Chapter 16

Maaga kaming nagpunta sa sementeryo kinabukasan. I found out that my father is buried next to my Abuela. I brought three flower sets as I planned to visit Zechariah's tomb, too. Matagal na panahon na din ang nakalipas nang dalawin ko ang kaibigan.

Philodemus trailed after me. We were both wearing matching white button down shirts and dark sunglasses. Tomorrow, we will be back to Manila. They have to rehearse and I have to finish my shootings. Instead of wallowing in pain, I have no other choice but to face the reality.

"There it is..." I said and fastened my pace when I saw the familiar tomb of my Abuela from a distance. My heart constricted in pain when I caught sight of my father's tomb for the first time.

I choked on a sob. Inilapag ko ang bulaklak na binili at sumunod naman si Philodemus sa akin. He placed the flower set to my Abuela's tomb. Tahimik lang ako habang siya naman ay sinisindihan ang kandilang binili din namin kanina.

"I still can't believe it..." I said in a whisper. Huminga ako nang malalim. I blinked back the tears and traced the cursive name of my father. "He's gone all along. Wala man lang akong kaalam-alam..."

Philodemus gently placed the candle on atop his tomb and placed one for my Abuela, too. Then he pulled me closer and kissed the side of my temple.

"It's not your fault, Stormie. My parents knew about his death and assumed that you have been informed, too. I didn't think that your mother would actually hide it from you."

I bit my lower lips as tears blurred my eyes. Hinawakan ko ulit ang puntod ni Dad. He's buried six feet underground now. My gentle touch to the cemented tomb will do nothing to reach him. Ikinuyom ko ang mga kamao.

Dad, ano pong nangyari? Bakit sobrang biglaan naman? Ang sabi ni Shantel ayos ka pa, ah?

"Shortie..."

Nanginig ang mga balikat ko sa sobrang pagpipigil ko ng mga luha. I sucked in a deep breath and leaned against him. Sinulyapan ko ang puntod ni Abuela. A bitter smile spread on my lips.

At least I had been there for her on the last days she spent on her. I have a memory of gripping her bony fingers and whispering to her, assuring her, that I'll be fine and she can rest in peace. At least I was still able to give her one last kiss before she let go of her breath.

But my Dad...

Wala man lang paalam. The last talk we had was a quiet conversation of him apologizing to everything he did and he didn't do to me. The last time I was called mija by my father.

"Stormie..."

My lips trembled. Kahit anong gawin kong kontrol sa emosyon ko ay wala din naman akong magagawa. I always get outsmarted by my own damn feelings.

"Let's go find Zec's grave..." I whispered and pulled myself up. Tumango si Philodemus at binitbit ang natitirang bulaklak. He pulled me closer and hand by hand, we walked to the other side of the cemetery.

Malayo pa lang ay nakikita ko na ang pamilyar na bulto ng isang lalaki. He's crouching in front of my best friend's tomb with a little girl playing with his hair. I squinted my eyes to get a clearer view of his face.

"Allen?"

Nilingon niya ako. Rumehistro ang pagkagulat sa mukha niya nang makita kaming dalawa ni Philodemus. Tumayo siya at sinalubong kami.

"Stormie.... Philodemus!"

I pulled him into a hug. Philodemus and Allen exchanged a friendly shake. I smiled at him.

"Kumusta ka na?"

"I'm fine." He said and smiled weakly. I noticed the little girl hiding behind his legs. I offered her a friendly smile in an attempt to lighten up the mood. "By the way, this is my daughter... I.. uh... I named her after Zechariah."

Isang malaking ngiti ang sumilay sa mga labi ko. I crouched to level the frightened girl's eyes and smiled cheekily.

"Hello, Zechariah."

She pouted and turned away from me. Allen chuckled softly.

"She's still a little shy being around people..."

"I totally understand." I licked my lower lips and got up again. Sinuyod ko muna ng paningin ang paligid bago ko binalingan si Allen upang itanong ang nasa isip. "Are you married? Where's your wife?"

"We're gonna pick her up later." He nodded and then lifted his daughter. Itinago ni Zechariah ang kaniyang mukha sa leeg ng kaniyang ama. "How about you guys? I heard you're finally engaged with Elton. Congrats."

"Thank you." I beamed.

Philodemus moved. Napatingin ako sa kaniya. He walked past us and then placed the flower. Sumunod naman ako sa kaniya at si Allen.

"It's crazy... it's been years, huh?" I wondered out loud.

"Yes." Allen agreed. "I also heard about the governor's death... I'm sorry for your loss, Stormie."

Pagod na ngiti lang ang iginanti ko sa kaniya. I placed a palm against Philodemus' back and watched him lit the candle in concentration.

"Zechariah would've been very proud of me if she sees how I am holding up right now..." I said silently under my breath. Humilig ako sa balikat ni Philodemus.

"I beg to disagree, Shortie."

"Huh?"

"Zechariah's always been proud of you. Anyone can see it. You two shared a bond so deep and I am happy you found someone like her in your younger years."

"Yeah..." mabagal kong sinabi. "I wouldn't able to survive if it weren't for her."

Allen nodded in agreement. "Zechariah's one heck of a girl. I'm glad I fell inlove with her and she had been once a part of my life. Justice has been served for her death. Panatag na ang loob ko."

After visiting their grave, we decided to meet Allen's wife and hang out a little bit before we went back to mansion to pack our things. Priscilla is a passionate, young woman who loves Allen as much as he loves him. Alam niya ang tungkol kay Zechariah and she's cool with it.

"Allen didn't need fixing when he came into my life..." her words rang inside of my head as we're driving back to the mansion. "He fixed himself over Zechariah's death. I patiently waited. It took him three years to finally notice me as a woman, not just a mere blockmate... Allen naming our daughter after his deceased girlfriend is simply giving honor to her death. And I'm thankful, too. Zechariah made Allen a better man."

Philodemus' hand landed on my thighs. Napatingin tuloy ako sa kaniya.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

Ngumiti ako. "I'm just thinking about Priscilla and Allen."

"Yeah. They make a great couple."

I giggled. "Zec would be furious at me if she sees me shipping the two. Am I betraying her?"

Philodemus chuckled and shook his head. When the car slowed down for a red light, he leaned closer and gave me a quick kiss.

"No, love, you're not betraying her..." kumalas siya at ibinalik ang dalawang kamay sa steering wheel upang paandaring muli ang sasakyan.

"I'm still wondering..." I trailed off and then bit my lower lips. "Who's the mother of Thyron's kids? I mean... I don't want to intrude but since I arrived in the mansion, I've never seen even a bit of her shadow."

"Yeah, about that..." Philodemus focused his gaze while driving. "Their story is a bit complicated. Thyron doesn't want commitment. He just wants some kids. He doesn't want to admit it, but I know he's fallen in love with Kenna. Now this woman doesn't want anything to do with him. She says that what happened between the two of them is a mistake and she's off traveling, pursuing her career."

My chest tightened. "She left her kids for her career?"

"We can't judge her, Stormie. That's what she wants. And I don't exactly know the girl personally...."

"But..." tumungo ako nang maramdaman ulit ang pagbabadya ng mga luha. Lately I have been very emotional. I can't seem to control my emotions, especially if it concerns family issues. "It's just so unfair, Philodemus. Here I am, struggling to have a child while Kenna, on the other hand, simply leaves two adorable children behind! How is that fair?"

"Some women are not fit to be a mother, Stormie." He calmly said.

"Yeah. Like my mother, Leonora." I scoffed.

"Don't be so upset, baby. If having a child is not meant for us, then we can do nothing but accept."

I leaned my head against the car window stubbornly, closing my eyes for a bit and trying to gain control of my emotions.

Halos hindi ko mapantayan ang ingay at saya sa mansion ng mga Treveron pagkauwi namin. Sidra cooked us a heart dinner before we're bound to go back to Manila. The kids are being playful. Thyron is being his usual drunkard self, but he never takes off his eyes from Freuss and Franco.

"Stormie?"

Habang tinutulungan ko si Tita Sidra na maglinis ng pinagkainan namin ay bigla niya akong kinausap. I smiled tightly at her.

"Bakit po, Tita?"

"I know about what Leonora did..." she sighed. "That desperate woman."

Hindi ako umimik. She wiped her damp hands on her apron before touching my arms gently.

"But I'm not here to talk and loathe her. Actually, I was going to suggest something. I hope you'll not be offended."

"Ano po yun?"

"Surrogacy." She said in a no-nonsense voice.

"Surrogacy...?"

"Yes. You should discuss it with Philo. If you really can't..." she trailed off and then sighed. "Maybe you should consider this option? You two are not talking about it in our faces but I know how badly you want a child."

I bit my lower lips. Part of the reason why I want a child is to experience motherhood. That is being pregnant, knowing that a life inside of me is growing. The thrill of the nine months carrying my baby. The mood swings and crazy fod cravings. I can't imagine someone else carrying my child than me.

It will probably destroy what's left in my woman pride.

"I know it's rather tough to make this choice. I'm just letting you know that this is option is available if you see no other way round."

I nodded politely and returned to what I was doing. But even I decided to focus on washing the dishes and making sure I don't accidentally drop one of Sidra's expensive glassware, my mind wrestled with the idea of surrogacy and how desperate I am right now.

When we went back to Manila, I didn't tell anything about Sidra's suggestion to Philodemus. We were both busy and I don't want to inject this kind of problem amidst our hectic schedules.

Halos hindi na rin kami nagpapang-abot sa bahay. Philodemus goes to practice early before I wake up, and I go to sleep before he even arrives because of fatigue. The only time we have together is the weekend and before I knew it, we were heading straight to the schedule of their hometown concert.

Bumalik ulit kami sa La Union apat na araw bago ang concert nila Philodemus. The band is so busy. I just finished my shootings and I am now contemplating if I should accept more projects.

"You should at least attend the premier night." Denver sighed on the other line. "I hate to see you go but if you really want to settle down then..."

"Thanks, Denver. You were the best."

"And so you are. One of the best girls I'd had for a long time."

Habang abala ang Memento Mori para sa kanilang concert ay siya namang pagbisita ni Nick sa akin. This time, he brought Rodel with him. He seems like a nice, young man to me. I couldn't help but observe him around my friend. Nick's precious and I don't want to get him hurt over desperation for love.

"Tita... why is Tito Nick kissing Tito Rodel?"

Nanigas ako sa kinauupuan ko nang biglang sumampa si Fress sa couch at tinanong ako. I turned to her. She's staring at me with her wide, innocent doe-like eyes.

"Uh..."

"Franco said he saw them kissing in the garden." Then she tilted her head a bit. "Why do boys kiss?"

I swallowed nervously. Minsan talaga ay nagugulat nalang ako sa mga tanong ng batang ito. I placed a hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed it.

"Listen, Freuss. When two people are in love, their genders doesn't matter anymore. So... boys can kiss boys and girls can kiss girls, too."

She scrunched her nose in disgust. "I don't think I want to kiss girls, Tita. I don't even want to kiss Papa and Franco!"

Tumawa ako sa sinabi niya. I ruffled her hair and deftly steered the course of our conversation to other matters. I don't want her asking questions about things like that at such a young age. It might confuse her because she still doesn't understand.

The concert will start at around 5 in the afternoon. Alas dose pa lang ng hapon ay sobrang rami na ng tao sa venue. Kasama ko ang banda na nasa backstage. Their manager, Erickson is briefing them once again while I sat in the corner, drinking soda and watching the people in frenzy. I smiled at the thought. I'm going to leave showbiz sooner or later, but I will never get tired of this scene.

"Hey..."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin nang lumapit si Philodemus sa akin. I smiled at him. Even though the dark circles under his eyes are expertly concealed with make-up, I could see how tired he is. I reached for his rough jaw and gently caressed it.

"How's it going?"

"Pretty great." He sat down. I gave him a quick once-over, noting how he is only wearing a plain white shirt and black ripped jeans with his Chelsea boots. Hinila niya ang plastic na upuan ko patungo sa kaniya. Before I could protest, his long thighs have already invaded my personal space.

I frowned at him. He leaned closer and then brushed his knuckles on my cheeks. Despite the curious glances from the busy people around us, Philodemus ignored them as his tongue traced the shape of my pursed lips.

"Philodemus..." I laughed. "There are people watching."

"I know..." he said huskily. Gumapang ang kamay niya beywang ko pababa sa pang-upo. I shrieked when he suddenly lifted me from my chair and transferred me to his lap.

"What are you doing?" tumawa ulit ako. There are staff recording videos for the BTS clips and they would surely get a glimpse of us!

"Kissing my fiancee..." he murmured, placing wet kisses on my neck. Nanginig ang mga balikat ko sa tawa. It's a good thing I'm wearing denim shorts right now. I am straddling him in a plastic chair amidst the crowd of staff!

His hands caressed my waist up and down. Even with the thin shield of fabric, I shivered from the warmth that his rough and calloused hands produced. His wandering hands traveled south until it reached my braided hair. He tugged it a little, before he pulled the thin band. Philodemus let my hair loose from the braid then he buried his hands and pulled me closer.

"I always like to look at you with your hair down..." he murmured. "This'll be the first time I get to perform knowing that my girl is on the backstage, watching me."

I smiled and kissed him. "That's sweet, Philodemus, but you should really stand up. Erickson is shooting daggers at me right now." Humagikhik ako.

A ghost of smile tugged on his lips before he kissed me again. "It's still a fucking mystery to me how I stayed madly in love with you after all these years, Shortie..."

My eyes glint mischievously. "I am one in a million, Philodemus. No girl would plan to slash her wrist in her boyfriend's flat." I joked.

His brooding eyes darkened. "Hey—"

"I'm okay, now." I assured him. "See? I can joke about my depression. It's because it's in the past and I know I'm never going back to it again. I made you a promise, remember?"

"Yes."

"I intend to keep my promise, Treveron."

"Good." He sighed and then leaned his head against my shoulders.

"Philo!" Erickson barked. "Five minutes to go!"

I giggled and pinched his arms. "You gotta go, love..."

His eyes lit up when I first called him love. He pulled my face and capture my mouth for a long, hard kiss before he pulled away. Natatawa akong tumayo at hinawakan ang kamay niya.

"Goodluck." I grinned.

"Oh, believe me, I have all the luck in the world, Shortie." He said, before throwing off his shirt and racing to the stage. Pagkalabas na pagkalabas pa lang niya ay nagkagulo na ang mga tao at napuno na ng hiyawan ang venue.

I laughed, picked up his shirt, and then walked towards where Erickson is standing. I smiled at him and then directed my gaze to Philodemus, who is now hyping the crowd. My gaze traveled to the frenzy of aggressive fan girls worshipping his body and jumping up and down. Even Alec's got his own fans with the banners suspended in the air screaming nothing but his name.

Nakangiti lang ako habang nanunuod. He picked up the bottle of gin he'd been nursing earlier and took a swig before he licked his lower lips and started singing.

I sighed in delight. I would never get tired of this view. Napatingin ako sa mga nagtatalunang mga fans. It would be great if I join them, too. I bet the view there is more gorgeous. For once, I want to be his number one fan, as I had been from the very start of our story.

"Love, don't cry.... love, don't cry..."

Nakisabay ang lahat sa pagkanta niya. He closed his eyes as the lyrics rolled out of his mouth. Napangiti ako nang makitang may mga naiiyak na rin. Erickson's frown started to fade, as he looked at the band with a glint of pride and admiration.

Nang matapos ang unang kanta ay sumunod kaagad ang intro ng If I'm Gonna Be Toxic, Let It Be With You. Tears dried, the crowd went wild and shouted in joy when Philodemus took one last swig of the gin before he bathed with the booze.

Hindi na sila halos makontrol ng mga bouncers at security team. Philodemus' brooding eyes sweep over mine. My heart pounded. He must be drunk by now. He grinned and then started jumping up and down, hyping the crowd more.

I swallowed. Hihimatayin na ata ako dito sa kinatatayuan ko. The alcohol traveled from his broad chest, down to his hard torso, and disappeared in his black jeans hanging lazily on his hips. My body ached for desire. Biglang gusto ko nalang siyang iuwi sa mansion at nang masolo ko siya.

With cheeks burning from my wild and inappropriate imagination, I turned to Erickson. Hindi naman siguro niya napansin na pinagpapantasyahan ko ang sarili kong fiancề, diba?

"Take a look..." he nudged me. Napatingin ako sa itinuro niya.

One of the girls suspended a banner in the air and in thick, bold letters it read: THE PHILODEMUS EFFECT. Natawa ako. The meaning of the "verb" is too tiny for me to read from this distance.

Erickson chuckled. "The Philodemus effect..." he mused. "Now, that's a creative banner we've got there."

Tumawa din ako. I can't help it. My chest is about to burst. I am just so proud of them. Dati-rati ay sa Le Point Bar pa lang sila nagpi-perform pero ngayon ay halos kilala na sila sa Pilipinas at Asya.

"Believe me, Erickson... I'm a victim of that epidemic , too. Since time immemorial..." I glanced at him again, enjoying and singing his heart out, with passion blaring in his coffee-black eyes. "It had always been him."