Assalamu alaikum, hope you've all been fine, first, thank you all for 21k reads, we didn't even reach chapter 60 , I'm so happy and as promised, it's a double update.

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Abubakar Barkindo stared at his first son with scrutiny, “You want to get married?” he asked again sure he heard wrong but Fahad nodded again.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” he analyzed him to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating.

Fahad knew that was the tricky question, his father knew him all too well to believe he changed his mind just like that after how many years?

“I know your mother has been on your back but Fahad this is a lifetime commitment I don’t want you to rush into it just because you feel your mother is pressurizing you.”

He has thought of all that all morning, after recovering from his multiple nightmares and the shooting that is, he weighed his options, it was a win-win situation for both of them. Sure he’d given up on love because he simply wasn’t capable of the emotion, Nai’a was just a friend even though a lot of people thought she was more, at a point he even convinced himself of that notion after her death and it took him a whole while to get over that guilt.

“I know but I’m sure,”

“Do you love her?” he was quiet for a moment not because he didn’t know the answer but because he knew his father would see right through him if he tried to lie, he needed to make it good enough if his father was going to believe him, his mother was a whole other issue, he would cross that bridge when he reaches it he decided.

“Baba,” he started but he stopped him by raising his hand.

“Fahad I know you’re old enough to make decisions on your own, I’ll have a background check on her and I’ll talk to your mother,” he nodded at that, it was good enough for him. “I really hope you know what you are doing.” He heard his father say when he was at the door, he nodded, he knew what he was doing……..he hoped anyways.

He met his mother on the way to the living room as he left, she smiled at him then left not saying a word, he shrugged knowing how she was.

He’d received his father’s message that his mother had given the go ahead and they’ll see where to go from there when he was on his way to see Dahlia, he stopped by Khadijah’s house and fortunately he met Malam Sadeeq returning from the mosque.

“Do I know you young man?” malam Sadeeq had asked after inviting him inside the house, to his living room most probably, it was then he realized that he has never been inside the house. A woman too young to be Khadijah’s mother but also shares a keen resemblance with Kamla and her eldest sister, he couldn’t recall her name brought refreshments for him and left immediately after.

“No sir erm yes we’ve met once.” He said wringing his hands together. He remembered they met at Sadiya’s house when Basra passed.

Malam Sadeeq studied him for a while before nodding when realization dawned on him, “Oh yes I remember” he said with a laugh, his eyes creased at the sides, something about that smile looked so much like his daughter when she smiled fully, you could see the joy radiate in her as they brighten, he only sees it when she was with one of the children. His heart gave a tug when he remembered how she looked when she told him about her daughter, her late daughter.

No, he was doing the right thing, he mentally assured.

“How can I help you? You’re a friend of Abdulrahman right?” his voice took a note of familiarity then, before he had been talking with friendly caution.

“Yes, we know each other through my mother,” he nodded meaning he should elaborate, “At her firm, she is a lawyer too,”

“Ah, masha Allah,” he nodded though he looked like he had more to say but he didn’t and they stayed in companionable silence. “I’m sure you’re not here to discuss that, is there any problem?” malam Sadeeq asked, the way he talked reminded Fahad of Tafida Aliero and his own father, an air of fatherly understanding and the calm way they talked that made you feel at ease.

Oh he was anything but at ease, what did he think it would be easy? He wanted to ask the man for his daughter’s hand in marriage though not officially, what was it they call it anyways, he shook his head to snap out of his reverie, only then remembering he was asked a question.

“Yes sir you’re right, it’s erm about Khadijah.” He stopped to gauge the man’s reaction but his face remained passive.

“Before you go ahead, I hope you know she is divorced and has the right to choose her own husband,” his voice took a protective edge to it. “I’ll talk to her first and then we can proceed from there.”

“I understand sir but I wanted to ask your permission first seeing as I can’t just go straight to her without your permission, I’m asking permission to court her if you accept?”

Malam Sadeeq stared the man seated like he was an alien, he has forgotten that was the right way to go about marriage, he nodded absentmindedly.

“Right,” he nodded thoughtfully, that was a good sign right?

“And sir please, I’m not saying for you to tell her that, we’ll talk with her, of course if you give the go ahead.”

Surprised malam Sadeeq gave his blessings praying it goes well if it was for the best¸ Khadijah has been through a lot and he would rather she doesn’t get married again then go back to a situation like the first one.

They talked for a bit before Fahad stood to leave, they exchanged more pleasantries, he asked if umma was inside and was told she stepped out. With a calm mind he walked to his car and drove to Dahlia’s, he hadn’t expected to see her there.

**** **** ****

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow in the morning, that is if I don’t make it tonight.” Khadijah nodded and waved her goodbye.

She walked into the house and went straight to her father’s section, he was seated with a book in hand, she smiled at that.

She greeted him and squatted a bit before he told her to sit, he started with how she was and work, he asked how Sadiya was, she’d called him when she calmed down enough to talk and said she was spending the night at her sisters’.

“I know your mother said some things to you last night, forget everything she said okay, I want you to think about this with a calm mind.” She nodded promising to do that.

“And that….that man wouldn’t step foot in this house again I made sure of it,” he was quiet after that, she felt his eyes on her but she only kept playing with her fingers. “Someone came earlier today, a friend of Abdulrahman, his name is Fahad he said, do you know him?” she nodded slowly her blood running cold, she didn’t think he’d actually go through with it.

“Masha Allah,” he studied how she was moving nervously, “He didn’t say he wanted to marry you right away which was a surprise,” she could hear the smile in his voice, “That he is asking permission to court you, now I told him you have a right to choose to who be with and I'm not telling you this for you to jump right ahead and decide you are going for it, no I want you to sit and think about this, pray istikharah and ask for Allah’s guidance.” She nodded unable to utter a word.

“Okay you can go, just give it a thought okay, in all the men that have showed interest in you, he is the first that seems responsible enough, whatever you decide remember that I’ll back you up.” She thanked him before going to her room moving robotically.

Everything was just as she left it and it made her heart ache, she prayed asr seeing it was time already. She sat on the mat going through her fortress of the muslim, her heart was calm after that.

She sat there until maghrib only leaving the mat after she prayed the two raka’at nawafil after maghrib, umma had returned from wherever it was she went, she’d gone out and greeted her, she only heard the one word answer her mother used to give her and it made her almost cry, they were past that, she’d thought they were over that. With heavy steps she walked back to her room telling herself she was done crying, she wouldn’t cry, she’d gotten over that the first time it happened, it wouldn’t break her.

She couldn’t fight the sob that racked though her the moment she closed the door, she rested her back against the door and sunk to the ground, she didn’t know what hurt more, her mother’s attitude or the reason for it. The adhaan for isha made her muster up the strength to stand up and pray, she prolonged her sujood and asked Allah for a way out.

She heard her phone ringing when she was on the second raka’at of shafa’i, she prayed the single unit witr before she picked the phone and called Fahad back who was the one that called.

“Are you busy?” she shook her head before remembering and muttering a small no. “Can we talk?” she replied in the affirmative then he told her he was outside, she didn’t bother removing her hijab as she walked out with only her phone in hand.

Hajiya Ladidi watched her walk out but she didn’t bother asking where she was going.

She met Fahad standing against his car, he opened the passenger door for her to get in, the early November air was chilly, the car was much better comfort.

They sat in companionable silence for more than five minutes before he broke the silence.

“What happened?” she looked at him in question, “Your eyes look a bit swollen, did you cry?” he was talking softly, like you would a child and it made her want to cry more. Her silence answered him and he sighed.

“Listen, we’re friends right?” she nodded, she thought she did anyways, “I don’t want that to change,”

“You can’t go ahead with this, I know it was my idea but it’s dumb just please forget it,” she was probably digging her grave but she’d rather not drag him with her.

“I want to.”

“You don’t understand,” she snapped, he was taken aback but didn’t talk and she started sobbing, “Just please forget it, I’m begging you.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t have children and I’ll be cheating you and I’m,” she stopped trying to catch her breath, “I’m broken and you don’t deserve it,” he nodded.

“I know,” she looked up at him with red rimmed eyes.

“What do you know?” her voice was hoarse.

“The first part,” he ran his hands through his hair, he didn’t want to say it aloud and make it all the more real for her.

“How?” if it was any other circumstance he would’ve laughed at how her voice was a contrast to her crying face.

“You told me,” she started at him blankly, “One night, it was….I can’t remember when exactly but almost a year ago.” She nodded wordlessly.

“Listen I know this is somehow but think about it, why not?”

“What about you?” she asked, didn’t he have dreams to meet a woman, fall in love and have a family of his own? Wasn’t that what everyone hoped for?

“You’re saving me from Lantana from my mother’s village.” She didn’t get the joke and only stared at him, “It’s something my mum says always.” She nodded though not fully grasping it.

“Look at it this way, just being with your friend and not having to worry about other things.” She nodded absentmindedly, her brain shutting down, all she wanted to do was sleep, she was exhausted, she has had a long day.

She took a deep breath and looked at him, he was staring straight ahead looking at nothing in particular.

“It’s pretty late and I’m sure you’re tired, I know how Layla is.” before she could react he walked out of the car and a few seconds later he opened her door, she noticed he does that a lot. He walked her to the gate and smiled teasingly when they stood there.

“So this is like courting right? How did I do?” she forced a smile seeing how he was trying to make her feel comfortable, she didn’t have the heart to let his efforts go to waste.

When she laid in bed that night, she tried to picture marriage in a different light not what she was forced to know but she saw from Sadiya’s own, Baraka’s own and even her parents own, there was nothing to fear, she told herself. The little assurance she had was lost when she had to relive the events of her second anniversary with Suleiman, it was one of the worst experiences of her life.

“It’s okay Khadijah just try and take a nap okay you should rest, everything will be fine insha Allah.”

“But ya Sadiya….”

“Leave it, I’ll come by later.” With an okay she hung up and turned on the couch, absolutely tired of the four walls of the house.

She had been in the house for five days straight and she was feeling sick, her ‘husband’, she hasn’t seen Suleiman since when he left on Monday morning for work and no matter how, she was worried to some degree, he may be the devil’s incarnate and the subject of her distress but he was still her husband and she felt a certain obligation towards him.

Feeling a bit hungry she headed to the kitchen to prepare something for herself and since Sadiya was coming over she wanted to make something for her nieces and nephew.

“Khadijah!” her heart skipped a beat when she heard the voice, the worry she had been feeling dissipated and was replaced by fear, the one emotion she always felt when he was around. Quickly she removed her hand from the dough and rinsed it then went to living room where she saw Suleiman sitting with two of his friends, she almost rolled her eyes, he didn’t have the decency to check if she had something on.

She greeted him and his friends in a low voice.

“Me kika dafa?” (What did you cook?) he asked not sparing her a glance.

The rice she was cooking wasn’t done so she replied with nothing, she saw him exhale an exasperated breath.

“Wai what type of stupid insensitive person are you? How can a man come back to his own house and he’ll not find food,” he turned to her with a glare, “Are you still standing there or will you go and get started?!” she turned ignoring the small voice in her head telling her to give him a piece of her mind, she chose the safer option and went back to the kitchen, she heard one of the men talking.

“Haba, how can you talk to your wife like that? It’s beyond disrespectful and in front of people for that matter, I’m honestly disappointed.”

“Toh malam, is it your wife or mine? Ban san shisshigi.” She stopped hearing the voices as she got to the kitchen, with an annoyed sigh she started preparing the stew.

“Keh!” Khadijah closed her eyes for a moment before opening it, urging herself to be patient because it was safer for her. “What are you cooking?”

“White rice,”

“I don’t want that, prepare tuwo for me with miyan taushe,”

“But I’m already done…”

“Do I look like I care?” he snapped cutting her off, “And didn’t you see me with guests, you don’t have the decency to bring something for them, didn’t they teach you that in your father’s house?” she was seething but didn’t interrupt him or even made a move to show she heard.

She heard him hiss then muttered, “He sent her to university but didn’t teach her how to be a wife. Waste of life.”

She prepared semo and the soup then served him and his friend, only one was sitting when she returned, meaning the other one left, probably the one that talked.

She went back to her room and stayed there hoping Sadiya would arrive soon so she can have company at least, she picked her phone ready to dial her sister when the door was pushed open and she saw Suleiman walk in.

“My friend invited us for dinner, you should be ready by Seven.” He turned and left with that.

She closed her eyes feeling the wetness and that was it. Nothing happened, it was always like that, he would go wherever it was and leave her for days alone, he would come back and after insulting her or demeaning her, her parents and her upbringing he would command her and all was forgotten, she almost laughed at that, he had to acknowledge he did something wrong for them to even talk and then think of forgetting it, she shook her head to get rid of the depressing thought of what her life was.

Since he didn’t tell her what exactly to wear she settled for a red dinner gown with long sleeves gown, it was a little loose on her showing how much she’s lost weight again, she didn’t mind though, jealousy and insecurity were part of Suleiman’s characters so she knew it was the best option.

The scars in her hands were enough reminders to choose what to wear carefully, she’d once worn a mermaid gown to his friend’s wedding dinner, it hadn’t exactly fit like a second skin but it was fitted, one of his, God help her shameless friends had commented on how she had a beautiful body, how he saw the so called beautiful body remained a mystery to her because she’d worn a think large veil over it, the ‘compliment’ she’d ignored had caused the beating of her life that night, she’d woken up in the middle of the night in the kitchen with a bloody lip and a bump on her forehead.

Then another time they went for a company dinner and she’d worn Ankara, he hadn’t told her what to wear as usual so she went with it, a lot of the foreigners there had commented on how impeccable she looked but that hadn’t sit well with her oh so darling husband, he called her a whore and attention seeker after dislocating her hands.

“Will you be fast?!” Khadijah heard Suleiman snap from the door, she quickly picked her purse and adjusted her veil. “I don’t know who you’re dressing for, change that veil it is too shiny.”

She looked down at the black veil, it was plain, not wanting to argue she opened the wardrobe and picked another one, it didn’t have any difference with the first one, if anything it was more ‘attention seeking’ as he called it because it had shimmery stones.

Khadijah turned to him, he was holding his phone and she considered talking to him but let it go, she’d learnt not to interrupt him when he was busy. He raised his head a few seconds later and gave her a once over then nodded.

“Let’s go.” She followed him and they walked to his car after she locked the house.

The car ride was silent and she spent the whole time trying to save enough energy to fake a smile throughout the dinner. When she heard the car stop she looked up and saw them in what looked like a parking lot.

He got out expecting her to do the same, she wasn’t delusional to think he would open the door for her so she followed suit and walked beside him.

The first thing her mind registered was the expansive lawn, the house was ridiculously large and the building itself was a whole other thing it looked more like a hotel than a house but there was nothing to indicate it was that. She felt a hand on her elbow and jumped a bit, she turned to Suleiman who was looking down at her with an expression she couldn’t place, he smiled a few seconds later and it didn’t sit well with her.

“Don’t embarrass me,” he muttered bitterly, she nodded and forced a smile too. To the onlooker they looked like a typical happy couple whispering sweet nothings to each other.

A beautiful woman in her mid twenties welcomed them with a wide smile on her face, she looked a little too friendly to Khadijah. She was wearing a figure hugging sequenced gown, her black hair resting on one shoulder, she was simply elegant.

She took them to a long table and showed them their seats, a few people were already seated there, a woman was beside her and she gave her a courteous smile. The first woman returned moments later and sat beside Suleiman and they started talking.

Khadijah quietly sat through the whole dinner while her husband chatted with the woman, the woman’s husband had joined later on but he sat at the head while his wife who was supposed to be beside him was elsewhere but he didn’t seem to mind busy talking with a bimbo, she almost rolled her eyes at that, she would trade staying in her room over being there a million times.

She’d told Sadiya to not bother coming seeing he had friends over, it would’ve been another problem altogether.

“Your name is Khadijah right?” she forced a smile and nodded at the woman, “Wow, you’re so pretty, he is really lucky,” Khadijah thanked her courteously. She felt a bit strange when the woman’s gaze would flicker to her ever so often and she would smile, dare she say flirtatiously?

Khadijah was used to women shamelessly gawking and even throwing themselves at Suleiman but she’d never minded besides she couldn’t deny the fact that he was handsome, he was just a horrible person, they certainly didn’t know that so she never cared or even acknowledged what they were doing because she would gladly trade places with them, actually no she’d rather she be anywhere but there.

She got tired of the woman’s not so subtle glances and decided to go to the bathroom, they were serving the desserts and she was full, she had been feeling sick and she was a bit nauseous.

She asked one of the waiters where the ladies room was, she’d intentionally not brought up the topic of her not knowing where it was worried that the woman would volunteer to take her, the mere thought of it didn’t sit well with her.

“Stupid people,” She muttered under her breath walking through the lit hallway, the house was definitely huge. She was too busy ranting of angrily in her head that she almost ran into somebody, “I’m sorry,” she told the man quickly and tried to side step him before Suleiman appears and accuse her of what was it he called it, yes her whoring away.

“No problem,” she nodded and tried to leave when she felt his hand on her waist, not thinking twice she raised her hand and slapped him.

“What is wrong with you?” she hissed then made to move but he dragged her back and pushed her against a wall.

“I hate hypocrites like you, you’re in a place like this and you want to act all God fearing?” she ignored her throbbing back when what he said clicked in her head, she looked around them.

There were doors on each side of the bright hallway, she heard footsteps approaching and turned to see two women walking towards them in clothes? No it didn’t look like that, what they were wearing left nothing to the imagination. They walked past them and headed to a door on their left, she could’ve sworn she heard one of them say, “I can’t wait anymore,” then she saw them kiss, her eyes widened in shock but she managed to get herself under control and push the man that trapped her between his hands.

Khadijah rushed back to the main hall where everyone else was and tried to look for Suleiman, the once full hall was mostly empty only a few people lingered doing things she’d rather not say, Suleiman and the woman were missing so she ran towards the entrance but the door was closed and the security man told her the door wouldn’t be opened until twelve midnight.

She begged them to let her out but they said it was the rules and the only way they might consider was if the host accompanied her.

Not knowing what to do, she decided to stay until they let her out, it was better than going back inside and witnessing things she’d rather not. It took everything in her to not bawl her eyes out, what exactly was the place?

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt someone’s hand on her shoulder, she jumped startled and was not any more reassured when she saw the woman that had welcomed them in, she looked up at her through her cloudy vision.

“What are you doing out here? I’ve been looking for you,” the woman touched her cheeks then sighed, “What happened? Did anyone hurt you?”

Khadijah moved back not liking the woman’s touch or the look in her eyes, it reminded her of the women she saw and it made her nauseous again, she’d forgotten that for a bit.

“Don’t be scared, I won’t bite,” she walked closer and stretched her hands out, “I’m sweety, if that’ll make you more comfortable, you can wait in my room while I find your husband, he’s here somewhere,” Khadijah shook her head and wanted to tell the woman she wasn’t looking for him but she couldn’t talk.

She didn’t fight when the woman dragged her to a room at the end of the hall, before they could enter another woman walked up to them.

“Hannah have you seen Sanda anywhere?” the woman shook her head no.

“I saw him earlier with Mansur and his wife, they went upstairs but I’m not sure if they are still there,” she almost turned to leave but she changed her mind, “Who is this dark angel? New?”

Khadijah knew if she was in her senses she would’ve given the woman a piece of her mind but her mind was elsewhere and all she wanted to do was go home and be in her bed.

“She’s off limits, go on ahead,” the other woman turned and left with a shrug, and the first wom-no sweety as she called herself turned to Khadijah with an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry about that, you know what since they’ll be a while why don’t we get to know each other,”

“What are they doing?” Khadijah dreaded the answer but she needed to know nevertheless.

Sweety laughed, “Conducting business of course,” she saw the confused look on Khadijah’s face then she sighed and ran a hand through her hair, “They are all business partners here so they come together and help each other,” Khadijah only nodded.

“Can’t I leave? I’m sick and…”

“Okay,” she saw something flicker in the woman’s eyes but she hadn’t minded as she led her out, the security let her out without a word when the woman told them she was done for the night, whatever that meant, she was just glad to leave.

The panic of figuring out how to get home was the last thing on her mind, thankful for her phone she called Sadiya and sent her the location, she sat outside the place a few steps from the gate of the house. Sadiya and Abdulrahman picked her up not up to thirty minutes later and took her to their house, she was quiet when they asked what she was doing there and where Suleiman was. That was the last time she followed him to an event whatsoever, she would take anything he did but she wasn’t going to ruin herself for him, he’s ruined her enough.

••••••

I just couldn't wait for Friday but I'm sure you guys are happy with this.

One chapter until sixty🌚
I'm so glad we've come this far together, to each and everyone of you reading this, thank you so much for giving my book a chance.

Please vote comment and share, I'll find time to reply all the comments insha Allah.

To the new readers, thank you s much for giving my book a chance it means a lot.

Oh yeah I mentioned it's a double update right, there will be an important author's note in the next chapter please find time to read it.

Not done for today

Amyrah