FIVE YEARS LATER

As she laid there in the streets naked, beaten and heartbroken she wondered if she was going to die there.  Maybe dying wouldn't be the worst thing ever after the trauma she endured.  

Loss.

Death.

Heartbreak.

It felt like she was on a never ending roller coaster of emotions running through her head from that night and everything that happened after.  Like it was on constant replay.  A nightmare that she had every night.  Except the difference was that it wasn't a nightmare.  It was real.  

TESSA always hated being the new student or the new worker at a new place.  She didn't like the look people gave her once recognition settled in and it was like they became starstruck.  And then they treated her differently because of it.  The blurring noise of the alarm startled her as she realized she overslept which was never a good thing.  Especially on her first day at a new place.

It was always the same nightmare that would never go away.  No matter how much she wanted it to.  Almost tripping over the sheets that had fallen down with her, she made a noise, as she readjusted them and made her way into her bathroom to do her morning routine.

She gathered her light blue scrubs that were laid out nicely on the back of her chair as she went to her bathroom to change.  She had just moved to Seattle a couple of weeks ago and was all settled into her new apartment.  After getting off the phone with her parents, she was in a rush to get to work, which was another thing she hated.  Since she had saved up so much of her money she made from stripping, she was able to buy herself a nice apartment close to the hospital.  

"Mom, I'll be fine, I promise," Tessa told her mom as she held the phone and was pouring herself a cup of her favorite Starbucks coffee in her tumbler as she hurried to pack her lunch.

"I know," Natalie let out a sigh.  "I just worry about you is all.  What if you see Alex?"

"If I see him, I see him.  I'm sure he's long gone by now though."

"Oh honey-"

"Mom, I gotta go-"

"Of course.  Have a good first day.  I love you."

"I love you too," she told her mom and hung up as she let out a sigh and closed her eyes.  

Deep breath in and out, just like her therapist said.  

Whenever you feel the panic start to come, remember where you are.  Just close your eyes and focus on your breathing.  Deep breaths in.  Deep breaths out.  

She had so many thoughts running wild through her brain about this decision.  Was it the right one?  Was it wrong?  Should she have accepted Cedars-Sinai Hospital in California instead?  Maybe.  But she had to remember that Seattle Grace was a great teaching hospital.  Not that Cedars-Sinai wasn't, but Seattle Grace was rated number one and she wanted to go to the best hospital for her residency, even if it did mean seeing her ex-boyfriend.

*

She stood outside of Seattle-Grace as she looked at the huge building, ready to take on this new adventure that she was looking for.  After she had graduated med-school, she left Iowa and went back to home in Orange County, California to do her internship there.  After she was forced by her best friend, Nikki, to tell her parents about what happened that night they made sure she got the best care possible and that included seeing a therapist.  

But as part of her therapy this was one of the steps her therapist told her she needed to do.  Go to the place she and Alex had always dreamed of going together.

For the first few months after the accident, she couldn't sleep.  

Before she was given her interns, she knew she was meeting with the chief to go over some things.  She had spoken with him briefly over the phone after her application was accepted and had told him that she was looking forward to working there.  She never asked if there was an Alex Karev working there.  She wasn't even sure if he went there for his intern year like they had planned to do together or if he went somewhere else.  After she sent him that text.  

It was for the better this way.  

But even though she would say that it was for the better she still had all these thoughts running through her mind.  And he still had all of these unanswered questions.  

You can do this, Tessa.  Just make that one step forward.  You can do it.

She made sure her car was locked by pressing the button again on her keys and put the keys inside her purse as she made her way into the hospital.  

Whenever you were in a hospital it's like you could smell the scent of the get well flowers, the entry way doors sliding open and shut every ten seconds of people walking coming or going, the sounds of the squeaky wheelchairs, the scent of antiseptic and the clean, bland walls.  It was all the same.  

"Hi, Tessa?" An older man dressed in nice clothes greets her as soon as she enters the entry way doors that slid close after she entered.

"Yes," she nodded her head.  "Doctor Webber?"

"Please call me Richard," he tells her and they both smile as they shake hands.  "Follow me to my office," he tells her as soon as they drop their hands and she follows.

*

"So, you're interested in cardio?" Richard asks as he rests his hands on his hips and the transfer resident nods her head.

"I am."

"Well, I should warn you that we have another first year resident here who is also interested in cardio."

"Okay?" She asked confused as her eyebrows furrowed, wondering why he was telling her this.  "Should I be concerned or something?  Are there not allowed to be multiple doctors interested in the same field like other hospitals?"

"Oh no, there can," Richard's eyes widened as he realized how it sounded.  "Sorry, I didn't mean like that.  I just meant she really loves cardio."

"Okay," she let out a small laugh, still not seeing the point of this conversation but still wanted to be respectful of her boss.  "That's great.  I really love cardio too.  It's good to have surgeons passionate about their field."

Richard didn't continue any further for fear that his new transfer resident would think that they were all crazy at that hospital.  Maybe they were.  But he supposed now she would just have to find out on her own how Cristina Yang and the rest of the residents were.  

"Right," he nodded his head as he dropped his hands to the side.  "I want you to meet a resident here who is the head of interns," he told her as he led her out of his office.  "Doctor Bailey is your go-to resident.  Anytime you have a problem - you go to her."

"Got it," she nodded her head.

"Doctor Bailey this is Doctor Tessa Moore.  She is going to be our new transfer resident," he introduced the two women as Tessa stuck her hand out for the woman to shake and she did.

"Moore as in the Moore foundation?" Miranda asked, shocked and kind of startled.  

"As in the Moore foundation," Richard confirmed.

"I really just want to be treated like everyone else," Tessa told the senior resident.

"Like everyone else?" Miranda asked as she raised her eyebrows.  "Alright then.  If you have a patient who is dead you better not page me.  He's dead.  Page me before he dies.  When you are paged - you run.  Keep busy and make sure you are always doing something.  If you aren't, I will find you and make you do something.  Clear?"

"Crystal," she smiled at the resident.

"Careful what you ask for," Richard said with a smile and a small laugh.  "Good luck and happy to have you here at Seattle Grace."

Miranda gave the resident a look before she took off walking and the resident followed her.

*

"What's taking Bailey so long?" Cristina asked the group as they were waiting on who they would be assigned as interns.  "She should have been here already."

"I heard we're getting a transfer resident," Meredith told her group of friends.

"Really?" Izzie asked confused.  "Why would anyone transfer now?  We're all way ahead of them."

"The rest of us are but maybe not you," Cristina let out a snort.  "You still have major making up to do because of Denny."

"Whatever," Izzie let out a huff.  "Who do you think it is?"

"No idea," Alex shook his head.  "If it's a girl, she better be hot."

Meredith and Cristina rolled their eyes and they saw Bailey walk out with the chief and a new person who was probably the transfer resident when Alex's eyes widened at who it was.  

He was either seeing ghosts or she was really here.

It had been five long years since she disappeared out of his life.  He kept trying to call and text her even after she sent those two sentences text to him that it was over.  It wasn't until the tenth time he tried that he realized she had gotten a new number.  

She looked different.  She didn't like the same woman he dated for four years.  He couldn't tell why she looked so different.  Not the fun, loving, care-free girl he once knew.  

No more was the girl who taught him to look towards the stars at night and realize that there was hope for a better future.

"Everyone, this is a new transfer resident," Miranda introduced the young woman who was now thirty-two years old.  "Her name is Tessa Moore.  I expect you all to show her around and make sure she is acquainted with everything.  

"Wait," Cristina said as things were clicking with her.  "Tessa Moore?  That name seems so familiar," and then she gasped slightly.  "Your parents are Antonio and Natalie Moore from the foundation.  Your parents are legends.  Like the royalty of the healthcare field."

Tessa gave an awkward laugh as she put her hand on her arm and rubbed it, a nervous habit she could never seem to break.  At least that was still the same.  

"Yeah, but I really just want to be treated like everyone else."

"Why would you want to do that?" Cristina asked confused and Meredith hit her arm which made her make a noise and look at her best friend.  "What?"

"If we're done with introductions can we just know who our interns are going to be?" Alex asked with an attitude as he crossed his arms which made the others look at him with raised eyebrows.  

"Yes," Miranda said with a nod to her head.  "Pierce, Sadie, Laura, James and Lee you all are with Karev.  O'Malley, Megan, and Lucy with Meredith.  Claire, Mitch, Leo and Graciella with Izzie.  Lexie, Steve, Ryan, and Dani you all are with Yang.  Diane, Matthew, Liam and Madison will be with Tessa."

"Wait, but she's a transfer -" Alex fought Miranda on it.  

"And a resident at the top of her intern class," Miranda sassed back, not realizing that the two had history.  "Get to work everyone," she talked loudly and walked away with a smirk as Alex grumbled and Tessa gave him a look but decided to forget about it and focus on her interns.  Before meeting Miranda, Richard had given her a tour of the floors and everything she needed to know to tell her new interns.  It helped that she was a fast learner and remembered everything almost instantly.  

Alex had always been a little jealous of her in that way as he wasn't.  Tessa turned to her five interns with a smile but tried not to appear like their friend.

"I have six tips for you all as you begin your intern year.  Number one - shut up and listen.  You might think that you have something to prove but when you do that you are speaking more than you are listening.  You will learn more from your superiors than having the attitude that you are somehow better than they are.  You aren't  You will appreciate the insane amount of knowledge, expertise, and clinical acumen that even the senior residents possess.  Part of listening is observing.  Follow me," she told them as they hurried along.  "Secondly - no one expects anything from you except the basic things which you already know - show up on time, don't lie, smile, have a good attitude, ask for help and follow up on things.  These are the on-calls rooms.  Make sure you find time to sleep because the attending's hog them," she shows them as they take a look and they remind most of them of dorm rooms.  "Tip number three," she said and they walked again and went to the supply closet.  "Really quick - this is the supply closet.  Everything you need will be right here so before paging me asking where the antiseptics are check here.  When I was an intern we had someone page our head resident and they were pissed," she said and the interns cracked a smile.  

"Back to tip three - you need a system.  If you don't you will lack sleep, be hangry which is never a good thing, you'll lack patient care and won't be able to get anything done.  So whatever that system is think of it, do it and you'll be thanking me later since it allow you to have a life.  Tip number four - know common diagnosis and practices.  By graduating medical school these should be common knowledge to you now but you should have them engraved in your brain.  You might think that now that you are an intern you'll be in on the big cases - that's where you are wrong.  More often than not you are asked more questions about bowel regimens, nausea, pain control, Afib and low urine output.  You will be asked to be scrubbed in on the big surgeries though so that you can learn since this is a teaching hospital.  

"Tip number five - make the person above you look good.  As an intern you'll report to your senior, which is me.  I will then report to the attending.  The attending reports to the chief and so on - you get the picture.  Bottom line - don't make me look stupid.  By making me look good and me having the attending look good will make for a smooth team.  Lastly, call your patient's families.  Even if you are taking notes - call them!  It's called multi-tasking for a reason people.  Just provide them with a three minute update because that's all they want.  Try to make it in terms that they will understand too because often times patients don't like it when they don't understand what the hell we're saying.  Follow me," she tells the group of five and they scurry off to keep up with her.  "Also these are your pagers," she says as she hands each of them their own.  "Answer them immediately and when a nurse pages you - you run.  Your first day starts now and lasts forty-eight hours.  Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor," she said quoting the Hunger Games which made some of the interns scared.

The scared, shy interns take the pagers immediately and stuff them in their white lab coats as they follow their resident.  

*

"Whose that hottie over there?" Mark nodded his head in Tessa's direction as she was glancing at her patient's charts.  

"That's the new transfer resident?"

"Let's go over there," Mark nudged him. 

"No way," he shook his head but Mark was already half way there so he caught up with him.

"Hi," he smiled dreamily at her and his blue eyes seemed to sparkle.  "You're the new resident, right?"

"Yeah, Tessa Moore," she brought her hand out and he shook it.  

"Doctor Shepherd.  Neurosurgery, right?" She asked after they dropped their hands from shaking hands.

"Yeah," he let out a short laugh.  "How'd you know?"

"I've read about your work," she said as she nodded her head and sipped on her coffee but then her eyes widened at how that sounded.  "I swear I wasn't stalking you.  I'm not a stalker," she said and Mark found the whole thing amusing.

"I'm Mark Sloan," he said stepping in front Derek and shaking her hand.  "Plastic surgeon."

"Oh so you do face lifts, boob jobs and ass implants?"

"That's not all I do," he complained, as he hated that's all people thought about when thinking of plastic surgeons.  

"Wait, did you say Moore?" Derek asked.

"As in the Antonio and Natalie Moore Foundation.  Those are my parents.  I think this would be the fourth time it's been brought up now at this hospital."

"Sorry," Derek apologized and she waved a hand.

"Don't worry about it.  I'm used to it.  But really, here I'm just Tessa."

"Good luck with that," Mark told the brunette.  "Your parents bought like half of my new equipment for surgery."

"Yeah," she muttered.

*

"What have you got for us?" Tessa asked as she came in with the other residents and their interns.

"Where have you been?" Callie asked everyone as they made it to the ER.  "We have multiple MBC's any second."

"We're here aren't we?" Alex said to the Latina.  "We're here."

"Just get ready and monitor your interns."

"Alright, Diane and Matthew go wait at the ambulance's, Liam go with Cristina's two to get snap pack's and Madison and Philip come with me."

All of the residents come out just as the ambulances start to pull up in their yellow gowns and gloves.  

"Grey, don't just let them stand here," Miranda told Meredith.

"Move people," Meredith told all of them and they followed after her.

Cristina went to one ambulance as Miranda, Meredith and Tessa went to the second ambulance and Alex went to the third.  Meredith and Tessa were tending to the pregnant woman who was on the stretcher as Miranda was talking to one of the paramedics.

"Did he say arm?" The patient asked in a daze.  "My arm is gone?"

"Mrs. Walters, you're going to be okay," Miranda told the patient.  "Grey check the wound," she told her and she walked up and pulled the blanket slightly off her.  

"I really need my arm," the patient said.

Tessa, Miranda and Meredith all ran with the paramedics with their patient still in the stretcher as they wheeled her off fast but Meredith was behind as Tessa heard her yell something to someone.

*

In one of the rooms in the ER, Tessa and Meredith were tending to their patient with George who was Meredith's intern.  

"So what hospital did you transfer from?" George asked as he tried to get to know the girl as she was doing the woman's ultrasound to make sure the baby was okay after the accident.

"Hoag Hospital Newport Beach," she tells him as she looks up at him slightly with a small smile but then goes back to doing her patient's ultrasound.

"That's right on the beach, isn't it?"

"Yeah," she nods her head.  "About a four minute drive."

"What made you transfer here?" He asked as a nurse tended to their patient's severed arm.  

"I wanted to be at the best," she told him.  It wasn't a complete lie.  Everyone knew that Seattle Grace was rated number one which was why she and Alex had made a promise to come here together so many years ago.

What she failed to mention was that her therapist told her to think of her happy place and go there.  The beach had always been her happy place.  It was where she felt serenity, calmness.  

Where she could clear her head of all the demons inside waiting to get out.

"That girl out there," Meredith told George but Tessa was listening too since she wasn't exactly quiet.  "The dopey wide-eyed one," she said as both George and Tessa looked out the window.  "Apparently we're related."

"Oh you met Lexie," George commented as Tessa stayed quiet, focusing on her job.

"Hm, you knew?  You knew about it and didn't tell me, huh?"

"I've kind of had a lot going on."

"This is trauma room one," a blonde, bubbly resident came in with her interns and Tessa remembered that her name was Izzie.  "As you can see - there's trauma," she commented which made Tessa smirk at the obvious comment.  "Hey, can I see if you guys need some help?  Please tell me you need some help," the blonde all but begged Meredith.

"It's a little crowded already in here, Iz," Meredith told her just as Mark Sloan walked in.

"What have you got for me?" He asked.

"Nancy Walters.  Complete amputation," Meredith told him.

"Baby looks fine but she is having some contractions," Tessa told Mark.

"Why does new girl get my job?" Izzie complained like a little three year old.

"Doctor Webber wants her to get familiar with all the rooms."

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes slightly.

"You're doing pretty good with the ultrasound," Meredith told Tessa as Miranda wanted the blonde to kind of look out for the brunette which made the brunette laugh quietly but not in a rude way.

"I am a resident.  She seems pleasant," she said in regards to the blonde that just left and Mark smirked at her sass.

"Right.  I know that.  Just ignore her like we all do."

"I'm Doctor Sloan," Mark greeted the patient.  "Do you mind if I take a look?"

"It's a clean cut," Izzie said and made a face.

"You want to rub against me you gotta buy me a drink first," Mark told the blonde and she moved, annoyed at his behavior, and she leaves along with the rest of her interns.

"Hang in antibiotics and put on a sterile moisture dressing.  There's a chance of a good recovery here.  Do we have an arm?"

"They're looking for it," Tessa tells him.

"My baby has no father.  He's already down two arms.  So he would really needs me to have an arm."

"Get me that arm," Mark tells the two women and the two residents nod their head in understanding.

*

"Somebody set up for traumatic fusion drainage," she says as the patient winces in pain.  "And order him for morphine," she says and Alex whistles at his interns.

"She means one of you morons," he tells the group.  "Get an eighteen inch gage needle and twenty cc's.  The damn morphine," he tells them and they hustle out of there.  

"Morphine's cool but I'd kill for something to eat," the patient tells the two doctors.

"A healthy appetite after a trauma like this?" Callie asks surprised.  "That's a very good sign, Joey.  Let's check those x-rays," Callie tells Alex as they go over to look after she was handed the packet.  

While they check on the x-rays, their patient sneaks the cotton balls into his mouth and eats them.

"Everything looks good," Callie comments.  "No surgery."

*

Tessa feels her arm being yanked and she lets out a little yelp as she stumbles slightly and into a broad chest that helps steady her.

"What the hell are you doing here, Tessa?" He asks as he pulled her over to a deserted hallway.

Once she realized that it was Alex she put a hand on her heart as she slapped him lightly and tried to calm down her erratic heart beating.  

"Don't ever do that to me again," she hissed at him.

"Answer the damn question," he said ignoring her odd behavior as he remembered how she used to be whenever he did that to her.

"What does it look like I'm doing here?  I'm here for residency."

"Why?"

"This wasn't just your dream, Alex.  It was mine too.  I didn't even think I would see you here."

"Yeah, well dreams change.  I thought you were against coming here," he said accusing her as he crossed his arms and she scoffed.

"I was never against coming here.  I just didn't want to come here my intern year like you did.  Look, is that all?  Because I have to find a severed arm."

"Yeah, whatever.  I can't believe I ever dated you," he spat out and stomped away.

A look of hurt flashed in Tessa's eyes but what the former couple didn't know was that someone was listening to their conversation.  That person was George O'Malley.

*

"Wait, so Karev had a girlfriend?  Our Karev?  I've gotta meet her," Cristina said as she was surprised by this news that Meredith told her who was told by George.  

"Who had a girlfriend?" Izzie asked as she set her tray full of food down on the table and took a seat for lunch.

"Alex," Meredith told her and Izzie busted out laughing.

"Yeah right," she made a scoff.  "Who the hell would date him?"

"Weren't you interested in him, Iz?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, yeah," she waved a hand.  "So does anyone know who this secret girlfriend is?"

"George said it's Tessa."

"No way!  Tessa as in Tessa Moore?  The new girl?  No wonder why he acts like he hates her.  Of course Alex would have a hot ex-girlfriend.  Why do you think the breakup was so bad that he hates her now?"

Alex joined his group of friends and began to eat as they all sat there staring at him.  As he went to take another bite he couldn't help but feel like someone was staring and looked up at them all as they just stared at him.

"What are you staring at?"

"You dated Tessa Moore?  The Tessa Moore?  Her family is like legends in the healthcare field," Cristina said amazed that someone like that would date someone like him.

Just as they were talking about her, Tessa came in with her resident jacket on her that she was now wearing and went to an empty table to sit at.  

"What did she tell you guys, huh?" He asked, pissed off.

"She didn't-" Meredith began but she wasn't going to rat George out knowing how much hate he would get from Alex.

Instead of answering them, he marched over to Tessa's table where Callie was now sitting and looked like that emoji where steam was blowing out of his ears.

"What the fuck did you tell them?" He raised his voice at her which made her jump in her seat slightly as he pointed at the table where his friends were.

"What are you talking about?" She asked quietly as her voice shook with a little fear, even when they dated he would get mad but never like this.

"They're my friends!  Mine!  So don't come in here thinking you can just steal them away from me by telling them all of your secrets-"

"Karev, that's enough," Callie raised her voice at her resident and he shook his head.

"Fuck you," he shouted at her and stomped away, grabbing his food before leaving.

Tessa sat there, stunned.  

What had she done?

She flinched slightly when she felt someone's hand on her forearm and she looked scared slightly.

"Hey, it's okay, it's just me, Callie.  Are you okay?"

"I need to go.  Excuse me," she told the senior resident and rushed out of there as well.

*

"Help!" A little kid yelled in the ER room.  "We need a doctor.  Help!"

"Inside voice," his father told his son.  "Uh, we found an arm in the road," he said holding up the severed arm.

"That's our arm," Tessa said as Meredith followed her and grabbed it carefully from him and left.

*

"My arm is gone," Tessa and Meredith's patient started to cry as realization dawned on her.

"We have your arm," Meredith tells her calmly.

"Doctor Sloan is checking right now to see if we can reattach it," Tessa finishes as Meredith let her talk.  "Is there someone we can call?"

"There's n- n- .  I just moved here.  I'm all by myself.  There's no one."

"Doctor Sloan should be here soon," Meredith tells their patient.

"I wanted a kid," the patient explains.  "I was sick of waiting for the right guy so and my family- my family doesn't go out and get pregnant.  Now I'm alone and I'm having a baby and I don't have a father for the baby.  And I don't have an arm," she says as she starts to cry.

"It's okay," Tessa tries to calm their patient down.  "Here's Doctor Sloan," she says when she realizes he's coming into the room.

"Nancy, I'm happy to report that your arm is in good shape.  Doctor Grey and Doctor Moore here is going to clean it up a little and I'm going to put that arm where it belongs.  Okay?"

"Okay," she nods her head, feeling a bit more okay about it now.

*

"How about you do one side and I do the other?" Meredith suggested to the transfer resident and she nodded her head as they both wore scrub caps, gowns and gloves.

"I can do that.  You do left and I do the right?"

"Yeah."

For a few minutes they worked in silence as they had a magnifying lamp in front of the both of them before Cristina came in and went up to Meredith.

"No sign of Burke, oh you've got a severed arm."

"It's our arm.  Ours.  Get away from it."

"Maybe he's not on today," Cristina said and Tessa piped in.

"Whose Burke?"

"He's the cardiologist over here and Cristina's ex-fiance," Meredith explained.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"He left her at the alter."

"Uh, Mer-" Cristina spoke, shocked at her person.

"He's an ass.  You don't need someone like that," Tessa told her, even though she had just met her.

"I like her," Meredith commented.  "Seems kind of dark and twisty."

"You have no idea," she muttered and the two women looked intrigued but she didn't talk anymore after that as she went back to her work.

"Maybe you should just see him and get it over with," Meredith told Cristina.

"N-n-no," Cristina said as she rested her forehead in the palm of her hands.  "If I never see him again, I don't care."

"I've seen Derek and Derek has seen me," Meredith commented.  

"And?"

"Awkward.  Plus, he seems to know Lexie."

"And?"

"Your intern is my half-sister.  How weird is that?"

"I'm trying to save Bambi's life and my interns think I'm a loser," Izzie says as she comes in.

"Whose Bambi?" Tessa asks, looking up slightly.

"A deer I'm trying to save."

"A deer?" Tessa asks confused why she would put her focus on a deer.

"Severed arm," Izzie marvels.

"Callie's a bitch," Alex complains as he comes in and Tessa tenses up.  He sees her too and realizes he made a mistake coming in.  

"Word," Izzie agrees.

"And I'm leaving.  Goodbye."

"Does anyone know anything about deer?" Izzie asks the three.

"Nope," Tessa answered.  

The door opened again and this time it was George.

"Oh, George," Cristina says as she sees him.  "Severed arm.  Plus, Meredith's half-sister's my intern, Izzie is playing Doctor Dolittle oh and Alex hates your wife."

"Doctor Sloan's ready for the arm," he says and then leaves.

"I'll say it," Meredith raises her arm.  "George is being an ass."

"I think it's my fault," Izzie says.  "I said some things and now he's not talking to me."

"You guys knew George before?  Isn't he an intern?" Tessa asked.

"He was in our group but he failed the exam," Cristina says.

"That sucks," Tessa said.  "But at least he will know everything."

*

Tessa was in the scrub room, finishing up washing her hands as she already had her scrub cap on as Meredith walked in and began to do the same.  It was a few moments of awkward silence before Meredith spoke up.

"Sorry about that in the cafeteria," she spoke softly.

"It's okay," she murmured.

"No, it's not.  I had no idea that it was a touchy subject that you guys dated before.  I'm sorry for bringing it up to my friends and us asking him about it.  How he treated you wasn't alright."

"I deserved it for how I left him," she said and left the room before she could answer anymore questions and into the OR as the scrub nurses put her gloves on her and she thanked them.  

"Nancy, I want you to count back from one hundred," the anesthesiologist said to their patient as Meredith and Tessa were getting everything ready.  "Okay?"

"No," she started freaking out again.  "No, I'm not ready."

"It's just like going to sleep," Tessa tried to reassure her.

"I can't do any of this alone," Nancy freaked out.  "I don't want to be alone anymore."

"I know," Meredith tried to calm her down.

"No, I'm scared.  I am scared, Meredith and Tessa."

"I know," both women said at the same time and after they were done looking at their patient, they looked at each other, wondering the same thing - what did they both have to be afraid of?  

"I think it's very brave what you're doing," Meredith told her.  "Much better to be alone and feel like a success than to be in a relationship and feel like a failure all the time, right?"

"That's what I think," Nancy agreed with the surgeon.  "So let's just take care of your arm and then we'll deal with the rest later.  Okay?"

Nancy nodded her head in agreement and both surgeons looked at the anesthesiologist to give the okay for the mask with the anesthesia to be put over the patient's mouth and nose area.  Tessa looked at the blonde and gave a look that told her that she had done a good job as both Meredith's and Tessa's interns were in the OR as well.  

"We've got a bleeder," Mark told his other residents working with him.  "Doctor Moore, press and hold right here."

"She's having contractions," George told them. 

"Take a look George," Meredith told him.  "It's probably the stress."

"No, these are strong and two minutes apart."

"Call OB and get someone in here," Tessa said.

"Uh, I don't think there's time to call OB," George told the group.  "Her water just broke.  She's crowning."

"Call peds.  Get a warmer in here.  This baby's coming out.  O'Malley - get her up in stir up's," Mark told him.  "Try it without all the jostling.  I'm holding onto a major artery here."

"Clamp," George said and was given one.  "Scissors.  I got it.  I got him," he told the group as he brought him over to get looked at.  

"Great job, George," Meredith told her friend.

"Good job," Tessa said as well.

"Yeah, yeah, were all heroes," Mark said.  "If no one minds - I'd like to give this woman her arm sewn on.  Like she said - she's gonna need one."

*

"How was your first day at your new job, tesoro?" Her father asked over the phone after she had just gotten in that night.

"Long," she let out a sigh.

"How were the people?"

"Eh," she shrugged her shoulders even though he couldn't see her.  "I saw Alex if that's what you're getting at."

"And?  You can't just leave me hanging like that," her dad complained which made her give a small smile but then it faltered into a frown.

"I think he hates me."

"I mean, can you blame the guy though?  When you left him, you didn't see the look on his face when he dropped off all of your things and wanting some kind of explanation that we couldn't give him.  I love you, tesoro, but you need to consider telling him what really happened that night.  Maybe it might just be the thing for you to heal.  For both of you to heal.  Just think about it, alright?"

"Alright.  I love you papà."

"I love you too.  Get some sleep."

"Yeah, yeah," she rolled her eyes playfully and let out a small laugh and hung up the call as she trudged into her small kitchen to heat up a meal before she got ready for bed.

--

phew!  almost 6,000 words later and i'm finally done with the first chapter!  so i'm still unsure how many seasons i want to go for this book.  what are your thoughts?

also this book starts season 4 episode 1.  i made up tessa's interns.