[ASTRID REESE]
London, England

★ ★ ★

1 YEAR LATER.

There was no beating around the bush when Astrid said she changed.

For starters, Astrid and Sofia no longer lived together. Astrid's huge wedding for David and Jennifer paid rather handsomely, and the first thing she decided to do was move. It was a conversation that she dreaded but felt relieved to had done. To leave Sofia and Ayla, and move into her own home for the very first time in her life was strange to say the least, and extremely emotional to be completely honest.

Astrid spent most of her first night on FaceTime to Sofia, who, unsurprisingly, pulled an all-nighter because she still to this day claimed to work better at night.

Perhaps an understatement to admit Cameron did not enjoy this. The man valued his sleep, and more often than not, Astrid received photographic evidence of Sofia's boyfriend and daughter sleeping in Ayla's bed. Cameron would usually be on his back, and forced into the corner, against the wall, with Ayla all over him, legs, arms, her hair.

A year had changed a lot, and it included Sofia and Cameron's relationship. Astrid was more than happy for her best friend, and was in full support of the decision. Ayla was happy, and as long as the little girl remained that way, there was nothing to fuss over.

Astrid had to be honest, though. She felt Ayla's absence. Now that they no longer lived together, and Astrid had her own space, life felt a little dull. Reese missed the whirlwind of having a ten—now eleven—year old around, and whilst she spent the weekends with Astrid from time to time, it wasn't the same.

Living alone was fine. Astrid had always been alone. But more often than not, she found herself wanting to be around people. Whether to ease her own heartbreak, or simply to connect, she learned she needed company every now and then.

Her friendship with Sofia grew, and in some ways became much more mature than what it already been. At the same time, Astrid knew she needed more than Sofia. Not because the lawyer wasn't enough. So, she put the effort in, and maintained a relatively close friendship with Wes from the Bar.

It was not as unexpected as Astrid thought at first. In fact, it made sense that she allowed herself to open up to someone else. For so long of her life, Sofia had been her only friend. To bare herself to another person like this was liberating, and fun, it was exactly what she needed as she made these new changes in her life.

After David and Jennifer's wedding, Astrid's client pool took a complete turn. Most of the people who now contacted her were more in the price range of what Astrid once hoped to spend on her own wedding day, rather than what it used to be, and she was thrilled. It suddenly felt like life was starting to make sense, and everything Astrid ever wanted was solidifying right before her.

It was precisely why she took the afternoon off on Friday, and invited Wes from the Bar to join her for a late lunch. Originally, the booking was made for Astrid and Sofia, but Cameron had to travel for work, and with Ayla being off of school for a week, they thought they'd make a family trip of it.

While Astrid waited for Wes to turn up, she hearted the photo Sofia sent her on iMessage—Ayla and Cameron at the zoo with the lions in the background. It meant so much to Astrid to still be involved in their lives to this extent, and she never took it for granted.

"Who got you smiling like that?"

Immediately, as the voice interrupted Astrid from the side, she turned her head way too fast for her neck to not be in pain. There, right in her line of vision, was the man, the myth, the legend. Wes wore his usual black trousers and work shirt with a jumper over it. His silver watch glistened against the sun when he brushed his fingers through his hair.

"None of your business," she shrugged and slipped her phone into her bag. It had been a couple of weeks since Astrid and Wes had a catch up, so she welcomed the Versace scented embrace from her friend. "How you doing? How's Kath?"

"Eh," he shrugged, and turned to open the door to the restaurant.

The conversation ended before it began as Wes gave Astrid's surname for the table. The waitress nodded, and smiled as she asked them to follow her. Once they were seated, and nose deep in the menu, the casual catch up resumed. How are you's, and random work updates later, Wes seemed intent on bringing up the anniversary of Astrid's biggest emotional and mental breakdown.

"Listen," he put his hands in the air in defence, amusement brightening his eyes. Astrid couldn't hide her grin as she listened to him blabber on. "I'm only asking because I was going to get a lemonade, but if things are rough, I might need a glass of red, you know."

With a roll of her eyes, Reese leaned forward and pressed her elbows against the top of the table. "Get your lemonade. I'm a changed woman, with my emotions reined in."

"Alright," he responded. "I'll go crazy, and order the strawberry lemonade, then."

"Scandalous," she commented. "Anyway. Yes. I'm fine. It's weird, because it's been a year since we completely cut communication between us but it's also fine because I feel better now. I'm definitely more... sure of myself now, than I was a year ago."

"Back-to-back heartbreak will do that to a woman," he sighed as he made the dramatic comment in order to lift Astrid's spirits.

One thing about their friendship that Astrid felt she lacked in life was the pure banter that created it. From the moment they met at the bar, they took the piss out of each other and their situations, and it was sometimes over the line but it was true. It was raw. It made sense.

Wes kept Astrid in line by being blunt, and she took great joy in returning the favour. Turns out, they both needed the coldness, the harshness, that their loose mouths spewed because it pushed them to be better. If friends can't do that for each other, is there a point in continuing to put effort into the friendship? Both Wes and Astrid agreed there was not.

"I'm surprised there were no drunk I-miss-you-so-much-take-me-back messages on your part," Wes mentioned as he closed the hardback menu and set it to the edge of the table. Perfectly lined with the furniture. "I half expected you to call and freak out every morning of the past year but nothing."

Astrid snorted and closed her own menu. "I deleted his number."

"Fuck. Off."

This time, Reese grinned like a madwoman. Seeing the shock on her friend's face was worth keeping this a secret. As much as it absolutely broke Astrid to cut the final tie between her and Harry, she did what had to be done. She had enough self-awareness to know she'd only do self-destructive things if she kept his number so she got rid of it.

"Does Sofia know?" he asked. Astrid shook her head: no. "You kept this to yourself—why?"

"I guess I just forgot?"

Wes blew raspberries into the air before his head fell backwards and he laughed. "Bull. Shit."

"I don't know," Astrid shrugged. "It was weird, though. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders."

"So, what—you felt guilty?" he asked, and without knowing, he hit the nail on the head. The question seemed to put the missing pieces in place, and it caused Astrid's mind to work overtime in figuring out why it took her so long to understand her own feelings.

"I think so," she hummed. Tilted her head slightly. "Yeah. I think I felt guilty for deleting his number, and the way it made me feel, so I didn't tell anyone. I mean I said I loved him, didn't I, and then I deleted his number like those words meant nothing..."

"Weird but makes sense," Wes nodded as he seemed to try to make sense of Astrid's thought process. "Damn, you're really fine without him, aren't you?"

Was she? Astrid wanted to say yes, she was fine without him. It was partly true. Harry no longer occupied her brain all of the time, and she genuinely felt like she was in a better place than she was a year ago.

But sometimes, when the nights felt a little longer, when the song on the radio reminded her of him, and the charger she used no longer had her initials on it, Astrid wondered, and wished. Wondered if the future held any cards for her to match his. Wished for a life where he was hers and they were happy together.

Weak moments, she thought, because—well, they were weak moments. Astrid's aim was to heal and find herself. To think of Harry in such manner was a weakness, but she allowed it. When it rained a little louder, when someone ordered a tea before her in the queue at the coffee shop. Little moments that meant a lot to her because even though she moved on to mend her heart, she knew it would always spare a beat for the man who gave her the world.

The conversation at the table stirred in other directions, over to topics that made both Wes and Astrid chuckle until their stomach hurt. They ordered appetisers and they both went for a soup then a second meal. Astrid nearly burst out of her work trousers when Wes proposed they order a dessert so Astrid unbuttoned her trousers and pointed at one of the cakes with the fanciest of names.

"So... I have to confess," Wes said randomly. The cake hadn't arrived yet. Wes's wine, did, though. When he ordered the glass for himself—Astrid said no because she was planning on driving—Astrid had a feeling something like this would be dropped on her any second.

"Oh, fuck," she groaned, and hid her face behind her hands. Once the dramatic effect wore off, she leaned back in the chair, and said. "Go on. Ruin my life."

"Kath and I have been thinking, and we want you to plan our wedding."

Astrid's jaw dropped until it locked.

"Surprised?" he asked.

"Well..."

"Please don't end our friendship."

Reese chuckled. "I won't but you might."

"Why would I?"

"I mean... can you afford me?"

Wes's jaw dropped until it locked, too.

"Wow," he mouthed and grabbed his wine to gulp it down. All of it was gone by the time he set his eyes on Astrid again. She couldn't help it when she laughed at his reaction. "You know, I am a CFO for one of the biggest organisations in—"

"—in the world. Yes," Astrid interrupted him, and nodded. "Yes, I know, Wes. I'm only taking the piss."

"So, will you do it?"

"I expected a CFO, and his soon-to-be-wife, to wine and dine me at a five-star Michelin restaurant before asking such thing from me but I suppose charm is a thing of the past," Astrid sighed as though she truly felt disappointed by the situation.

She, of course, couldn't have cared less. Wes was a dear friend. She didn't need to think about taking them on as her client.

"Is that what it will take to get you to agree?" he tilted his head in question, though his gaze averted. Wes sat up straight, and a second later Astrid understood the change in posture. "Thank you," Wes thanked the waitress when she appeared with their desserts. "So? Candle-lit dinner by the Eiffel Tower?"

"Overdone."

"Sunset dinner on the coast of Italy?"

"Has potential," she nodded with the fork in her hand.

"Alright—how about you book it, and I pay?" he gave up as he stuffed his mouth full of the cake. Astrid copied him but nodded along to show she liked that plan. "This is so fucking good."

"It is," Astrid agreed as she went in for the next bite. "I reckon you go for this for your wedding."

And so, without effort, they fell into the wedding planning by accident. Wes started to share what he and Kath, his fiancée, have started to discuss and Astrid had to be honest—everything sounded amazing. The pressure was on to deliver, considering that Wes was her friend but Astrid never back down from a challenge.

★ ★ ★

After the filling late lunch, Wes was needed at home so Astrid went her own way. Since it was the weekend, she had nothing planned and she was more than happy with that. Work was much too scheduled and kept her busy for five days in a row. The least she could do was keep her weekends unscripted.

Considering the time of the year, she didn't want to be alone because her thoughts began to overwhelm her. Granted, she could've fought it but it was Friday, she was in a food coma, and she was in Leyland's Park. Everything was against her, and Astrid knew better than to fight her enemies when she was outnumbered.

Rounds and rounds of the lake in the park helped her work off all the food she consumed. The sun began its descent, and where she expected the park to be deserted, it was bursting with life.

Children played in the playground area, something Astrid usually avoided because it reminded her of her loneliness. At the age of thirty-four she anticipated she would be a mother already. Life didn't go the way she planned all those years ago so it shouldn't have been such a shocking realisation, yet she couldn't help but wonder if it will ever happen for her.

The playground held precious memories for Astrid. It was a place where her and Ayla used to frequent whenever they found the usual playground, located much closer to where they used to live, too busy. This was hidden, and slightly newer so Ayla always enjoyed herself.

Astrid's legs worked on their own as they took her closer to the bright metal fence around the playground. It burst with laughter, and children fighting for their parents' attention. A pair of siblings pushed each other on the swings, a mother awaited her child to go down the slide. The asphalt was covered in drawings made of chalk—trains, houses, flowers, stick figures.

As she smiled down at the different things on the asphalt, she realised just how much she stood out in work clothes. Navy trousers, a white shirt, a grey vest over it. The wind blew on her ponytail but the wax she smoothened her hair with this morning helped to keep it in place. Astrid's white flats were not park appropriate, especially where chalk covered the ground she walked on.

At the same time, though, she couldn't help but imagine a life where she was dressed like this while her own child—or children, if she was lucky enough—had the time of their life inside that fence, with other children their age.

How much would they look like her? Would they resemble their father more? If they saw Astrid coming to visit them after work, while they are hanging out with their dad, would they jump and leave what they were doing to jump all over her, and beg for her attention? She always dreamed of having the closest relationship with her future babies, and she wanted it more than any—

"Watch out!"

But that warning came too late. Much too late for Astrid to notice the pram, and so she walked into it and knocked it forward. It wasn't on a hill but there was an open bottle balanced on the top and it spilled all over the place. Astrid's navy trousers got even darker as it stained her right upper thigh, and the wetness spread over and onto her skin.

"Who the fuck leaves an open bottle on top of a pram?" she mumbled angrily as she held onto the handle of the pram so it didn't go farther than she knocked it. The bottle fell into the grass but Astrid didn't care enough to pick it up. "These are my favourite trousers, and—"

Astrid stopped complaining once she looked up and found herself face to face with Harry.

Harry, who held a baby in his arms.

"Is this a joke?" she asked in a monotone voice. The initial reaction to seeing him shouldn't have been this but it was because she didn't expect to find him at the park.

"I'm sorry," he said. Nodded to her trousers. Astrid looked down out of instinct. "About that."

"Yes, well," she sighed and leaned over to pluck up the bottle. "Don't leave this around like an idiot, and then you'll avoid ruining people's clothes."

Harry frowned at the hurtful approach which Astrid realised was less than friendly but didn't seem to be able to hold herself back. The dip in Harry's brows was familiar, and Astrid felt the texture of his skin beneath her thumb. Many times in the past, she would smoothen the bunched up ridges and he would smile at her.

"For whatever it's worth, Kait left it there," he said unexpectedly. Great, Astrid thought. The sister was back to ruin her life. At this point, she should've seen it coming. "I told her it was a bad idea, but—"

"Why are you talking to me?" she asked bluntly. It bothered her how normal he acted. Did Harry pretend like they didn't know each other—or worse, like nothing had ever happened and they didn't spend an entire year without speaking? Only, of course, to be reunited on the exact same day of their last conversation together.

"Should I send you away instead?" he countered as he sat the baby up on his lap. Astrid refused to directly look at it so she didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl. Truthfully, she didn't care. She didn't want to know.

"We're not friends."

"Did I say we were?"

Astrid's eyes reduced to slits as she took the man in before her. The same crown of curls sat on top of his head. The same bow shaped lips pursed in pink as he spoke to her. The same green forest welcomed her to his soul, and the very being of who he was. The same, the same, the same—yet someone entirely else.

"I'm leaving," she said and put the bottle into the little hole where it was supposed to sit to avoid spilling.

Astrid made it two steps before she was in front of the woman who birthed the child on Harry's lap, the woman who was related to Harry, the woman who got pregnant by Astrid's ex. The very last person on earth Astrid wanted to see but obviously, life had different plans.

"Oh, gosh—what happened to your clothes?" she exclaimed, genuinely shocked by the sight of Astrid. The wedding planner couldn't help herself and rolled her eyes at the dramatics. Kaitlin looked past Reese and made up her mind pretty fast. "I'm so sorry. I—"

"It doesn't matter," Astrid said and stepped to the left to walk past Kaitlin.

"Let me give you some wet wipes, I can't let you walk home like this."

Astrid sighed. "I don't need wet wipes but thanks. I'll be fine."

Although, now that she thought about it, maybe she did need wet wipes. The thought of walking back to her car with breastmilk down her thigh was making her want to strip naked with every second that passed by. Then again, what good would wet wipes do?

Reese refused to wait around so she took off on a speed walk. No one called after her, and she was glad for it. One Styles was bad enough. Two Styles were a complete disaster.

The finish line—Astrid's car—was in sight, and her heart found some peace at last. Her thigh felt wet and her trousers were still patched dark. She could only hope the washing machine would do its job and make the bottoms look as good as new.

Although Astrid didn't take the wipes from Kaitlin, she fished out her own pack from her bag. She muttered never ending curses as she sat against the boot of her car and tried to clean out some of the stain.

Thudding of feet made her panic before she found the source to be Harry. Frightened as he closed in on her. Almost like he was scared he'd miss her by the time he made it out of the park. To think that was embarrassing but Astrid wanted it to be true.

"I thought you'd left already," he said and Astrid had to look away to hide the smile tugging at her lips. Damn it, she thought. He wanted to see her, even though she was rude to him. "I'm sorry, really."

Silence stretched between them while Astrid ran the wipe over her trousers three more times. It started to make the stain look bigger so she stopped and bunched it up in her fist.

"Do you need something?" she looked up at him as she stood on her feet then turned slightly to close the boot. The door slammed down and she turned her body to face Harry.

"No," he blurted. "I mean... I don't need anything. But I wanted to talk."

Astrid hummed in acknowledgement, but remained still with her arms crossed.

"I realise it's been some time since we... well, since everything happened, and now, today of all days, I run into you—I think it would be good to catch up, don't you think?"

Yes, she thought. Yes, because she missed him. Yes, because she would've done anything to have him back in her life again.

No, she thought. No, because she couldn't handle talking to him today, then never again. No, because even though they spent a year apart, just being in his presence in that moment did detrimental things to her heart.

"We could grab a drink at the bar, and talk for a bit," he proposed when Astrid stayed silent. The bar he mentioned had to be the one where they met, the one where Jack worked, the one where she met Wes.

Harry's focus burned her skin. The way he drank her in felt like he hadn't seen her for the past five years and he chose to have his fill. It ignited the butterflies in Astrid's stomach, the ones that worked overtime when she used to be with him. Perhaps the year off kept them energised because she felt like she might throw up.

"I'm busy," she gave the excuse. A planless weekend could've used an evening with drinks but not when it concerned Harry. A year later, he meant the same, if not more, to Astrid and she didn't learn how to control her emotions for him.

"Tomorrow, then," he said.

"I don't know if—"

"You look good," he interrupted her, his voice soft and rich with awe. "You always look good."

Caught off guard, Astrid laughed then said, "Your sister's... breastmilk is on my thigh."

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, pressed his lips into a thin line, and moaned in what Astrid thought to be disgust. "I'm certain I could've lived the rest of my life without that knowledge."

"Why do you want to talk?"

"Honestly?"

She nodded. "Please."

"I miss you."

"Harry..."

He put his hands in the air, defensive. "You wanted honest. That's the truth. A year without you felt like five."

"So you want to catch up?"

"Are you saying you don't?" he didn't sound condescending. He appeared almost shocked. Hurt?

Astrid exhaled and glanced to the side. "I'm saying this is weird."

"Yes, you standing here with my sister's breastmilk on your thigh is weird," he agreed and Astrid laughed out loud. It was impossible to hold it back and it seemed to bring a new shine to Harry's face as he smiled at her in turn. "Perhaps you should go home and get changed before it cakes onto your skin."

Another sigh. "It can't be this easy."

"Of course, it can be easy," he spoke softer and took a small step closer.

"It feels like nothing has changed between us," she dared to say as she looked into his eyes. What was there to be scared of? Harry knew how ugly she could be, how rotten she was at the core. If anyone, it was him who experienced it first hand when he learned of her plan.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"It could be."

Harry perceived her for what felt like minutes. Astrid had to look away from him before she fell in love with him again.

To have Harry stand before her and look the way he did managed to cause her heart to jump around like it started beating for the first time. He didn't stand close yet he was all she could smell. Familiarity coated the air around him, sweet like honey and soft like comfort.

If Harry didn't say something soon, Astrid was scared she'd close the distance between them and hug him. The thought weighed her down so much she felt like she was stuck in a tub of jelly, pressure pressing at her from all angles.

"Let's talk," he offered again. Gentle yet confident. "Let's see where we are."

"I'm scared," Astrid admitted, and Harry's eyes softened.

"Tell me why you're scared."

Astrid's mouth had gone dry and no amount of swallowing could ease it. Her palms began to sweat so she balled her hands into fists. Harry continued to wait for her to answer as he used to do, content to be silent as she found her words.

"I lost you once. I can't lose you again."

To admit those thoughts, those feelings, in the park where she did, in fact, lose him felt like she stood before him naked. As soon as those words were out in the open, Astrid panicked and almost opened her mouth again to take those things back, knowing very well that Harry couldn't unhear them.

"I lost you once," he repeated, and gave it a second to sit in the air between them. His eyes never left hers. Did they ever? "I'm not losing you again."

"How can you know?" she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief.

"I can't know," he said. "But I'm willing to put myself out there if it means there is a chance, I get to live my life with you."

Blood mixed with Astrid's saliva as she tore off the skin in her mouth. Damn Harry and his words. Damn Harry and his perfect responses.

"Astrid," he chuckled, her name on his lips a breath of fresh air to her ears. "You know you are the love of my life."

"I don't," she countered, voice low and hurt. The smile broke from his face and confusion deepened into his forehead in the form of wrinkles. "I don't know that."

"So, let me help you understand," he pleaded, and took a step closer. "I told you a year ago that I didn't want anyone else," he stepped even closer. "I'm telling you today that I don't want anyone else," now, he was right before her. Right there, and her senses were filled with him. He was all she could breathe in. He was all she could feel. His hand, large and warm, against her cheek. His thumbs on the highest points. "It's you, honey," he promised as his eyes danced between hers. She kept her attention on him, mouth slightly agape as she took in his beauty. The stunning features, the lips she missed, the eyes she fell in love with. The whisper of his promise, "It was you then, and it is you now," before she felt the warmth of his mouth on hers and she felt it deep in her soul.

It was him then, and it is him now. 

[THE END.]

★ ★ ★

[A.N.]

[So. We're done. Bye Hastrid.]

[Jokes. Let's have a chat. What was the best part of the story? I feel like I never ask. What was it about the plot, about the characters, or what was it about anything regarding the story, that made you excited, that made you want to read, that kept you here?]

[I think it's so interesting, and I'd love to know how you felt throughout.]

[It'll be strange to not write about Astrid and Harry but I think 30 chapters was perfect. Gives you just the right amount to wonder about, and just the right amount to satisfy you. Me likey likey.]

[In other news, I have no updates for a new story. I mean... I do. Obviously. I'm always writing. Even when I'm not writing... I am writing. I usually post random and unwanted updates on my profile, so it might be worth giving me a follow if not for anything else, then the shits and giggles. I do tend to vent so you know ... find entertainment wherever you can. But yeah - will update my profile with a start date if it ever comes down to it LOL.]

[Okay. I'll tell you about the story I'm thinking of sharing in the literal moment I'm writing this. So. Think old money. FMC was born into it, obvs, huge family. Three brothers. Then the MMC aka Harry. He works for the FMC's family so forced proximity. Kind of enemies to lovers because they are so different, and she'll have reason to make his life miserable. Or, well, she thinks she'll have reason because she overheard him talk about her OOPS. Remember one of my shit posts? I mentioned she'll be spoiled and Harry would humble her from time to time? Yeah. That kind of enemies to lovers where he just wants her to be better for her sake and he starts to fall for her while he may or may not be casually going out with someone else but then GASP he finds out something no one knows about her. Good or bad? We'll see. FMC is basically a dream girl who has everything she wants - or does she? Is she actually preppy and annoying and dumb or is she putting it all on? Who knows? Harry sure does not. IDK. I'm loving the family vibes I'm writing into it. All her brothers are so <3 Just luvluvluv it. We'll see. If you wanna stick around and find out too, please do. I promise -Ihopeandpray- it will be worth it hehe. I can promise to bring pain! Emotional, of course. For you. And some for our MCs. You know how much I love it <3. Also potentially will name it either EVERGEEN or FOR NOW. Maybe won't use any of them bc I can never make a decision lol.]

[Anyway. See you when I see you!]

[Love, B.]