Natalia’s POV

I kept my eyes closed in those few minutes, just wanting this one moment to continue on for a colossal amount of time, yet I knew that it would only be for a few moments, a part of a scarcely remembered memory of a time with him, of all moments that sourced as much comfort and safety as these.

I knew that after all was said and done, these few moments I had captured with him, where I was vulnerable and yet safe and loved, would be just memories. Just images to conjure in my fragile and broken mind in times of misery and hopelessness, yet they would be more inclined to fuel my misery than to assist me in overcoming it. Therefore they would become memories best forgotten, but lived in and cherished now, as they were precious and sporadic in a life such as mine.

So that is why I hugged tighter to his chest and squeezed my eyes shut, even though there was a party going on around us, and he was probably wondering how much pot I had smoked this morning to create such mood swings in my otherwise perfect facade of his impeccable girlfriend.

The moment ceased suddenly and un-expectantly when a soft female voice entered my ear, and an unwanted cup was forced into my palm.

‘Uh, I brought you some water.’

I took a breath, re-established my poker face and opened my eyes to the reality I was about to face.

I looked at the girl who I knew to be Molly, yet there was only kindness and slight worry glistening in her eyes, not the accusations and confusion I was expecting.

The girl seemed unaware who I was, and I couldn’t help but stare at her, bewilderedly. She didn’t recognise me.

‘Are you feeling alright?’ She asked me, the worry in her features growing by the second at my absolute silence.

I nodded my head, not trusting my voice enough to speak as I took a swig of the liquid, watching as she seemed to relax slightly next to me. Her hands, now absent of the cup, were anxious to be doing something, as they were fiddling around in her lap nervously and she looked between Dexter and I.

Dexter’s voice entered my ear from my other side, his comforting arms tightening protectively around me for an instant as he spoke softly, like his words could break me, ‘Are you feeling ok now? Is there anything I can get you?’

‘I’m fine,’ I spoke, the intended confidence was nowhere to be found in my shaky voice, but I continued onward regardless, ‘Can we go home please?’

He nodded and thanked Molly before taking my hand cautiously and leading me slowly through the house. We passed many people as we went, most of their looks screamed sympathy and kindness, while others were quite the contrary to the those others, suspicion and curiosity leaking from their expressions.

I kept my head down, tucking blonde curls behind my ear silently as I followed him, our linked hands tethering me to reality. The soft warm fingers cradling mine allowing me to not get lost in my own head, and so I pushed back those dark thoughts to focus on the warmness of his hand and the security the one little piece of contact offered me. 

We reached the car in total silence, and I desperately rummaged through my mind, looking for a reasonable grounds for my sudden outburst. I found nothing, so I kept my lips pressed together, looking out the window as he drove us.

I wasn’t aware of my shaking hands until we stopped at the lights and his hand gently covered mine. His hand was steady and warm, whereas mine under his was cold and shaky. I turned my hand over to grasp his, wrapping my fingers around his palm.

His hand stayed there all the way home and before I knew it we had arrived at my apartment, the old building right before us, the venue for the dreaded talk I knew I was about to have with Dexter.

He didn’t say a word as he got out of the car and walked over to me, wrapping an arm around me as we walked towards the old building.

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

Now this was awkward.

We were sitting on the couch, and he was just looking at me, expectantly.

I was so sick of lying to him, so, so sick and tired of all of the secrecy and the lies that are constantly spewing from my mouth. Each syllable seemed to be tainting my sole and adding just a spoonful more guilt into the pit of my stomach.

Not only was I feeling the guilt of the lies, I was feeling the guilt for embarrassing not only me, but Dexter in front of his friends and colleagues.

‘I’m sorry.’

He gave me a strange look, like that wasn’t what he had expected to come from my mouth.

‘What for?’ He asked and I shrugged.

‘For breaking down at the party, causing a scene, it must have been embarrassing for you and I-I’m sorry,’ I looked down at my lap, he was sure to be mad at me after how embarrassing I was today. I had wished that today would go perfect, yet the opposite had happened.

He clasped my hand quickly, squeezing it softly, ‘Nat, look at me.’

I lifted my eyes and he waited a few seconds before speaking, ‘All I care about is you.’

‘But-’

‘No, all I care about is you. You are all that is on my mind right now, and to be honest I am a little confused.’

I stayed silent but didn’t lower my eyes, knowing he would only wait for me to bring them back up to his before he would continue.

‘I am so sorry Nat, I should have been more attentive, I know you said you were nervous, but I just brushed it off and I had no clue that you were so nervous that you would get so upset. I should have stayed with you at the party, but I-’

‘Dexter, it wasn’t your fault,’ I said quickly, wanting the words to be in his mind as soon as possible, already feeling the guilt I must have caused him. He thought that he did something wrong? He was blaming himself?

‘What?’

‘I wasn’t upset because I was nervous because of the party, it was other things.’

‘Oh,’ He seemed to contemplate my words, and I could practically see the cogs turning in his mind, trying to find another reasonable answer for my tragic and extremely emotional outburst.

‘Please don’t think you did anything wrong,’ I told him softly.

‘Why were you upset? Did something happen?’

‘I-I just..’ I didn’t want to lie, but I couldn’t exactly tell the truth, so I told a version of the truth. ‘It’s family stuff.’

‘Family stuff? Are your parents ok?’

‘Yeah, I just, I had a fight with my father and I am just conflicted and it made me upset today.’

He let go of my hand and gently pulled his arm around me, pulling me into his chest. A gesture which I greatly appreciated, leaning against his chest, the sound of his heart loud in my ears seemed to relax me greatly.

‘Do you want to talk more about what happened with your Dad?’

‘No, It’s ok.’ 

‘Nat, you don’t have to bottle up everything inside, you know? I just want to help and I am always here to talk too, no matter what.’

‘I know, and I trust you, just this thing with my dad, I have to work it out on my own, I think, but when it’s all done and sorted out, I will tell you about it,’ if your still alive. I left the rest unsaid but I felt the weight of the words none the less.

He pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, ‘Ok, I’m here for you.’

‘And that means the world to me,’ I whispered, but he must have heard me, kissing my hair lightly and tightening his hold on me just a little.

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

I knocked incessantly at the piece of wood that stood between myself and the room I desperately wanted to be in. I began to abhor the solid wood, anxious to get behind it. I knew Oleg would be home, yet I had been banging on his door for what felt like an hour, but in all honestly, was probably only a few minutes.

The heavy wood finally budged, opening agonisingly and infuriatingly slowly. I was ready to barge past Oleg and gain access to his apartment, before tearing him a new one.

I prepared to barge past him when I was surprisingly, but also not so surprisingly, faced with the weary eyes of Alexander. Seeing Alexander at Olegs apartment wasn’t exactly an aberration, he seemed to be here just as much as Oleg was.

Alexander looked like hell, and I figured that I must have woken him up. I didn’t feel as bad as I should have, being more focussed on the fact that he wasn’t the man I was hoping to see.  

‘Natalia? What are you doing here?’ He asked, running his fingers through his unruly hair, a slight yawn coming from his mouth just after he finished the question.

I ignored the question, pushing past him into the apartment in search of my victim. He was not in the kitchen, nor the bedroom or any other room I could see. I skipped the spare bedroom, knowing that that was where Alexander must have come from. Defeated, I hastily made my way back to the kitchen, where Alexander was making coffee, unfazed by my presence, apparently. His back was turned to me, exposing the muscles that made up his bare back. He turned slightly as I entered and I noticed the black pyjama bottoms which were riding low on his hips. 

‘Coffee?’ he offered and I ignored him, earning a slight eye roll from the young man as he poured two cups, ignoring the fact that I didn’t say I wanted one.

At my silence he rolled his eyes again and spoke, ‘If you’re looking for Oleg, he’s not here.’

‘No shit.’

‘Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, or maybe it wasn’t her bed she was in?’ He winked at me and I was really starting to get sick of his newfound confidence towards me.

‘I slept fine thank-you, now please tell me where your apparent roommate is.’

He laughed slightly before taking a sip of his coffee, ‘I don’t live here.’

I rolled my eyes at that statement, ‘You’re kidding right? You slept here last night, alone, for no reason? You obviously live here.’

‘I sleep here sometimes, yeah, but not alone.’

‘Huh?’

Suddenly someone appeared in the doorway, and for an instant I thought it was Oleg, but that idea was swiftly destroyed after the person walked into the room, grabbing the other coffee cup from next to Alexanders and taking a big sip.

I was so speechless, that I think my jaw had actually hit the floor.

Next to Alexander, now stood a beautiful woman, her dark hair cascading over her dark skin and down her back. She wore only a dark blue oversized t-shirt, of which, I assumed to be Alexanders. The woman smiled at me as she drank her coffee eagerly, long dark fingers holding onto the mug as if it was her lifeline.

‘Natalia, this is Brianna, my girlfriend,’ He smiled, and I instantaneously knew where his newfound confidence has stemmed from.

A bright smile on my face, I stepped forward and extended my arm, ‘Natalie Cherkesov, nice to meet you Brianna.’

I would know how far into our world she was in by how she would react to my name. Those who have only heard it, they fear it. Those who have dealt with my father and gotten on his bad side, or know someone who has, they fear it. Those who respect the name, those are the ones to be trusted, those are the loyal ones, the ones who don’t work for my father or with my father due to fear, but due to respect and mutual understandings.

‘Miss Cherkesov, your father and friends speak highly of you,’ her deep brown eyes widened at the name for an instant before she took my extended hand and shook it with intent. The pronunciation of the name was done well, even though she had a strong American accent.

‘You know my father?’

‘I work for him,’ she said and I noticed the proud tone in her voice.

I patted Alexanders arm, ‘At least one of us is dating someone acceptable.’

He nodded, slightly confused as I continued.

‘What do you do exactly?’

‘I work in cyber security mostly, Oleg is a good friend of mine, introduced me to this one,’ she nudged Alexander affectionately, whose cheeks blushed slightly.

‘Alexander here has been telling me about your café, I’ll have to stop by sometime soon.’

I sent her a genuine smile, ‘You’re are welcome any time, Brianna.’

‘Call me Bri,’ she said and I felt my smile widen.

‘So, does she get your stamp of approval?’ Alexander teased and I laughed.

‘Indeed she does.’

I took a seat at the kitchen island and Bri took the seat next to me, Alexander not moving from the other side, where he casually leaned against the bench top.

‘So, I now see why you didn’t want to be spending nights at your mothers place, a bit too loud, aye?’

Bri blushed next to me, ‘I’m going to have a shower ok?’

Alexander acquiesced, nodding at the woman.

‘Don’t be a stranger Natalia,’ she said amiably, and I gave her a kind smile as she left the room.

I watched as Alexander blatantly checked her out as she walked away and I chuckled slightly.

‘What? She’s hot’ he said and I was surprised by his candour.

‘Nothing, nothing,’ I yielded, but the smirk didn’t leave my lips.

‘Natalia..’

‘Nothing, I’m just proud of you is all, she’s way out of your league,’ I jested, causing him to roll his eyes and change the subject.

‘So, you were looking for Oleg?’

‘Yeah, well, his girlfriend showed up at Bridgette’s son’s party yesterday, she could have outed me to Dexter in a room full of cops.’

‘Yeah, that’s bad, so what happened?’

‘She didn’t recognise me, thank-god.’

His face relaxed at my words, ‘Good, what are you going to do?’

‘Do you mean before or after I violently murder your best friend?’

‘Come on Natalia, you aren’t going to murder him, he didn’t know his girlfriend was going to be there.’

I knew Alexander would side with his best friend on this, I would be willing to bet that Oleg could murder an entire family and his best friend would still back him until his last breath.

‘Alexander, he is the one whose girlfriend is messing with my task, if they weren’t dating then none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t have met that girl at the café, since Oleg obviously must have told her about it, and I wouldn’t have almost been exposed at a party JAM-PACKED with COPS’ 

‘Natalia, she doesn’t know much anyway, it’s not like she knows who you really are?’

‘No, but she’s a step away.’

He shrugged, ‘Well, you can ask Oleg to break it off, but it still doesn’t solve your problem, and I doubt he will listen anyway.’

‘What makes you so sure?’ I said, narrowing my eyes threateningly.

‘He likes this girl, you think he would be risking everything for her because she’s hot or something?’

He had a point, ‘Yeah I guess so, but that doesn’t change the undeniable fact that she is a risk to us all.’

‘I agree with you on that, but it’s Oleg’s choice who he dates.’

I was about to speak when the sound of the apartments front door opening and closing echoed through the apartment.

‘How was your date with- Natalia?’ Oleg came around the corner, noticing Alexander before he noticed me.

‘Nice to see your home, no morning fun with that awful girlfriend of yours?’

‘Kitten, come on, Molly is great, I thought you were going to ease up on her?’

‘Not after yesterday.’

‘Yesterday?’

‘When she showed up at Bridgette’s son’s party.’

‘Shit Kitten, she didn’t say anything last night, what happened?’

‘Nothing happened, she’s overreacting,’ Alexander butted in and I shot him a dirty look before answering Oleg.

‘She could have recognised me!’

‘But she didn’t?’ Oleg asked, confused.

‘No she didn’t, but you have to do something about her. She can’t come back to the Café, she will defiantly make the connection if she sees me again.’

Alexander looked awkward, leaning against the bench silently, the now empty coffee cup in his hand.

Oleg looked annoyed for an instant before replying, ‘Ok, I’ll talk to her, tell her we had a falling out or something so she shouldn’t go back to your café but I will not break up with her. This way she won’t cause problems and we are all benefited, happy?’

‘No I am not fucking happy Oleg.’

‘Ok, I’ll be in the other room,’ Alexander slipped out of the room quietly.

‘Why not? I heard from Erik that the whole Dexter thing will be over in a few days anyway, so why bother?’

I didn’t answer him, just gave him a detesting glare.

‘Kitten, you are planning on terminating this mission in a few days right?’

‘Yeah.’

‘That doesn’t sound too convincing, you know? Try looking me in the eyes,’ his voice was harsh and cruel, holding none of the kindness and light-heartedness I was used to.

I got up, making my way towards the entryway but a hand shot out, grabbing my arm roughly, and keeping me in place.

‘What?’ I snarled at him, ‘I am going to figure it out, ok? You don’t have to worry about me’

‘If Dexter lives, then he could eventually gain the numbers and power to make some serious ripples, enough to one day bring us all down, is that what you want?’

No, that wasn’t what I wanted. What I wanted was endless days of summer in the suburbs with Dexter, was being the soccer mom who drove the carpool, I wanted the life I had never dreamed of but now that it was so close and yet so far away, I wanted it more than ever. I had always thought that normal was boring, and a life in the suburbs seemed dull, but with Dexter at my side, it seemed like paradise, albeit a possibly unattainable one, but a paradise none the less.

I couldn’t tell Oleg that, he had made it quite clear that his happiness and the family business come before me by miles.

‘I will do what I have to’ he made no move to remove his hand at my words, only tightening its grip to an almost painful level.

‘That wasn’t a straight answer, Kitten.’

Kitten. A word I had once loved, now stood for something entirely different from the loving pet name it had once been. It now showed my naivety and gullibility, a unparalleled and unquestioned belief in lies I was told and values I was taught to hold. It succeeded to remind me, every time it was uttered, that my family were monsters, who believed money and power were worth more than compassion and love.

They say that blood is thicker than water, but the blood between my father and I was so diluted by lies and sinful actions that it no longer resembled the ties it once held us by.

I knew better now, I was no Kitten, I was Nat. Not Natalia or Natalie, I was Nat.

My fist flew out fast and hard, hitting his jaw in an instant. He recoiled, his hand leaving my arm to cradle his bleeding face.

‘Don’t call me Kitten.’

I left him to ponder my words, making my way out of the apartment and down the elevator and as I walked the short distance to my café my mind was working hard, cogs moving quickly as I realised the perfect plan.