus ang Italian version ng Perfect ni Ed Sheeran. My eyes drifted to him. Muntik na akong mahulog sa kinauupuan ko nang makitang nakatitig siya sa akin habang kinakanta iyon. He sings it very well, as if he's really an Italian boy and it's his native language. Plus, his raspy tone made the song all dreamy.

Spero che un giorno, I'amore che ci ha

Accompagnato

Diventi case, la mia damiglia, diventi noi

E siamo sempre bambini ma

Nulla e impossibile

Stavolta non ti lascero

Mi baci piano ed io, torno ad esistere

E nel tuo sguardo crescrerio

And we're down to the last rose. Dad stood up from his seat and proudly walked to his daughter. My eyes welled in tears. Mapait akong nakangiti.

Ako, Daddy? Hindi mo ba isasayaw?

"Basllo con te, nell'oscurita... stretti forte po, a piedi nudi noi... dentro la nostra musica... te ho guardato ridere e sussurando ho detto... tu statsera, vedi sei perfetta per me..."

Nagulat ako nang bigla nalang lumapit si Philodemus sa stage habang kumakanta. He lazily walked towards my direction, his eyes never leaving mine as he neared me. Nataranta kaagad ako sa kaniyang ginagawa.

He languidly picked up a rose from the decorations on the stage and approached me.

Titig na titig siya sa akin nang iabot niya ito, kumakanta pa rin.

"Philodemus..." I said breathlessly.

I could feel my twin sister watching us as he continued to sing and as they continued to dance with my father.

"C'mon, Shortie..." pansamantalang inalis ni Philodemus ang kaniyang mic sa bibig upang kausapin ako.

I swallowed hard and accepted the rose. He smirked and pulled me to the stage.

"Cause we were just kids when we fall in love... not knowing what it was... I will not give you up, this time..."

I craned my neck as he swayed in the dancefloor, all the while singing the song. Nagpatuloy sa pagtugtog ang banda sa likod, samantalang ang kanilang bokalista ay sinasayaw ako.

"I whispered underneath my breath... darling, you look perfect tonight..." he leaned closer to whisper the lyrics on my ear.

Nanginig ang buong kalamnan ko. I am sure my hand is cold as ice right now. Patuloy lang sa mabagal na pagsayaw si Philodemus, habang ang lahat ay gulat na gulat sa kaniyang ginawa.

Pakiramdam ko ay sasabog na ang puso ko sa pinaghalong kaba, saya, at iba pang hindi mapangalanang nararamdaman. The tears I have been fighting earlier finally escaped from my eyes.

Philodemus pulled back and stared at me darkly. Hindi tulad ng ibang nakasayawan ni Shantel na naka-tuxedo, Philodemus looked like he just escaped from a 90's concert. He stared darkly at me, before his gaze went to my nose, and then my protruded lips.

"You look beautiful, Stormie..." he whispered as he continued dancing with me.

He was my first and last dance, I decided inside of my head as I watched him gracefully moved while singing.

The only rose I needed for tonight.