☼ ☾ ✩

𝟏𝟗... 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐲𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬

☼ ☾ ✩

For most of my waking moments, I play the role of a guardian. I make meals, I clean the house, I walk the dogs, I help my siblings with their homework, I drive people where they need to go, I grocery shop, I attend sports games, and I am constantly thinking about what needs to be done next. But on nights like these, when all my siblings are sleeping over at friends' houses, I turn into an absolute child.

"You fucking cheated!" I shriek, shoving Larray away from me.

"You can't cheat in Just Dance!" Larray shouts, not hesitating to push me back.

I stumble slightly before catching my balance, scowling at my friend. "You obviously can, because no way did you just win!"

"It looks like I just did, bitch!" Larray smirks as he pretends to flip his hair over his shoulder.

"Okay, give me the remote before she kills you." Sydney stands from my couch and ties her long hair into a messy bun before taking the wii remote from Larray. "I don't know why we keep agreeing to play this game with you, Logan. You get way too worked up."

"I do not!" I protest, lowering my fists from where they were raised in a threatening position at Larray.

Larray snorts, collapsing onto the couch. "Okay, Dwayne Johson."

"Fuck off," I huff, turning attention back to the tv. "I like this game."

"We are well aware, babe," Sydney chuckles.

"We're doing Rich Girl," I announce, flipping through the options to find one of my most played songs.

Sydney immediately groans. "I suck ass at this one."

"Logan only likes it because she is ridiculously good at it," Larray sniggers. "But we all know it's because you spent hours everyday during covid battling your siblings at Just Dance."

"And all that hard work is paying off." I grin at Larray over my shoulder before focusing on the song as it starts.

The music is blaring from the TV, easily covering the sounds of Chandler and Joey snoring while curled up on the loveseat together. The living room blinds are drawn shut to avoid anyone seeing us dancing like idiots, and all the lights are turned on to counteract the dark night outside. Pizza boxes, chips bags, candy wrappers, and cans of pop are strewn across the coffee table, and the dining room table is covered by a half-finished game of Monopoly that we gave up on after Larray decided to only buy properties based on how likely he could find a boyfriend there.

I easily move my body in tune with the music, barely needing to pay attention to the dancer on the screen. This song was Kaya and I's favourite in high school, and we spent forever perfecting the movements. A loud laugh escapes my lips when I glance at Sydney to see her awkwardly shaking her hips and moving her arms off beat.

"Don't laugh at me!" she yells defensively. "I hate this game so much!"

"It's like you two switch roles when you're dancing," Larray observes, howling with laughter when Sydney trips over her own feet. "Syd's usually the graceful one and Logan is the one who can't walk in a straight line, but as soon as music comes on, Lo can dance like it's her superpower."

"That's what ten years of dancing will do, bitch." My breath flows easily, and my limbs move with muscle memory.

Sydney gives up halfway through the song, throwing herself back onto the couch. "This game sucks ass," she grumbles defeatedly.

"Yes, queen!" Larray shouts when I roll my body as I slowly lower to my knees to the ground.

I block my friends' chatter out and focus on softening my body, allowing the rhythm to guide my movements. A bright smile emerges on my face as I lose myself in the dance, finding relief in something that I spent so many years crafting.

"Damn, she can dance."

The familiar voice that is not Larry or Sydney's immediately sends my guard up. I abandon the dance and spin around to investigate, and my heart drops at the sight of Nick, Chris, and Matt standing behind the couch with Larray.

"What the hell are you guys doing here?" I fight the heat rising to my face, but I know there is no use in fighting my obvious embarrassment.

"Your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard," Larray chirps cheekily, winking at me when I scowl at him.

"I didn't know you could dance." Matt raises his eyebrows at me, a smirk lining his lips.

I shrug, fighting down the absolute horror that is taking over my senses by the fact that Matt and his brothers just saw me shaking my ass like I was performing a strip show. "Ten years of classes plus a lot of free time during covid kind of developed the skill."

"I want to do one!" Chris skips around the couch and grabs the remote from Sydney before standing next to me. "But not this one. It's too slutty for me."

I can't help but laugh, my embarrassment melting away. "Again, what are you guys doing here?"

"Larray told us to come." Nick settles onto the loveseat with Chandler and Joey, and the border collie is quick to crawl into his lap.

Larray blows me a kiss, his lips rounded in a mischievous smile. "I figured we should all spend some time together."

"Since two of us have been practically attached at the hip lately," Sydney mutters, making Nick snort with laughter.

I roll my eyes before I look at Matt, who is grinning at me with what I can only describe as a fond expression on his face. "Hi, Clifford."

Matt groans, but his smile widens. "I see we settled on a nickname."

I beam at him before turning back to the tv. "You can pick the song, Chris."

"I want something One Direction," he mumbles, scrolling through the options.

"Logan, I'm invading your fridge!" Matt calls over his shoulder as he strolls into the kitchen, navigating the area with confidence.

"Go ahead!" I don't pay him much attention, since Chris has squealed with excitement, apparently having found a song.

"No Control," the youngest triplet reads from the tv. "But we need four people. Who's joining?"

"Me and Nick!" Larray launches to his feet and steps towards Nick with a devious grin.

Nick sinks further back into the couch, shaking his head. "Absolutely not. No fucking way."

"Nicolas," Larray whines. "Don't be boring."

Nick continues to protest, and Sydney comes to his rescue when she groans in annoyance as she stands. "I'll do it," she grumbles.

"Yes, Sydney!" Chris cheers, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Guys, this is so fun, I haven't played this in so long."

"Get it started then, bitch!" Larray instructs, grabbing the extra remotes for himself and Sydney.

"Chris, watch out for Logan." Sydney glances past Larray and I to where Chris is standing on my left. "She can get a little competitive."

Chris chuckles and shakes his head. "Oh, she's no match for me. I'm the dancing machine."

"You're on, Sturniolo." I grin at him, my pulse rising as my competitive nature kicks in.

The song starts and within the first minute, Chris has accidentally hit himself in the face with his remote and Sydney banged her heel against the coffee table. Larray and I are both cackling with laughter, gasping for air as we struggle to focus on the movements.

"I think I just broke my nose," Chris groans, continuing to dance regardless.

"And I might have broken my heel," Sydney whines, falling to the floor in pain.

"Chris, you should give up too," Nick chimes in. "You look like a baby giraffe that's learning to walk. And not a cute one."

Nick's comment tips me over the edge and I collapse onto the carpet, my entire body shaking with laughter.

"Logan, no!" Larray gently kicks me in the ribs, only making me laugh harder. "You can't leave me alone with this hooligan!"

"I will destroy you!" Chris shouts, his movements growing sporadic as he fights to keep up with the dancers on the screen.

"Yeah, I'm done," Larray announces, coming to a standstill. "Chris ruined it."

Still chuckling, I climb back to my feet and scurry out of the line of fire, not wanting to get involved in Chris and Larray's bickering match. Nick and Sydney have fallen into a conversation, so I make my way past them to the kitchen, where Matt is pulling a bowl out of the microwave.

"What are you doing?" I laugh, peeking around him to look in the bowl. "Did you get leftovers out of the fridge?"

"Yup." Matt grins at me as he pulls a fork out of the cutlery drawer and stabs his first bite of curry chicken. "You're a good cook and I was just forced into trying a McRib, so I need something wholesome."

"You ate a McRib?" I wrinkle my nose in disgust, leaning on the counter across from Matt. "Cam is obsessed with those, but I think they're a sin."

"I agree with you." Matt spears a piece of asparagus and pops it in his mouth, a satisfied smile crossing his face. "I might just start conveniently showing up at dinner time everyday if you're always making food like this."

"The twins would love that. Neither of them will shut up about you." I hoist myself up onto the counter, my legs dangling over the edge.

"I am pretty irresistible." Matt grins when I scoff in disbelief. "But I'm glad they like me. I like them too."

"I'm glad." My stomach flutters at the thought of Matt getting along with my siblings. That quite possibly may be the hottest thing he can do. "And, you know, I wouldn't mind if you were around more too. Since you help cook."

A confident smirk crosses Matt's face and he swallows his bite of food before speaking. "Is that the only reason?"

I tap my chin in thought before shaking my head, a smile growing on my face. "I can't think of any other reasons. Although, I do appreciate that you don't burp all the time like my brothers. Maybe you can teach them some manners."

Matt laughs, a loud, life-filled sound that echoes through my entire body. "If I can't teach my own brothers, I doubt I can teach yours. But I would be more than happy to spend more time here. Even if you make me slave away in the kitchen."

"You can sit still and look pretty and I'll do all the work." I don't bother fighting the bright smile on my face, even though my cheeks are starting to ache from the ridiculous amount of laughing I've been doing this evening. "I like cooking."

"And as hot as it is to watch you cook, I like cooking with you." Matt lowers his voice, a shy smile curving onto his face. "It feels homey, if that makes sense."

"I get it," I say softly, my gaze flickering to my feet. "I used to feel the exact same way about cooking with my dad."

Matt takes another bite of his food as he casually closes the space separating us and leans on the countertop beside me, his side pressing into my leg. "You've never mentioned your parents before."

"They were the best." My voice is quiet, no match for the cheerful yelling and upbeat music coming from the living room. "I don't have very many concrete memories of them anymore, but I remember a lot of feelings that came from being with them. Laughter when dancing with my mom. Awe and contentedness when cooking with my dad. Excitement about going on a family trip together." I pause, questioning how much I should share, but Matt's silent presence by my side urges me to continue speaking. He is still eating his food, but the way his head is tilted slightly in my direction tells me he is listening closely. "I miss them, and sometimes it hurts more than others, but it's been so long since they've been around. Sometimes I feel really guilty for not missing them more."

Matt places his empty dish down on the counter and turns to face me, his hip leaning against the counter beside me and his stomach pressed against my knee. "I think they would be really proud of the life you've built for you and your siblings." Matt's eyes focus on mine, sincerity coating his words. "And I doubt they would want you to spend time feeling guilty for enjoying your life without them in it. They would want you to be happy."

"I know," I whisper. "It's just hard to remember that sometimes."

The sombre moment fades when I sigh dramatically, and Matt's eyebrows raise in confusion. "You're too good of a listener, you're making me spill all my secrets." I shake my head in mock disappointment. "It's very annoying."

"You keep saying things that sound like compliments, but then you finish off by saying that me doing those things makes me annoying." Matt grins, amused by my giggles. "I'm not quite sure what you want from me, Sunshine."

"Just keep doing what you're doing." I pat his shoulder, a wide grin stretched across my face.

An overdramatic fake cough catches Matt and I's attention, pulling both our gazes towards the edge of the kitchen. Sydney is inching towards us with her hands over her face, her eyes visible through slits in her fingers. "I am entering the kitchen. There better be no horseplay happening over here."

"I actually just bet Matt that he can't give me five hickeys in five minutes, so you are actually interrupting. I would leave now," I state seriously, my voice not wavering.

Matt groans in embarrassment and buries his face into my arm, and Sydney cackles with laughter as she comes into the kitchen. "Don't be embarrassed, Matt," she soothes, patting his shoulder as she passes him to get to the fridge. "You can cut your time down with practice. But taking your time is an art and we should be congratulating you for it."

Matt muffles something incoherent in reply, his face not leaving the sleeve of my hoodie.

I laugh at Matt's obvious horror, and without thinking, I move my arm that is pressed against Matt's chest to his shoulders so I can run my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.  "What're you looking for?" I ask Syd, not paying attention to the movements of my fingers.

"Do you still have that pineapple you bought the other day?" Sydney digs through the fridge, carefully scanning each shelf.

"Cam finished it for breakfast. Sorry." I chuckle when Syd groans and slams the fridge shut.

"Cam eats everything in this house," she grumbles as she plucks an apple from the fruit bowl. She leans against the counter across from Matt and I and takes a bite of her apple as she analyzes the young man leaning against me. "So, Matt, what are your intentions with my best friend?"

Matt immediately lifts his head from my arm, blinking the sleepy look out of his eyes. "Huh?"

"Your intentions," Sydney repeats, crossing one ankle over the other in an obvious power pose. "With Logan. What are they?"

"Um..." Matt shoots a panicked look at me, but I simply shrug and grin at him. "I intend to continue eating her food and annoying her with kindness?"

Sydney hums in acknowledgement and takes another bite of her apple, her eyes narrowed at Matt. When she finishes chewing, she steps closer to Matt and I, her gaze focused on the nervous guy tucked into my side. "Never, and I mean never," she threatens, her voice low with dominance. Matt visibly gulps when Sydney raises her finger near his face, and shrinks closer to me. "Eat the Lucky Charms that say Sydney from the pantry," my best friend continues, her tone not losing its venomous edge. "Those are mine, and if you eat them, I will kill you."

With that, Sydney turns on her heel and flounces out of the kitchen, her blonde hair streaming out behind her like a proud banner.

"What the fuck was that?" Matt whisper-hisses, his wide eyes darting to me. "Lucky Charms suck ass! I would never touch those!"

I laugh, twisting my fingers into Matt's hair. His brown curls are absurdly soft, and I find combing through them strangely soothing. "That's Syd's way of telling you that she approves of you. If she didn't like you, she would have gotten extremely bitchy and aggressively mean, but disguised it with some type of pleasantries. She is the queen of fairy comments."

"She scares me," Matt mumbles, stepping closer to me now that the barrier of my arm has been removed from between us.

"Let's keep it that way!" Sydney shouts from the living room.

"How the fuck did you even hear that?" Matt's voice raises in shock.

"I'm always listening, Sturniolo," Sydney sniggers, her mischievous smile visible across the kitchen island. "So you better be on your best behaviour at all times!"

"Your best friend is weird," Matt whispers as he lifts his arm that is closest to my body to rest his hand on my thigh, sending instant tingles through my body.

"You can't be talking. Look at your brother." I tilt my chin in the direction of the living room, where Chris is twerking on Nick, who looks absolutely disgusted, while Larray cheers and pretends to fan out bills.

Matt snorts in amusement. "Sometimes I seriously question how we're related."

I laugh as I hop down from the counter, the side of my body instantly cold from the loss of Matt's heat. "Babe, you're weird too."

A slight flush rises to Matt's cheeks and he stares at me in silence, a tiny grin growing on his face.

"Come on. Let's go join our tribe of weirdos." I reach out my hand to Matt, and don't have to wait long before he slides his hand into mine, letting me lead him back into the living room.

For the rest of the night, my brain functions on auto-pilot. I don't put too much thought into my words, I laugh harder than necessary, I destroy everyone at Just Dance, and beat Chris at a Pepsi chugging competition (years of racing Austin and Cam trained me well). I don't do any overthinking, and I certainly don't question the way I constantly seem to be gravitating towards Matt.

But after all the boys have left and Sydney and I are curled up in my bed, seconds away from falling asleep, her soft voice chimes up, sending alarms off in my head.

"It doesn't really seem like you guys are fake dating."

"What?" I yawn, blinking my eyes open to peer through my dark room at Sydney's shadowy figure. Chandler is stretched across the end of the bed and Joey is snuggled up against me under the covers, his body heat making me drowsy.

"You and Matt. It doesn't seem like you're fake dating," Sydney repeats quietly. "You guys just seem really close. I haven't seen you that comfortable around anyone else in a while. Are you actually into him?"

"Maybe," I whisper, my voice filling the dark room. "I'm definitely attracted to him and I really enjoy spending time with him, but I don't know about legit feelings. I just..." I pause, grappling to find the right words. "It's really easy with him. And he fits so well into my life, it's like I don't even have to try to explain the things that make my life different, he just gets it and supports whatever it is."

"That's huge," Sydney murmurs. "He seems like a really good guy."

"He is," I agree without hesitation. "It's been really cool to see him open up and come out of his shell as he gets more comfortable around me. He wants to get out of his comfort zone more and asked me to help him, so I'm taking him cliff jumping in a couple days."

"Hang on," Sydney giggles, her tone taking a mischievous edge. "You've welcomed him into your home, he's met your siblings, he loves your dogs, and he's willingly going adventuring with you? And you're telling me you're not in love with him?"

"It's not that simple," I sigh, burying my head deeper into my pillow. "I can't just be with him. My siblings are my main priority and I can't get distracted. Especially now while Kaya's going off the rails and the twins are struggling in school. Not everything's about me."

"But not everything's about them either," Sydney gently reminds me. "And you've been fake dating Matt for two weeks now, and have you been any less available to your siblings?"

I hesitate, knowing that Syd is going to argue her point until I agree. "Well, no, but-"

"Exactly!" Sydney interrupts. "Your siblings are still your main priority, but it's okay to make space in your life for something for you. And you said yourself that you've been enjoying having Matt around. He helped you with Kaya, and the twins both love him. He's not impeding on your family, he's literally just fitting right in."

"I'm scared," I mumble, anxiety churning in my stomach at the thought of taking a risk on Matt. "I promised myself when I gained custody that I wouldn't let anything distract me."

"And you're not." Sydney's hand finds my own in the dark, her touch providing me with comfort. "I'm in your life, but I don't distract you. Larray's in your life, but he doesn't distract you. And Matt can be in your life and not distract you too. But babe, there's no rush. Matt seems perfectly content cuddled up to your side while you figure out your shit, so I doubt he's in a rush."

"Shut up!" I laugh, tossing Sydney's hand back towards her. "It's kind of weird, I never would have pegged him to be a super touchy person."

"He's just obsessed with you, that's all," Sydney yawns, and the duvet crinkles as she shifts her weight. "But seriously, take it slow. Figure out what you want and how to make it happen. You're good at that. And I'll be here if and when you need to rant."

"Thanks, Syd." I reach out to touch her shoulder before curling back up into a ball, sleep fogging my brain. "I love you."

"Love you too, Lo," she mumbles, fading away into sleep.

With the sound of Joey's steady breathing beside me luring me into a deep slumber, it doesn't take me long to drift off, and that last thought that occurs to me before I'm gone is what it would be like to have Matt next to me instead of Sydney.

ミ i n s t a g r a m 彡

larray added to their story...

nicolassturniolo added to their story...

sydney.adams added to their story...

christophersturniolo added to their story...

matthew.sturniolo added to their story...

logancastillo added to their story...

𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐚'𝐬 𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 ♡︎

and thus we have reached the end of our celebration chapters 🤩 i'm actually so happy i got into the english program i was going to be devastated if i didn't get in

BUT ANYWAYS since i've already asked two questions today, i figured i would share some facts about myself so you can get to know me better!

cara is actually a nickname! my full name is carrie :) and i am canadian!

my biggest dream is to travel the world. i backpacked europe last year and i have not been able to stop thinking about it since

my favourite singers change every week but my current favs are dominic fike and madison beer. i also listen to a lot of christian music and i love josiah queen, forrest frank, phil wickham, and rend collective

i am allergic to gluten, dairy, sesame, pineapple, and kiwi LMFAO

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! have an incredible weekend <3

🍓 🍓 🍓