[ASTRID REESE]
London, England

★ ★ ★

Pathetic.

The way in which Astrid managed to purposely miss Harry was pathetic.

While leaving was easy because Harry slept like the dead, it was the coming home Astrid dreaded. Sofia had the day off the following morning so that's how Astrid knew when to go home from work. Thankfully, he had places to be and errands to run so when the workday came to an end, and she stepped through the front door, it was without the lingering guilt that nipped away at her since last night.

"Do I want to know?" Sofia asked from the couch just as soon as the door clicked shut behind Astrid. She sat there with the TV on low volume. Laptop on her lap. A cup of steaming tea between her hands.

"Hm?"

Sofia chuckled. Blew on her drink. Took a sip. Astrid leaned against the wall, shoulders and head, and watched her best friend with tired eyes.

Right. Sofia texted Astrid to let her know she was the only one at home for now. It was 'safe' to come home.

"When he woke up and found me in the kitchen, rather than you, I think he wanted to blame me for existing," she said, amusement in her eyes.

"Yes, well," Astrid sighed. "I was a bitch to him last night."

Without a word, Sofia patted the sofa beside her and Astrid kicked her heels off, slipped her bag onto the floor, and walked right over to her best friend. Sofia put her mug and laptop on the coffee table, then opened her arm up. Astrid curled under it and placed her cheek on Sofia's chest. They inhaled and exhaled together.

"I love saying I told you so but seeing how devastated you are after one argument, I almost feel bad," Sofia sighed and her hand ran up and down Astrid's arm. The weight of her head rested on top of Astrid's, and it felt so safe and comfortable.

Her response was an effortless groan. Lately, she's been too exhausted after she got in from work and she knew it was because of the finish line being so close. Jennifer and David's wedding was huge and while it was going to pay off, she could do with an extra ten hours of sleep every night.

"Want to tell me what happened?" Sofia wondered. "Because I want to know. But I'm also aware you're annoying as hell when you're knackered."

Pulling back, Astrid sat up straighter and tucked her legs beneath her body. Shoulders slouched, she propped an elbow on her right knee and held up her head.

"I can be so irrational sometimes," Astrid groaned and slammed herself against the back of the couch. Her legs stayed crossed and she pushed her glasses up into her hair then ran her hands over her face. "I thought I was in control. I thought I knew what I was doing. Turns out, I was an idiot with a bleeding heart—although it's still bleeding, so I guess I'm just an overall idiot still."

Slurping caught Astrid's attention. Sofia hid behind her large, Sports Direct mug. Her eyes were on Astrid and everything about it told Reese all she needed to know. Sofia agreed.

"The worst part of it all is that I knew—I noticed when things changed, or, at least, I had a moment where I realised this was more than a casual hook-up situation, and I did nothing to reverse it back," Astrid continued to vent. It felt nice to lay it all before Sofia.

It was certainly different—easier, than the idea of talking to Harry about what bothered her.

"Why?" Sofia asked. "I mean, I think I know but—why did you let it go on?"

Astrid shrugged. Was she ready to admit it out loud?

"Why do you think I did?" she asked her best friend. "I want to know why you think I did and see if it makes sense to me, because I won't lie, Sof, I have no fucking clue."

A small smile then: "You love him."

Astrid laughed. It burst from her chest in what felt like perfect little bubbles.

"You laugh but I really do think you are starting to love him," she continued. "It's not a bad thing, unless you think it is?" Sofia waited a moment to see if Astrid would deny it but she was busy taking control of her laughter. "But from where I'm standing, from where I've witnessed it happen, I think you are way past whatever you had planned."

"That much was obvious to me, too—that I'm way past what I planned," she sighed. Love? No. Definitely not love. She couldn't love Harry. Not this soon. "I don't even know how I thought it was a feasible plan."

Sofia hummed. Interested. "You never spoke of your families or anything? You never actually updated me on how things were progressing—that's another flag, by the way. You just treated this as a relationship, rather than a revenge plan, so I'm entirely unsurprised by this turnout."

Touché. Astrid groaned as it hit her. Not once did she treat this plan like a plan. She told herself it was plan but it never really was. It was shit from the start, and she knew it, but goddamn—overlooking the whole thing now made her feel so stupid.

"No," she said eventually. "Nothing about families. I don't think they ever came up. Not for longer than the casual mention of how his sister likes a certain scent, or how it reminds him of his childhood. And same for me, to be honest. We never... explored our families. Isn't that weird?"

Silence stretched on for a little while. Sofia sipped her tea and thought the situation over. Astrid simply waited it out.

"I don't think it's weird," came the response eventually. "You're both busy so finding the time to actually get to know each other is trickier than it would be in any other situation. You haven't known each other for longer than what—two months? Three?" she wondered.

"I think so," Astrid said. "I mean, it's coming up three months. That's... wow. That's a little crazy."

Sofia nodded, agreeing. "Most of that time you spent working. He spent some time on trips for work or whatever the fuck he said about it. So, I guess you haven't had the... not the time, per se, but the right environment to delve into your lives? Does that make sense?" she tilted her head gently then took a sip of her tea.

"Mhm. I don't know," she mumbled. "Because if you say all that, then how can you also say I love him—or starting to love him? I don't see how that's possible. I don't think things happened like this when I was with Derek."

"Yes, but Derek was different," Sofia said right away. "Besides, you shouldn't base your future relationships on that waste of a space human being. You deserve much better than him, and I'll say that ten times over to get you to understand."

Astrid knew that. In fact, she's always known that. Even when Derek was in the picture, Sofia would make sure Astrid knew her worth—if not because the woman anticipated the turnout of their relationship, then because Sofia was the best best-friend anyone could ask for.

"Oh, about love," she said suddenly like she realised she forgot to answer Astrid. "I don't know about love. I've never been in love. But I don't think there's a time limit on such a feeling, you know?" she shrugged and positioned herself so she faced Reese. Mirrored her position so she sat with her legs crossed.

"No, I don't know," Astrid mumbled. "No one ever teaches you anything about love."

"True," Sofia replied.

"Also, love comes with vulnerability that I don't know I can deal with,"

"True times two," Sofia nodded. "But my statement stands."

"That I love him?"

Sofia made a sound in her throat that sounded like no. She said, "That there is no time limit on love. On when you're falling in love. I think it just happens, you know? It comes and it goes but sometimes, it sticks and when it sticks, you don't even realise it. I think it's unpredictable but it can be so rewarding, and I want that for you," Sofia smiled and gave Astrid's hand a gentle squeeze. "I want love for you. I want so much of it that you can't bear it."

And Astrid laughed. Tears filled her eyes but she laughed.

Sofia was everything to her. From the moment they met, they were inseparable. To have someone like Sofia Jameson in her life felt very much like a lottery win.

Conversations like this were cheesy and so unlike what people thought their friendship was. Conversations like this were necessary, however. With Astrid being the way she was, Sofia knew she desperately needed the reminder.

At the same time, Astrid couldn't help but wonder. Wonder whether Sofia did speak from experience because lately, she spent more time with Cam than before. After Ayla's hospital scare, the two of them decided to spend Fridays together. As a three. Go for dinner.

And the look on her face.

Wow.

Now that Astrid looked at her best friend, she almost lost her breath for not noticing it sooner. The rosy, round cheeks. The smile that spread her lips and touched her eyes. The glow that emitted from her.

"You're rolling around with your baby daddy, aren't you?" Astrid accused her best friend, a fake form of offence heavy on her face. Sofia was about to deny the truth but Astrid beat her to it. "You are so seeing Cameron on the DL and you never fucking told me. I can't believe it."

"Listen!" she straightened up after she put her mug down on the table. Sofia grabbed one of Astrid's knees and squeezed. "Listen to me, babe, okay? He is—I'm not sleeping with him."

"Aha—mhm hmm," Astrid nodded, her lips widening instantly. All her exhaustion and moodiness out the window. This was gold. This was simply perfect. "You're definitely not sleeping with him."

"I am not!"

"You're such a liar!"

Sofia groaned when Astrid started to laugh, and buried her face in her hands. It was barely audible through her fingers but Reese caught it when her best friend said, "I am sleeping with him."

"Well, yes, of course, you are," Astrid nodded and grabbed both of Sofia's wrists to pull them away from her face. "Finally? I've been waiting."

"You're too happy about this," she said. "Way too happy."

Astrid shrugged and stretched out her legs, one of them slightly over Sofia's. "How did it happen?"

"We took our clothes off and he fucked me into oblivion. How do you think it happened?" she laughed.

"First of all, I know the practicalities," Astrid rolled her eyes. If anyone knew, it was Astrid Reese. After everything that Harry showed her in the bedroom, for hours on end, she had a pretty extensive knowledge on the matter. "I meant how the hell did you just start casually hooking up? You two had a strict rule about it for Ayla."

Before the conversation started to get much more serious, Sofia grabbed her mug again and settled into the corner of the couch.

"It was the night you went to that dinner with Harry," she said.

"This has been going on for two weeks?" Astrid shrieked.

With a groan, Sofia said, "Ayla was missing her dad more than usual, but he couldn't have her over earlier than the week after because of his travels. So, I don't know—I just called him up to have him on FaceTime for a bit, you know, give Ayla some time to talk to him, have him explain the situation."

"And you just fell in love, okay, I understand," Astrid nodded with a teasing grin.

"Shut up," Sofia mumbled, her foot nudged Astrid's knee at the same time. "Anyway. He said he could come over and tuck her in if I really couldn't make her feel better, and since I'm not a fucking monster who'd deprive her child from her father, I said sure, why not."

"Shut up," Astrid whispered. "Shut up. He came over? He spent the night, didn't he?"

"Yes," came the answer. "He spent the night because he fell asleep in Ayla's bed while he read her a bedtime story. I kind of forgot he was over because I had so much work to do that evening, so I was in the kitchen, just doing what I needed to get done. And then out of nowhere, I just heard his shuffling feet and he was just... there."

"What do you mean just there?" she asked.

"Like..." Sofia chuckled. She may have even blushed. "He stood behind me, kind of. He gave me a shoulder massage, telling me how knotted my muscles were and shit, and I almost melted off of the chair."

"Fuck off," Astrid whispered, half amused, half swooning. She leaned forward as she immersed herself in the tale. "That's so—"

"I know," she said. "My ovaries almost exploded, and my womb was ready to host another one of his kids."

Astrid gasped. Overly dramatic, yes. But also, very genuine.

"Continue," she demanded. "Tell me how he got you naked, because you're one of the hardest people to convince after you've made up your mind."

"Not when Cam is involved," Sofia mumbled, and Astrid laughed. Touché. "To be fair, I think we were both a little delirious. And he was in a strange mood. Kind of—I don't know. He seemed like he needed to be comforted—,"

"So, you opened your legs."

Sofia kicked her again and laughed. "Yes. I opened my legs. And what about it?"

"Hey," Astrid put her hands in the air. "I'm happy for you. Really. Cam is great."

"Yeah," Jameson smiled. Blushed. To hide it, she sipped from her tea and Astrid's heart fluttered. It was so refreshing to see her best friend like this. Mushy. Glowy. "Cam is pretty great. But I don't know if we'll actually date."

"Why?"

The woman simply shrugged.

"That's not an answer."

"I know," she said. "But I don't know. We don't really talk about it. We haven't. We're both so busy to maintain a proper, healthy relationship and without that, I don't think I'd want to make it more serious. Not just because of how negatively it could affect my kid but also because I'm not looking for heartbreak, you know?"

Astrid scoffed as the comment shot at her heart. She knew very well what Sofia meant. Heartbreak was never in the plan. Not in any of the points. Then again, she never really had a plan, and she needed to remind herself of this every time. Somehow, she managed to fall face first and no one was there to catch her.

"Not to purposely make this about myself but I have no fucking clue what I'm going to do."

"Felt," Sofia mumbled.

"Like, I just genuinely feel so lost, and confused, and it's stressing me out but it's like I don't have the energy to do anything about making myself feel better, you know?" Astrid vented. "It's like... it is what it is, do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah. But that's like our default saying, isn't it? It's always it is what it is like at this point, what can you do but accept it?"

"Literally," Astrid nodded. "It's just the way life is and, like, accepting things is the only way forward, otherwise you'll just be driven mad, right? Who the fuck wants to ruin themselves like that?"

"Amen, babe, a-fucking-men," Sofia saluted.

"Anyway. I'm gonna go for a shower," Astrid announced as she forced herself to stand. She crawled over to her discarded belongings.

"Oh, by the way, I made some spag-bol if you're hungry," Sofia let her know, and Astrid's mood instantly lifted. "Do you know if Harry is coming back?"

"No."

"Well, there's only so much cheese left, so..."

Astrid nodded then dragged herself upstairs. Her bag landed on the armchair in her room, her trousers on the back of the furniture. She pulled her towel from her door where she hung it, then sighed and disappeared into the bathroom.

Crazy, how being in the shower turned Astrid's mind off. She had to force herself to think in there but even then, her mind wandered long enough to lose track of her thoughts. That was for the better, she believed. The less she had to figure out, the better. At least one place in her goddamn home gave her some peace and quiet.

In the middle of a yawn, she pulled the bathroom door open and hurried in the direction of her bedroom. Regardless of the time of the year, there was never a time when Astrid didn't feel cold after being out of the shower. Goosebumps formed on her skin right away, all the exposed parts of her body begging for the warmth of her cotton pyjamas.

The door shut behind her, she didn't notice Harry's opened bag until she nearly tripped over it. He didn't leave, then. Not like she thought he may do after last night.

Guilt nipped at her insides while she moisturised and got dressed. Guilt because she rejected Harry after he opened up to her but in Astrid's defence, she was exhausted, and worried, and the last thing she wanted was to feel or talk. Exist, actually.

Hunger ate away at her next, which, to be perfectly honest, was ten times better than the bitterness of her guilt. Sofia's spag-bol was also one of the best Astrid ever had, so she didn't waste any time on focusing on her other problems. They would be there tomorrow, right? These things never just went away.

Especially not when they knew how to materialise into living, breathing things. Human beings. Harry Styles. His voice, at first. It sounded hoarse, quiet. The conversation was supposed to remain between him and Sofia, that much was clear to Astrid.

"So, she really seemed okay when she got home?" he asked, from what Astrid thought, for the second time.

Sofia sighed loud enough for Astrid to hear, more proof that she already answered his question. "She seemed fine. I mean, she is exhausted, yes, but she is fine."

"Okay," he said. Astrid assumed he nodded. Hoping she'd get more out of the conversation, she sat on the stairs, hidden by the wall still. "As long as she is okay."

"Look, you'll have to talk to her, alright?" Sofia told him. "It's between you two, so the last thing I want to be is in the middle. One thing from me as her best friend, I will pick her side."

"Of course. I understand."

"Good," came the response. Then a light tapping sound, kind of like she patted him on the back in comfort. "Good stuff. Great talk. I'm going to shower, though."

What Sofia really meant was for Astrid to get up off of her ass and make an appearance. Yes, Sofia would take her side, but that didn't mean she wouldn't push Astrid. Whether Astrid wanted to accept it or not, Harry was good for her. Harry was, in fact, perfect for her.

"How did you know I'm here?" Astrid mouthed at her best friend.

"I just knew," she mouthed back, and walked past her.

With a sigh, the only thing Astrid could do was get up and show her face. There was nowhere to run for her which was slightly annoying, but also, it was her who invited Harry over. It was also her who rejected him, so it was going to have to be her who resolved this situation.

She didn't anticipate anything yet when her eyes settled on Harry's back, she felt herself become breathless. He wore dark trousers and a button down so his physique was perfectly enhanced. The muscles on his back moved as he lifted something before him, and she saw him clench then unclench his thighs.

Sudden nervousness rendered Astrid weak. For some reason, her emotions were through the roof and her eyes welled up with tears. The sight of him there... knowing he wanted her to be okay so he made sure to find out from Sofia... just the fact that he didn't seem to feel indifferent to her after last night made Astrid want to burst into tears.

Were her standards truly so low? Was she to blame for that? Then again, why was her first thought to think it was her fault? She knew now that she was treated badly in the past. She didn't see it until she got out of that environment, but she was aware now. It was hard, though. To retrain her mind to think better of herself, to not bully herself.

Harry turned to face her and it struck her stupid. He was gorgeous. On top of that, she missed him terribly. They only spent one day apart since they last saw each other but that one day was spent with her guilt on full blast, her rejection delicate in his heart.

"Hey, honey," he said, his voice mellow, his eyes kind. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she replied automatically, unable to lower her eyes from his. Like another half of a magnet, he kept her attention steady and her heart began to settle. Her feelings subsided if only for a moment. All felt right. "I'm fine—and I'm sorry. About last night. I haven't—"

He stepped closer, "Hey," he said. "There's no need for tears, honey. Alright? Let's sit, c'mon."

Tears. Tears rolled down her cheeks. How he saw them before she felt them would forever remain a mystery to her. Shocked by the reality, she allowed him to guide her to the seat by the kitchen island. One of his hands rested on her waist while Astrid pushed herself onto the high chair. Harry pulled the other one beneath his body and sat up, their knees between each other's.

"Now, tell me about your day," he smiled as he placed his hands on her knees and gave them a gentle squeeze.

Confused, Astrid wiped at her cheeks and sniffled. "What?"

"Tell me about your day."

She couldn't help it when she let out a breathy chuckle. "You want to know about my day?"

"I do."

"Well," she sighed. What else could she do but give in? Harry seemed determined to have his question answered. "Today went on for a week. Everything that could've gone wrong today, did. For starters, my bus was late. I then lost my staff ID because it managed to fall down the drain as I got on the bus. Then, I got on the bus and I got a phone call from the balloon company we work with that the entire team of staff I hired for this really big wedding I've been working on is now off as they have to self-isolate because one person infected the entire office, and they doubt they will be clear by next weekend. I was then told they have no other available staff ready to hand but they are more than happy to refund us. Bear in mind, this happened between eight-thirty and eight-fifty-five."

Harry didn't say anything. Perhaps because he didn't know what to say. Though, most likely because Astrid didn't give him the chance.

"I got to work twenty minutes late which completely fucked up my schedule and pushed my to-do-list straight out the window," she continued. "I had to wait an extra ten minutes to find someone to let me through the doors at the office because I lost my staff ID, then I had to be on the phone with the IT team for over an hour to sort out a replacement card for reasons unbeknownst to me. I then spent another hour trying to find a replacement team for the balloons but of course, on such short notice, it was like pulling teeth. IT then called me down to their floor to have a new photo taken of me which took another half an hour, and by then, I was too hungry to go back to my desk so I went out for food."

Even the thought made her want to cry as she rehashed these memories.

"They, of course, messed up my order, but I ate it anyway because I couldn't deal with it anymore, like I genuinely felt myself about to break something so I just shoved my face full of food," she scoffed. Until then, she didn't look at Harry. She kept her head leaned against her fist and her eyes everywhere but on the man before her. "And then—I don't know. The rest of the day is a blur. I think I was just so fucking over it that I deliberately blocked everything else out."

"Oh, wow," Harry said. "You've had quite a day, haven't you?"

"Well, yes, I just told you about it," she mumbled and rolled her eyes. The urge to scream and be irritated all over again, about things that no longer mattered, started to itch away at her. She needed to relax and compose herself but sometimes, it was easier to give into these negative feelings.

Harry's eyebrows furrowed. Hurt flashed in his eyes. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to know about your day."

Astrid stayed silent. Her words were hurtful, she knew that much. They were better off staying inside her mind.

"Listen," he began again, now a lot more unsure than before. Harry moved his hands back and Astrid's knees started to feel cold. An uncomfortable feeling knotted in the pit of her stomach, and cold sweat covered the nape of her neck. "I don't understand what happened last night, but from the sound of it, you've had a lot on your plate this week, so if it would be better for me to go home, and get out of your hair, then please, tell me."

That was all he said. After that, he waited for her to confirm or deny. Harry gave her the power to make the decision, and she so badly wanted to toss it back to him. This put all the more pressure on her, and it was the last thing she wanted to worry about. Though, maybe he did the right thing. Maybe he was smarter than her, and maybe, she needed to be the one to choose what she wanted.

Harry, she supposed, already knew what he would've chosen. Her.

But Astrid? Oh, Reese had no goddamn idea. In fact, all of her ideas were jumbled, and half finished. A mess, pretty much. Too overwhelmed. Too hazy.

Ever so gently, after she averted her gaze, she said, "Maybe."

And Harry nodded. It seemed like he did.

"I just—maybe this week was a bad call but that doesn't mean that—that doesn't mean that I don't want to see you," she said right away, as if to defend her wishes, to put Harry at ease, to lessen the guilt that started to come back right away.

"I know, honey," he smiled gently, a little dip of his chin followed. Until he reached forward and took a hold of her left hand, she didn't realise how small she felt, how cold her skin turned. "I trust you, okay? All I want is for you to be honest with me, alright?"

Astrid nodded.

But she knew she couldn't be honest with him. How could she be honest with him when her intentions were so rotten? No matter how much has changed in the course of their time together, Astrid knew she couldn't face him with the truth. Ever.

So, when he left that night, and he kissed her forehead in the doorway, lingering for longer than usual, Astrid knew she lost him. 

★ ★ ★

[A.N.]

[HOW IS IT FRIDAY AGAIN?]

[Ok, so, this chapter was so good. I loved writing the conversation between Astrid and Sofia because it revealed so much of their connection. It brought forward a part of Astrid that she often pushes away, and Sofia knows it so she appeals to that side of her. I absolutely love their friendship, and this chapter made me nostalgic as the story started off with them in a similar set up.]

[As for Harry at the end. I think I love how I wrote his character. He is very understanding, very calm, very pure - especially, and mostly, when it comes to Astrid. It's obvious (or I hope it is obvious) how much he cares for her, and how much he wants the best for her, even if it pains him. To me, Harry is incredibly mature in this, then again, I wouldn't expect less from a 38 year old man lol he is simply amazing.]

[I also can't believe we're already so far into the story. The reveal is coming, and things are only going to get rougher for our main couple. I will also be stirring the Sofia + Cameron pot soon enough, I need my lawyer and rich businessman couple to get serious and strut down the streets of London like the badass couple they are supposed to be.] 

[Until next week, besties <3] 

[With love, B.]