I am scared

Lia's

"HE wants annulment, Lia."

Sunod – sunod ang pagpatak ng mga luha ko matapos kong marinig ang sinabi ni Atlanta. Wala naman akong inaasahang kahit na ano mula kay Lemuel. I'm not even waiting for his apology, nagpapasalamat na lang ako at umalis siya sa bahay na ito kasi kahit paano ay nakahinga ako.

"He's here and it's his decision." Hindi pa rin ako nagsasalita. Magiging napakahirap sa akin magsalita dahil ayokong marinig ni Atlanta ang basag na basag kong boses. I tried to calm my nerves but how will I do that? How will I fucking do that when all I can think about is the fact that we are getting annulled. Kung sabagay, ito rin naman ay para sa aming dalawa. Ngayon kasi ay hindi magandang magkasama kami. There's this big tension within us right now. Hindi makabubuti para sa amin ang magkita pero gusto ko sana siyang makausap.

"He's going home now..." Sumikdo ang puso ko. "Pero sa condo muna ni Pascal. He'll stay there for the time being. Please, Lia, mag-ingat ka. H'wag ka munang maglalabas, magpapadala na lang ako ng tao diyan, papupuntahin ko riyan si Reggie para may kasama ka. Please, kahit magpadeliver ng pagkain ay h'wag na h'wag mong gagawin." Sabi ni Atlanta sa akin. Tango ako nang tango kahit na hindi niya ako nakikita. "I'll end this now. Kakausapin ko pa si Lemuel. I'll make sure that this is really what he wants. Masyadong mataas ang emosyon ni Lemuel and any decisions made in the height of our emotions can cause regret. Mag-uusap – usap muna tayong lahat, okay? Calm down, Lia. I'm taking control and I will make sure you two will come out of this filth clean."

Even if Atlanta sounded so sure, hindi naman napalagay ang kalooban ko. Ang sakit ng lahat sa akin. We're getting annulled. It's what he wants. Maybe he really thinks that this marriage is not worth anything. Baka para sa kanya ang lahat ng ito ay trabaho lang talaga at ako lang talaga ang tangang nahulog sa kanya kaya nasasaktan ako ng ganito.

And I hate myself for feeling like this. Hindi naman ako dapat nagkakaganito kung inayos ko ang sarili ko noon pa lang. Hindi ako dapat nasasaktan kung nagpakatino ako, pero hindi naging ganoong ang sitwasyon. I am stupid enough to fall for someone like him. Now, my heart is breaking, and I don't have answers to my parents' questions.

Kanina pa tawag nang tawag ang Mommy at Daddy ko. Dad, especially him wants to know what is happening. Kanina niya pa ako tinetext at sinasabing gusto niya kaming makausap ni Lemuel pero hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko sa kanya. Lalo ngayon na alam ko na kung saan kami papunta ni Lemuel, we are getting that annulment. Hindi ko alam kung anong uunahin ko. Ang sarili kong nasasaktan, o ang mga magulang kong nanghihingi ng paliwanag.

Nagtalukbong ako ng kumot at saka umiyak nang umiyak. Kapag nakita ako ni Kuya Reggie ngayon, pagagalitan na naman niya ako dahil namamaga ang mga mata ko. I hate how I easily cries when it comes to Lemuel. I hate how fragile I have become. I hate it.

Kanina pa vibrate nang vibrate ang phone ko. People kept texting me, calling me, iyong ibang numbers ay ni-block ko na lang para hindi ko na isipin pa, lalo na ang mga reporters, I don't know how they knew my personal number but I don't care. All I want is to rest, cry and talk to Lemuel. Maybe I can finally tell him that I love him, maybe I can tell him that we needed to give this a chance because I want to take care of him and make him feel the love I have for him. Napakarami kong pagmamahal kay Lemuel pero hindi ko naman maipakita kaya ganito ang pakiramdam ko.

Lemuel scares me. Mahal ko siya pero may mga ugali siyang ayoko at kinatatakutan ko. I always ask myself if it was worth fighting for, and I used to tell myself that I will be able to let him go if the time comes and that time came. Akala ko magiging madali lang ang lahat, kahit pala gaano ko paghandaan ang isang bagay, kahit inaasahan ko nang magiging masakit ito ay hindi talaga matutumbasan ng kahit ano ang sakit na dala sa damdamin. The thought of not being able to be with him anymore wrench my heart.

I kept on crying. My phone beeped again and I saw one particular message. It was from Lemuel and I read it immediately.

From: Lemuel

Msg: Are you still crying?

Napakasimple noong mensahe ni Lemuel sa akin pero napakabigat niyon. Hindi ko napigilan ang pag-iyak ko. I want to tell him so many things. I want to tell him that I love him so much, that maybe we can be together, but the pain is too overwhelming that I left him on read. Nakakainis ako.

There's a message from Lemuel again.

From: Lemuel

Msg: I'm so sorry, Lia. I never wanted to hurt you.

Lalo akong napaiyak. Hindi nagtagal ay nag-ring na ang phone ko. He's calling. My hands were shivering but I managed to answer his call.

"Hello?" I tried so hard not to sound like crying even if I am.

"Please don't cry anymore..." Wika niya sa akin. Ang nakakainis, kahit na anong sabi niyang h'wag akong umiyak ay lalo akong naiiyak. Kinagat ko na nga ang ibabang labi ko pero hindi ko talaga mapigilan ang umiyak. Napasinghot ako. "I'm so sorry if I scared you."

And just like that all my worries melted away. Lemuel has a temper, but what I like about him is that he knows when he's wrong and he apologizes for it. I cleared my throat and tried to speak in a straight manner.

"Ku-kumain ka na ba?"

"Lia..." Napabuntong – hininga siya. "Lia why are you being like this? You should hate me."

"I-I can never hate you..." I said to him. I love him so much for me to hate him. Siguro, maaari kong makalimutan ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya, but I can never hate him. I don't like some things he's doing, hindi ko gusto ang temper na mayroon siya, hindi ko gusto na madalas ay parang detached siya sa akin, but the fact that we were able to stand side by side for the last years of our contract and treat each other as good friends, that I treasure so much. He was kind to me. He always makes sure that I am safe – that is something I am always grateful for, therefore I can never hate him.

Narinig kong napabuntong – hininga si Lemuel. I really want to talk to him it's just that I am so overwhelmed with emotions right now. Hindi ko magawang kalmahin ang sarili ko. Hindi ko rin magawang i-voice out ang mga iniisip ko. Para sa akin sa ngayon ay tama nang naririnig ko ang tinig niya.

"Did I do more?" I could sense the guilt in his voice. Lalong bumukal ang luhang kanina pa naglalandas sa mga mata ko. I was biting my lower lip. Baka kasi mapahagulgol na ako. I want him near – that's the only thing I could think of right now.

"N-no..." That came out as a whisper. "D-diego came t-to st-top you." Another sigh was heard on the other line. It was a sigh of relief. If I am hurt by the news that we are getting annulled without me being able to confess to him, maybe he's hurt by the fact that he had hurt me. He never wanted to hurt me. Napahikbi ako.

"Oh, Lia, please stop crying. You're breaking my heart." Ramdam na ramdam ko ang kalungkutan sa boses ni Lemuel. Walang namutawing salita sa amin sa mga lumipas pang minute. We're just in silence and maybe the fact that we know that we're both on the other line comforts us.

I really want to be with him. I sighed again.

"Halina..."

"Hmm..."

"Maybe we should talk..." Finally, he said what's on my mind. Lalo akong napahikbi.

"Yes, please..."

"Okay... you sleep now, stop crying. I'll be with you tomorrow. We'll talk and we'll figure this out."

"O-okay..."

"Bye..." He ended the call. Nanatiling nakadikit sa tainga ko ang phone, alam kong wala na si Lemuel sa kabilang linya, but I had to say it, even though he will never hear it.

"I love you, Lemuel." Wika ko. "I love you so much that it hurts not being with you. I love you..."

I couldn't sleep even if I know that we will be able to talk tomorrow. I didn't sleep at all kaya noong marinig ko ang pag-doorbell sa door ay gising na gising pa ako. I sat up, slowly climbed down the bed and went downstairs.

Relief ang naramdaman ko nang makita kong naroon na si Kuya Reggie. Agad akong lumapit sa kanya para magtanong.

"Kuya Reg, sino iyon?" Mahinang tanong ko kahit kaming dalawa lang naman ang tao sa loob. He opened the door and to my surprise, it was Gino. Agad ko siyang hinatak papasok sa loob. He was wearing an all-black ensemble. May dala rin siyang pizza – maybe to complete his disguise – but the chattering outside this property and the loud flashes of the camera from the ocean o media outside made me realize that Gino came here as him and he is not trying to disguise himself.

"What are you doing here, Gino?" I almost yelled. "People saw you!"

"Trending ka na naman sa socmed as Lia the homewrecker." Nag-aalalang wika ni Kuya Reggie. Napasinghap ako. Gino shook his head and held my hand.

"I am worried for you kaya ako nandito. Do you expect me to just sit around, mope around and wait for you to call me?"

Natulala ako, did I ever tell him that I'll call him? Parang hindi naman? I shook my head.

"Hindi ka dapat nandito. I never said na tatawagan kita. Patay ako kay Atlanta nito. Things are so bad right now, Gino. Naghahanap sila ng butas sa relasyon naming mag-asawa because of that video and how I reacted. Hindi ka dapat nagpunta rito, sana naisip mo iyon.

Stress na stressed na wika ko. Palakad – lakad ako sa sala. Things are getting worse and him being here can only worsen a lot of things, also, anong iisipin sa akin ni Lemuel? Nagalit nga siya dhail magkasama kami ni Gino and when he finds out that Gino is here at the home, we shared together will make him doubt me. Ayokong mangyari iyon. I want a clean slate when we talk tomorrow. Hindi nakatutulong si Gino sa mga oras na ito.

The door opened again. Napasinghap ako. Dinig na dinig ang ingay sa labas ng bahay na iyon. It's a miracle wala pang home owners na nagrereklamo sa akin. Nakakaloka na talaga.

"Lia..." Si R3 naman ang dumating. Titig na titig siya kay Gino habang naglalakad palapit sa akin.

"Jusko, maloloka na ako." Wika ni Kuya Reggie. Napalingon ako sa kanya. Binabasa niya kasi ang kung anumang nasa socmed ngayon kaya nagkakaganoon siya. I took away his phone.

"You always tell me not to read things, why are you reading things?!" I hissed at him. Napakagat labi pa ako. What am I gonna do now?

xxxx

Lemuel's

"Sabihin mo nga sa akin Lemuel kung anong nangyayari?"

Para akong batang munting nakaupo sa couch ng condo unit ni Pascal habang nakatingin sa panganay naming si Kuya Luis. Hindi ko inaasahan na pupuntahan niya ako ngayon. Ang akala ko ay busy siya at nasa Ilocos kasama ang asawa niya at ang mga pamangkin ko, pero nandito siya ngayon, kunot na kunot ang noo habang para akong insektong dina-dissect sa ilalim ng microscope. Si Luigi, ang bunso namin ay nakaupo lang sa laz-y boy sa may gilid habang tahimik na nakatingin sa aming dalawa.

Right now, I'll really appreciate if he says something, pero mukha lang siyang judgmental na aso sa gilid.

"Why did you do that to your wife. It's caught on video. Nag-iisip ka ba? Eskandalong – eskandalo si Daisy at Lemuel I! Nag-iisip ka ba talaga?!"

"Nakainom ako, Hindi ko naman sadya---"

"Bakit ka iinom? Mababa ang alcohol tolerance mo? Tipong nakita mo palang nagbukas ng beer si Paolo, lasing ka na tapos iinom ka pa? Hindi ka talaga nag-iisip!" Kung pagalitan ako ni Kuya Luis, parang hindi niya ako kapatid. Hindi naman ako makasagot dahil iyon ang turo ni Mommy sa amin, never ever talk back to our brother. Isa pa, may punto naman si Kuya, hindi kasi talaga ako nag – iisip. I was clouded with...

What was I clouded with that moment? What happened before that moment? Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin gaanong malinaw sa akin ang mga bagay – bagay.

But then, it hit me, I realized that before that moment, Atlanta and I were talking and she was telling me about how Lia likes Gino. And the possibility of them working together might spark that feeling again. That was what I am worried about.

Napahawak ako sa aking ulo. I looked at Luis, I know that he was expecting me to say something, and I am about to. Hindi ko na kayang itago ang lahat ng ito.

Bumalik lahat sa akin, ang takot sa mga mata ni Lia, ang galit sa mukha niya kinabukasan matapos kong sabihin ang mga bagay na iyon tungkol sa kanya at ang katotohanan na naninikip ang dibdib ko dahil maghihiwalay kaming dalawa. But at this moment, this is the only thing I can do to stop myself from hurting her more.

Tears started falling at mukhang naalarma ang kapatid ko dahil dito.

"The hell is happening?" I finally hear Luigi's voice. Agad namang naupo si Kuya Luisa sa tabi ko.

"Anong nangyayari, Lemuel. Spill it. Tell me what's happening?" He asked me in a hash voice. Wala akong ibang nagawa kundi ang sumandal sa braso niya. I felt his hand caressing my back just like when we were kids. I couldn't help but sob a little.

"I love her, Luis. I lover her and I'm scared that I am hurting her more if we keep doing this façade. I love her and I'm scared that I am suffocating her. I love her so much, Luis. I love Lia and I'm so scared right now..."

xxxx

Gino Ramirez, namataan sa bahay ni Lia Oracion. Is this why her marriage is falling apart?See more...

Gino Ramirez at di kilalang lalaki, pumasok sa bahay ni Mayor Arandia. Ayon sa source ay hindi naman umuwi ang Mayor sa bahay nilang mag-asawa. Anong nangyayari? Sino ang di-kilalang lalaki?See more...

Lia Oracion, malandi...See more

LiaLemuelforever: H'WAG NAMAN KAYONG GUMAWA NG MGA FAKE ARTICLES! IYONG ISANG LALAKING PUMUNTA SA BAHAY NILA MAYOR AY PINSAN NIYA! SEARCH HIM. R3 ARANDIA. TRES ARANDIA ANG IG NAME NIYA! MAY PICTURE SILA NI MAYOR NG MAGKASAMA NA NADOON PA SI LIA!

User434345: @LiaLemuelforever: O SIGE PINSAN NI MAYOR PALA, ANONG GINAGAWA NI GINO SA SA BAHAY NILA? NAG-JACK EN POY KAYA SILA?

Lovelovelove4040: Let's just give them peace. Siguro naman magpapaliwanag rin sila sa tamang oras.

RicardoDalisay: OY SALAMAT SA ARCTICLE NA ITO, UMUNLAD IYONG PILIPINAS AT NABAYARAN LAHAT NG UTANG NATIN SA WB!

Denden123: I really think that this is just a publicity stunt. Pakiramdam ko buong relasyon ni Lia at Lemuel ay isang malaking publicity stunt at kung mayroon mang dapat tanungin dito ay iyong manager ni Lia, the owner of Atlanta Management, si Atlanta Arandia. Of course, she'll do anything to keep the mayor's name clean, kamag-anak iyon ng asawa niya. Lia will come out of this tattered and scarred. Kaawa – awa siya. Hindi siya dapat pumayag sa set up na ito.

Lemlia4ever: @Denden123 Anong publicity stunt? Hindi dahil wala kang love life at hindi ka mahal ng nanay at tatay mo sasabihin mong publicity stunt ang lahat ng ito. Do you see the ay Lia looks at Lemuel?! She looks at him with so much fucking love!

TherealIdo: PUTANG INA NITONG NET MAGAZINE NA ITO EH! PASABUGIN KO KAYO NANANAHIMIK SI LIA. WALA KAYONG RESPETO SA BABAE! PUNYETA KAYONG LAHAT!

AzulSimoun: @TherealIdo get off social media!

TherealIdo: @AzulSimoun: Yes labs!