I'm not dumb but I just realized it's four chapters before we get to chapter 40💃💃💃💃💃💃
So this is the second to the last update for the week, if I have the time you'll certainly hear from me
Virtual hugs and kisses

Happy Reading

“This is really getting old.” The man standing eyed his brother who was smiling smugly behind the oak table.

“For whatever reason would you say that brother,” he took a drag of his smoke and blew it in his brother’s direction, “I call this really good bonding time for brothers.”

“Not when you’re trying to kill me with smoke, that thing is bad for your health.” He pointed distastefully at the cigar the man held and he smiled ruefully in reply and took another drag.

“You don’t want me to die dear brother?” he questioned.

“I don’t want you killing yourself.”

“I’ll be fine.” He grunted a reply. “Why don’t you sit? Let’s talk.”

“I don’t have time for your games, I have a family waiting for me.” He stood up and turned towards the door.

“And I wonder which family that is, the one you abandoned or the beloved one?” he smirked when the man stopped dead in his tracks. His brother smirked knowing he struck a nerve.

“Shut up!” his voice was low and menacing.

“I do wonder if your son would be happy to be part of my team, he is a fine young man.”

Without a word the other man stormed out of the room.

“You’ll certainly be back.” He vowed turning his swivel chair.

**** **** ****

Abuja, Nigeria

Harrow Park Golf Club

“Aliero, long time no see.” Layla rolled her eyes at the overly nice smile the woman was faking and she forced an equally fake smile before turning.

“Mrs Usman, you look lovely as always.”

“Thank you dear, I love your Shoes, are they new balance strikers?” of course, there it was, she hated the fake brand minded women in the club but she brought herself so she might as well pay for her sins.

“Yes I think so, I would love to stay and chat but I’m meeting friends and I’m sure they’re here, see you around.” She left before the woman could think of a reply, single brain celled creep, she muttered under her breath.

Layla almost ran into the reception, she stopped to calm herself before inching forward and entering the place fully.

“Good day miss, fresh towels?” she absentmindedly picked one and nodded her thanks, she sat on one of the lounge chairs in the lobby with her phone in hand, she wanted to get it over and done with.

“Hello beautiful,” she turned with a bored look on her face to the person that spoke.

The man looked to be in his late twenties, maybe early thirties, good looking most definitely though she would rate his sense of style below zero, manageable. He was wearing a bright green polo shirt and equally bright red chinos trouser, his three 0’clock shadow was trimmed to perfection, too bad it didn’t complement his dressing.

“Are you waiting for someone?” he asked sitting opposite her, his strides smooth and sure, she’ll give him that at least she decided.

“Depends, what do you want?” she decided to have a little fun with him, besides why do people go to country clubs anyways.

“To buy you a drink.” A small smile played on her lips.

“I don’t drink.” He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth with a thoughtful frown.

“Then dinner perhaps, give me your phone number and address, I’ll pick you up by seven.” The smile never leaving her face, she stretched and collected the phone he was giving, unaware of the person looking at her from the bar.

She missed the triumphant look he had on his face, her full attention on the phone.

“Have a good day.” She handed him back the phone and walked out of the door not turning back.

He turned to the man at the bar, he’d noticed him watching them but it wasn’t hard to miss because he hadn’t been subtle about it, he turned and said something to the bar tender.

He tightened his hold on the phone then turned away to see what she’d typed, his face fell almost immediately, in bold letters it read, MY TYPE ISN’T GREEN.

Jawad watched Layla smile at the man in the stupid red jeans, he felt a bitter taste in his mouth, it wasn’t jealousy, he told himself, more of lied to himself because of course he was jealous and he knew.

It took every ounce of restraint he had not to walk up to them and rearrange the man’s face, he shouldn’t blame him though it wasn’t his fault but he needed someone to blame desperately because he was tired of things not going right just because, and if blaming a stranger who was probably color blind would make him feel better then so be it.

It would be better to know she had someone, definitely, he was just tired of the uncertainty, if she had someone he would gladly walk away and it’ll be all good, right?

He didn’t need an answer to that, he knew but he wasn’t ready to accept it.

His gaze returned to Layla, she had a smile on her face, she looked happy and it hurt to know he wasn’t the reason for that breathtaking smile. When he saw her collecting the obviously colorblind man, he curled his hands into fists, he could feel his finger nails biting into this palm but he didn’t care that it would probably draw blood. He wanted the pain to distract him and it hurt all the more seeing just how happy she was when she smiled and walked away, probably to get ready for wherever it was they were going, he had been in the scene too much to not know what actually transpired, when the man-no blindy, he’ll call him blindy-turned to him with a smirk, he almost lost it.

“Can I get you anything sir?” the bartender had perfect timing because he was seconds way from killing in public, he wasn’t sure everyone would appreciate that.

“Bourbon.” He couldn’t have possibly recognized his voice because of how raspy it sounded and the words he’d just uttered, it might very well be the end for him.

Layla leaned back on her bed with a tired sigh, as much she needed the change of environment, she felt lonely.

Khadijah

She closed her eyes, she was a horrible friend, Khadijah would’ve been with her if she was in her shoes but Layla was a coward, she decided. She simply didn’t know how to help and would rather not be a liability so she chose the easy way out and ran.

She hoped she could just sleep, her mind was at rest, she should sleep before the voices returned, they always hit full force in the nig-

Thud

Thud

She sat up on the bed her eyes wide with fear, she was alone in a large house, maybe not exactly alone, there are guards and maids and the housekeeper couldn’t have gone to bed, it was only ten thirty, she turned to the clock.

12:45am.

Layla almost jumped but calmed herself, it doesn’t matter because no one could get past security, she was probably just hearing things, she laughed at herself then laid back down, her phone, she thought and got back up in search of the gadget, she hadn’t touched it since she called her father and told him she’d arrived safely and that was after she returned from the club.

“It’s probably just downstairs.” She muttered to herself then made way to the door, a little skeptical, she could scream alright, if there was anyone in the house, yes, if!

She was almost at the steps when she heard a thud, smaller than the first but there was definitely someone because she heard a grunt right after, with shaky limbs she changed course and walked into the closest door, she switched the lights on, moving quietly.

The landline on the bedside table looked like heaven right then, she rushed and started dialing but stopped short, who was she going to call anyways, it was not like back in Australia that she could just dial 911, how many hours until someone from Kaduna could come? Even if they did use a helicopter it’ll take about thirty minutes to get everything ready and fly out, if the person was here to kill her, her body would be cold by then.

Fahad

She almost jumped in joy, now what was their house line? It started with three right and…..and a bunch of other numbers she couldn’t remember. She turned to the drawer in the vanity table and started rummaging through it, there should be a book with all the emergency and important numbers, she should’ve just gone to the Barkindo’s like her father had said, she ignored her subconscious telling her she was being punished for not listening to him.

She found the book and started going through it, it was bathed in dust but she couldn’t find it in her to care at the moment. With shaky hands she dialed the number she was sure would reach Fahad’s room, it rang, once, twice then it stopped.

“NO, no, no please please hamma pick up” she didn’t know when she started praying, it rang again and the same thing happened, she tried a third time and almost cried in joy when she heard his deep voice.

“Layla, are you okay?” she didn’t care to ask how he knew she was the one.

“Hamma-“-the words died in her throat when she heard the door opening and a man stood at the door, the hallway was dim but she couldn’t have mistaken the hoodie clad figure, she was too shock stricken to move or notice the man’s face, she thought she heard Fahad call her name again but she couldn’t be sure, the phone fell out of hands and the last she heard was a startled voice calling her name.

“Layla, Layla!” Jawad shook her in panic, he picked the phone and glad to see it was still connected, he put it to his ear.

“Layla, are you there?” he heard Fahad’s panicked voice and shuffling in the background like he was pacing or walking around.

“It’s alright, I’m with her.” Jawad surely didn’t find his voice convincing in the least, even to his ears.

“Jawad? How are-is Layla okay?” he knew the question he had in mind.

“Yes, she just got scared, I’ll call you back.” He hung up without waiting for a reply and turned to Layla who was still very much unconscious, he ran his hand over his face then bent down and carefully picked her up and laid her on the bed.

He scrutinized her face seeing how she looked restless even passed out, his hands reached out and caressed her face before he could stop himself, her head tie that was sitting lazily on her head revealed her loose hair and he had to force his eyes off her hair and gather the strength to be able to move from the bed.

It was wrong on so many levels.

He chanted pacing the length of the bed, not able to stop himself, he sat beside her on the bed again not too close that it was tempting to run his hands through her hair, but close enough to be aware of every breath she took.

“Layla,” he tapped her hands, going for the safe side.

“Layla” he tapped her again softly, she made a sound at the back of her throat but didn’t open her eyes. A few more trails and her eyes snapped open, many emotions passed though her eyes, first was fear, then recognition and finally confusion.

“Jawad?” she whispered like she couldn’t believe her eyes then sat up and moved back, the move cut right through his heart but his face remained passive..

“How are you here?” she asked looking at him directly in the eyes.

He kept shut, just looking at her like he was trying to read her, which he probably was. She felt so little under his gaze so she turned and cleared her throat.

“Why did you get so scared?” he asked, his voice so low she was surprised she heard, it was like the question was meant for his ears only.

“I’m sorry if I got a little freaked out when someone who’s supposed to be halfway over the world walks into a house I’m alone in, in the middle of the night, how did you even get in?”

“The gate of course, jumping fences might have been fun when I was fifteen but not anymore, I’m pretty sure your security men know me.” She shot him a look that told him his tone wasn’t appreciated.

She turned away but turned back abruptly “I don’t want to talk about it.” His tone was final and she didn’t argue. She stood up and walked over to the landline, after putting it back in place, she returned the phonebook to where it was then turned to the door, motioning for him to follow her, Waleedah wouldn’t appreciate them being in her room.

Wordlessly, Jawad followed her, a little surprised when she opened the door to her room and entered, with a sigh he followed, he’d thought they were going to the living room but oh well.

She sat on the cushioned bench at the foot of the bed and motioned for him to sit wherever he felt like. With an eye roll he dragged a chair from her dressing mirror and set it so he would be facing her.

“Take your sweet time, it’s not like I’m waiting.” She muttered sarcastically seeing how leisurely he was walking.

“Good to know.” He bit back and sat.

Layla looked at his tired face, she could see the bags under his eyes noting he hasn’t been sleeping, well that made two of them, his lips were set in a grim line and he looked worn out, angry, tired all at once.

“You could get a microscope you know, it’ll be very helpful.” The Australian accent he’d learnt to hide very well was very much prominent as he said that, she hadn’t noticed when he closed his eyes but it made her feel more calm, his intense gaze was intimidating and she wasn’t scared to admit it, his eyes were just so dark and sometimes it was hard to handle.

“J-“ she started but stopped, his real name would be more effective “Jawad are you alright?”

“I’m not the one who fainted tonight was I?” his eyes were still closed but his voice was angry, for whatever reason, if anyone was supposed to be angry, she felt it was her, he’d left without a goodbye and thought it was okay to just reappear.

She let out a frustrated breath and settled her gaze on him, unwavering.

“Stop looking at me like that.” He snapped in a low voice, the accent was still there and she didn’t know how to feel about it, she hadn’t heard him speak with an accent for as long as she could remember, maybe since when they were children.

“How do you know I’m looking at you? Your eyes are closed?” he opened the eyes almost immediately and she felt breathless from the impact of his dark gaze.

“Because I do.” She couldn’t help it, she had to ask.

“Jawad?” her voice was soft, he raised one eyebrow waiting for her to continue “Are you drunk?” the whole questioned sounded dumb to her ears and honestly a bit stupid too.

“Yes.” Simple, he didn’t say anything after that, his eyes challenging so she couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

“Why?” she didn’t know why she asked but it was out before she could stop it.

“Just because.” He was shutting her out.

“Jawad I know you don’t drink, what are you talking about?” her whole body was cold even before he answered but she didn’t let it make her quiver.

“I felt like it.” There was an edge to his voice, why was he angry though?

“You shouldn’t do this to yourself,” when he didn’t say anything she added, “It’s not good for you.”
“So is loving you but I do it anyways don’t I?” the impact of his voice knocked the breath out of her.

“Jawad,” she kept quiet unsure of what to say

“Who is he?” he asked, his tone wary you’d think it physically hurt him to utter the words.

“I don’t know.” She didn’t know how she knew what he was talking about, she just did.

“Why are you here alone?”

“I wanted space.”

“You didn’t answer the first question?”

“I’m pretty sure I did.” She was losing her patience.

“I’m not satisfied wit-“

“Well too bad, why are you sitting here questioning me? You have no right Jawad, no right.”

He didn’t say anything for a minute, didn’t even look up at her.

“I’ve been understanding but you’re stepping out of line, if you won’t tell me why you’re here then let’s get this over and done with, I’m tired of this your game, you can’t keep disappearing and reappearing on me” Layla breathed in and tried to get the tears to not fall.

“I’m not playing games with you, Layla that’s your expertise,”

“Don’t.” she whispered, tears pooled in her eyes but she wouldn’t let it fall, she was done crying.

“I’ve followed you for more years than I care to count, I’m tired of this back and forth Layla what exactly do you want?” he ran his hands through his hair and focused his attention on a spot on the carpet below his feet.

“I’ve told you everything I don’t know what you want-?”

“The truth.”

“It is the truth!” She was getting frustrated and angry with him, the anger maybe because she knew he could see right through her and nothing scared her more than that.

“That’s not the truth and you know it, I just want to know because I’m honestly tired of fighting over you Layla, I don’t even know who I’m fighting but I’m always fighting for you, what do we have?”

“Nothing.”

“Is that all?”

“No.” she cried, finally letting the tears fall.

“Why then do you keep doing this to us?” the hurt in his voice was raw she felt like she got hit by a truck or multiple trucks of emotion at once and all she wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry, for the rest of her life.

“I don’t deserve you,” she sniffed, “All my life you’ve been there for me, even when you needed someone to be there for you, you fought for me, you fought me against myself, you protected me even when you didn’t have to and all I’ve ever done is hurt you, I’m so sorry.” She said through sobs “I’m so selfish.” She added in a small voice.

They stayed quiet for a few minutes, maybe thirty she couldn’t be sure.

“What exactly do you want? I’m tired of this back and forth, I want, I need stability we can’t keep doing this.” Jawad broke the silence, the quiet determination made her nervous but she chose to the right thing, if he wanted to talk then it was time they got it over and done with.

Layla doesn’t see herself as the smartest person even though she well graded herself above average. Dumb? She definitely wasn’t that but the words she’d uttered after that made her rethink that judgment.

“I’m not the one causing the back and forth am I? I’m pretty sure I made myself clear years ago, you should maybe learn to listen.” She should award Jawad for keeping calm, his eyes flickered and met hers for a nanosecond but that was it.

“Typical Layla, why not make everything more complicated than it has to be?” she should thread on a safe path especially when he was not in the right frame of mind, but they were having a conversation they should have had more than five years ago, she might need a drink too if that was the road they were taking.

“Why are you here Jawad? Can you honestly answer that question?”

She must have caught him off guard because he opened and closed his mouth multiple times but no words came out.

“Maybe you should stop playing the game and decide for yourself, I’ve given you my answer.” She stood up ready to go elsewhere and bawl her eyes out because she certainly wasn’t doing so in his presence.

“Tell me the truth,” his voice was low but it held determination, to convince her they were meant to be or to simply prove her wrong and make her question herself, she didn’t know and probably never will.

“If I leave through that door right now, I promise you Layla that’s the last time you’ll see me so I want to hear this just one time, I’ve more or less followed you around like a lost puppy for more than ten years and maybe I’m tired,” he stopped to catch his breath or find the right words she didn’t know, he blinked and when he opened his eyes, he was a different person and she felt it even before he spoke.

“Have you ever seen me in your future?” she didn’t say anything and he let out a small mirthless chuckle “Maybe it’s been right here in front of my eyes the whole time, I’ve been too blind to notice, you we-“

“Shut up!” with how utterly exhausted she was, Layla didn’t know how she mustered enough energy to yell “Don’t you dare complete that sentence.”

“And why the hell not?” his voice was gravely, proof of his anger.

“Because you don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re just angry and you don’t even know why.”

“I’m pretty sure I know who it’s directed at.” He shot her a look that made her swallow involuntarily.

“Why are you so angry?” she asked threading carefully.

“You weren’t there,” Jawad sucked in air.

Layla could swear she heard her heart break, “you promised.” His voice broke but his eyes were dry, she was not sure what was happening, she couldn’t feel anything except for the raw pain that threatened to stop her breathing.

“I called out to you, just you, I wanted you there with me just that time Layla and you weren’t there, you never even explained just why you didn’t come.” He looked like he was in a daze.

His breathing was coming out in short pants and she didn’t know what to do, but she knew what he was talking about and it made her feel worthless, she couldn’t believe she hurt him that much but he was still there for her, he was always there for her.

He looked like he was reliving it all over again and that hurt more than knowing she’d let him down, he was always there for her, somehow, he was just always there to help her, to lift her up, to wipe her tears, when she needed a shoulder to cry on, he was always there.

“Jawad I’m so sorry.” She was already sniveling then, her body racked with each heart shattering sound that left her lips, he didn’t look like he heard her, his eyes were glazed.

“Jawad, you’re quiet tonight.” Anisa said from the front seat, turning to her son who was looking out of the window.

“He is angry for not being behind the wheel, sorry son, I drive my wife.” Abdallah let out a small laugh at Jawad sulking.

Jawad had kept silent through his parents playful banter, watching how the buildings looked smaller the farter they went until they eventually fade.

He didn’t need a doctor but his parents insisted so he followed not really having a choice, he’d kept quiet the whole session while the doctor tried to engage him in a conversation, when she was sure he wouldn’t budge, she’d told him they would meet in their next session which would be the next week.

Three years without her and it still felt like yesterday, the pain was still raw, no one understood, no one, maybe except Fahad and Layla. He felt his parents saw it as an obligation to mourn her and he felt horrible for the thought but what could he do, he needed an explanation for the fact that they could smile when he simply didn’t have it in him to want to leave his bed every morning.

‘She would want us to be happy’.

That was what everyone said as they forgot her and went about their daily lives and they expected him to do the same, hypocrites! That was what they all were.

“Jawad habibi, how about we stop by Russo’s and get pizza?” he grunted as a reply.

His father parked the car in the driveway and turned to his mother “Darling why don’t you get it? We’ll stay in the car.” He smiled up at her, she nodded and opened the door then stepped out.

Jawad knew why he did that but still didn’t turn from the window.

“She loved the pizza here, when you went to camp, she’d make us come here and order your favorite and try to eat all, she never goes above two slices though,” Abdallah laughed but you could hear the sadness in his voice.

“Everyone loved her, we all loved her.” He stressed the last sentence “You’re not the only one hurting Jawad but you have to get over this and live, I’m not saying to forget her, no, none of us can forget but it’s been three years and you have to live your own life, you might have lost your sister but I lost my daughter,” he stopped to catch his breath “Your mother,” Jawad looked up at his father and found his face stained with tears “She was the fourth child we lost, do you know why it hurts more? We felt her, we all did, she survived everything and she fought, she fought everything but she was still just a child, there was nothing we could’ve done for her.” He finished with a sob.

Jawad tried to catch his breath, he wasn’t sobbing like he wanted, he wanted to cry, completely, he wanted his body to shake and reverberate with his pain but he’d never gotten past a tearstained face and clogged throat, even when he’d found Fahad with his little sister in his arms exhausted from probably trying to wake her up or crying or both, she’d been cold, too cold, he tried everything and gave up when Fahad had whispered the sentence, he’d felt it even before he was told but he hadn’t wanted to believe it, he’d refused to accept it.

“She won’t wake up.” Immediately after that, he heard rather than saw Fahad fall, he was looking but he wasn’t seeing anything.

“You had a tear party while I got the pizza? How long was I gone?” his mother’s voice brought him back to reality.

“I love you ammi, I love you so much.” He didn’t notice when she entered the backseat and pulled him in for a hug.

“I love you so much more.” She kissed his forehead “She’s in a better place insha Allah, all of them.” He nodded his tears staining her clothes but he didn’t care, he didn’t want her to let go, ever.

“Let’s go home, yeah.” He nodded at his father.

“I love too abba, I’m sorry for disregarding your feelings all these while”

“It’s okay, I’m so glad you’re fine, you’re a fighter.”

They reminisced old times on their way home eating the pizza in the car because they couldn’t wait to get home, Jawad felt relived and stress free, and dare he say even happy, he realized that he’d only been breathing for two years rather than living.

“Habibi be careful, this is too-“ the rest of her sentence was swallowed by a blaring horn, Jawad raised his eyes in time to see a blinding light followed by an impact that knocked the breath out of his lungs, he felt liquid splash him but he couldn’t see anything, only faint voices, an awfully familiar kept repeating ‘inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un’ (From Allah we are and unto him we shall return) so much that his ears started ringing, he heard screams from outside but he couldn’t be sure.

He felt himself hanging upside down but he couldn’t be sure, everything felt hazy and he felt suffocated.

His lids got heavy and he fought to keep them open but couldn’t, before he succumbed to darkness, an image that he knew would be forever imprinted in his memory flashed before him.

A splitting image of his mother but definitely not her stood in a yellow gown some might find too bright complimented her dark skin tone, she had a big smile on her face, she held a baby, caramel skinned with startling black curly hair, a man smiling beside her, to their right a fair woman stood, he knew her face but couldn’t pin point from where, she held out a hand to him also smiling, he let himself go, before his eyes closed completely he remembered the woman.

“Layla.” He whispered into the night.